One of our newest proud additions to the GMDS is Glenn Schroter. Glenn, a 30 year old investment banker and newlywed who resides in Queens, was kind enough to sit down with us to provide an unprecedented interview giving a glimpse into the Bayside Bar Bisons.
Brandon Funston: First of all, just let me say that it’s a honor to have this interview. While the “Weakest Link” has been able to coax many a washed-up former child actors into television appearances, our attempts have been futile; Gary Coleman has just fallen too far from stardom to garner any interest (he’s a security guard for God’s sake), Screech just doesn’t return my phone calls, and Webster....well let’s just say that Gordon Schumway (aka Alf) is more popular with the ladies. If Alfonso Rivera is able to rejuvenate his career on “My Big Break” couldn’t you at least play second fiddle to him in some B rated movie? Why rotisserie baseball?
Glenn Schroter: While I’m a big fan of 80s TV, Silver Spoons wasn’t one of them. I’m sorry but a cute little rich kind pretends to have the same problems as the rest of white collar America? His biggest beef was dad beating his Pac-Man high score. Anyways, ISN’T this a rotisserie baseball interview isn’t it?
Funston: Yes of course. Please where did your FLB career begin?
Glenn Schroter: Now that’s a halfway decent question. As a FLB owner of more than 13 years I have been blessed with many great players and statistical performances. I must admit that the acquisition of Jose Canseco in 1988 during 40-40 season is especially memorable. As a rookie I assembled a team lead by a reasonably-priced Canseco who brought my team the league championship.
Funston: I’d attribute that to some rookie luck, no?
Glenn Schroter: Every team that I’ve owned in the previous five years has finished numero uno. You want to talk dynasties, look no further. Though I must admit the competition may have been a little weak. I have really been looking for a competitive league where owners know the difference between Cleveland’s Milton Bradley and Parker Brother’s chief rival. You can say I’ve moved up to the grown up table at Thanksgiving time or more precisely from competing in a league of Rob Dibbles to Peter Gammons. That reminds me, did Rob Dibble ever run through the streets naked after losing the bet concerning Ichiro being another “average” ballplayer and not being capable of challenging for the batting title?
Funston: Interesting stuff, Mr. Schroter. No question that Ichiro had a better season than the baseball savy Dibble could predict but Dibble was just using this as an excuse to roam the streets of Bristol, CT in the buff. Enough about the ESPN commentators. I really gotta know where the train went after leaving the game room. We have an over/under at work for the traintrack at 1/2 mile.
Glenn Schroter: I’M NOT RICKY SCHROTER!! Can we please stick with rotisserie baseball.
Funston: Testy, testy. It must be tough adjusting to life as a regular nobody, but winning the league title certainly would give you newfound respect. Please, our readers must know, what is your strategy for the draft?
Glenn Schroter: I’ve always been a firm believer that although in-season trades and free agent pickups are important, the draft is 75% of a team’s success/failure. I’m a very active trader so any “mistakes” that I may have made on draft day will be corrected with a swift flurry of trading genius. I hope everyone doesn’t mind but the Bar Bisons will be utilizing a laptop during the draft. That’s really the only information I can reveal.
Funston:Great Glenn, seems like the league is lucky to have you.
Glenn Schroter: Yeah, this seems like a great league. I hear the commissioner is a really good guy; not to toot his own horn but he’s kind of a Kennesaw Mountain Landis without the racial bigotry of course. That’s important because there are some real bad ones out there. I recently quit a league where the commish supposedly found a replacement owner but only thing was, he was the replacement!! Needless to say trades become decidedly one-sided when one team is one both ends of the deal.
Funston: Speaking of one-sided deals, did Alfonso Rivera really score with Tootie from the “Facts of Life”? That’s some hot ass.
Glenn Schroter: You’re seriously an AUTHORITY of fantasy baseball?
Funston: I own 30 teams, winning about 1 or 2 per year. If the Red Sox had the same success rate they’d have between 3 and 6 additional World Series. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
(awkward silence)
Funston: Well that’s all the time we have for this week. For those of you unfamiliar with me, I can be reached at ESPN fantasy baseball. Please check out my other draft day essentials: “Assembling a team of ARod, Pedro, Randy Johnson, Sosa, and Bonds gives you the edge,” “Own all 10 teams in your league - virtually guaranteed success,” and “Injured Players accrue no stats - Keep an Active Lineup.”
