Hello, welcome to the league, may I kick you in the teeth?
So, I originally started this project to help out Ken and any other future owners get a sense of the people in the league. Get an idea of their favorite teams (to know how to exploit them), their trading habits, etc.. And, of course, what I ended up with is far different than what I started out planning on doing.
I spoke with all the GMs privately and compiled their thoughts on all of us.. I even managed to get hold of some former members of the league (the not so distant Paul Jarosik, the inimitable Brent Powers and the noprefacerequired Matthew Pavao.. see https://www.angelfire.com/ma4/gmds/members.html for more details)…
Now, anonymous comments = meaner comments because, as a society, we like to be two-faced, we're spineless, we backstab, and we don't have the courage to speak truthfully to our fellow human beings. I find that to be disrespectful to people, and I try my best NOT to do that (I am, however, constantly working on the TACT part of this honesty, but, then again, making friends is not my forte…)
Anyway, the bottom line is that making the comments anonymous has allowed people to speak their mind. End result: People sometimes harp on the negative. My goal is never (well, maybe not NEVER, but not in this instance at least) to make people upset, but it's always more entertaining when people take stuff too seriously and DO get upset. So, if you wanna get upset, go right ahead. I'm always up for a good argument, and I've been known to needle people from a nice simmer to a full out potoverflowing boil, so, let's do it, or, as one owner put it:
rumor has it that your article will lead to the complete unraveling of the league
Mm-hmm.
The general format of this article is as such: Name, favorite team in parentheses, pseudonyms, then my comments followed by everyone else's comments. The majority of my comments are in the beginning of each person's section, but I have mixed some of my own comments into the "Around the League" section.
One other thing - I have decided to contain a lyric after each team a la our friend (that fiend), Peter Gammons. Except I am using one song for everyone. The gayest possible song I could think of. You know the song, I know you know it, so stop pretending.
Now pay attention! There shall be a quiz at the end.
Oh, one last really important thing - While this was supposed to be somewhat informative for new people coming into the league, you would be remiss to miss the profiles Burr has already placed on the league website. I shall link to these as well.
In a very particular order:
BRIAN (Mariners.. and kinda the Reds a little bit since Griffey is there)
AKA - Griffey. Socialist Pig.
https://www.angelfire.com/ma4/gmds/members/mueller.html
"I can't stand to fly"
Ahh, Griffey - You and I have different philosophies. See, Brian is more of a what's good for the league is good for all of us kinda guy. He's a Communist like that. Okay, Vladimir, your dream of a utopian league has some merit, as it provides balance for my anytradegoes Capitalist concept, but do you REALLY want a league where everyone has a mediocre team and we all tie for first/last? No thank you.
'Course, based on your trades this offseason, maybe you DO want to spread the wealth around, instead of bettering your own team…
Brian is also famous for gambling (we're still waiting for him to show up in the Poker World Championships on ESPN.. seriously) and womanizing (rumor has it that he has at least three strippers a week, with a couple of his personal favorites).
He also tends to disappear about half way through the season.. two years ago it was due to a woman in England, last year it was… I don't even know what it was. Will we see a more active Brian Mueller this year? Or will he continue his fade?
Finally, I can't forget to add that Brian is definitely the League Statistician. It wouldn't be a draft without Brian's post-draft number crunching. 'Course, most of us don't understand what the hell he's talking about, but it makes him happy, so what's he harm? Someone should look back and see if his statistical predictions have panned out.. a project for another time, I suppose…
Special P.S. to Brian - I didn't understand half the comments you sent me, but I put them in here anyway.
Around the League:
He’s like the Rob Neyer of our league, except with less oomph…
The mind numbs at the thought of The Founding Fathers entering their SIXTH year of fantasy baseball together. Just think, one score minus 14 years, Kwannie was secretly in love with
Burr (proposing "Chasing Amy" solutions to all the unresolved sexual
tensions in Hillside), Rishi talked incessantly about getting head (not
knowing his girlfriend had secretly nicknamed him "Hambone" and "Slip"
in the bedroom), and Brian was grossly inflating the value of one Kenneth
Griffey, Jr. The more things change ..."
