Prewritten Rejection Letter
Back to PCHS for another day

Q: Why would you like to attend Yale?

Answer Written on Application: I have strived for a long time to become academically enriched, and I feel that Yale offers the most opportunities to academically stimulate myself. I love learning, and I think about learning all the time. I want to help people, and improve the world, and Yale's quality education will help me do that, so that one day we can live under an egalitarian social construct.

Real Answer: Yale is the second most prestigious school in the United States. Other than that, I do not know anything else about the school.

Q: What do you plan to major in at Yale and why?

AWA: I plan to study bionucleophysical engineering. Ever since I was four, I was an avid reader of the subject. In high school, I won the science bowl for that subject, and conducted an indepedent study research project on that subject. I love it so much that I would be heart-broken if I could not continue to study it.

RA: Woman + Math Major = Acceptance.

Q: List the five extracurricular activities most important to you.

AWA: 1) Help People Club IV, 2) PC High Herald, 3) CHUIHASHJDAHH Social Awareness Club, 4) Model UN and 5) Make-Necklaces-For-Inner-City-Youth Club.

RA: 1) Reading how-to-get-into-college books, 2) studying for the SAT's, 3) shunning peers with lower social statuses, 4) repressing my sex drive and 5) throwing organic tofu at my college counselor when she says that my chances of getting into Harvard are only 50/50.

Q: How would your friends describe you?

AWA: Caring, diligent, hard-working, conscientious, friendly, nice, kind.

RA: I don't have any friends because 1) I don't have time for them and 2) They would copy answers to my homework, increasing their chances of getting into the ivies and therefore lowering mine.