Not Too Near, Not Too Far
by Gail (gem225@hotmail.com)
from Laurie's pov, part 1 - set in the same universe as the Brian/Michael stories
Rating: adult
Please do not archive this story without asking me first. The copyright belongs to me.
Many thanks to Tinnean for her encouragement, support, and fine beta work. This is for Page. She may never read it - I don't know - but I wanted to have this story for her birthday (6/18/2005).
*****
My downstairs neighbor Kate settled on my couch. She was wearing a pink t-shirt that clung to every one of her beautiful curves and a pair of faded jeans with the pink-and-blue butterfly patch on the front right pocket that did the same. Her legs were curled under her, and she picked up the big purple pillow, hugged it, and gave me a little smile that made me want to kiss her. But I smiled back at her instead, as always, then sat down too, not too near, but not too far.
"Thank you for having me up, Laurie." She hugged the pillow again and held onto it. "It's so good to have a night with you."
And a night without either of her suitors pursuing her, I thought to myself, sat down beside her, and nodded to acknowledge her thanks. I couldn't blame them. If I'd thought I'd have a chance with Kate Pierce, I'd have made a move, too, but I knew better. Kate trusted me more than anyone, and I had to be content with that. It was hard, though, when I knew that I could make her happy if she'd just let me. Of course, maybe I was being as delusional as Brian Cameron and Michael Barry. Michael was a jerk, but Brian was a nice enough guy. Maybe Kate could be happy with him. Maybe. But I wanted her with me.
I was her best friend, and sometimes it was enough. We spent a lot of evenings together watching movies, eating popcorn, drinking wine, laughing and crying, depending on the movie, and she never seemed to mind that I'd end up next to her, the soft green throw that my grandmother had crocheted over both of us, keeping us warm. I always lowered the temperature when she came up so that we'd need the throw, and in the summer, when we didn't need the throw, I made sure to have funny movies so that I could fall over laughing and end up closer to her.
I had my share of men who wanted me - I met men all the time, at work, the grocery store, the record store, the book store, the cafe I went to most mornings around ten for a mid-morning break and some relaxation over a latte, and other places too - but too many of them were worthy only of being dog food and the rest weren't my type. I knew that if I got off my ass I could meet women, but I only wanted Kate. I'd even named my vibrator after her.
I was pathetic.
"Laurie?" Kate put down the pillow and reached out her hand to me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I smiled back at her and let myself take her hand. "You're here, so I'm fine." And wasn't that a little closer to the truth than I'd like? But we were friends, and I was pretty certain that Kate would never figure out that I was a woman who loved women, since I'd dated men since I'd known her.
"That's so nice of you to say, Laurie. I was upset before, but I'm fine now too." She squeezed my hand, then let go. "What movie did you want to watch?
I wanted to ask what had upset her, but then I'd have to answer the same question, so I let it go. "You pick." I waved my hand at a pile of tapes and DVDs, and she got on her knees on the carpet to go through them. I made myself stay on the couch and tried not to stare at her. I didn't do so well with the not-staring part, but then I never did.
She turned with a DVD in her hand and that smile I loved on her face. "Casablanca. Unless you mind seeing it again."
"I had a feeling you'd pick that one," I teased, and she laughed.
"You know me too well."
"Do either of your guys like that movie?" Now why the hell had I brought them up?
"I don't know. I haven't asked them. And they're not my guys. Brian's a friend, and Michael's - " She shook her head.
From what she'd told me about Michael, he was a first-class jerk. "He's after you. They both are."
She put the DVD down and wrapped her arms around herself. "I wish they weren't."
"Why don't you tell them to go away?" Maybe she didn't want to. Maybe she liked having them after her more than she wanted to admit. And maybe it was harder to deal with them than I knew and I should shut the hell up.
"I'm... working on it." She sighed and looked at me out of those eyes that always melted me.
Working on it? I wanted to ask more, get her to tell me what the hell she meant, but her mouth was turned down, and I wasn't going to be the one who made her any more unhappy.
"Good luck," I made myself say. Her mouth relaxed, and she sat back on the couch with me. "I hope whatever you're working on works." How stupid could I sound? "It's your life, Kate. You should be happy in it." Would she tell Brian to go? Probably not. Dammit. I knew she liked him.
"I know. I know. I don't know why they're so interested in me." She frowned, and I wanted to kiss the frown away. "I'm not pretty."
She was beautiful, but she didn't see it. I did. So did Brian and Michael, damn them both. "You are pretty. Don't you ever look in the mirror?" I let my hand touch her hair. "Come on. We can look now, together, and I'll show you."