What's with the stripper thing?
He's just odd. He doesn't seem right. Something is wrong about him… Has the shortest attention span of the league… If he is out by the All-Star break, we won’t hear from him til the start of the next season…
The gambler and ladies man. Sex, gambling, and FLB may be a little too much for him as he usually loses steam after the All-star break.
Disappointment is largely the hallmark of his six year tenure (which is probably (and unfairly) inevitable, after he stormed out to 91.5 points (in a 10-team league) in our inaugural season ... we fancied him some fantasy GOD!) ... only finished in the money once (a third place in 2001, separated by ninth place by ~8-10 points, though (someone else do the research)) ...
In terms of him being a quote-unquote Founding Father, he's kinda like France in the U.N. - You know they have the ability to veto, you just don't know WHY.
I like him. I think he is a good owner who just doesn't have the passion for this league that maybe he once had. He's intelligent and very well spoken every time I speak with him and is always a pleasure to deal with. I think he's very fair as far as dealing with his team and in communicating with other owners....I think it's too bad that he doesn't get on the bb more.
Some truly shocking keeper decisions ... giving away Sosa for, as it turns out, Ryan Anderson was the most ill-conceived move of the offseason. Still, he has a sweet, cheap pitching staff ... and two of the best closers going, so he has a fighting chance ...
I like him. Very nice guy, extremely knowledgeable. He knows his stuff, I think.
When a controversial situation arises, and he does finally chime in, he usually has something constructive to say, but his lack of involvement clouds his judgment of issues. Sometimes I don't think he understands the entire story--because he doesn't stay on top of league matters like a "Founding Father" should.
A fine auctioneer...
As far as his team goes, I think he has completely misread the league's keeper situation, concentrating solely on cheap players, he has chosen to ignore the fact that there are virtually no star players available in this draft. He'll have a ton of money, and nothing to spend it on. There are teams close enough to him in available money that he will have a hard time securing any relative bargains. He will need to get extremely lucky with some of his picks to have a chance this year…
Someone I've greatly enjoyed growing up with on the fantasy circuit…
ZWEIBEL (Reds and Diamondbacks):
AKA - KennyKenKen. Zweib.
https://www.angelfire.com/ma4/gmds/members/zwiebel.html
"I'm not that naïve"
Seems like he knows what's up, and I enjoy talking with him on IM, and it would be AWESOME if he flew out here for the draft, but I can't help but get the feeling he was totally fucking with me when he was discussing who he would tender and who he wouldn't which kinda sucks considering he encouraged us to talk with him about it…
Gar profiled this guy very recently, and he did it better than I ever could.. BUT, it’s worth looking at that picture again: http://www.optipublish.com/who.asp
I mean, doesn’t he look a bit like: http://www.goldeneye.com/julian/boris.html
P.S. - Reds and Diamondbacks!??!??
Around the league:
Ken seems very professional in his postings much more than that though I think the jury is still out.
Any owner contemplating flying from the Holy Land to Medford, MA has to be given instant respect. His team will be a lot better than many expect. Has already visited the drawing board and revisited after each single trade. Appears to be developing a real game plan.
I am definitely willing to give him a chance and feel bad for him that he's going to have to dig out from the bottom this year as an expansion team. But he's got to shut his mouth. He's talking way too much bullshit for a guy just coming into the league. I wish he'd keep quiet and stop his crying like a little girl about...."We'll see if I forget how you guys treat me" attitude....come on man....act like a man.
Ken won't finish last, he'll finish in 11th or 12th. There will be teams after draft day worse than his. However, he has already demonstrated some questionable player evaluation skills…
I appreciate his comments about improving his position as an expansion team. I only wish he could do so in a manner with less whining.
Very impressive that an owner would want to travel 18+ hours to attend a draft. Shows dedication, interest...and insanity.
He seems like a wonderful addition to the league, though. Not sure if he was ever above-the-level with me in the months (not weeks or days, *months*) leading up to tender time. Might end up costing him down the road, but unlikely. Seems like a good guy, and just having some fun with us.
