Rimmer: Lister, have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet?
Rimmer: (Writing in his report book) Right, that's it!
"Lister, D. Third Technician. Offense: obstructing a superior technician by humming, clicking and being quiet."
Lister: It's true you know though Rimmer. You rank below all four of those service robots. Even the one that's gone absolutely mad.
Rimmer: Well Lister not for long, matey. Up, up, up! That's where I'm going.
Lister: Not until you pass your engineer's exam. And you won't do that because you'll just go in there and flunk again.
Rimmer: Lister, last time I only failed by the narrowest of narrow margins.
Lister: You what? You walked in there, wrote "I am a fish" 400 times, did a funny little dance and fainted.
Rimmer: You touch that guitar Lister, I'll remove the E string and garrotte you with it. Captain: Now I want that cat and I want it now. Lister: Sir, just suppose I did have a cat. Just suppose.......what would you do with Frankenstein? Captain: I'd send it down to the medical center and I'd have it cut up and tests run on it. Lister: Would you put it back together when you've finished? Captain: Lister, the cat would be dead. Lister: So with respect sir, what's in it for the cat? Holly: (to Lister, regarding the powdered remains of Krissie Kochanski) Well, she won't be much use to you on Fiji now....not unless it snows and you need something to grit the path with. Lister: What's it feel like? Rimmer: Death? It's like being on holiday with a group of Germans. Rimmer: Being a hologram is fine Lister. I still have the same drives, the same feelings, the same emotions. But I can't touch anything. Never again will I be able to brush a rose against my cheek, cradle a laughing child....or interfere with a woman sexually. Lister: Come on. Lots of people have died. Lots of people have died and gone on and done really really well.
