Title: The Daily Grind --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Up and at 'em! C'mon, it's another sunny Monday! Up! Up! Up! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! B--!"
The alarm clock exploded. Smoking bits of plastic showered the room. Harry groggily shoved his wand back under his pillow and rolled over. Blearily, he blinked. It was, indeed, a very sunny Monday morning. Flicking crud out of his eye, he reached over to gently shake the softly snoring lump under the covers with him. "Wake up, hon."
No response whatsoever.
"Come on, honey. Time to get up."
A snore, somewhat louder than the rest. God, the man was impossible before he'd had his coffee.
"Wake u-up."
He gave it a moment before sighing at the comatose lump. Grabbing his glasses and his dressing gown, he plodded into the kitchen to start the morning ritual to the caffeine gods. Harry dropped a filter into the coffee maker. He squinted at the instructions on the side of the coffee packet. Was that one scoop or one pound? "Eh." He emptied the bag and tossed it over his shoulder.
Five minutes later he carried two mugs of steaming tar into the bedroom. With any luck, the smell would work where he'd failed so spectacularly. One black, one with five sugars and extra cream. "Bloody hummingbird, wish I could drink that and never gain an ounce," he grumbled as he took a bitter sip and set his mug down. One hand clutching the other mug, he knelt across the bed. "Wakey-wakey, I have coffee."
There was a snort, and a garbled, "Coffee?"
"You know, hon, coffee."
"Mm... life."
Harry snorted. "Come on, time to get up." He blew the coffee smell down through the tiny ventilation shaft in the covers.
There was an interested sniff, but no emergence. "S'Sunday again."
"Sorry, babe, it's Monday. We've got to go to work."
"Three day weekend."
"That was Friday. Wake up, your coffee's getting cold." Harry tried to tug down the covers. He heard a low growl, and the bloody lump latched onto the bedspread. Sometimes, Harry would swear the man turned into a sloth every night, what with the way he held on and refused to let go.
"Can't I take the day off?"
"Nope. I've got to go into work, so you've got to go into work."
"You're welcome to stay here with me," the muffled voice purred. "Wouldn't it be more fun to just stay in bed?"
Well, yes, it would. That was beside the point, though. "Come on, sweetie. If you get up I'll make it up to you tonight."
The blink was audible. "Hmm." The lump shifted, thinking. "Two creams?"
"Three."
Slowly, like a skittish snail looking to see if Big Mister Robin had left or was still waiting to send it to Snail Heaven, a pale face peeked out from the covers. Red eyes blinked drowsily, and Voldie yawned. Harry smirked and gave him a peck. "Morning, sleepyhead."
Voldemort beamed, eyes closed. "Where's my coffee?"
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"... From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand... my intentions... ooh, weird... weird science...!" Voldemort bobbed his head cheerily, humming while he fastened his robe. Harry watched, smirking. Only a few more seconds... right... about... now. "Bollocks. Harry, love, would you come fix this? I don't understand how it keeps happening."
Harry raised a bemused eyebrow and looked up at Voldie's pout, smiling. He undid the robe's collar, turned a few bits flat, and secured them properly. He patted his sweetie's chest and went on toes to smooch him. "There you go, all set."
He was rewarded with a broad grin and a nuzzle. "What would I do without you?" A slow row of kisses started down the side of Harry's neck. His eyes fluttered. No, no, not time for that before work. He gently pushed Voldie back.
"We've got to get to work."
Voldie pouted.
"Sorry, honey. I don't make the rules."
The pout turned into a sulk.
Harry kissed him. "Tonight." He poked the flat nose affectionately.
Voldie sulked more. "All right," he muttered. Harry snogged him.
"That better?"
The red eyes blinked rapidly. Slit pupils had dilated until they were almost sort of round. "Erm..."
Harry grinned and shoved him towards the door. "I'll see you later, okay?"
The sulk threatened to start again.
Harry put his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow.
Voldie sighed. "Yes, dear." He grabbed his hat from the rack by the door and bent down for his smooch.
