VI

He felt numb and had nobody to blame. It was a bitter pill but it had been his choice and he had to live with it. The decision was maybe not right, but he had chosen it from cruel experience...

Tamlin had been gone when he returned to his room, only the stains on his sheets had proven he'd been there in the first place: And the scent of arousal and blood from his feeding; a few long strands of blue on his pillow - that was all.

His bed felt empty and cold. Never before had he welcomed the dead nothingness of dawn like now. Walking like an alien in his own life, seeing them all but not reaching them because a black void had opened up inside and swallowed all emotions whole.

He had fallen in love with him...broken rule number one.

The memories of their night together was still too fresh to be fully consumed: Understood with his mind...He couldn't completely comprehend the fact that he, Asher, had experienced this night of wild passion with the one his heart desired.
Couldn't fully comprehend the fact he'd let him go...No, worse...he'd chased him off like a whore.

He was very aware of that fact and it grieved him. Pained him and stung. In his attempt to protect himself from harm he had treated his boy with less than respect. In his haste not to face him he had treated him like disposable filth...If it had ever been a chance for the two of them he knew it was gone now...

He was afraid, yes...but the fear had brought him too far. His mind had also conjured up another thought of torment: Dereka had not sensed that Tamlin lied at the banquet - so he had most likely not done that. When he said his heart was chained and he would gladly offer his assistance to Jean-Claude there was probably more truth than lies to those statements... Only Asher had been too blinded to see it.

Too afraid...It dawned on him, his fear could very well be what crippled him the most... Yet he dared not hope, not now, not ever...Tamlin was probably lost and if he let that thought sink in, that there had been a hope and he had crushed it with his fear and anger...Asher's peace would forever be gone.

Other times, he looked in the mirror and shrugged of the dream of hope...he was still ugly and ruined. He had done the right thing after all... Torn, like his features, his feelings, his mind...

One night went by, two and three...Asher stayed in his chambers. Didn't even visit Jean-Claude like he used to. He only ventured out on the flat roof of the building from time to time to look at the stars and not think. It was there he found him, on the third night:

"So...How long is it going to be this time, 'lover', before you come chasing me like a dog in heat?!" he snarled to Asher's back. Asher didn't turn around, he didn't dare to. "Don't worry," Tamlin's voice continued. " I will save you the effort. I'm leaving tomorrow night..."

"Why?" Asher's lips were dry and cracked, his voice breathless, as if he was alive.

"...That was my option wasn't it?" Tamlin's voice was ironical. "Stay at the Circus, be tried or go away...You told me yourself...I may not be fully a master yet, but I will not stay and be treated like a slut. I've had enough of that, before..."

"Haven't we all...?" Asher thought of Belle Morte's court.

"Is that all you have to say to me, Asher?" Tamlin's voice was pained.

Asher didn't reply. He couldn't bring all those word tumbling around in his mind over his lips.

"Very well then," Tamlin spoke. "I'll be at your disposal tonight if you wish to," his voice sounded strained but calm. "And then I'll leave the next night."

The offer stung in Asher's chest, he didn't deserve it...not at all. The thought of trap fluttered through his mind again but he mentally batted it away. Was too tired...and maybe, he began to realize, it was this option of betrayal and schemes that was a lie...

"Where are you going, Tamlin?" He asked him.

"Away," he replied a little bitterly.

"I am sorry it had to end this way..."

"What other options did you give me?"

Asher fell silent for a while, felt the radiating power from the other coil around his spine. He drew a deep breath:

"It is not right, to play with a man with scars..."

"Scars? Yes, I am well aware of your ties to Jean-Claude..." Jealousy's green-eyed beast seeped through in the lean vampire's voice.

"*My* scars," Asher interrupted. "The ones I carry on me, not inside..."

"Your scars? What about them?" Tamlin asked confused.

"Why did you never mention them?"

"Mention them? Why? Well, they're *there*..."

"Nobody," Asher's voice rose in anger. "Wants a body like mine!" He clenched his fists by his sides. "Not in love," he added, "or pleasure..."

Tamlin was silent for a while, then he gave a low chuckle.