RECCER (Red Sox)
AKA - The Rec-ster. Admiral Rec-ly Von Toner.
https://www.angelfire.com/ma4/gmds/members/rec.html
"I'm just out to find the better part of me"
Some people say he isn't dedicated enough for this league. I disagree. As one owner put it to me, "The guy checked in from the freakin' hospital". I KNOW everyone in this league is busy and has more important things to do (save Gary, of course), but, I dunno.. more than with other owners I am willing to cut this guy some slack.. he just got married, had a kid a few months later (Long live the Shotgun Wedding! HIGH FIVE, RECCER!!!) and I think he have his son a cool fucking name.
Thing is though, we still need some results. And some more activity. I believe he's got it in him, but we need to see it, Reccer. Funny thing is that he's more active than more people think, 'cause I'm pretty damn sure he reads the BB, he just doesn't write as much. And he chimes in when it counts. But right now, Reccer, your perception is that people can take advantage of you in trades, and otherwise you just melt into the background. This is the time to change that. Do it for Jaden, man.
BTW, I still cringe when I think about how we fucked up that dinner the night before the draft. Bad first impression we gave you. Sorry 'bout that, man.
Around the League:
A solid, dependable owner who gets an unfair shake
Will lose to every expansion team we have join…
Seems to over-react to trades that clearly favor 1 side. Also get the feeling he's disinterested at times.
The quiet one though he does check the BB as has some solid insight once in a while. Taylor-esque [see https://www.angelfire.com/ma4/gmds/champions.html for this reference] w/o the title behind his name.
Has the makings of a tremendous young pitching staff... and Pujols and Giles are tremendous pillars. With all his money, he has a chance to be a major player this year. That said, I would've kept Ichiro over Arthur Rhodes - cause, again, what's he gonna do with all that money? ...
He's not cut out for this league, simple as that. He just cannot or is not able to put the time in to this league that other owners can. He should be in a weekly transaction league, not a daily league. He's in way over his head and I feel bad for him because he's such a nice guy. But he's a bad owner and shouldn't be in the league in my opinion if he can't commit more time to it.
Once more, I'm sorry we had such a poorly designed plan for that Friday night we all went out last year, Reccer. :) ...
Was a bit of a disappointment last year with his non-involvement, and has been sporadic this off-season as well. However, big plus that he checked in from the hospital after his baby was born. Let's see what we get from him this year.
I wish he'd be more active on the bulletin board, cause his comments are always good, but maybe this league needs one strong, silent type...
I hope Nomah and Beckett have MVP-caliber seasons, Reccer Man.
GLENN (Yankees)
AKA - The Evil Empire. RG.
https://www.angelfire.com/ma4/gmds/members/schroter.html
"I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane, more than some pretty face beside a train. It's not easy to be me"
Let me share a recent IM conversation:
WellOver19: I consider myself a fantasy guru
WellOver19: rishi, I want you to imagine something
WellOver19: and I'm not trying to brag here.
(it's always great when people preface their sentences with "I'm not trying to brag here", isn't it?)
WellOver19: imagine playing this game for the past 6 years
WellOver19: and never losing
WellOver19: not once
WellOver19: this is going to sound strange
WellOver19: but part of me hopes I don't win this year
AND THIS MAN TOOK HOME THE FLOOTY AWARD? God, he had all of you fooled!
BTW, I don't know if this makes him gay, or if he's just that confident about his draft skills but he recently told me:
WellOver19: I'm trying to decide what to wear on 3/16/03
Hmmmm
Maybe he's as big a politician as (thatslimebag) Blanchard:
WellOver19: I have written quite a few posts
WellOver19: that have been deleted
WellOver19: for political reasons
BTW, I have EXCLUSIVE INSIDER INFORMATION that his wife will be having a baby July this year. Think about when it was conceived, boys and girls.. what a way to celebrate an FLB title, eh? HIGH FIVE, GLENNY!
Around the League:
Smart guy, now we know why he won in consecutive years.
Well, Glenn thinks he's really smart… but he is… or so it seems…
He's good at baseball… and he knows he is… and I know he is…
His minor league team could beat Beerman's CURRENT team.