"Have a nice day at work, hon."
"You too, sweetie." Voldie tipped his fedora jauntily, winked, and stepped out the door.
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"Mornin', Ron."
"Mornin', Harry. Wow, you look like you were up all night."
Harry smirked. He tapped in his login key; the magical screen flashed GOOD MORNING, MIDDLE MANAGER HARRY POTTER. YOU ARE TWELVE SECONDS LATE. THIS WILL BE DOCKED FROM YOUR PAY PACKET. "Only until two or so."
Ron groaned and slapped his face. "I really should know better by now."
"Mm-hmm. What've you got for today?"
"Same old, same old. Flitwick's got me on a project with Hermione, trying to work out a counter for the Killing Curse."
Harry snorted. "Wish I had your job. Sit around all day, eat donuts, play Tetris."
"You forgot shagging in the broom closet."
Harry smirked to himself. "There's that, too."
Ron sighed happily. "What've you got?"
"Eh, same old, same old. Management sucks."
"Bummer."
"Yeah. Hey, if you two ever actually get around to doing some research, let me know if you find anything? It gets so bloody repetitious to keep ducking the same damn curses day in and day out."
"Will do. See you at the meeting this afternoon?"
"Only if I can't get out of it."
Ron rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that'll be the day. See you around, Harry. Careful with those curses, then?"
"Hmm. See you."
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He dropped and rolled just in time to dodge an Imperius Curse. Bright light burst on the ground next to him. Harry rolled to his feet. "Missed!"
Low, derisive laughter filled the air around him. Dozens of hooded black figures swarmed closer, closer, wands outstretched. Their Lord howled in impending triumph. "I have you now, Potter! You won't escape again! Wormtail, seize him!"
Nothing.
Voldemort cleared his throat. "Wormtail, I said seize him."
Still, nothing. The Death Eaters shifted uncomfortably. One pulled out a vision plan and flipped through rapidly. Harry folded his arms and tapped his foot.
Voldemort raised an eyebrow, annoyed. "Has anyone seen Wormtail?"
One of the Death Eaters skittishly raised his hand.
Voldemort sighed and put his face in his hand. "Yes, Lucius?"
"Erm... well, y'see, some of us went out for curry last night--"
"Oh, god! You didn't let him get vindaloo again, did you?"
"Erm, well..."
Voldie sat down hard on the ground. He flipped his wand absently, sending up green sparks. "All I ask is that one of you remembers what he's supposed to do, and is in some sort of shape to do it! Do you realise how much it costs every time we have to do one of these things over again? Accounting's got my arse in a sling!"
A round of murmured apologies and promises to do better next time rippled through the air. Voldemort sighed and got to his feet. "Coffee break. Harry? Care to join me?"
"Sure, hon." Harry trotted over and slipped an arm around Voldie's waist. They wandered out with the Death Eaters, following the pack going towards the break room rather than the water cooler.
"All I ask for is a few competent individuals," Voldie moaned. "Take Snape. He works in both our departments and have you ever heard a single complaint about him slacking off? No! I don't know how he does it. Why can't the rest of them take a leaf from his book...?"
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Harry peeked around the corner. Good. It was clear. Humming the theme to "Mission: Impossible" under his breath, he skirted the wall to the broom closet. Muttering a quick "Alohomora!" he slipped inside and locked the door thoroughly.
Before he could turn around, familiar arms wrapped around his waist and a large nose began nuzzling his neck. "Mm. Good morning, Mister Potter."
"Mm, morning, Professor."
A shudder went through the body behind him. "I told you not to call me that."
"Not what you said last week."
"That was different." Severus spun him around. His black eyes melted into shadow, as did his robe and hair, leaving only ghostly hints of his angular face. "We had handcuffs then." He went to work on Harry's neck again, now using his lips and teeth with skilled abandon.
Harry moaned. "You didn't get them fixed yet?"
