SEASON 7

Adrift, pt. II

Mac (crying): "He's gone. He (Mic) wouldn't even speak to me."

Harm: "Hey, hey! Don't blame yourself for this. Brumby has always acted impulsively. It was just a matter of time."

Mac: "What are you saying?"

Harm: "This isn't going to make it hurt any less, but... but it's better now than six months into the marriage."

Mac: "OK, I'm hanging up now."

Harm: "Mac! Where are you going?"

Mac: "I don't know."

Harm: "Come to me."

Mac: "Why?"

Harm: "So we can talk."

Mac: "We already talked."

Harm: "Don't argue with me."

Mac: "I need a better reason."

Harm: "You know the reason. (silence) Mac?"

Mac: "I... I'm here."

Harm: "I'm waiting."

Measure of Men

Harm: "Yeah, I would. I would give her (Renee) up."

Mixed Messages

Webb: "I'm helping a friend in the building."

Harm: "I didn't know you had a friend in the building."

Redemption

Mac: "Harm, you didn't drive 75 miles at this hour to pose 'what if' questions. You know the law as well as I do."

Harm: "No, I came here for the bad coffee and to catch you in your pajamas."

~

Mac: "Stop looking for a magic bullet."

Harm: "Have you always been this annoying?"

Mac: "Isn't that why you came here?"

Jagathon

Tiner: "You know what I'm gonna do with my first place prize? I'm gonna grant everyone in JAG Ops highest rank for an hour."

Gunny: "Won't work, Tiner."

Tiner: "Why not?"

Gunny: "Once you get to Lieutenant Singer, she'll counterman your previous order, and make herself JAG forever."

~

Mac: "I don't know why we couldn't work things out with us, Harm. So where does that leave us?"

Harm: "I don't know, Mac. At the end, I guess."

Mac: "How about back at the beginning?"

Dog Robber I

Seaman: "See... you're not a man."

Mac: "For which I thank God everyday."

Dog Robber II

Harm: "I had a little help from a friend."

Admiral Boone: "You have friends?"

Harm: "One or two, sir."

Answered Prayers

Petty Officer Coates: "I didn't steal that witch's (Singer's) bracelet."

Harm: "That's Lieutenant Witch to you."

Capitol Crime

Sturgis: "You look a little tired this morning, Colonel."

Mac: "Rough night. You know, weird dream."

Sturgis: "Scary-weird? Or naked-in-front-of-the-Marine-Corps-band-weird?"

Mac: "Commander, I learn something new about you every day."

~

Mac: "There is no problem."

Sturgis: "Then why don't you just get over it and move on?"

Mac: "It wouldn't work."

Sturgis: "Why?"

Mac: "Because I'm in love with him (Harm)."

Odd Man Out

A.J.: "Now, I trust that you two are professional enough to keep from turning this case into a Marine-Navy war."

Harm and Mac: "We are, sir."

A.J.: "Because if you're not, any attempts to exploit inner-service rivalries will be met with the wrath of me."

Harm: "Understood, sir."

Mac: "We don't do that anymore, sir."

(Harm gives her a look that says "We don't?")

~

Mac: "I'd like to know how you got two seats to the biggest game of the year."

Harm: "Well, I have friends in high places."

Mac: "Come on, Harm. Who's your benefactor?"

Harm: "Tell you what- if you can guess, maybe I'll take you."

Mac: "Really? What about Sturgis?"

Harm: "I'm going to give you the first shot."

Mac: "OK. Well, normally I'd guess you got the seats from Renee; she's got the contacts. But obviously you're, uh, disconnected now."

Harm: "We are."

Mac: "There's always Webb. But if he had an extra set of tickets, he certainly wouldn't give them to you. Bobbi Latham had tickets last year but she didn't take you 'cause she was mad at you, and this year she's even madder..."

Harm: "You know, this is starting to feel more like a slap in the face. I thought you were supposed to be sucking up to me."

Mac: "Whichever way will work."

Harm: "Try the positive approach."

Mac: "OK. Please, Harm, I want to go, and as your best friend I will be forever grateful if you take me."

Harm: "Pretty good."

