Prewritten Rejection Letter
Back to PCHS for another day
Dear Yael,
I think u should acept me cause I identify as black, Asian, African, Mexican, gay, genderless and disabled. I will make ur school look more diverse in broshures. Plus, u may get government funding 4 the increased diversity. Here's some more reazins why u shuld take me: I have a 0.998 GPA. I like to pull my dog's tail and use women. I believe in gender respect--females respecting males. I fall for internet ad gimmicks. I spend my time reading porn on the internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before I wrote this, I was looking @ porn w/ hott titties. I was also drunk, and I will drink a lot at your school and not, learn. I will sleep with the teachers and not learn. I plan to start a legacy of rich idiots. I also have nuclear secrets which I will share with you if you acept me. My other extracurriculars include making hit lists, writing on my livejournal, talking online to 12 year olds, quantum physics and driving around listening to classic rock. Yeah man! I wish to attend Yale because I believe the egalitarian social construct of society promotes the potential learning of the underpriveleged classes. Plus, I want to improve my social status, and sleep with hot women. I want to wear sweater vests and speak with a British accent. I heard that the frats have bitchin' parties with killer babes. I only hook up with fat women now because I'm too ugly. If I went 2 Yael, I would get more women. I'm brilliant, 4 example I don't believe in badness. I believe that the Earth is the center of the universe because that's how far behind your school is. Here are my extracurriculars: 1) Founder of the Klu Klux Klan chapter of my school, 2) GFCHCA president, 3) Dated and slept with a teacher, during which I had intellectual conversations and contracted HIV (more diversity. If I die while I'm at your school, your school will get publicity because it is a human interest story.) Other reazins u shuld acept me: 1) I have two slaves to contribute to the diversity of the population, 2) I call teachers faggots, which shows that I exercise my right to free speech, 3) I can put numbers into a computer, 4) Since I had sex with teachers at my school, I'll probably have sex w/ admissions officers at your school, 5) I'm not progressive, so I won't be annoying, rebellious, obnoxious or philosophical, 6) My aunt is rich, and will give your school money, 7) I'm generous; I gave someone herpes. In conclusion, u shuld acept me because I am a convicted felon, and you don't represent the population of criminals at your school. In conclusion, I'm better than everyone else. For example, I wear my spike on the left side of my shirt. Most people wear their spikes on the right side. Enclosed is the rejection letter you send me and a coupon for two bagels.