"Of course not. It took three days to get rid of the bruises. Do you have any idea how suspicious Remus got?"
"He's been doing Sirius since they were in school, you know."
"Mm. So have I."
"Oh, Severus, you sexy bitch!" Harry quickly secured the Soundproofing Charm that never seemed to be taken down. He leaned against the door. "I don't have much time. Have to meet Voldie in twenty minutes to discuss long-term strategies."
"You certainly enjoy your quickies, don't you?"
"Mm. Come on, baby. Show me why they call you the Slytherin Sex God."
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Voldie crammed another damned donut in his mouth.
"How do you do it? If I ate like you I'd weigh fifty stone!"
Red eyes went slightly round in embarrassment. "Sorry," Voldie garbled around a mouthful of pastry and sprinkles.
Harry shook his head and slurped his coffee. "Gah. What do they put in it? Mud?"
"We'll stop by Honeybuck's after lunch."
Harry batted his eyelashes. "Buy me some Mocha Mice while we're there?" Mocha Mice were similar to Ice Mice, but rather than chattering and squeaking between the teeth, they twitched violently and made for any traces of caffeine available. They made a mouthful of fat-free latté more like a mouthful of tiny Gypsy Rose Lees. Harry hadn't been able to think about them without getting randy since that day he and Voldie locked themselves in the break room with a pound of the things and a pint of Honeybuck's Triple-Whammy Chocolate Espresso Dry Deluxe.
"That all depends."
"Depends on what?" Harry leaned across the polished mahogany table. His lips brushed Voldie's, picking up traces of glaze and sprinkles. Delicately, he lapped at a few flakes of sugar.
"On how productive this... session... oh, bugger it." Voldie dragged Harry onto the table. The donuts went careening to the floor. "Everything working well enough as it is?" he asked breathlessly.
"Yup." Harry's mouth found the tender skin of his throat.
"Any ideas?"
"Nope."
"Sounds good to me. Oh, baby, do that again..."
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"... I, I, I love little girls, they make me feel so good!"
"You do not! Little boys, maybe."
Voldie smirked. "I, I, I love little girls, they make me feel so bad! When they're around they make me feel like I'm the only guy in town..."
Harry rolled his eyes. "I shouldn't have bought you that CD for Christmas, should I?"
"Not my fault you can't appreciate good music."
"I can appreciate good music, just not twenty-four seven!"
Voldie sniffed. "I'm insulted. You don't like my singing."
"Of course I like your singing. Can't you sing something a little less... you know... eighties?"
"Don't you ever wonder why, nothing ever seems to change? If it does it's for the worse, seems it's just a modern curse!"
"ARGH!" Harry stabbed his poor lasagna. Fortunately, there wasn't much left.
"What?" Voldie asked innocently. "That was released in nineteen ninety-four."
"Just get the bill."
A quick, dazzling smile made Harry's guts turn to noodles as Voldie waved to the waiter. "Oi! You!"
A frazzled-looking young man in a wilted bow tie shuffled over to the table. "Can I get you anything else, sir?"
"The bill."
"Could I interest you in some tiramisu first?" the waiter droned. "Or some chocolate cheesecake? Or something for your son?"
Voldie's eyes narrowed. "My son?"
"Er, I'm not his son."
"He's not my son." Voldie held out his left hand. "See? Harry, show the nice man your ring."
Harry did. The waiter looked back and forth between their hands. With a sigh he dropped a slip of parchment on the table. "They don't pay me enough for this," he muttered, skulking off.
Harry watched him slink away. "This place has really gone downhill. Why don't we try the Three Broomsticks tomorrow?"
"If you really want Rosmerta flirting with you as soon as we set foot in the door, be my guest." Voldie haughtily dug through his pocket and left exact change on the table. He paused a moment, and added a lone Knut.
Harry smirked. "You're jealous."
"Am not." A disagreeable sniff. "I've no reason to be jealous whatsoever."
