Kwan
(Mets)
AKA - Kwannie. Kwannie-Kwan-Kwan. Kwanza. The Kwanster. And Chris.
“Even Heroes have the right to dream”
You ever have a reuben sandwich? Butter toasted rye bread, piled high corned
beef, dripping sauerkraut.. mmm, that's a good sandwich. Ahh, you know what we
forgot? The thousand island dressing. Sometimes overlooked as an ingredient; in
fact, you may not even notice it's missing until you take a bite of that
reuben. Then you'll say it just doesn't quite taste right.
Kwan's the Thousand Island Dressing in the Reuben sandwich that is GMDS. Look,
you may not always know he's there, but he helps this league run. He's Burr's
Number One. Without the beard. Or the good looks.
He can be insanely secretive. He would never let us look at his FLB magazines
for dear we'd know who he's targeting, and there is no funnier pre-draft ritual
than trying to coax Kwannie into telling us which Met he likes the most this
year. Pure comedy.
He's also insanely illogical, which is a weird since he's an engineer and the
league's numbersguy. But, trust me, there's a reason I coined the phrase
"Kwan Logic". He likes to evaluate trades based on projections he
has. When you ask him where the projections come from, you'll find out they
came from his head. Of course! Usually he overvalues his players, but
occasionally he'll swing the other way, and give Roger Clemens to Grindley for
nothing. 'Course, that's when they were friends. Now their arguments are stuff
of legend.
And, who could forget Kwan's shining moment : His 1998 comment of "fuck
you you fucking faggot" set the tone for the next 6 seasons, at least.
He's done a pretty good job of improving his team this offseason, and I
sincerely hope he keeps his wits about him during this draft. Kwan tends to
become overly focused on one or two players, and he could grossly overspend for
them.
Trading tip: Every year, around July or so, reality sets in for Kwan. He slowly
climbs up the stairs to Gary's room, head down, appearing quite crestfallen and
declares, "My team fucking sucks". That's when you've got to hit him
up - You could get Delgado for Dellucci if you spin it right. P.S. - Do NOT try
this before July. Even the most reasonable of trade offers are often declared
"ridiculous" and then we all have to hear about how you're an idiot.
BTW - He's been to the Lillith Fair, he just saw the Toad the Wet Sprocket
Reunion Concert, and his CD tray is filled with Britney Spears CDs. I'm just
throwing that out there for everyone to know.
Around the league:
Kwan thinks everyone wants his players cuz they're the best, like no one else's
players are any good.
Kwan Logic is all I have to say. 1 of the more even keeled owners (Ed. Note:
Huh??)
Namesake of Kwan logic and rightfully so. Why he insists on keeping Freddy
Garcia, b/c he needs an "ace" even though he's clearly not boggles my
mind. But he did a phenomenal job this off-season of improving his team.
Always overvalues his players.
The whipping boy of the league, never gets enough credit for handling all the
McLouth barbs with class (except when they come from Grindley, in which case
that'll usually elicit some deep-seated, primal rant ... centered around the
use of "fuck," as in "breaking his fucking leg" or
"bite me, you fucking cunt"
Fitting that he likes taking pictures in black and white, since that's how he
views the World.
Is the perfect secretary. A master at creating tables, grids, and other
organizational tools.
A lynchpin of the league ...
Has absolutely and utterly no grasp of English grammar whatsoever. Partial to
excessive use of "yous" in his postings
In my opinion, he's like parsley on an entree served at a restaurant. He's
always there, but you really wouldn't notice him if he weren't there. Seems like
a good guy though and I think he gets unfairly ripped a lot for no reason on
the bb.
Always pisses me off that he has the attention span of Mike Tyson after OD'ing
on Focusin; a grown man really should be able to read three sentence
paragraphs, even ones that don't directly apply to him ...
Every league needs a Kwan. Helpful behind the scenes, generally quiet,
occasionally comes up with a great idea or insight that no one thought of.
Outside of Josh, might be the most difficult owner to deal with.
Still, I can't see him winning the whole damned thing ever (although he could
possibly Place or Show this year): he just overvalues some of his players too
much; lacks vision, creativity, and initiative in his trade offers; and a fatal
overemphasis on his own prospects and minor leaguers in general.
Burr (Tigers? Royals? Expos? Who fucking knows)
AKA - The Commish. Glenn Lover.