"Your scars, Asher...?" He sounded both tired and amazed. His voice was low and dark, the words came slowly and the bitterness increased by every word: "All this time I thought it was Jean-Claude that kept you away from me...and now you tell me it was your stupid scars..." Tamlin sighed and fell silent again. When he finally spoke his voice was harsh and bitter: "If you had any idea how you've drained me...sucked the building power from my core...I wanted you before I even saw you," he was whispering now, intense and sad. "Even since I danced in the rays of your power that first night, when we kissed...Scars!" he spat."Why should I care about you scars?!"

Asher hardly recognized the bitter laugh as his own;

"I'm ugly, ruined ...a disgrace to my kind. I taint my line with my disgusting features, marred and scarred...nothing...but a joke..." He recited from memory while his mind was occupied tasting the other's words about how he had danced for him that night...

Tamlin sighed again. "I am not of your line," he said. "My eyes are just a tool...I *taste* people... like flavor and texture on my tongue. But let me tell you this Asher, you would have been beautiful to me even if I hadn't...it's your eyes: Like glowing pieces of precious stone, they are...I can not take my eyes of you...And to think it was the scars..." He gave a bitter, little laugh again. "I am sorry Asher," he said in mock amusement. "I can not take more of this...I thought I was fighting your memory of a love...But this battle, this one, I won't take. Not even for you..." He stood still for a while. "Won't you even look at me, Asher?"

When he didn't react the dark voice sounded again.

"Farewell then, Master. May the world be kinder to you than you are to yourself,"
and he added in a tired voice: "The offer about tonight still stands...if you think you can bring yourself to receive some pleasure..."

It was silence, and the empty feeling made Asher understand he was alone once more. Vampires didn't cry, yet the salty fluid on his cheeks reminded him of tears. Just a draft of wind from the ocean, he figured and wiped the moisture away.

He left the roof with heavy steps, as if all his years finally came crashing down on him. As he descended the stairs he wondered if he hadn't been better off dropping himself on something sharp and pointy...

*

The two brown-haired boys lay on the purple bed spread with their heads pressed to each other's crotches, their slim bodies moved rhythmically. Asher caught a glimpse of an erection sliding into a mouth. Their naked flesh tempted him, to drink, not to indulge. Several dark red marks on the boys' necks however, told him he had stumbled upon Tamlin's pommes de sang.

The vampire himself sat in a stuffed chair drinking wine and watching them. He was dressed in old-casual tonight: Black tights, a ruffled shirt with and dark purple vest with silvery buttons. Quite a sight, as always: His eyes were dark and unfocused though as he watched the boys play on his bed. His onyx ring gleamed in the candle light as he lifted the glass to his mouth.

"Tamlin..." Asher's voice was low. So much he had to say, but no...saying his name was hard enough. So much pain, stabbing guilt and anger, directed at himself this time.

The blue-haired slowly turned his head and looked at him. No smile on his lips tonight. No dancing, twinkling gaze.

"Asher," He said calmly. "You came..."

"At last," Asher finished for him. Saw that which was unspoken. Tamlin had expected him, but still, it changed nothing. "Are you sure you want this?" he asked. Asher had no right to deny him. For all his foolishness, if this was what Tamlin wanted, he would have what he wished for.

"Isn't that what you have spent the last month trying to figure out?" Tamlin replied. Still calm and composed. "You have underestimated me, Asher ," His eyes looked like silver again. "I am an old vampire," he said. "And I am usually quite clear on what I want..."

"Very well then," Asher bowed his head. "I am here," he said. Gave himself over, for better or for worse...

Tamlin clapped quickly with his hands a couple of times and the moving mass of limbs on his bed lay still.

"Go outside and play," he bid them. "Go on..." he urged them on and the couple slid off the satin covered bed, naked and aroused...They were indeed very beautiful Asher saw.

"Do you sleep with them?" He asked.

"Not often. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Asher smiled slightly to himself.

"I suppose you want me then...old dog," Tamlin suddenly smiled wickedly and turned to him when the boys had left the chamber.

"If you want *me*," Asher replied calmly but with a slight shiver in his voice. He scolded himself for still not trusting this...him. He would beat it down he swore. He would *not* think beyond this point; let the moment be the only thing that mattered.

