Dinner at the MacWilliams
Over the years the dichotomy of the MacWilliams dinner table has changed greatly over the years. Overall we’ve gotten healthier eating habits and better table manners. After losing our biggest meat eaters to divorce and college, my mother and I alone together began eating less and less meat and more and more vegetables. I cut out beef in 2001 and in the New Year of 2002 I cut out meat all together. Vegetable lasagna, vegetable pasta, vegetable fajitas, and veggie burgers replaced normal American eating choices. Dessert used to be the fatty late night treat, ice cream, chocolate sheet cake and pudding were some of my favorites, those are all a thing of the past, no more cakes, cookies, brownies, or ice cream. New desserts are fresh fruit, Jell-O, and the occasional pound cake. Even fluids have changed whole milk went low-fat then recently into skim, Pepsi has gone diet, then one, then none.
Meals
London broil- For the longest time I was never a big supporter of red meat, but was peer pressured into it by my other male cohorts. It was usually thick and heavy, leaving you gorged after the meal which is one of my least favorite sensations now.
Macaroni and cheese- My mom loves the real home-made stuff, but the bread crumbs on top always very much annoyed me, so we changed to the only thing since Kraft. The blue box was enough to satisfy both my brother and I, now it seems like it has way too much fat.
Pancakes- My dad for dinner some nights would make the biggest pancakes you’ve ever seen, he would put special ingredients in them so that you could never finish one pancake, to this day I have never seen a whole Glen MacWilliams pancake eaten.
It was the night before and I knew what had to be done, my mom doesn’t really like making me dinner anymore because I’m such a picky eater, but tonight I know what’s on the menu. Eggs and toast, pre-race meal of champions, my mom actually isn’t even home tonight she’s vacationing in New Hampshire, but it’s 7 o’clock on December 19th, 2003 and I have made the resolve to do the unthinkable, what few average men have done before break the 5 minute mile. My first indoor track meet is tommorow and so is my birthday and there is nothing I would rather give myself then the satisfaction of a personal victory. After a cheese and green pepper omelette I resolve to run a few miles, then situps and pushups then sleep. The next day because of my pre-race rituals and meal I do the un-expected and win my heat of the mile running a 4:57.
Ding dong, whose at the door. I trudge upstairs and my mom is there:
“I invited some people over for dinner tonight.”
“Alright I’ll be in my room then mom have fun with your dinner party.”
She opens the door and I can hear the high pitched upscale accent.
“Good evening Denise how are you doing?”
It’s my boss from my restaurant job Marty O’Brien.
And my worst nightmare has come true, my mom is dating him!!!
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to have dinner with you and your mother.”
“Oh no you’re not get out of this house right now and I never want to see your face around here again.”
I slam the door and walk down into my room. Hours later I walk up to get some Gatorade out of the fridge and there he is.
“Oh, Hi Bryan are you hungry.”
He’s sitting holding my mothers hand. The only thing I can think to say is:
“Aren’t you gay?”
“Well, I used to be…”
This has got to be the worst dinner ever in my entire life.