“It’s all right, you can all sleep sound tonight”
Sure, he doesn’t have his own favorite TEAM per se. Sure, his loyalties lie
more with players than with organizations. SURE, he wears a TIGERS hat
sometimes.. but, have you ever seen a guy our age who is a bigger fan of old
baseball players he has never, ever seen play? Incidentally they're all black.
I'm not sure what to make of that, but it's true. Think about it.. Hank Aaron,
Frank Robinson, Roberto Clemente.. I mean, there's definitely something there.
Look, I love the guy, and he was my number one vote for FLOOTY, because without
him our league fails, BUT, he has yet to show his FLB prowess. Sometimes he
gets real confident (1999 was it?) or he declares that he's going to make a run
for the championship (2002, we hardly knew ye), but he starts his burst at
about the second turn and by the end of the race he's a good 3 or 4 lengths
behind.
Part of this problem is that he can be so damn irritating in his stubborness.
And sometimes he's so damn wrong! The Mulders, the Sorianos. He laughed at Gary
for drafting Soriano in 2001. He laughed at me for trading for him that same
year. And he thought Glenn overpaid for him last year…
For every posting that declares his undying love for Glenn, there is one that
declares his secret resentment toward Gary. The most innocent of statements by
Gary can lead to fiery outburst from Loew. And Scarfo's quickly starting to
fall into that category as well. Definitely entertaining.
Finally, he'll make a great intern under my command next year at UMass. All of
a sudden the table has turned, Loew!!! MuuHahHAhAHAHHhhaHahAaAa
BTW - Considering all that’s happened, is there a funnier picture than Burr and
Kimo with their arms around one another?
https://www.angelfire.com/ma4/gmds/photos/2002.html
BTW2 - Too many damn smiley faces, Loew. I can sense the truth behind the
smiley faces, but can everyone else? I don't know, but you should let them see
the Wrath of Burr. Don't worry, they can't vote you out of the Commissioner
position.
Around the league:
The glue that holds the league together.
Puts a tremendous amount of work as far as keeping the league afloat, and will
do whatever it takes to make the league work.
I think he has learned from some of the mistakes he made last year as far as
not being firm enough on a couple of issues, and will be an even better commish
going forward.
His (relatively) poor showing in the 2002 GDFLOOTY balloting was a disgrace.
No, Burr is not your typical Dar Komissar - the equivocal politician, trying to
appease both sides. He often lets his emotions get the better of him (see:
every public argument he's ever had with me. :) All of which, incidentally,
turns out he was wrong and I was right.) ... and he can upset and incite some
owners. Tough. For people not to reward the man for all his hard work and
doggedness to this league ... REDiculous. (That said, the commish shouldn't win
the GDFLOOTY most years; but, still, should never have such a poor showing.)...
On the negative side, I wonder if he would be doing a better job with his team
if he didn't have his commish duties.
His 2001 performance still unsettles me...
Since he has no favorite team….he can never enjoy the taste of a real
championship or a fantasy championship.
Burr seems to just want this league to be the best in his efforts I think he
tries to rush things but in the end I think he is doing it purely to improve
the league.
See Gary (ed. Note: In regard to Gary, this GM said "One of the most
rational in the league, but can be quite volatile over the littlest things.
Hard to read during trade talks, since he's going after trades that favor him yet
makes it seems like it's to your advantage"). Has a hard times putting on
the commish hat and then putting on the fellow league owner hat (a very
delicate balance I'll admit). Also has a tendency to low-ball during trade
talks.
Made some of the most underrated, but shrewd moves of the offseason - Sweeney
for an overpriced starter and a legit stud ace (ever a Burr Loew desire) for an
overhyped rookie morphed him into a contendah to take home the prize in 2003.
I like Burr. It is very difficult I think for him to know when to be an owner
and when to be the commissioner sometimes. That's an extremely hard position to
be in and I don't envy him for having to wear both hats. I think Burr is fair
as a commissioner and relatively conservative as an owner. I have no problems
with Burr and I enjoy 99% of the discussions I have with him.
Kimo (Padres)
AKA - Jim Ferrari.