Mac: "Really?"

Harm: "Yeah, but Sturgis said the same thing." (Walks away laughing.)

Head to Toe

Mac: "Just hear me out."

Harm: "After you've had a cold shower."

The Mission

Harm (to Mac): "I'm glad you're here."

~

Harm: "Hey, you know what this means, don't you?"

Mac: "Long flight and sudden stop that jars the brain."

Harm: "Yes, but then we're back on a carrier at war."

Mac: "Which means 24 hours a day there's the constant roar of jet engines, and the wham of the catapult, and the stink of the exhaust of jet fuel."

Harm: "Gotta love it!"

Exculpatory Evidence

A.J.: "Since when did my office become a production of Hello Dolly?!"

Harm (whispering to Sturgis): "It's about a matchmaker."

Sturgis: "You think I live under a rock?"

First Casualty

Sturgis: "You were right about the system, Harm. It did work."

Harm: "Well, I think we were all a little bit wrong." (He and Sturgis turn to Mac.)

Mac: "Don't look at me. I wasn't wrong about anything."

Port Chicago

Harriet: "Sir, do you ever think about buying a house?"

Harm: "Not unless I get married."

Harriet: "Unless or until, sir?"

Tribunal

Mac: "Excuse me, but who made you first chair?"

Harm: "The Admiral mentioned my name first."

Mac: "So?"

Harm: "All right. OK, I'll tell you what- we'll flip for it."

Mac: "OK."

Harm: "You call it."

Mac: "Heads."

(Harm flips the coin, and it falls onto the floor. He and Mac go for it at the same time and bonk heads.)

Mac: "Ow!"

Harm: "Sorry. You OK?"

Mac: "Yeah, but... I'm second chair."

Harm: "I'll be gentle."

Mac: "Don't be gentle, be good."

Defending His Honor

Harm: "Well, that was a little uncomfortable."

Mac: "Was it because we were lying?"

Harm: "Withholding information."

Mac: "Uh-huh."

Harm: "OK, we were lying."

Mac: "Yeah."

Harm: "Well, I'll tell you... if my wife bought a house without telling me..."

(Mac starts chuckling.)

Harm: "What's so funny?"

Mac: "The thought of you with a wife."

Harm: "It could happen."

In Country

Harm: "Maybe the mines we hit were the only ones here."

Mac: "Now, what are the odds of that?"

Harm: "Kinda long."

Mac: "No, not 'kinda long'. Very long. Incredibly long. Astronomically long. Your odds of winning the lottery are greater than-"

Harm: "Mac! I get the point."

~

Harm: "Thanks, Mac. That took guts."

Mac: "You would've done the same for me."

Harm: "Yeah, well... the Navy doesn't teach us tricks like that."

Mac: "Neither does the Marine Corps. I saw it in a movie."

Harm: "You saw it in a movie?!"

Mac: "Yep."

Harm: "They don't use real booby traps in movies!"

Mac (walking down the road): "Come on."

Harm: "They make things up! Mac!"

Enemy Below

Mac: "Harm? You ever thought about how you want to go?"

Harm: "No. Let's pack up and get out of here, huh?"

Mac: "I want to die like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid."

Harm: "Oh, yeah? Well, which one am I gonna be, then?"

Mac: "Butch, of course."

Harm: "Well, that's true, he was the brains of the operation."

Mac: "Yeah, but Sundance was the shooter that everybody was afraid of. That's how I want to go- in a blaze of glory against impossible odds."

Harm: "Come on, Mac, enough of this morbid subject."

Mac: "...with something really important at stake."

Harm: "Mac, enough."

Mac: "Come on, Harm, play along."

Harm: "All right. What about after? You know, when you're dead. If you choose cremation, they shove your body in a furnace, and bake ya. Know what burns first?"

Mac: "You got me, Harm."

Harm: "Your hair. Then your skin crackles and boils..."

Mac: "Stop it! You won."

Harm: "...and when the marrow in the bones boil..."

Mac: "You won!"

Harm: "...the bones actually explode!"

Mac: "Stop it!"

SEASON 8

Critical Condition

(Harm knocks on the door to Mac's quarters while she is getting dressed.)