If he was a fool then...let it be so.

Tamlin rose from the chair and put his glass down. He closed the distance between them with a couple of graceful steps. He tilted his head and caught Asher's lips while he slid his arms over his shoulders; hands moving smoothly on smooth velvet. It was a sweet kiss, soft lips touching, nothing more than that:

"This time," Tamlin purred when their lips had parted again: "I want to be the master..."

Asher smiled. The kiss had melted him: Made the blood run more freely in his body, breathe life into the embers of lust, love and emotions. He had been ready for it though, there was no magic in it...As if his body had waited to be triggered by Tamlin.

"So...how do you want me, master?" He felt somewhat humbled that the other still accepted him. That he would spend this last night with him despite it all...

And if he tricks you? The voices began again.

Then so be it, he replied boldly. Everything to erase this heartache, pain and humiliation, at least he would be able to live on within this disgusting shell of a body if he knew he had given his heart a chance...A last burst of flames, The real Asher's final conquest...

It was the most surprising of it all...That he still was in there, able to nurture new love, give his body over in pleasure...he had thought his former dashing self dead and gone forever, but no...He still lived, had just been sleeping.

"Come with me and I'll show you," the pressure of Tamlin's fingers around his own as he slowly lead him across the floor towards the giant bed of dark brown wood sent pleasurable shivers down his spine. There was no other hand he'd rather be held by. God, he was in love with this creature of a man, every cream colored curve, every mood-change, every snarky remark...

If nothing else this love deserved to be expressed. Even if it was torn apart and ruined later. Even if Tamlin should spit at him and call him foolish to believe...The love itself was pure enough to deserve to be let loose; gifted to the other...accepted or not...

Tamlin pulled the wrinkled purple cover off the bed and revealed white linens underneath. He gave Asher another silken kiss and proceeded to motion for him to sit down by a light pressure on his hips.

Asher did as he was told, sank down on the mattress without protest. He was at Tamlin's mercy tonight, only this time he didn't want it any other way...

If Tamlin was real he deserved every bit of apology could give...His blood and heart on a platter if needed be. He was ready to make his amends...

Tamlin sank down on top of him, pushed Asher's robe aside and straddled his thighs. A little transparent crystal stone twinkled in the younger vampire's ear and Asher caught it in between his fingers while they kissed. Blue-black hair slid over his hand, felt familiar and exciting all at once.

If Tamlin wanted kisses he could have as many as he wished...

Tamlin's hands slid over the blue silk of Asher's shirt, caught his healthy nipple through the fabric and squeezed it lightly. It did indeed seem like his intent was to bed him; not stake him through the heart, Asher thought and allowed himself to give a little, relieved sigh into the kiss.

The robes were pushed completely off his shoulders now and Asher's hands moved up and down Tamlin's back while the younger one began working on the buttons of his shirt. When Asher's chest was freed from the fabric Tamlin placed his palm over Asher's heart.

"So much darkness in there," he said and met Asher's gaze. "Shadows...pain..."

"I have given equal amounts," Asher admitted. "You are free to take it and do with it what you want..."

The lean vampire sniggered. "Oh but I will," he said teasingly. "You are at my mercy now, Master Asher."

The grey gaze was lit up again by that inner flame. It made Asher feel good to see it, it was how Tamlin should be: Arrogant and teasing, not dark and bitter.
He savored the feel of the other's weight on top of him; the closeness of the body...welcomed the desire...

Of course he wanted to be close to him. As close as he could get. As close as the other would allow him to be...If Tamlin desired to have him in his bed, that was where he would be. Thankfully for every moment of intimacy, every second the blue-haired allowed him to see him. look at him. His face...His eyes, the dark pair of glittering crystals matching the one on his ear lobe, only more beautiful...

He sighed again when Tamlin gently pushed him backwards. down onto the white linens. Watched as he slowly and carefully unbuttoned and removed his vest, began working on his shirt. Pale fingers disappeared between laces and layers of fine spun fabric to catch tiny buttons and loosen the piece of clothing from the marble, hard chest.

