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The Dark Side
The throne room was silent as I stood before the Emperor, deactivated lightsaber in my hand. The Emperor studied me carefully. I looked down at myself. I was wearing a tight black Jedi jumpsuit. The Force must be strong with this suit, because I swear I look like Britney Spears. “You think you can alter the course of your destiny?” The Emperor feebly rose from his throne, the weakness of age slowing him down. I didn’t know how to respond, so I just answered with the first thought that popped into my head. “I am a writer, like my father before me.” The Emperor looked perplexed. “What?” “Oh. Well, my father wasn’t really a writer. My mother wrote a little. She wrote this one story, about this woman…I think she was a prostitute.” I paused. “The woman, not my mother.” “Silence!” he hissed at me, slowly coming nearer. “For eleven years you have trained in the art of television. What makes you think you can turn your back on it so soon?” I quickly became defensive. “I can do whatever I want to. It’s my life!” “Your faith in your writing abilities is your weakness,” he spat. “Yeah…well, the fact that you’re like 109 years old is yours.” “Your insolence is amusing, but it doesn’t hide your fear.” He started to turn towards his throne again, and then stopped. “Oh, and by the way, you can dispense with the sarcasm. This isn’t Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” I remained silent as the Emperor returned to his throne, and sat down. “Do you remember, girl, what happened the last time you took a career risk?” “What happened at the news station was just bad luck,” I countered, although I bristled inside at his reference to such a sore subject. “Young fool. It was your ego getting the best of you. You left a perfectly secure job to take your chances in broadcast television, and you spent over a year consumed by the dark side as a result of your fatal decision. Yes…I can feel your fear. Let it consume you. I hope you fully realize the consequences of your actions. Deny it as you may, you will understand, at the end, that your place is in cable. It is where you have trained. It is what you know. And now…” The Emperor paused as he rose from his seat, yet again, “you will meet your destiny.” “Oh yeah?” I asked. “And what exactly would that be?” He looked me directly in the eyes and sneered. “You will be a public access coordinator. Forever.” Fear and rage consumed me (just like he said it would) and I activated my lightsaber. Just moments before it came crashing down on the Emperor’s head, he held up his hand, and my lightsaber came to a quick halt. “Hey!” I yelled. “No,” he said, sounding annoyed. “You’re not supposed to attack ME.” I looked around. “Well, Darth Vader doesn’t seem to be here. What am I supposed to do?” “Patience, girl.” The Emperor raised his hand and I spun around, in time to see my father, looking quite bewildered, standing behind me. He had on Darth Vader’s black robes, but no mask. “Oh, come on!” I said to the Emperor. “My father?” “Well…it seemed appropriate. You know, the whole Luke being Vader’s son thing…” I sighed. “But my father has nothing to do with this.” “You’re right.” The Emperor grinned sheepishly. “Sorry ‘bout that.” He waved his hand again and my father disappeared. In his place was a man I used to work with at the cable company, wearing the same black robes, this time over a business suit. We’ll call him…Yoda. I rolled my eyes. “Oh, for crying out loud.” “What?” The Emperor asked. “He worked with you in television. Hey, he’s got more to do with this than your dad did. You gotta give me some credit here.” “But he’s done nothing but help me.” I smiled at Yoda. “He’s one of the good guys.” “Good guys?!” The Emperor pointed his old, feeble hands at my former co-worker, ready to jolt him with a million watts of evil electricity. I jumped in between Yoda and the Emperor. “No! I mean he’s bad. Real bad. He drinks alcohol in moving vehicles all the time! And he helped me cheat on my taxes!” “Michelle!” Yoda looked angrily at me. “Doing, what are you?” He paused. “Why talking backwards am I?” I leaned backward and whispered. “It’s a side effect. Just be thankful you didn’t turn green. Look, I know you’re not too familiar with the Star Wars universe, but believe me, you’ll thank me later.” Yoda rolled his eyes. “You and your Star Wars. Weirdo are you.” I gave him a dirty look, and then turned back toward the Emperor. “Can we move on now?” The Emperor waved his hand, and Yoda disappeared. “Well, what are you waiting for?” I asked, growing impatient. “Bring it on.” The Emperor scowled. “Gladly.” A red glowing lightsaber sliced through the air, inches in front of my face. Vader - the real Vader - lunged for me with brute force, and I hurriedly blocked the attack. He didn’t speak, he just kept coming at me, driving me slowly backward until I was nearly at the edge of the reactor shaft. (That’s a really deep hole in the floor, for those of you who are Star Wars impaired.) Our lightsabers locked, blue against red. He had me pinned. I was just about to give up, fearing death if I didn’t succumb to the dark side, and resign myself to a life of tilting and panning. “Michelle…Michelle…” A white ghost materialized a few feet away. “Ben?” I asked, still fending off Vader. “Ben Kenobi?” “I’m insulted. You’ve forgotten me this quickly?” I gasped. It was my video teacher from high school. “Mr. G! Hey, um…a little help here?” Vader was pushing me down further and further, until he was practically suffocating me. “You don’t need my help.” He calmly replied. I couldn’t help but snicker as I continued to struggle. “Um, I beg to differ.” “You have the power to control your life. Don’t give up your dreams.” Mr. G paused and thought a moment. “Even if that means leaving television.” “You don’t mind if I do something else?” I had to admit I was surprised, as he had been the one who set me on the path to television…to the dark side…to begin with. “I want you to be happy, kid. That’s what I always wanted. Whatever makes you happy is what you should be doing. And this…” he motioned toward Vader, who was still over me, “is not making you happy.” “How do I defeat him?” I asked, growing weaker. “Christ, Michelle, do I have to do everything for you? Just kick his ass!” A renewed sense of strength entered my body, and I pushed against Vader. When he lunged for me again, Mr. G stuck out his foot and tripped him. This time I stood over him. “You’ve ruled my life long enough!” And with that, I sliced off his head. The mask exploded to reveal my boss’s head. Figures. “Ew…couldn’t you have just pushed him down the reactor shaft? That was pretty gross.” The Emperor slowly came toward me, chuckling. “Hey!” I pointed my lightsaber at the weak old man. “If you like where your face is you’ll stop right there! I have something to say to you. No one is going to tell me what to do anymore. And if I decide to be a writer, I’m going to do it and no one is going to stop me. Got it?” “You can’t write. You’re a TV techie. That’s all you are and that’s all you’ll ever be. Deal with it.” “Bite me,” I spat. The Emperor grinned. “So be it. Writer.” I smiled. “Ok. That was easy.” I turned to Mr. G. “So, how about that long overdue lunch date?” “Sure,” Mr. G said. “How about chicken in a basket?” “Sounds good to me.” We turned and walked out of the Emperor’s throne room, hand in hand. “Wait!” The Emperor called after us. “This is the part where I am supposed to destroy you! I was only kidding about the whole ‘So be it’ thing!” “Too late!” I called over my shoulder.
The End
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