Mac (hurriedly begins pulling on her pants): "Just a second!"

Harm: "Come on, Mac, what are you doing? Open up!"

Mac: "Uh, packing."

Harm: "Well, let me in, I can help."

Mac (taking her shirt off its hanger): "I'm also dressing."

Harm: "I could help with that, too."

The Promised Land

Harm: "You need to stop finishing my sentences."

Mac: "Stop starting mine!"

In Thin Air

Harm: "Oh, I know that look. That's not a good look. I've seen that look before."

Mac: "Is it that obvious?"

Harm: "Never play strip poker."

~

Mac: "Next suicide mission, just tell me about it after you get back."

Harm: "Do I give you nightmares?"

Offensive Action

(The Admiral enters JAG Headquarters, walking stiffly due to Meredith accidentally popping his back out while attempting to give him a massage.)

Harriet: "Is everything all right, sir?"

A.J.: "Just an old injury."

Harriet: "From combat, sir?"

A.J.: "Hand to hand."

~

Harm: "The truth is rarely pure and never simple, Mac."

Need to Know

Harm: "I'll have dinner in twenty minutes."

Mac: "I told you, I'll cook."

Harm: "Mac, we're likely going to lose in court tomorrow, and tonight I want to feel like I've accomplished something, so-"

Mac: "Getting me to cook isn't an accomplishment?"

Harm: "Getting you to sit down is an accomplishment; I'll cook!"

~

Harm: "I hear your boss gave you a new assignment."

Webb: "He was not happy."

Harm: "Somewhere in South America?"

(Webb nods.)

Harm: "Anywhere I know?"

Webb: "Deputy Chief of Station, Peruma Rebo."

Harm: "Where's that?"

Webb: "Surinam. Just 200 miles from Devil's Island."

Harm: "Ouch."

Webb: "Well, it could've been worse. Could've been Canada."

Ready or Not

Harm: "Admiral! 'Afternoon, sir."

A.J.: "Your morale seems better."

Harm: "Well, I've finally deciphered the Colonel, sir, things are looking up."

All Ye Faithful

Tiner (to Mac): "The Commander and Admiral Boone are bringing in a Tomcat, ma'am."

Petty Officer Coates (noticing Mac's worried expression): "Is this a problem, ma'am?"

Mac (sighing): "It is if we don't have aspirin."

Complications

Harm (to Mac): "You're beginning to remind me of me."

Empty Quiver

Mac (picking up the phone): “Hello?”

Harm: “Hey. What’s goin’ on?”

Mac: “You really wanna know? Harriet’s got morning sickness, Turner’s on a submarine, half the staff’s got the flu, you’re not here, and now the Admiral wants an update every hour on the hour. How’s your day?”

Second Act

Mac: “One thing you can say about Commander Lindsey – he’s thorough.”

Harm: “Obsessive compulsive’s more like it.” (Quotes from Lindsey’s report.) “You’re a ‘security risk’.”

Mac: “Hey, you’re a ‘loose cannon’!”

Harm: “Yeah, and don’t I know it.”

A Tangled Webb I

Harm: "Just try and keep your eyes on the road, all right? We want to get there in one piece, right?"

Gunny: "Still tryin' to blend in with the locals, sir."

Harm: "We blend in anymore, we'll be smeared all over the landscape!"

SEASON 9

A Tangled Webb II

(Harm and Mac are travelling back to Ciudad del Este when they come upon a cow standing in the middle of the road. Harm lays on the horn, waking Mac in the process, but the cow won’t budge.)

Mac: “Whoa, Harm, Harm! It’s not gonna move.” (Harm continues to blow the horn.) “That’s not working!”

Harm: “Well, you make her move, then.”

Mac: “How do you know it’s a ‘her’?”

Harm: “She’s obstinate, immune to reason, and totally in the way.”

~

(Mac is having a bubble bath when a knock sounds on the hotel room door. Alerted, Harm sits up immediately on the bed and grabs a spare gun.)

Harm: “Man on deck.”

Mac: “What?”

Harm: “I’m comin’ in.”

