III

Once upon a time Asher had been an angel...One of a pair of seductive, beautiful angels of death. They killed with a kiss, extinguished the fragile flames of life with love and unearthly pleasure.

Asher had been...exquisite. He winked they fell, he called and they gave their lives, willingly, freely...because he wanted it so.

The most precious gems in her necklace...Belle Morte's pride: Asher and Jean-Claude. Light to darkness, darkness to light...Together they had ruled them all. Counted ruby red stains as diamonds, given it all up to her; their goddess. Blood was life. Life was love. Love was sex.

He had peeled the stockings off countless female legs, bitten into soft, white flesh. Killed them while they rode the waves of their pleasure.

So many boys beneath him; rosy red cheeks and parted lips glistening with moisture, panting his name before the red wave hit them; swallowed it all and erased the fire. No life left, just flesh. They drank them all down. Life for love...

It had been what his world had been about: Beauty, seduction...red diamond love. He had lost it all under holy liquid and cruel men's hands. Lost it all, for the love of a woman and a black haired prince. He would never be that angel again. Never become the worshipped creature of lust and love and beauty, for he was gone, melted like wax. Now all he was, was a shadow.

There had been rage; centuries of them. Lust for revenge had been his only fuel as his beloved Goddess and all close to her had turned their faces from him in disgust. His twin had become his murderer and he was set to kill him...

Then dawn in the pitch black night; Jean-Claude had taken him in. He had his friend by his side again and a worthy existence, yet not...For he still had no love and the power and respect he earned at this court was not the kind he was used at. He had ruled the flesh and pleasure. Now all he got was force and cleverness. Enough but not the same...

Tamlin kissed his scars...stirred those dark waters of what he had been. Summoned the fire he'd sworn was buried deep under dry sand to never be found again...

If he had been as before Tamlin would have eaten from his hand by now. The power he possessed would have been tamed and controlled. He would have been in his bed in this very moment; patiently waiting for Asher's love to be bestowed upon him...and Asher would have loved him...yes he would...

Alas, that world was gone. What he had left; a sort of nothingness. He couldn't be what he was created to be, so he'd become something else...and lover was not it.

He was set to be Tamlin's watcher but did a lousy job, as he was more concerned about avoiding him. And he thought too much about him too...Asher was a mess, which he willingly admitted to himself, if not to anyone else.

If he hadn't known better he'd say he was in love...Tamlin's fair features were there, swaying before his inner eye every time he let down his guard. The thought brought a chuckle to his lips there he lay on his white sofa resting in a nest of blue and white pillows. He'd had the ceiling painted a deep, dark blue scattered with golden stars. It was meant to be his and Jean-Claude's colors, now however, he saw that the blue was more Tamlin's color than Jean-Claude's...The shadows from the lit wax candles melted with the darkness of the ceiling. Asher wanted to be there too, absorbed by darkness...

He could remember the last time he'd been in love. Jean-Claude and Juliana, the one could not be separated from the other. The two of them had been his life...Now one was lost and the other...No, he was lost too. It had been so long since he'd taken that wild ride; stolen a chunk of pure joy from life. That surging feel of love. Lust...desire. And now, to lose his head over a blue haired brat with silver eyes...

He had somehow managed to fall into his trap. Thought about him...always...Tried to figure him out. The younger vampire had been aroused and ready for him. Twice now, had he molded himself after Asher's touch, like a hungry cat begging for cream...Asher could not figure why it had happened the last time. He already had Jean-Claude's attention, so it was not it...Maybe it was his personal peculiarity then, he mused. To sleep with the scarred ones; marred features could be a little fetish of his. Asher had seen worse, of course, he had lived most of his vampire life at Belle Morte's court and had seen much even after that. He didn't find it the least shocking that some nurtured such desires, but he, Asher, was not going to be someone's special toy..No matter how much he wanted to bed him, take the offer and give in to Tamlin...It would have been so easy, just...let him have what he wanted...

Of course, it would not happen. As much as he found the strange grey gaze and the pearly body a tempting treat he would not give himself up like that. Expose himself to ridicule and humiliation. Maybe, he thought, he would be some kind of trophy to the other. A gold rimmed notch on his bed post; another, older, master at his body's mercy...Maybe he thought he could share in Asher's power by making him insanely in love with him. Maybe he hadn't truly wanted him at all but could make his member harden at will. The possibilities were many. Asher hated them all.

