Frequently Asked Questions
Since the beginning of Team APS and APS Bowling so long ago, many questions have been poring in through the many forms of communication, but eventually into the heads of the members of Team APS. We hope that this page will answer the questions that are most frequently asked. If you have a question of your own that is not already answered in this page, please send us your questions to faqs@apsbowling.com.
Why is Team APS so popular and skilled?
Does The Baron use plastic surgery?
Why does Team APS show no remorse when demolishing challenging teams?
Is Sam "SAM" Kirshner an official member of Team APS?
Where do the nicknames come from?
What is the origin of the good looks of Team APS, and what are the reprecussions?
Why is The Baron so incredibly dashing and overall just so good looking?
Feel free to ask your own questions
Johny Oakland from Iqualiut, Ninavut asks: "Team APS's bowling record seems to be that of a runaway freight train. Why are you guys so popular and skilled?"
Well Johnny, first off, we do not care for the phrase "guys" since we are fully developed men (see pictures in Action Shots and Picture Stories). Second of all, becoming such a skilled team as APS has become does not just happen overnight. To start off, we are three extremely athletic, physical, skilled, good looking gentlemen. Becoming the team that we have become is a lifetime achievement that we have been achieving for the past many months of our lives. I would be a lier to say that the full extent of Team APS's extensive potential has been reached. We still have much to accomplish, many adventures to venture, many balls to bowl, strikes to strike, Teams to destroy, feuds to be fought, schools to dismantle, people to dissect, pictorials to pose for, and legends to create.
-JIM
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Anonymos, from Saskatoon, Saskatuwan, asks: "Baron, I was looking through your pictures, and I was stunned by your stunning good looks. Is that amazing face real, or do you use plastic surgery?"
In the high speed world of bowling themed modeling, plastic surgery is often a crucial part to get ahead. The many medical achievements of todays medically advanced world are as natural as the next thing. If you had cancer, would looking to the medical world for help not be natural? Doesn't plastic surgery fall into the same category? Many male models use plastic surgery. To follow these trends, I used a small amount of plastic surgery, but nothing in comparison to the other models in the bowling world. Sure, God makes some people ugly, and some people handsome. But God also gave us the intelligence needed to advance our medical advancements. God created humans. Humans created plastic surgery. Plastic surgery created what is now known as "The Baron". Therefor The Baron is 100% natural.
-The Baron
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Jasmine from Trois Riviers, Quebec, writes: "Although I find it difficult to follow APS Bowling in its entirety from my small town in Quebec, I do attempt to keep informed of all of the happenings that happen with Team APS. However, I am always left astonished with the cruelty that Team APS seems to display against its opponents. Yes, you are an extremely dominating team in the T-dot region. But do you need to prove that time and time again? Is it necessary to humiliate all of the other teams that put money and effort into games against you? Is it necessary to show no remorse for teams that do not have the same natural skills as you do? Must you demolish all other teams, which do not excel in the sport of bowling as you do?
Absolutely.
-The Rocket
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Anton Strasburg, from the T-Dot region asks: "Is Sam 'SAM' Kirshner now an official member of Team APS?"
I would like to begin by pointing out that SAM is a worldclass bowler. Team APS and I wish him luck in his bowling career, and his obvious fallback career in modeling. Having said that, I would like to once and for all clear up the extensive rumors of Sam "SAM" Kirshner. Though he is an APS alumnus, and strong member of the bowling community, he is not in any way, shape, or form, a member of Team APS, nor is he an official player in APS Bowling. Though SAM practices with Team APS quite regularly, he does not own an official, spiffy, APS Bowling shirt, thus disqualifying him from any opportunity of official membership. However, Team APS frontman Alex "The Rocket" Minkin, and Team APS high scorer Aaron "JIM" Kramer, have both agreed that if Team APS were to be challenged in a 4 on 4 matchup, Sam "SAM" Kirshner would be the first we would call up.
-JIM
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The following came via e-mail by Michaela Kramer: "How did Aaron Blatt, Alex Minkin, and Aaron Kramer get amazing and hillarious nicknames The Baron, The Rocket and JIM? If Sam Krishner joins the APS Bowling team what will his nickname be?"
The nicknames "The Baron", "The Rocket", and "JIM" were not names that were created. They were always around, they just slowly became more and more associated with the perspective bowlers. Since a very young age, Aaron Kramer was known as The Jewish InnerCity Mofo. However, when he went bowling, the bowling computers would automaticly take the first letters of each word, and use the result as the displayed 3 letter initials. Spectators, opponents, and reporters would see his name being displayed as JIM, and would address him as such. The name caught on, and it stuck.