Mac: “No, you’re not!” (She sinks lower beneath the bubbles as Harm enters the bathroom.) “I knew I should’ve gotten my own room.”

Harm: “We have company.” (He sets the gun on the toilet seat.) “Just in case.”

Mac: “You planning on bringing people in here? ‘Cause, I’m not dressed to entertain.”

(Harm stops to silently stare at her.)

Mac: “What?”

Harm: “I’d forgotten how beautiful you are.”

~

(Webb passes out on his way to the bed. Harm and Gunny catch him and drag him the rest of the way, setting him down on the mattress.)

Harm: “Let’s try to take his shoes off.”

Mac: “I’ve got one. You want to take off his pants?”

Harm: “That’s your job, Mrs. Webb.”

Mac: “Fine, we’ll each take a leg.”

Harm: “Gunny, see if you can get us another room, huh?”

Gunny: “Gladly, sir.”

Harm (to Mac): “And you can decide who you want to sleep with.”

Mac: “Do me a favor – shut up!”

Shifting Sands

(Mac knocks on Webb's hospital room door with Harm at her side.)

Webb: "Hi! You didn't tell me you were bringing him (Harm) with you."

Harm: "Just pretend that I'm not here. I'll play with the bed." (Picks up the controls.) "Gee, I wonder if he folds..."

Secret Agent Man

Petty Officer Coates: “Ma’am, I’m sorry I got you into this mess.”

Mac: “Jennifer, you tried to help someone you thought was being unfairly judged. Don’t ever apologize for that.”

The One That Got Away

Mac: “Check with the Admiral – maybe Harm left an e-mail to forward his messages to.”

Bud: “Ma’am, do I look dumb enough to broach that subject with the Admiral?”

Mac: “Think of it as ‘brave’, Lieutenant.”

Back in the Saddle

Mac: “For the past few months, the Admiral and I are having a failure to communicate.”

Bud: “Well, we’re communicating excellently. He yells at me, and I say, ‘I’m sorry.’” (He ponders for a moment.) “Kind of like married life.”

Close Quarters

A.J.: “Commander, aren’t you the man who does whatever it takes to get the job done?”

Harm: “Sir, I was, uh, under the impression that man is not welcome in this office.”

A.J.: “Not entirely.”

Harm: “Sir, I need to know what’s expected of me. Am I to prove myself or be myself?”

A.J.: “That’s a fair question.” (He pauses to think.) “Do what you do.”

Posse Comitatus

Mac (entering the room): "Hey."

Harm: "Hey. Where've you been?"

Mac: "I just had a long conversation with the Base Public Affairs Office."

Harm: "Well, don't set my interview up with Mike Wallis until I've actually won."

Pulse Rate

Harm: "Let me tell you something, Petty Officer - someday, some guy is going to fall madly in love with you, buy you a ring, and ask you to marry him."

Petty Officer Coates: "I hope so, sir."

Harm: "You'll spend the equivalent of a downpayment on a house on a party that your friends will all go to out of obligation. You'll wake up the next morning with fifteen toasters, a champagne hangover... you look at the lump next to you in bed, and you'll go, 'Oh my g**! I could've bought a house for the amount of money I spent to tie myself to this for the rest of my life'."

Good Intentions

Harm (to Mac): "Sometimes a person's true nature is buried so deep that they never understand it."

People vs. SecNav

Mac (hanging up the phone): "Clayton sends his love."

Harm: "That's a scary thought."

Crash

Officer (observing Harm's flying): "Commander Rabb's quite a cowboy, isn't he?"

Bud: "He has a very active inner child, sir."

Fighting Words

A.J.: “You two ever get tired of disagreeing?”

Harm: “No, sir.”

Mac (at the same time): “Yes, sir.”

~

Harm: “General Watson merely stated his belief that God is not neutral in the struggle between freedom and terrorism.”

Mac: “You know, I think God would prefer it if people didn’t throw His name around quite so much."

Coming Home

Mattie: "She (Susan) said there were reporters staking out her house and calling her mom all day and all night. I was hoping you could do something about it."

Harm: "Like what?"

Mattie: "I don't know... scare the reporters away. You're good at that, you know... scaring peop-"

(Harm gives her an odd look.)