Pink nipples and almost invisible blue veins appeared before him and Asher's breath caught in his throat. Silent and non-breathing he kept watching, while the ache inside his tight leggings grew stronger and more insistent. Created a visible bulge, right in front of Tamlin's crotch.The other saw it and gave it a brief stroke before leaning down to press another kiss to Asher's lips. Asher caught his hair in his hands, kept him there, just for a moment, close...before letting him go and giving him his freedom back.

Asher was not the master tonight...

Tamlin rose on top of him again and took Asher's hands in his and placed them on his chest, motioned for Asher to touch him. Asher did; he stroke and caressed the firm planes, tweaked his nipples slightly. All the time with parted lips and and a gaze that never left Tamlin's face.

His hands drifted down to the smooth belly and narrow waist as well, gently caressing the pale flesh. When Tamlin's hands quickly opened his belt and lifted out the aching column of erect flesh he didn't flinch but hissed from the sensation of being back in Tamlin's gentle grasp. Tamlin's lips were parted too, he watched Asher's face while slowly milking beads of liquid out of the tip of the cock in his hand.

"All mine tonight," Tamlin's gaze was daring.

"All yours," Asher mouthed and closed his eyes briefly and hissed again when the Tamlin's hold of him suddenly grew stronger and the vampire began stroking him in earnest: Threw him into a fast paced ride that made his body jerk on the mattress and a moan to rip from his throat.

"I'd say you want me," Tamlin teased calmly and sent his hair rippling down his back with a quick motion with his head. The little crystal dangled and danced happily from his ear.

"I want you." So much surrender in those words. A confirmation earned through pain and denial. At his mercy now, truly on his knees to be ripped apart and ridiculed or lifted above, it was all up to Tamlin...

The tall vampire seemed fairly content where he was however, smiled satisfied and let his erection go to take hold of the tops of his leggings, used his hold to lift Asher's rear off the mattress for a moment to pull them over his hips. Perfection and melted, ruined surface was revealed, side by side. It made Asher ache but Tamlin's gaze was fastened on his penis and didn't seem to look at his skin at all.

He moved off Asher's body with something resembling regret in his expression and stood on the floor, hovering above him, impressive in his beauty and reeking of power while peeling the black, shiny boots and fabric from Asher's legs.
He smiled a little and took Asher's foot in his palm, lifted it to his lips and pressed a kiss to his toes. It was strangely touching and and made something warm and soft coil out at the pit of Asher's stomach.

He looked utterly sexy when he rolled his own tights down his long, slender legs and pulled off the long, shiny boots. These too had a little heel. Asher found he liked Tamlin's boots.

But most of all he liked him naked....Sliding against Asher's body as he came back to the bed with catlike grace, pressing down on top of him...All that naked flesh and a weeping centre of smooth perfection. Hardness pressing down on his own. Grinding and rubbing. Their cocks crossed each other and caressed roughly under Tamlin's ministrations. It made Asher moan, Tamlin sigh and close his eyes with a blissful expression. Their legs entwined and their lips met again while their cocks wept slick salt on each other. Moist tongues moved against and above, licked and lapped at the other's lips. Tamlin's hair fell down around them like a curtain; coloring Asher's world blue and black...Warm and naughty, as he struggled to embrace as much of the other vampire as he could: Could not get enough of that body...that touch...

Just love me, he thought and closed his eyes. Just...love me...

As if he could hear his thoughts Tamlin's hands slid down his thighs and he arched a little off him to bend his knees and lift his legs a little from the bed. Asher knew what was to come and even if he felt a little awkward he did not protest when Tamlin scooped a little bit of salve from a black, shiny box on the bed stand and pressed his index gently against Asher's entrance. Neither did he flinch when it slid inside. The scent from the slick salve teased in his nostrils: Roses and cinnamon, precious spices.... It had been a long time since he was touched like that...and Tamlin was the master after all...

Even if Tamlin was to spit on him later, he would always have this. He'd made love to him first. Gentle too, considerate...more considerate than he had been to the younger vampire the last time they shared bed.

"Do you like that?" Tamlin breathed.

"I do," Asher smiled. Caught a glimpse of himself in a heavy, framed mirror hanging above bed; shiny eyes: Piercing blue.