The nickname for The Baron is a very complex name that comes from many different experiences. The Baron is a name synonymous with many things: Ridiculous good looks and mediocre bowling skills obviously, but few people know that the Baron is fluent in the international language of love. Once, while making love to a pin monkey, the pin monkey observed certain 'Baronesque' qualities in the young bowler. Then, all throughout their ritual post-sex bowling, the pin monkey kept noting that Aaron was like a Baron while bowling. Since then the name has stuck.
My name, "The Rocket" was given to me by my teammates, when they noticed that my bowling shot went half the speed of sound, and faster than the speed of smell. Although I don't like the name, I know that a nickname is something that has to be given, and once you get it, you are stuck with it. Sort of like Gonorrhea. If Sam Kirshner were to join Team APS, his nickname would have to be acquired. Currently he is known internationally as simply "SAM". However, if he were to join Team APS, anything could happen, and a new name could potentially develop.
-The Rocket
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The following came e-mail was send to faqs@apsbowling.com: "Hi, my name is Chinquatario and I am from Venezuela. Last week I accidentaly stumbled upon the Team APS bowling web site and was blown away by the increadible good looks of the team. At first I thought it was a web site for some modeling agency, but no, it was for Team APS. Ever since then a single question has been plauging me night and day, ravaging my dreams, and haunting my waking hours. My queston is this; how is it possible that three people can be so much better looking then anyone else in the world? Did God make some mistake in your favour when you were being created? Are there people on the opposite end of the spectrum who are so hiddiously, grotesquely, ugly in order to maintain the balance amount of beauty in the world?"
This question is one of the most commonly asked question to Team APS, and to The Baron especially. However, the answer is not at all obvious. The truth is that everyone has the same ammount of beuty in them. Some people you have to look hard to find it. Some people need to be mined and dug at for years to find any morsel of beuty in them. Some people, such as Yessir Arafat, will probobly remain empty handed when it comes to visable beuty. For Team APS, 100% of the beuty is visible by the naked eye. God did not make a mistake. He made the most genetically jacked bowling team this corner of the world has ever seen. He made the bowling skills available Team APS to discover. He made Team APS.
-The Baron
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The writer of this letter went through great lengths to have it reach Team APS, as it can difficult for the Amish to communicate with the T-Dot. In this case it was a elongated process, as this letter, received two months ago, was sent in 1984. Paul Mirsh from Pathesda, Maryland, asks: "OK, I'm sorry if I sound so redundant, because I know this question is answered so often, but I still do not understand something. I fail to grasp the basic concepts, the underlying principles, the foundations if you will, of something so perfect in its composition yet so divinely simple. Yes, I am talking about the Baron's ridiculous good looks. I mean, sorry to be the billion and first person to ask the same question, but it has simply baffled me for years now. Why are you so incredibly dashing and overall just so good looking???"
I'll field that one. Thanks for the compliment Paul, I really appreciate when someone sees past my mediocre-advanced bowling skills to my extreme good looks. It's like I know that at least one person understands me and sees the real me, not just the talented bowler me, and it's people like you who make it all worthwhile. You know what Paul, I feel like we've made a real connection, even just from reading your letter via e-mail, it's like I know you on a different level. As you are probably well aware, my roots can be traced back to the Amish setting of Pathesda, where you also hale from. I guess since my family relocated things haven't been the same for me. I mean, I like the T-Dot et al, but there's just is no place like home. I will always have a special place in my heart for the placid farm setting of Pathesda, and I guess the T-Dot will just never be able to replace that. Funny actually, this reminds of that time in the playground when I had just resettled to the T-Dot after resettling from Peru. I was on the monkey bars with my friends, who I called amigos at the time which they didn't understand. Anyways, I always hung off the second-level bar. There were three levels by the way, and because I was the second tallest I used the second-level bar. Then one day a boy dubbed The Rocket due to (at the time) his penis size took over that spot and I had to go play on the swings. Now the swings were in a rougher part of the playground, and there I met a boy they called the Jewish Inner-City MoFo. The point of this story is that that naive little boy who took my spot on the second-level monkey bar and that wide-eyed child I met at the swings grew up to become my dearest friends, who I now know as RKT and JIM respectively, whom I share a special place with on Team APS. Well, thank you for you question Paul, and allowing me to shed some light on my past.
-The Baron
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Do you have a question for Team APS? Send it to faqs@apsbowling.com.
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