Asher hated Tamlin for making him yearn so.

Asher hated himself...

He avoided Tamlin at all cost.

Avoiding him did not prevent him from picking up a few this and that from the grapevine however. His and Jean-Claude's people were of course set to alert their masters if anything particularly peculiar should happen but the agents were silent so Asher wasn't too concerned. He soon understood however, from the gossip, that Tamlin was seen as quite a dashing vampire prince, always surrounded by luscious treats in the form of young, human boys. They adored him, they said. Almost like he had a court of his own, populated by pretty males that kept each other in shape...

A harem, Asher frowned and felt a devastating stab of jealousy. It did not pose a threat to Jean-Claude though, so he did nothing. He waited, tried to watch and figure him out from a distance.

He had met him the same night however, by chance on one of the stairs, which was why he lay there now; grieving among the pillows.

Cold, polished stone had he been, black stone. No light under the surface. Polite and correct, nothing more. Asher had been on his way up, Tamlin on his way down. He had stopped and bowed briefly.

"Asher." That was all, before he had hasted past him and down the stairs.

A week and a half now since their battle in the corridor by Tamlin's door and he still thought so much about him it stung that the other hadn't given any sign of...anything! Which was good! Asher wanted this horrifying affair to end, still it angered and hurt him never the less that the younger vampire had been so indifferent...Not that it had been any better if he had touched him...approached him...said something tempting and cruel... but... the emptiness of that gaze had been a stab to the heart he claimed not to have anyway.

Ah! He was a sad case, he sighed deeply on the sofa. The nights that passed between the battle and present had mellowed him too, he realized. The yearning grew stronger, the anger less cold. The pain however, the pain that it could not be, was not real, did not melt or become less harsh. He was who he was and could not change that. Doomed to be alone. Doomed to live without love...

He lifted his hand and traced the scarred side of his face. The fault was his own, he mused. For being so weak. Give in to the spark in his heart. The pain was born of him alone. He had allowed Tamlin to touch him so deeply; disturb him and throw him off his guard. He should have known better. Should have fought harder to battle it down...

He recalled the face on the stairs; cold winter night, stern grey, a drape of blue surrounding his features. He'd looked so beautiful and evil in that brief little moment...Set Asher's soul on fire, once again...Poured the holy water, filled the chalice with bitter herbs...made him walk that long, dark path of hate and self-loathing, self-disgust, again.

Asher sighed and lay his palm flatly above his heart, in a low voice he spoke out in the room. "Be still my heart...and speak no more!" But it was too late and he knew it...and nothing but pain could follow.

*

Two nights later he was summoned to Jean-Claude's chambers. There was nothing peculiar in that, he was summoned there almost every night. This time however he froze at the threshold by the sight of the blue hair, hanging over the white velvet of Jean-Claude's chair.

Tamlin was there...now what? Was he to be scolded like a child for not looking after him? Had he been up to something no good, and Asher hadn't been there to notice? He sighed inwardly and entered the room on silent feet. Jean-Claude sensed his presence immediately, of course. He looked up from Tamlin's face and gave him a grateful smile...No scolding then, Asher figured and cautiously moved closer to the glass table.

"Asher," Jean-Claude beamed. "Thank you for coming, mon ami...Have a seat," he motioned with his hand. The perfect host, as always.

Asher bowed slightly to him and sat down in the other chair, the one that was not full of lovely, long. lean stripper. With caution and and another stab at his heart he lifted his gaze to meet Tamlin's: Grey, peculiar. Twinkling. A determination in there now. At least it wasn't indifference...

Tamlin said nothing but broke off the gaze to look over Asher's shoulder, Asher knew what he was looking at: The picture above the fireplace: Him, Jean-Claude and Juliana. Beautiful all. Was he comparing, he wondered. Did he grieve his beauty or applaud its fall?

"Tamlin, " Jean-Claude called him back from his thoughts, "Has made me an offer I can't refuse with a light heart," he grinned slightly. "It involves you," he said and looked at Asher. "So I thought you should be here..." His eyes glittered almost indigo in the flickering candle light. There was something strange in his gaze, something Asher couldn't quite place...