Tamlin chuckled and arched up Asher's body to kiss him again, still with his finger slowly moving in and out of him. His erection pressed against Asher's stomach, sticky with pre-cum. He lapped at Tamlin's lips, moaned lowly under his ministrations and ground himself against the lean body on top of him. He was enflamed now. Aroused...Hungry with want again. It was difficult not to lose sight of both fears and reason around Tamlin. He had learned that lesson now and let it all go without struggling.

Tamlin finally moved his hand, stopped teasing the soft kernel of lust inside of him to embrace him, made luscious sounds of pleasure ad he parted Asher's thighs with his knee, crawled over and on top of him to kiss Asher's neck, under the ear lobe, nuzzling in his blonde hair while breathing hot air over his skin. It was not as sensitive as it once had been but Asher appreciated the gesture. He startled though, when Tamlin brushed the fall of blue hair from his neck and offered Asher his creamy skin; the purple vein that crossed it.

"So beautiful," Asher heard him mutter and for some reason it stung almost like physical blow. He was not used at...words of praise like that anymore.

He watched the rhythmical pulsing of the vein and felt the hunger build and grow inside. Feeding was good, sex was amazing; those two together was...more.
Still he hesitated, wondered briefly if this sharing of power was the prize Tamlin had sought all along. There was more promise and trust in this gesture than any other. No roses or diamonds or sweet, passionate words could measure up with what Tamlin had just done by that simple gesture of brushing his hair from his neck, offering Asher his throat.

"Are you sure?" His own voice sounded breathless.

"Yes," It was desire and want in his reply.

Asher gently pressed a kiss to his shoulder, a small token of how grateful he was for the offer. Then he slid his lips up the smooth curve to the slender neck and closed his eyes. Sought with his instincts for the best place to pierce it and finally let his fangs sink in through the hard looking surface.

He was fire and ice, dark rhythms and roaring power. His essence floated freely into Asher and consumed him to such a degree he hardly noticed when Tamlin sunk down between his thighs and penetrated his body with his hard, slick rod. He just noticed it was nice to be filled, like that...

Tamlin groaned loudly and Asher knew that his bite heightened the pleasure. Tamlin was no human and could not be rolled like one but Asher's most intimate kiss could make any sexual being squirm and ache for more...such was the power of his line.

When Tamlin began rocking his hips Asher groaned too, into the neck he was feeding from while jolts of pleasure surged through him and made his spread his legs a little wider; lift his buttocks off the bed to meet his thrust in earnest.

"Please," Tamlin pleaded and Asher knew what he was asking. Caught in this feeling of carelessness and peace, this decision to live in the moment he lifted a hand from Tamlin's back and brushed his own golden waves from his neck, adjusted a bit and offered his soft, healthy side to Tamlin.

The younger vampire did not hesitate but urged on by Asher's hand on his head bent down and penetrated one of Asher's veins with his fangs.

It was complete now, the circle, as the blue-haired dancer drank from Asher's neck. It was a powerful drug that Asher had almost forgotten, to unite the sexual act with the blood of another vampire, and have the force of his mind upon him as well. Opening the door to his own for the other.

Tamlin rolled inside of him; much stronger now that they were connected. Suddenly he realized what the other had spoken of; it felt like as if Tamlin's essence or soul gained shape and flavor that could not be properly described but held similarities to physical shapes and flavors. Tamlin was dark spices and oranges on his tongue. Felt smooth and cold and glazed, like ice. Dark flame of fire in there. Something burned and tainted; dark pulsing blood. Chocolate dipped rose petals, the dark red kind. The vampire was a candle flame; a dark pulsing crystal with a kernel of fire.

He let the other's neck go and gasped for air in a instinctive gesture. His eyes were wide open and his cock flooded their stomachs with semen as the orgasm rippled through him and shook his core.

So powerful the sensations, the memory of the soul that filled him, mingled with...touched, his own.

"Sweetness," he uttered while riding the waves of exquisite relief. Held on to the other's head, Tamlin was still sucking and feeding from his neck while his hips rose and fell between Asher's legs. He held him by the hips with a firm grip and slid his erection in and out of his body, growling softly with pleasure.

