*~*~*

Man, I hate hospitals – the deceptively calm atmosphere of the halls, the frenzy of the emergency rooms, the sterile smell of alcohol, the placid music they play on the radio, even the white walls. But ultimately, I abhor them because it seems that every time I’m in one, someone I love is lying in a bed, battered, bruised, and broken.

It seems that tragedy follows me like a shadow, overcoming not only me, but those I care about most. My head tells me that this theory is ridiculous - there are no such things as curses - but after sitting beside hospital beds for so long, I’m starting to believe it. When will we finally be left alone? When will it be enough?

I honestly cannot remember a time I’ve felt more helpless and alone. I’ve had to deal with loneliness before; in fact, I faced a very difficult rough stretch last year after leaving JAG. But that was different; I had only myself to worry about. The life of one of my most precious friends wasn’t hanging in the balance.

Leaning forward in my chair, I reach out to grasp Mattie’s limp hand. I gaze at her face, so pale underneath the respirator. Even after four days, it’s still a shock to see her lying so still. Every memory I have of her involves her smile, her laughter, and her big eyes staring into mine, so bright and full of trust. All that seems so distant now.

At first, I blamed myself for her accident. After all, if it wasn’t for me, she might not have caught the flying bug and decided to earn her pilot’s license. She’d been perfectly content to stay on the ground before meeting me. But it only took a day or two for me to pull myself together and convince my conscience that none of this is my fault – or anyone else’s, for that matter. Life’s occurrences happen for a reason, I know that much. The reason for this certain catastrophe, however, I may never learn.

Whenever I pictured myself becoming a father figure, I never imagined it would happen quite the way that it did. For the past five years at least, I’ve figured my children would have dark brown hair with sparkling blue or brown eyes and would grow up in a warm, loving home with a certain Marine and me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think a boisterous, curly-haired redhead teenager would come into my life when I least expected – but desperately needed – her. I’m now sure she was brought to me through Providence. There’s just no other explanation for it. I can’t imagine life without her.

And now, sitting here beside her, I think of the only thing that’s left to do. I pray. Dear Lord, I know it’s been a while. I’ve had the tendency in the past to forget about You until I need You most, and I’m sorry for that. But God, right now I want to ask You to care for the young girl in front of me. You’ve given me so many second chances in the past and now, I beg You… give one to Mattie. Lord, her life’s barely begun. She still has so many things to do, so many places to go, so many other lives to touch as she’s touched mine. You know more than anyone how much I need her. I implore You - watch over her, keep her safe.

I’ve barely finished when the cell phone on my hip begins to vibrate. Slipping my hand from Mattie’s, I reach down and grab the phone. “Rabb.”

“It’s me.” Mac’s voice comes through from the other end. Although it sounds like she’s a million miles away, I can still sense the concern in her voice. “Harm, what’s wrong?”

I close my eyes, forcing myself to keep my voice even. “It’s Mattie. She was in a… Mac, she was in a plane accident.”

I can immediately hear the alarm jump into her tone. “How is she?”

“The doctor says she’s got a spinal injury, and part of her brain suffered bruising – it’s put her into a coma.”

“Oh, my word….”

“She’s on a respirator. The specialist said that if she doesn’t eventually wake up, a decision might h-have to be made -” My voice breaks, and the familiar lump returns to my throat as tears spring to my eyes. I can’t continue.

The phone line is filled with silence for nearly two minutes as Mac lets me collect my bearings. Then, suddenly, she asks, "Where are you?”

“St. Vincent’s.”

“OK. What time is it… 0930 Pacific. All right, here’s what I’m going to do. I’ll call the airport and see if they’ve got one more flight to D.C. tonight. It’s early yet, so I’m sure they do.”

“Mac, your case -”

“ – is closed,” she finishes for me. “We wrapped today, and the last conference lecture was late this afternoon.” Her tone is firm, which experience tells me means that she’s made up her mind, and there is no arguing with her. “The General is still inside. I’ll ask him for permission to return home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Harm…” Her voice trails off for a moment. “She’s going to be all right.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself.”

“Believe it.” It’s not a suggestion; it’s a command. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“I’ll be here.”

“Hang in there.” A click sounds, and my ear is filled with dead air. I shut my phone, returning it to its holster. Taking Mattie’s hand again, I close my eyes and let the tears fall. Bring her back to us, Lord. You’re the only One Who can.

- Fin –