“I’m not crazy or anything…”
August 11, 2002. Drop Day. The day will live in infamy:
08/11/02 12:23 PM Walker, Larry Kimo Released 08/12/02
08/11/02 12:22 PM Walker, Todd Kimo Released 08/12/02
08/11/02 12:22 PM Helton, Todd Kimo Released 08/12/02
08/11/02 12:21 PM Edmonds, Jim Kimo Released 08/12/02
I mean, we always knew he was an emotional guy, maybe even moreso than I, but
that was always the BEST part of him. After last year though, he became
synonymous with instability.. in fact, a new phrase was coined : pulling a
"limpdick Kimo move" as one GM put it. Heck, I was the biggest Kimo
fan of all (even though he never made "Rishi" his son's middle name)
but even * I * didn't want him back when that happened. Alas, things smoothed
over, he pricked his finger and smeared his blood all over the GMDS homepage,
and thus committed himself to a lifetime of listening to Josh complain. So, all
is good, right? MmmmNo. While I think most people have forgiven, or at least
accepted, some ill-will is still harbored.
That's too bad though, because Kimo also brings a lot to the league… his drunk
Kimo postings are secondtonone, and, while my attempt at archiving some of his
Kimo postings failed, it was always assumed there would be plenty more to come,
unless he stops drinking (God forbid).
'Course that was all before he had his own league. Now his ramblings are
becoming fewer and further between.. and people are even starting to ignore
them. Has Kimo lost his luster? Maybe. Thing is, Kimo, you used to have bunches
of entertaining posts.. sometimes with a good point behind them.. now your only
schtick seems to be to try and irritate people. What happened? And how long
'til everyone becomes tired of that bit?
Did you know that there was a time I was concerned he would be a bad dad
because I thought he might drink too much in front of his kids? Yes, it's true,
but I think that has more to do with ME than with him.
The best part of Kimo's Drop Day is that TODD Walker was dropped along with
Helton, Edmonds and Larry Walker. Got rid of all your integral guys, eh, Kimo?
Maybe that speaks more about his GMing than anything I can write here.
So, he's the author of the Kimo plan, which he plans on taking totally
national. From the looks of it, involves spending a lot of money on offense,
spending very little on SP, having Octavio Dotel, and drafting closers. I think
Shandler might have something to say as to the originality of that idea, but
that's okay. The funny thing is that he has a good team, but, and he'll be the
first to admit this, he makes God awful trades. Yet, he's also one of the most
tradefriendly owners in the league… go figure.
Get this.. the guy names his SON Kimo, then he names his TEAM Kimo, and now
he’s calling himSELF Kimo, but only in the third person.. Or, as one GM said,
“Maybe I should start calling myself Cleo, you know, b/c my cat's name is
Cleo”…
OF COURSE!
The best part is that his long term plan is to have his son join the league..
making the original Kimo become Kimo II? I dunno. The idea of two Kimos in the
league is enough to give me an erection and chest pain at the same time.
I'm still waiting for an apology for when he called me a "two-faced,
spineless little weasel" or whatever it was he called me.
BTW - Looking at the amount of comments I got about this man (by FAR the most
for any owner), he is clearly the most controversial owner of the league…
Around the League:
Thinks he is God’s gift to this league, we can do fine if he leaves….maybe even
better.
Sooner or later he'll piss off everyone…except Gary of course
Was the worst thing he did for the league to drop all those players? Or bring
Beerman in? Tough call.
He seems to contradict himself a lot.
I'm better friends with him than [Rishi] is now. Sure, [Rishi] has more
potential in his eyes than I do, but he considers me a better friend now.
Burr, Gary and [Rishi] were the ones who secretly came up with the idea of
expansion?? What the fuck is he talking about? Why is everything a conspiracy
theory with him?
Great guy. Very funny, yet not the most rational. Has a hard time articulating
his thoughts at times.
While usually a good time when he has too much to drink, the lack of impulses
causes him to write posts that end up offending people or that just don't make
any sense.
Giant sequoias have been razed about his fate, his character, and his future in
the league post-Heltongate - much of which in back alley, smoke-filled
backroom, beer bottle shard brawls. He's on double secret probation this year
... and rightfully so. To me, though, I think we need to forgive a seemingly
contrite man, someone who - it's quickly been forgotten - was our most active
(and entertaining) owner for his first 1 1/2 in the league - deserves a second
chance. The guy's all heart ... but people were rightfully ripshit at him. As
was I ... in retrospect, however, I should've been more vocal about it
publicly...
His drunken BB messages serve to lighten up the league. By far the most
entertaining owner.
Takes stuff too personally. Surprised everyone w/ Kimo plan's effectiveness.
Big question - will Kimo lose his interest in the premier fantasy baseball
league in the country for his upstart league?