*Or I could be your mirror, show you how lovely you are with my hands and my lips and my tongue...*
And I could dream on, which was what I was doing yet again. What was wrong with me tonight? Kate was Kate, and I'd never have her in that way.
"Laurie, something is wrong. Please tell me so I can help." Her eyes were so worried and all for me, and I wanted to tell her that she was what was wrong, but I couldn't. She wasn't wrong. Neither was I. I'd deal with the feelings I had for her. I'd been doing that - no reason I couldn't keep on the same way. For some reason tonight it was harder than it had been for a while, and I didn't know why, but that was my problem.
"Nothing to worry about. Just tired from work. Give me a little while and a drink, and I'll be fine." I would be fine. I just needed some time to be with her and forget about everything else, and I'd happily do that.
"I'll get you some wine." She stood. "I love being with you, Laurie."
She went into the kitchen, and I made myself breathe, in and out, in and out, in and out, until I was in control again. I loved her. She loved me - as a friend. It was the best I could hope for, and better than a lot. I was lucky. I was lucky.
Damned if I really believed that. I wanted her, in my arms, in my bed, in my life as more than just a stupid friend she watched movies with. I wanted to be her everything.
Oh god, I was channeling pop music cliches.
I turned my head and buried my face against the rough fabric of the sofa. I had to stop being so stupid. When she came back from the kitchen with my drink, I had to be fine. I loved Casablanca, and so did she, and we'd have a good evening together.
But she'd go downstairs to her apartment and her bed, and I'd stay up here in mine and cuddle that pillow from the couch and pretend that it was her.
Pathetic. Maybe even pitiful.
I lifted my head, swallowed, and took a deep breath. "Kate?"
"Yes?"
"A big glass of white wine, please? There's a bottle open in the fridge."
"Coming right up."
Hearing the smile in her voice helped me smile. I'd drink my wine, watch Casablanca with Kate, and enjoy the evening.
She came back, with a glass in each hand, filled to the brim, and handed me one. "The white you had open smelled so good that I had to try it."
"Good. Thank you." I took a sip. Nice and cold and just smooth enough. I'd have to buy more, especially since Kate liked it too. "Want to put in the movie?"
She nodded, set down her glass after a big sip, and headed to the TV and DVD player. I had another sip and watched her and felt myself relax. Time for Bogart and Rains and Bergman.
*****
The credits rolled, and I stretched, bringing my arms over my head, then reached for the water I'd gotten after I'd finished the wine.
"I hope you find someone as wonderful as Rick someday, Laurie dear."
It was a nice thought, but I didn't expect it to happen. Saying that would upset her, though, so I smiled and set down the glass. "I hope the same for you, honey."
Kate leaned over and, before I could do anything but blink, kissed my cheek.
"Dear Laurie, you're so good to me," she murmured, and shifted to kiss my other cheek. She'd kissed me before, but always quickly, just a peck. This was more than a peck.
Her lips were so soft and gentle, and each touch of them set my skin to tingling.
I couldn't stop myself. I didn't even try. I had to kiss her.
Before she could move away I pressed my lips to hers and, when she didn't pull back, I let my tongue trace her lower lip. Let? I didn't think - I just did. If I'd thought about what I was doing I might have stopped.
She didn't try to stop me. She let me kiss her, and she kissed me back, so I kept kissing her, just soft kisses until she pushed her tongue into my mouth. Then I went ahead and really kissed her, and kept really kissing her, my hands wandering up and down her sides.
I'd never thought this would happen, but it had, and I wasn't going to question it now.
After a lot of kissing, she whimpered, shivered, and turned her head to the side, breaking the kiss, but she didn't pull away from me or tell me to stop, so after a breath or two I pushed up her t-shirt, slid a hand around her back to undo her bra, which she whimpered at too, and pressed kiss after kiss over her breasts, first the left, then the right, and even a few kisses to her nipples. Her hands were pressed hard against my back, and sometimes I felt her fingers clutch at me.
I was doing something right. I was making her happy, and I was making me happy too, although I wanted more from her, with her.
Maybe there was a chance I'd get it, from the moans she was making now and the way her body shivered and melted under my kisses.
Before I'd gotten my fill of her breasts, her hands dropped, and she shifted away from me.
"Kate?" She was still so beautiful, her face flushed and open and wanting, that I couldn't stand it. I wanted to kiss her some more and show her so much more, but I didn't dare. I'd dared enough already. But she wasn't running away, so maybe it would be all right.
"I want - " She shivered. "Oh *god*, I want more."