Suddenly he too let go of Asher's neck and moaned while arching his neck. His eyes were half-closed and a trickle of blood ran from his lips. Asher cupped his face and licked the crimson liquid from his chin, lapped at his blood smeared lips and tangled his tongue with the iron tasting one in Tamlin's mouth. Held him and kissed him while the orgasm lasted. Stole a few extra moments of bliss while sharing the power of the blood with the other. Tamlin moaned into their kiss and emptied himself inside Asher with a few powerful thrusts, his body shook slightly and his eyes completely shut when he finally fell down on top of the blond, body spent and sated...Their lips parted with a last little lick on Asher's lips, then Tamlin rested.

Asher too lay still. Savored the feel of his lover's body, delved in the last traces of bliss. Orgasmic heaven with this one...

He took Tamlin's pale hand it his, it felt boneless and heavy and Asher smiled a bit: He was tired now, Tamlin. He stifled a chuckle and lifted it to his lips, pressed a soft lingering kiss to his palm.

"Stay," he said simply, and hoped that the word held magic.



Epilogue:

Jean-Claude sat by Asher's table, his gaze was fixed on the deep red rose that stood out like an exclamation mark in the blue and white room. His midnight gaze had something haunted in it. Something that didn't quite match his striking outfit in white and black, the sapphire pin pierced through the white silk scarf around his neck.

Asher watched him silently from the other side of the table, waited for his black-haired visitor to speak:

"I assume I can take the rooms back," he finally said. "They aren't used much are they?"

"Which rooms are you referring to?" Asher replied casually. "Tamlin's?" It was hard to meet Jean-Claude's gaze. Hard to keep it in his...There was hurt in there...Jean-Claude could never conceal such things from him.

"I told you to bed him! Not love him!" Jean-Claude suddenly burst out in a mixture of despair and laughter. The soreness was more apparent now. Closer to the surface. Asher didn't know what to reply. There was guilt in him yes, but anger too...

"Jean-Claude...you have your lovers....I have no place in your life, so how can you blame me?" he asked him in French.

Jean-Claude sighed. "I don't," he said at last. " I just wish it wasn't so..." he trailed off, still avoiding Asher's gaze.

"...You can take your rooms back." Asher said after a pause. There was no anger in his voice, more sadness if anything. "He is staying with me now." Asher finally answered the real question.

"I figured as much," Jean-Claude stared at him for a moment. "So did it finally come to this," he said. "My Asher is gone...he loves another...Not just with his body but with his heart too..."

Asher was to reply but the door to his bed chamber sprang open and Tamlin appeared in the opening with his boys in tow. He had that pink blush in cheeks that usually meant he'd just fed on one or both of them. Asher felt a little sting in his chest by the sight of him; the pink waistcoat and the blue hair. His boys were dressed too for a change, there they walked casually behind him with their arms around each other's waists; short tank tops and faded jeans. Their eyes were glazed, still riding the power of the bite.

Tamlin gave Asher a happy sated smile that stiffened a bit when he saw Jean-Claude, turned into something else, something colder, more alert. He bowed slightly to the other but said nothing, just kissed his pommes de sang good night and shooed them out the door. Then he crossed the floor and picked a glass from a shelf; filled it with wine, rich and spiced.

Asher marveled that the tension level in the room had increased so rapidly. He couldn't quite believe it, still, that all this unspoken tension between the two beautiful master vampires were caused by him, the scarred and useless one...
He watched them in silence, his past and his present. The badly concealed jealousy that flared between them.

"Very well then," Jean-Claude said at last and pressed his fingertips together in front of his chest. "I'll consider the rooms available."

Asher hid a smile, it had to be the first time the Master of the house ever took care of such domestic business himself.

Suddenly the black-haired vampire rose and bowed quickly to the both of them. His back was unusually tense when he walked out of the room without another word.

It stung, of course. It hurt in Asher's chest. To see him like that. To know that he'd hurt him, but the slender arm that coiled around his neck from behind instantly soothed him. Made it all better.

He lay a hand on top of the pink, thick velvet:

"Tamlin," he said simply.

"I am here," the other replied.

The End


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