Mattie: "... I mean, persuading people to do the right thing."

~

Mattie: "Hey, you can trust me not to tell Jen anything you wouldn't want to tell me about Mac. I am real serious about keeping my word. You tell me it's a secret, and it stays that way."

Harm: "I thought I said I didn't want to talk about me."

Mattie: "Too late. We're there."

Harm: "Look... Mac and I's relationship is... uh... complicated."

Mattie: "Do you love her?"

Harm: "Yes."

~

Mattie: "Harm , you sure that I have to... uh... go to this thing tonight?"

Harm: "Fine, Mathilda. But you call Mrs. Smithfield yourself and you tell her why you're not coming, and then you can call Susan and tell her that you're a chicken!"

Mattie: "Harm, sometimes you forget that I'm not a part of your army."

Harm: "Never say 'army' to a Navy man, it provokes a bad result."

Hail and Farewell

Mac: "You know, men just seem to... pass through my life... except for you." (She pauses as Harm's eyes meet hers.) "Will you always be there?"

Harm (turning to fully face her): "Yes."

SEASON 10

Hail and Farewell, pt. II

Mac: "It's over with Clay."

Harm: "Is that what you want?"

Mac: "I don't have a clue what I want. I just know what I DON'T want. I'm tired of dissecting relationships - the minute you start dissecting something, the d*** thing is dead."

Corporate Raiders

Mattie (after Harm asks about the boy she likes): "Great, now I have two fathers with loaded shotguns."

Harm: "Actually, mine's a 9 millimeter, Navy issue... more accurate."

Retrial

(Petty Officer Coates walks up as Mac, Sturgis, and Bud are discussing the subject of polygamy.)

Mac: “I suppose you gentlemen would like to bring harems back.”

Sturgis: “Works for me.”

Bud: “Hey, it makes sense; you’ve got one wife to do the housework, another to raise the kids, another to go out and have a career. Perfect division of labor.”

Petty Officer Coates: “You know what makes perfect sense to me? A bullpen.” (Mac glances at her.) “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. Excuse -”

Mac: “No, wait… a bullpen?”

Petty Officer Coates: “Yeah. You know, a fold of husbands. One to open the pickle jar, another to, uh… what else… what else do they do?”

(Mac shrugs.)

A Whole New Ballgame

Mac (to Bud): "Hey, anything from the SecNav's office on who the new JAG is going to be? It's been months since Admiral Chegwidden retired."

Bud: "No, ma'am. And you know what they say: no news IS good news."

Harm (walking up): "Except in this case, I think ANY news would be good news, considering the temp they've saddled us with."

Mac: "Any chance you and Turner might bury the hatchet?"

Harm: "I can think of a few places I'd like to bury the hatchet!"

~

Harm: "I just spoke to Bud. Selection board's filed their report. It's official: Colonel Cresswell's now the new JAG." (pause) "So... you want to tell me what the problem with this guy is, or...?"

Mac: "Not really. But, you're not going to let it go." (She gives him a small smile.) "Cresswell was the staff judge advocate in Okinawa when I first got there. He knew all about my affair with John Farrow; he even made sure Farrow got his letter of reprimand. If I hadn't already gotten my rotation orders, he probably would've recommended disciplinary action against me, too."

Harm: "That's a long time ago, Mac."

Mac: "Marines have a long memory, Harm. He could make my life h***. He could transfer me to some other billet... separate us..." (She drops her gaze to the floor.)

Harm: "Mac... you've change a lot since Okinawa. Maybe he has, too. Give him a chance."

The Four Percent Solution

Dr. McCool: “Do you tend to be attracted to the wrong man?”

Mac: “My history certainly bears it out.”

Dr. McCool: “Did someone tell you that?”

Mac: “Harm is a big proponent of this theory.”

Dr. McCool: "I'm getting familiar with that name."

Mac: “It’s hard to have a conversation about my life without talking about him.”

Dr. McCool: “Are the two of you involved?”

Mac: “In ways you can’t imagine."

~

Mac (about Harm): "He’s my closest friend."