Oh yes. "I want to give it to you." I ran my tongue over my lips, swollen from kissing her and being kissed by her, and stared at her lips which were swollen too.
She whimpered. "But - I don't know - oh *hell*."
That wasn't promising. I swallowed and ordered myself not to panic until I had more of a reason to.
She sat up straighter, reached around herself to find and fasten her bra over her beautiful breasts, pulled her t-shirt back down, and then took my hand in hers. "Please, can we - " She closed her eyes and shook her head, then opened them. "Can we do this again? Kiss, make out, love each other?"
I couldn't stop nodding once I started. We could do anything she wanted. I'd do anything.
"I just - can't now. Not now. You understand?"
"Yes." I wasn't sure that I did, but Kate was asking me to understand and wanted to do this again and she was still talking to me and I wasn't thinking too damned well. I'd understand later. She probably was just freaked about liking me kissing her, and it was smart of her to stop now and get her composure back, even though all I wanted to do was get my mouth on her again and show her how right a woman could be for her.
I'd show her next time.
She took a few more breaths. "I never knew you liked women."
"I don't see how you could have known." Unless she had gaydar, there was no way for her to know. I didn't talk about it.
"Thank you. I'd hate to think I was stupid enough to have missed it."
"You're not stupid."
She squeezed my hand, let it go, and stood. "Thank you for everything, Laurie."
I couldn't help smiling at that. "You're very welcome, Kate. I love having you here." And I didn't want her to go, but I couldn't say that. She'd set her limits. I had to respect them.
She didn't move. "I..." She shut her eyes for a moment. "I wish I could do more, now."
"It's all right." I hoped my voice was as gentle as I wanted it to be. "Don't worry about it. We're two friends who had something happen between us after a fun evening. We can leave it at that."
She nodded, then smiled. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Maybe we can have dinner."
"I'd like to have dinner with you." Should I take her out, or get pizza here, or even cook something? I had all tomorrow to figure that one out.
"Great." She started for the back door, and I walked after her. "Is it all right if I call you at work?"
"Sure." I'd make sure to stick to my desk as much as possible. "You'll make a nice change from the grumpy people I usually hear from."
"Goodnight, Laurie." She touched my hand. "Sleep well."
"'Night, Kate. Sweet dreams."
I watched her hurry down the back stairs. I didn't think that I'd sleep well, but maybe after a glass or two more of wine and a session with my vibrator I'd manage.
I shut the door and headed for the kitchen. Considering everything, the evening had gone really well. I'd have to be content with that.
I'd have Kate to myself tomorrow night, and she'd promised me more kissing.
Yes, I could be content looking forward to both of those things.
I poured the wine, a big glass, and headed for my bedroom. I'd rather have been going there hand in hand with Kate, but that might happen later, if I got her to want more than kissing on the couch.
I pushed open the door, sat down on the bed, and sipped my wine, then set the glass on the stand when I was finished. My vibrator was where it always was, on the stand too, plugged in and ready to go. I reached for it, sighed, and kissed the tip.
"Ah, Kate, you don't know what you're missing."
Oh god, I was talking to my vibrator.
I set it back on the stand, scrunched over to the middle of my double bed, squirmed out of my top and jeans - no bra, I had small enough breasts not to need one - and underpants, and pushed them on the floor. I was in no mood to be neat. Then I ran my fingers over my nipples, which were so hard they almost hurt, and whimpered. I wanted someone - Kate - to suck them, but I squeezed them just enough, then let go. I was wet and ready to come.
I grabbed my vibrator, settled myself against the headboard, spread my legs, reached down with my left hand and stroked some of the wetness from my cunt on my clit, shivered - it wasn't going to take long for me to come tonight - switched my vibrator to the first setting, and set it against my clit. I stroked my thigh with my left hand and held the vibrator against my clit with my other, and in a few breaths I was shuddering with a wonderful, wonderful orgasm.
I switched off the vibrator and put it back on the stand, then swung my legs to the side of the bed. I still wanted Kate, but I'd have to wait until I could come again with the vibrator - it was too intense.
I could try to go to sleep, or I could watch TV if I kept the volume low, or I could shower or read or go online, but I couldn't do what I wanted to do and walk down those stairs to Kate's place and try to convince her to come to my bed.
Tomorrow night. Dinner.
I could wait until then.
I stood, went over to my dresser, and pulled out a pajama top. I'd watch TV until I either got sleepy or felt ready for another round with my vibrator. There had to be something on that would be interesting.
Maybe Kate would like Japanese. I knew a good sushi place....
*****
Posted 6/18/05
