Books from the Core Curriculum
Cordeau, William James - "Malden". It is unclear why this book is famous, because 95% of all people can pull profound philosophies out of their asses. In this novel, Cordeau discusses his life, his ideals, and his choice to move next to Malden Pond. He attempts to find the deeper meaning in his pocket watch, time, space, the grass, the water and his spectacles. He is unemployed, but makes up dumb philosophies to justify his inability to find a job.
Excerpts from the novel:
"Everyone is inferior to me in both intellect and appearance. Therefore, the only person I can spend an eternity with is myself."
"Time is."
"Commitments are for the ignorant; I prefer to sit alone and do absolutely nothing, making no contribution to society."
"Why do we toil away year to year in employment? Why do we seek the furthest regions of the universe? I prefer to sit in my basement playing the video games and watching the porn."
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Bragthan, Ethaniel, "The Violet Mark," It is unclear whether Bragthan wrote this novel to mock Puritans or to portray an epic drama. In the novel, Esther Pine sleeps with a delicious intellectual, Minister Sickly Weak, even though she is married to an ugly doctor, Quasimodo. When the Puritans discover that Hester has "sinned", they force her to walk around with a large condom embroidered to her gown.
Excerpts from the novel:
" 'Thou art a slut,' Ruby said. 'Why don't art ye and thy minister stand upon thy scaffold at midday in the morrow?' "
"And so the Minister slit his wrists and wore a spike necklace because he was depressed."
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Steinbacker, David, "The Rodent and the Migrant Worker," "The Clocktower and the Migrant Worker," and "The fruit and the Migrant Worker." Steinbacker's novels go into one listing because they are all the same. In the novels, there is a main character, Jed, who is a poor migrant worker in the early 20th century. Jed interacts with a squirrel, which represents the helplessness of poor migrant workers in American society.
Excerpts from the novel:
" 'Dang ding ol' I can' pick no cottin no more. They aint go no jobs left, dangit,' Jed said. He glared at the monster, and then at the tractor, and watched the weary sun slip behind the horizon."
" 'Help me. Help me,' Mannie said. 'Theys how them dang old men wit' farm power in th' early 20th century post-industrial-revolution depression era been treatin' me."
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Ganniger, R.L. "The Catcher in the Wheat Field." This novel is about a depressed rich teenager, Eunigger H. Mendelson XI, who can't grow up. When he overdoses on prescription medication, he imgaines himself sitting at the edge of a cliff, preventing kids from descending into, god forbid, adulthood.
Quote: "The Mid 20th century is oppressive. I am going to commit myself to a mental insitution, like Millie Plant in the novel, 'The Wishing Jar'. "
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Snobsspeare, Edward. "Romeo and Romeo." This play has been edited to respect human differences. In our curriculum, we will analyze Snobsspeare's every word and symbol, and determine how it reflects pre-modern British society.
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Walker, Langston. "Oppression." As a student at PCHS, you will read this novel eight times, twice a year. It is likely that we will not get to any of the books in the canon of literature, because we will spend our time overanalyzing this book.
"Blacks are treated horribly, but instead of doing something about it, I act like a victim. I continue to let whites oppress me."
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Aristoticres. "Clomedius Forridius." In this play, Clomedius has strange relationships with family members and other men, develops mathematical theories and is the senator of Athens. He sits around a table and discusses philosophy as women (who he does not view as people) feed him grapes and rub olive oil on his skin and long, gray beard.
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Clarx, Hamlo. "The Communist Declation." Since this is the viewpoint we want you to have for the next 40 years of your life, we will force you to read and memorize every word in this piece. Then, as a field trip, you will go to an PC-Ville elementary school classroom and brainwash students with communism.
"It is inevitable that capitalism will collapse and socialism will triumph. Triumph! I tells you! It's a matter of science, not politics."
Back to PCHS for another day