Also [one of] the most baseball savvy members of the league…writes well and presents his case in a very well thought out manner.
Like David, Glenn is one of the most persistent guys in the league when he has something he wants to get done he'll keep after you until it is done or you make it clear there is no way you will do it.
One of the more easy going owners. Has the arrogance of someone who has won multiple leagues titles, but doesn't really flaunt it on the BB. Seems to rely on the "experts" a bit too much, so doesn't seem to have too much original thought when it comes to trade discussions.
The Evil Empire. He talks the talk but he certainly walked the walk. I think we'd all love to see Glenn take a big fall this year, however unlikely.
His farm system resembles the A's while the rest of us can't muster any better than the Red Sox or Orioles.
Let's just beat him. I don't care if it's with our fists, but the man must go down.
If we had to put out a calendar of roto owners, Glenn is definitely our GQ front cover boy.
Definitely the kind of guy who I respect. I think he runs his team extremely intelligently and I consider him a friend. He's a good guy who in my opinion is the most knowledgeable guy in the league. Probably the owner in this league who I most respect.
(Written 1/25/03, and the author clearly doesn't mind losing his anonymity...)
Who He'll Keep: Pena3, Soriano21, Renteria8, Rolen19, Vlad37, Beltran25, Chipper30, Unit40, Colon12, AJ2, Guardado6
Who I Hope He Doesn't Trade: Chipper30, Bagwell31, Looper10, Benitez23, Clement10, Huff10, UUU15
Jeebus, Newbie gave Glenn a lot of value for Kerry Wood. Vishnu, I probably underestimated the market for minor leaguers when I shipped out Floyd for Gabe Gross and Brandon Claussen, thereby establishing an untapped and unexplored market. But, in the name of the Prophet Muhammed (Death to America!), trading Wainwright1, Cust5, and Boof3 for a non-Schroter-keeper was a HUGE market correction: Newbie didn't have to pay that much to get Kerry Wood. Even after that trade, and the market had been shifted, Glenn was ready to ship Pedro to me for Borchard5 and Morneau3 ... and while Pedro might be $17 more expensive, he's also likely $17 better in 2003. Wainwright at $1 was particularly man-getting-hit-by-football-in-groin painful.
My point: members of the league, unite!, COLLUDE! Glenn's main Achilles' entering '03 was his Red Sox AAA-style farm system. Kev Harvey, a Pork Chop Pough-wannabe, and Hee Shop Choi. Two trades later, BOOF!, his morphs into the best farm system in the league. This can't be allowed to continue.
No, not like I'm obssessed with Glenn's team or anything:
Shandler's 03 projections for my 7 offensive keepers v. Glenn's 7 offensive keepers:
Glenny (for $143): .291, 650 runs, 195 HRs, 649 RBI ... 158 SBs
Gary (for $132): .288, 673 runs, 185 HRs, 653 RBI ... 68 SBs
First four categories are almost identical, slight edge to him in production, but slight edge to me in production/dollar. The steals is what sets the Evil Empire apart from all other comers: Vlad, Beltran, and Soriano give him 3 of the 4 best power-speed guys in the FLB universe. Killer, absolute killer. If he doesn't add 1 more SB to his roster on draft day, he'd snare 12 points in SBs already! (based on last year's stats).
Of course, our pitching staffs (4 guys apiece) are pretty comparable ... but mine is $38 to his $60. And that's why I've already won, Schroter. I've already won.
What a brilliant draft he had last year (only the most important draft in this league's history, past and future, forevermore) ... only a year later can we fully appreciate it. Nine of his 11 projected keepers he drafted in 2002 (he did trade away, and then back for, Vlad during the season, though): reminiscent of Jimmy Johnson 1991, Bill Walsh 1985, Bill Parcells 1995. Luis Rivas for Garret Anderson was an all-time steal.
Is that the kind of thing you want?
Yes, Gar, that's the kind of thing I wanted. And you say, * I * love him? Hah!
*******************************************************************
Part 2, with five new owners profiled, comes Thursday.
********************************************************************