Like Rishi, one of the most up front in your face guys as in you say what you
want and lay it out there for all to see. Kimo though takes it a step further
and throws things out there that do not need to be thrown out there I think to
get things stirred up.
Most owners seem to doubt his prospects for 2003, and his long-term commitment
to our league, but I have faith in the man and his GMing abilities (definitely
an outside-the-box thinker; although sometimes that box is wrapped in Pandora
colors).
I think Kimo is an emotional time bomb but has his heart in the right place for
the most part. He's very sensitive and is very hard to get a read on sometimes.
I hate when he acts like the all knowing all wise "god" of the
league. He tends to act like he is more important to this league with his
presence than I think he should. But I think generally, his heart is in the
right place.
** I WONDER IF KIMO IS A LEON CARR MOLE **
His silver finish last year, esp after adopting a (relatively) novel strategy,
didn't get enough credit.
I was thinking about Kimo's league, and his quest to raise money for single
moms. How does his salespitch go?
Hi, my name's Jim Ferrari. My friends call me Kimo. That's my son's name Don't
ask.
So we're trying to raise money for single moms and I came up with this great
idea! We're going to have a fantasy baseball league where the teams can win
money for the moms. I mean everyone has a mom, right? but not all of them are
single, and these moms are single, and they need your help. If you donate
money, each mom will get AT LEAST 500 dollars. They can get more, if the team
they're matched with hits a bunch of homeruns. We're hoping to raise $8,100 in
the next few weeks. We have $900 already, $800 of that from my own pocket …
Percent chance he ditches by mid-year? I'd say 50%…
Likes to get people's goat. Not as entertaining as last year. That could be a
combination of factors: his involvement in his other league is drawing his
attention away from this one. While there are other owners who play in other
leagues here Kimo's participation has seen a noticeable drop. That's one thing.
Secondly, his act is wearing very thin - the drunken rants, the ejaculatory
comments. People don't pay nearly as much attention to him. Third, he lost a
lot of respect from the league when he pulled the "I'm quitting and
waiving my player" bullshit.
A year ago, he was "Everyone's Favorite Owner". Now, is he even in
the top half of the league's popularity list?
His recent commentary on the BB is the result of either idiocy and/or an
attempt to rile people up.
I think he's got some good players, but they're all at value or over value. Was
it his [skills/idiocy], or the disappointing seasons by most of the league? He
was fairly comfortably ahead of 3rd place. Prediction for 2003: middle of the
pack, assuming he doesn't make any bogus trades with Beerman.
He was fairly amusing in the preseason last year, but with each league
controversy, he seemed to get more and more agitated.
He was really hard on Brent and Rec for not being active, if I recall. He's one
of the most inactive owners now. Bottom half, for certain.
Mycroft (Red Sox)
AKA - JAM. Newbie. JAM MASTER J
“I’m only a man in a silly red sheet”
As a newbie, it's hard to get a good grasp on him, but so far, so good. My
conversations with him have been fruitful, our trade talks have been reasonable
and reasonable quick. As my Magic 8 Ball says, "Signs point to Yes".
(BTW, don't want me to ruin the mystique of the 8 Ball? Then don't click on
this link: http://8ball.ofb.net/procedure.html)
Let me give you an AIM conversation I had with the man:
RishiV1219: What the heck is FreewindEC anyway?
FreewindEC: It is short for Freewind Evilchaser the name I used for my Paladin
characters back in the days I use to play D&D.
FreewindEC: I always used it as a handle when I use to post to BBS back before
the internet.
UH-HUH.
P.S. - His wife doesn't look like Lara Croft.. her tits are bigger.
Around the league:
A little early to tell but Mycroft definitely has the present in mind as his
farm system is completely bare. "Newbie" will have a tough time
matching his team's finish last year.
Also seems like a tremendous addition to the league (turns out Burr Loew was
right lo these many years: the friends of friends path just doesn't work nearly
as well as these fantasy matchmaking sites of his (look in the graveyard for
Carr, Patacchiola, Kwan, Jr.).
From what I know about him, he seems like he's going to fit well into the
league. He gets back to people and respects the other owners. I really don't
agree with anything he's done this off season with the moves he's made, but I
think James will be a good addition to the league.
I admire his insistence on getting "Mycroft players" on his team
(what?, only Tejada, Mulder, and Julio wore Jarosik colors last year, right?),
even if I don't necessarily agree with all his moves... Piazza30 and Bagwell31,
in particular, are huge gambles.
Kwan is gay.