Asher gave Tamlin a quick glance, wondered what he was up to, but was scared from further explorations of his expression by a blaze of silver grey. Power. Demand. It frightened him somehow...

"As you know we have this upcoming visit from our dearest friend and ally, Dereka, to attend to," Jean-Claude continued with amused irony dripping from each word. Dereka, who was a cunning mistress and could rival Jean-Claude in most things, was just biding her time to break their fragile peace and unleash her countless evils on St.Louis as soon as she figured Jean-Claude weak enough. So far it hadn't happened, but it was bound to, sooner or later as Jean-Claude's power was not her kind of power and she counted people and force, not money and ambitions as values.The executioner had kept her at bay so far, but both Asher and Jean-Claude doubted it would hold much longer. Her frequent visits had only one purpose; to measure Jean-Claude and his weaknesses, all disguised as friendliness, of course.

"Yes..." Asher urged his friend on with an nod. Unconsciously lifting his hand to his head, hiding his scarred face from Tamlin's view.

"Tamlin is in no way obliged to but has offered to attend as a part of my court."

Asher felt stunned. It would be a major contribution: Another master, although yet weak was the sort of things that would scare Dereka off, keep her searching for that 'it' she assumed Jean-Claude had to have to keep other powerful creatures at his court. The story of him and Jean-Claude was well known...but another young budding master freely offering his power to Jean-Claude...It could mean peace for yet another decade...
Spontaneously he turned to Tamlin.

"That is very generous of you," he stated with amazement in his voice. "What is it that you want in return?" he asked. Of course it was *something*, some flip side of the coin. Vampires did nothing for free, so was their unwritten rule.

"You," Tamlin smiled calmly in return and startled Asher into immediate silence and confusion.

"Jean-Claude?" He turned his gaze to his friend, sought reassurance, help...

"He wants to pose as you lover at the banquet," Jean-Claude said flatly. Gave nothing away, just sat there with his serene expression and did nothing to help at all.

"Why?" Asher burst out. His gaze still fixed on Jean-Claude, refusing to look at Tamlin. Jean-Claude however pointed casually at the other, steered him in the blue-haired's direction for answers. He turned his head and gathered strength as he did.
"Why?" he repeated and forced himself to meet Tamlin's gaze.

"I have my reasons," The younger vampire said cryptically. "But I wish you no harm," he assured him. He looked at Jean-Claude across the table. "I'll bring him back in one piece, don't you worry..." he grinned playfully.

"That is the most childish, useless demand I've ever heard," Asher leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs in front of him. "Why would you want that?...And what exactly does 'pose as your lover' mean?" The anger made him a lot bolder and he stared at Tamlin with undisguised rage. Yet another game he thought. What was it that this master-child wanted?

Tamlin looked back at him, draped over the chair with his casual elegance. He didn't look frightened. As usual he looked rather amused.

"Consider it a date if you like," he raised his eyebrow playfully. "I want to go with you, come with you and sit by you at the table...I want to be with you and be free to behave like a lover in front of the guests...And I will leave the banquet hall by your side. Then...your obligations ends," he stated calmly.

"At least he isn't asking for the whole night..." Jean-Claude's voice sounded dryly behind him and Asher shot his dear friend a rather icy stare.

"It is up to you," Tamlin continued. "Of course my presence could help you get rid of Dereka the Wild for the time being..." he reminded them. "But as the child that I am, according to the two of you, I will demand my treat: Asher or nothing," he grinned.

Asher's mind was a riot. Of course it would be utter silliness to let go of a chance like that, politically speaking, but what was it Tamlin wanted with him? Was he walking right into a trap?

"Mon ami?" Jean-Claude's soft voice called him."What do you think?" he asked gently. "Can you be his lover for one night?" For me, the unspoken bond between them continued... demanded... Can you do this little favor, for me....? Invoking those promises of 'everything for you' again. Pulling the strings of his heart.

"Yes," it came out stiffly. but he didn't have much choice did he? It was a huge thing that Tamlin offered. His own personal hell was no part of it. Jean-Claude and his power...that was what it was about....and Asher obliged.

"Thank you," gratefulness in the midnight gaze. A satisfied smile on Tamlin's rosy lips. He had made them happy hadn't he? So was there some use in his poor existence...