~

Dr. McCool: “Do you believe he (Harm) will ever abandon you?”

Mac: “No.”

~

Mac (to Dr. McCool): “There’s an attorney I work with… his wife used to run the office. They have two children, and she’s pregnant with twins. She just left JAG to become a full-time mom, and I thought she was having misgivings about putting off her career. So, I visited her and I asked her about it. She admitted that she missed her job, but it couldn’t hold a candle to having a child. She said that being pregnant was a spiritual experience, like collaborating with God. And then, she showed me a picture of her latest ultrasound; I had never seen one before.” (She pauses.) “The fetuses were positioned in a way that looked like they were praying.” (She gazes out the window.) “Took my breath away.”

~

Mac: “I’ve been pushing you away.”

Harm: “Yeah, you have.”

Mac (turning to face him): “I’m sorry.”

Harm: “It’s OK. You had to figure some things out. I understand.” (He pauses to move forward in his chair and to take her hand.) “Look, Mac… nothing’s changed; I’m still here. Let’s just enjoy the good news. Be happy; you’re alive!”

Mac: “You know what makes the news better? We BOTH are.”

(Harm returns her smile, squeezing her hand.)

Automatic for the People

Harm: “I’ve never had much luck with blondes.”

Megan: “Oh, yeah? Your girl have dark hair?”

Harm: “Well, she’s not my girl – yet. But, yeah, she’s a brunette.”

The Sixth Juror

Harm (on the phone with Bud): “It’s about 80, slight breeze off the ocean, fluffy white clouds, azure blue sky…”

Bud: “Pretty much the same here, sir.” (He looks out the window at the falling snow.) “Except for the breeze… temperature… clouds… and the sky.”

~

Cresswell: “The Captain just faxed this report over: ‘Petty Officer Coates violated basic principles of juror conduct. However, I tribute her actions to a desire to achieve justice in a complex and novel situation. Her motives were innocent, although her methods were quite unorthodox.’” (He looks up at Harm, Mac, and Coates.) “‘Unorthodox’ is a word that seems to crop up quite a lot around here.”

Harm: “I’ve heard it a few times, sir.”

Cresswell: “Well, I can live with unorthodox, as long as it gets the job done… this time.”

(Coates, Harm, and Mac exchange glances.)

Fit for Duty

Cresswell (to Harm and Mac): “You two are to conduct a JAGman investigation to determine whether there’s any culpability on the part of Commander Merritt (a psychiatrist). All the pertinent parties have been flown in from Afghanistan.”

Mac: “Sir, this is a little outside our field of expertise.”

Cresswell: “Oh, I disagree, Colonel. This place is as close to an asylum as I’ve ever been.”

(Harm and Mac exchange looks.)

Bridging the Gulf

Suhaib: “Tribal values are deeply engrained. Transgressions cannot go unanswered.”

Mac: “Yet forgiveness is the noblest revenge.”

Suhaib: “It’s a woman’s argument.”

Mac: “Yet simple enough that even a man can grasp.”

Straits of Malacca

Mac: “Vukovic is inexperienced, he’s borderline insubordinate, and careless with the truth.”

Cresswell: “All he needs is direction and discipline.”

Mac: “Why not give him to Commander Rabb?”

Cresswell: “They’re too much alike. Besides, I’d rather have him study under a Marine than a Naval officer.”

Mac: “So I get stuck with him… sir.”

Cresswell: “Consider it a vote of confidence.”

Mac (to his retreating back): “General, I consider it more like a plague of locusts!” (She sighs, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling.)

JAG: San Diego

(Mattie has been severely injured in a plane accident. She’s unconscious, in a coma. Harm sits down next to her hospital bed and, gazing at her still form, he begins to talk to her.)

Harm: “Hey, Mattie. You’re going to be OK. You’re going to be out of here in a couple of days. In fact, you’ve GOT to get better, you know? I mean, we’ve got plans, remember? We’re going to sail the Mediterranean, ski to Aspen, Fly Mount McKinley.” (His eyes begin to fill with tears.) “There’s so much you’ve got to do… go to college… fall in love… have babies…” (He takes her hand.) “… live.”