John: "I'm gonna tap that ass. Let me get my game on."
Dan: "Dude, I will invite her over to hang out with my friends as a group, man. When she is hanging out with us, dude, I will one up myself from my friends so that she thinks I am the best, dude. Then I will ask her out, after which I will immediately take her to my room, man. The next day, dude, I won't return her calls. Wait, did I say that out loud? Chruzlovsky's going to kill me when it comes time for press." Robert: "Um, I am going to stay here and try to sneak in glances at her. I--I will d--debate whether or not to approach her. Eventually, she will leave and I will feel depressed about how I am too ugly to get a girlfriend." Ms. Pinkham: "Um, excuse me! I will not permit such cruel objectification of a female human being. I want you to march over to that human being and apologize for what you said." Mr. Sunshine: "Hmmm...I think I'll invite her over for a class dinner barbeque, and then ask her for some help with something in my house. While she is in there, I will tell everyone outside that the barbeque is over. Then, well, no comment. I am a public school teacher! How dare you accuse me of statutory rape!" Michael: "I will become platonic friends with her, telling her that I am asexual. Secretly, I will be attracted to her." JC: "I will drop notes of poetry in her backpack. Ah, sweet love notes like chocolate on vanilla." The Pirate: "Dude, I'll take her to a party dressed in this attire. She'll hook up with me because she thinks I'm unique." Charles: "It is most feasible to approach the young lass and ask of her interests and passions, for she is as valuable as any man. Then, when the time is right, it is only best to ask to court her. Upon courting, the advisable thing to do is not to lay one's hand upon any part of her body until 1 year of courtage."