Tamlin rose from the chair; a fluid, graceful motion, he bowed for the both of them.

"Consider it ...a date," he grinned at Asher. "And I won't disgrace your court," he added to Jean-Claude. Then he turned and left, without another word.

*

Jean-Claude sank down in the white and black pillows surrounding him on the couch and chuckled.

"What was that?" he uttered with astonishment in his voice, his eyes were glittering with curiosity.

"I don't know," Asher replied quickly; his insides a stormy sea of questions and possibilities. "I seem to be our new houseguest's favorite target," he added a little bitterly. "And you, my friend, seem awfully ready to offer me up!" he scolded Jean-Claude lightly.

"Ah!" Jean-Claude's index came to rest on Asher's wrist, stroking it slowly. "If he had wanted more...non. But if you stay within my sight...he can have you for one night," he said, a feral smile on his lips. "Do you have any idea what he wants?" His gaze met Asher's questioningly.

"Ah...the wicked scheme? No, I don't...although I would surely like to know..."

"He has taken a liking in you," Jean-Claude said low and sincere. "I can sense that this isn't the first time...he has expressed it..."

"How can you tell?" Asher's voice was strained and a little alert.

"The tilt of your neck, the way you avoid his gaze...not like you...Something must have happened," his finger still stroke Asher's hand rhythmically.

Asher took a deep breath, it was confession time. "I kissed him," he said. "It was my fault...or so I thought...I was easy to move, such a pawn..." he sighed.

"But dear Asher," Jean-Claude stretched out on the couch, still with Asher's hand in his. "Kissing beautiful males used to be your profession...nothing to be so upset about," he said calmly.

"He is most persistent," Asher tried to explain.

"Well, they all were..." Jean-Claude interrupted. "You could always handle it just fine," he smiled and lifted Asher's hand to his lips, pressed a chaste kiss to his palm.

"Tamlin doesn't want me," Asher said softly. "Look at me Jean-Claude, I am not as before...Do not treat me as if I was," he added quickly and tried to remove his hand from his friend's hold.

"Non," Jean-Claude held on to it tightly, turned his head to meet Asher's gaze steadily. "You are not what you were and you think I somehow condemn you for that, it's not true, Asher...I just wish you would let go of Belle Morte's hold...Remember she fed you lies of betrayal, all so you would get to me...give her revenge! She threw you away from her bed for being scarred...don't you think that could be an equal lie? It is you who believes in her judgment of you...not I...not Anita...and maybe not Tamlin either," he stated.

"What do you mean?" Asher's nostrils flared with anger...and fright. He never liked it much when his wounds were touched by others, even when that other was Jean-Claude.

"I'm just saying that maybe he wants you," Jean-Claude stated. "Maybe you enflamed him with that kiss and now he wants to taste some more...*I* can see that happening. You are the only that can't...all you can see are those scars," his voice had dropped and turned utterly sad.

"How can you blame me?" Asher's voice shook. "You still have your beauty...your power...intact. Tamlin...is not to be trusted." He suddenly broke off. Choked by emotions of sadness and rage. Yet he let Jean-Claude keep his hand.

"Non," Jean-Claude agreed. "We can not trust him...yet I cannot see any plan in this...no scheme. It is just as before: Asher looks at a boy and he falls head over heels. I can only imagine the reaction if you kissed him..."

"Yet," Asher said patiently, the rage suddenly gone, as was the sadness. Only the great tiredness was left. "It is not...as before Jean-Claude...I will keep my part of the bargain but do not expect me to take a lover to lessen your guilt. It will not happen, Jean-Claude... It's a part of a scheme, a game he is playing..."

"Asher," Jean-Claude rolled over to his stomach. Still with Asher's one hand in his he reached over and touched his cheek with the other. "I still want you, you know that..." His voice was pure velvet and fur.

"Not enough," Asher stated with a sad smile and removed the pale hand from his cheek, put it back on the couch, Jean-Claude didn't protest.

"Not nearly enough," Asher sighed and rose from his chair. "But I forgive you," he smiled slightly and bowed to his friend, walked silently out of the door. Only then did he fall apart. Only then did he allow himself to feel.


Next

Back