The following social studies lesson has been brought to you by CheapCo Educational Publications, a subsidiary of Procktech and Gamblo, a subsidiary of McDonut's, a subsidiary of the United States Government
Social Studies Lesson #1029: What should we do in response to terrorist attacks? That's right. Get scared! Stop our lives and instill fear into everyday citizens by reporting news that we cannot do anything about. So, here you are, wealthy student of PCHS, we grant you the honor of being the first to buy our products and witness the advantages of corporate-sponsored learning.
Since we, executives of McDonut's, cannot sell our social studies lessons without complete historical information, we give you the history of the world, to be presented by Munch Munch, the little donut hole. AD 1: Julius Caesar sails his ship around the world and discovers the Americas, only to be attacked by raging hordes of Vikings and Asian-American-Transgender-African-Human-Beings. AD 1492: Constantine invents Judaism and orders the execution of millions of Republicans and straights in Texas. AD 1917: Scientists discover that the Earth does not revolve around the sun; it revolves around the United States. AD 1955: George O'Bese founds McDonuts. AD 1965: Martin Luther King enjoys the succulent taste of chocolate McFluff, only 45 cents for a limited time. AD 2005: A student a PCHS by the name of you becomes an honorary Donut Master, for buying 50 donuts and punching every purchase into a tiny styrofoam card.