Has done a respectable job churning out a bunch of deals this off season. Very
active from January 1st onwards. He's making his team the way he wants it,
which is good. not sure I agree with all of the deals he's made.
Looks like he's going to spend a bunch of money on starting pitching--not the
way to go this year.
Grindley (Mets)
AKA - That thing in Alien that sucks to your face and won't let go.
“Digging for kryptonite on this one way street”
As a man who is still trying to shake the stigma of being an unfair trader. As
someone who has shared that stigma that I (rightfully) picked up in 1998, I
totally feel your pain, man… on the other hand, how many times do we have to
say no to the dregs of your team? The most amazing thing though, is that he
still manages to get decent players in return for his dregs, and for that I tip
my hat to him.
If we gave a prize for tenacity, it's not just that we would give it to him,
we'd NAME it after him. Thing is though, he sometimes strikes me as a used car
salesman… I mean, he's always trying to spin his players on the bulletin board,
hype 'em up and all. Is there anything wrong with that? No. But I always feel
he need to wash my computer monitor when he does it.
Seems to give Kwan an unfairly hard time sometimes. This league has definitely
put a strain on their friendship, which is a shame.
He and I have had some ups and downs. There was definitely a couple of times I
got overly nasty with him (one of my bad habits is controlling my temper,
David, and I think you know it now), but we've also come to a better
understanding of each other, and I'm happy about it. We still talk trades, but
we don't mess around with each other like we used to. I think we're at a
healthy point now. I can say fuck off and he's cool with it and won't harass me
anymore. On the other hand we've had some good trade discussions too.. it's
just that usually the involve trades with OTHER people…
P.S. - Every time he uses the word "sweetner" [sic], I want to hang
myself.
That all being said, I consider him a Founding Father… perhaps more so than
Brian at this point?
Around the League:
If you want to get ripped off, go to [him]…
Both a negative and positive: no one tries harder than this guy as far as
making deals--the negative being that he can be quite the pest. It can get
annoying sometimes, but I respect that he is always trying to improve his team.
Every league needs a Grindley, just not too many of them! Personally, I think
he gets more shit than he deserves.
David is one of the most persistent guys in the league when he has something he
wants to get done he'll keep after you until it is done or you make it clear
there is no way you will do it. With David it seems you have to make it
impossible by trading the guy to someone else.
Too sensitive. Sometimes can't figure out if he's joking or taking something
too personal. Clearly can't take a joke. Impossible to deal with during trade
talks.
In trading circles, Trader Dave reminds me of a T2-y Robert Patrick: a fucking
unstoppable, RELENTLESS machine. If Skynet were to fashion a cyborg with the
sole purpose of playing fantasy baseball, it'd be cut from the Grindley mold.
That said, although I greatly enjoy communicating with him on a near-daily
basis, and welcome discussing his deals and my deals with _other_ people, I
don't always look forward to discussing trades btwn the two of us. That time in
2001 when it took me 2 1/2 months to get him to agree on a
"sweetener" - a word sure to send many owners in this league into
status epilepticus - even after we agreed on a Moose for Robbie deal as
principles 8 weeks back ... seminal.
Competitor extrordinaire. I don't think this guy spends a waking or for that
matter sleeping hour not thinking up some kind of trade. His persistence can
definitely wear on you though and I am sure there have been at least a few
trades that an owner has essentially succumbed to from pure exhaustion. He
definitely loves to throw in those sweeteners.
His public and private sparring with Kwannie is one of my most pleasurable, and
very underrated, FLB experiences.
No question in my mind that he is the most passionate owner in this league. I
like Dave, but I really wonder if he has a life outside of this league. He
drives me absolutely nuts with his pestering about certain players he is trying
to trade or is interested in. But I do respect how much he wants to win. He is
way too sensitive and spends way too much time (in my opinion) worrying about
the league. But then again, if every owner wanted to win as much as he did,
this would be the greatest fantasy baseball league in the history of man. And I
can't finish a Grindley evaluation without saying that he is also the king, and
I mean king of overvaluing his players. Nobody finishes a close second....it's
Grindley by a mile on that front.
He's got a helluva team this year ... that Sosa for Nick Johnson deal really
morphed him into an insta-contendah. And turning Hudson into Morris AND Cameron
... incredibly shrewd. Sadly, the Archangels will be his own personal
conveniently-placed liquid nitrogen truck.
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Coming Monday - The GMDS Primer Quiz
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