On Driving:
1. Speeding is key. Avoid all cops. In PC-Ville, all the cops are out to get bad drivers because there is no real crime. They hang out in ditches or in the carriage lane of Moneyweather Ave. If you get a ticket, talk casually with the cop and offer him alcohol. 2. Blast rap and/or classic rock. People are intimidated by bitchin' stereo systems. 3. Make your wealthy PC-Ville father buy you a convertible or SUV. If he refuses, use his convertible or SUV. If he refuses to lend you his car, use the family minivan, Honda or Subaru station wagon. 4. Honk incessantly at other students from PCHS, especially if the object of your attention is hot bootie/ass that you'd tap. On Drinking: You're not a man unless you can hold at least 6 drinks without getting drunk! Here's how to maximize your alcohol tolerance: 1. Drink every night. Don't worry about your schoolwork or health. The most important thing is that you have a good time and impress your buddies. 2. Pound shots of hard liquor continuously. Preferably drink through a funnel.3. Go to the frats. They have the best-looking and easiest girls, but there is usually a $5 entrance fee. Many men fake the amount of drinks they can take in. Fill your shot glass with Bacardi Ice and then say it's hard liquor. On drinking and driving: Drinking and driving is perfectly acceptable. I mean, you only have 6 drinks when you drive. Most of the people who get into fatal accidents have had 7. On smoking: 1. All college students sell high grade bud. All high school students do not. 2. Always let hot women smoke for free. 3. There is one person who always provides the weed. Be sure not to become this person. You can do so by mooching off of other people. 4. Your piece is analogous to your package. Do whatever you can to protect him. 5. If cops stop you, start talking back to them because OBVIOUSLY they'll leave you alone if you give them lip.