Harry chuckled. Along the back of his neck, where it wasn't visible, he broke out into a cold sweat. Really, when he thought about it, there wasn't anything wrong with having a bit on the side. Especially if that bit on the side was the delectable and daring Severus Snape. Of course, Voldie might not agree, and when he didn't agree with something there was nothing to stop him sulking for days. "Come on. You still owe me Honeybuck's."
Voldie stood primly. His nonexistent eyebrows pinched arrogantly in the middle. "Isn't Honeybuck's next door to the Broomsticks? You only want to see your girlfriend."
"Hon, she's not my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend."
Another sniff. At least it kept him from going all sullen. "Prove it."
"How?"
Voldie thought. His lipless mouth quirked at the corner. "Meet me in the broom closet half an hour before that meeting."
Harry purred. "You're insatiable." He pressed in for a kiss. Suddenly, a loud slurp stopped him. They both turned to see from whence the noise had come.
A portly wizard with a napkin stuffed in his collar stared at them, marinara sauce all over his chin. He slurped up another long piece of spaghetti and blinked cowishly. "Don't mind me."
Harry sighed and thudded his head against Voldie's chest. "I need coffee."
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"Time to die, Voldemort!"
"Not before you, Potter!"
Harry snarled. Crouched, he deftly shifted his wand from one hand to the other. He raised it, and uttered a hex.
Voldemort sidestepped it. He gave a superior laugh. "Child's play, Potter. Now I shall punish you like the child you are--good god, are those two at it again?"
Harry turned around. He groaned. Yet again, Sirius had Remus pushed up against the wall and was slowly but surely working his robe north. "Would you two cut it out for five minutes? Honestly, Remus, what would Severus say?"
"Probably 'can I help?' knowing him," Sirius said calmly. He went back to biting Remus' neck.
Harry shook his head. "I don't think this is working today. Between Wormtail and that pair, I think we should just skip the actual implementation procedure and focus on planning."
Voldie folded his arms. He swished his wand absently, sending out a stream of small bats that immediately knocked themselves cold on the window. "I think we should talk to the boss about bringing in some new blood. The level of outright unprofessionalism in this place is staggering. Really, how are we supposed to get anything done when every five minutes there's another... pack shagging in the cubicles," Voldie finished in a weary drawl.
Harry glanced around. Severus had, indeed, joined Sirius in groping Remus. He reluctantly tore his eyes away, muttering, "If I had a Galleon for everyone in this place he's shagged..."
Present company excepted, of course.
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Harry glanced around the corner again. He ducked into a vacant cubicle long enough for Draco and Hermione to get out of earshot and sight range. They moaned about some new project the boss had handed down and didn't notice the tuft of messy black hair trying to insinuate itself among the spider plants.
As soon as they were gone, he stuck his head out again. It was clear. Humming the "Avengers" theme, he skirted the wall to the broom closet again. It was an hour before the meeting, but with his projects on hold for the day he wanted to take the chance to, ahem, spruce up the broom closet. Several lengths of rope were in his pocket, along with a special wand attachment that would let him cast spells with it in his teeth.
Quietly he opened the door to the broom closet... only to find that it was already occupied.
"... Got my best suit and my tie, shiny silver Sickle on either eye! I hear the chauffeur comin' to my door, says there's room for maybe just one more! I was struck by lightning... oh, yes, Sevvie, baby, yes! Strike me again!"
Harry blinked. His stomach tore suddenly between grinding anger and suffocating betrayal. He crossed his arms and cleared his throat. Severus looked up from where he'd sunk his teeth into Voldie's neck. He looked annoyed. "What do you want?"
Voldie craned his neck. The moment he saw Harry he squeaked and froze. It did nothing to, ah, uncompromise their position. "Harry! I can explain--"
Harry swallowed hard, glaring daggers. "How could you?"
"Harry--"
"I trusted you, you know? Of all the people in all the world... I never thought you'd cheat on me with him!" He screwed his mouth up tight.
"Harry," Voldie pleaded, "I'm sorry. Really, I can explain. Really..." he trailed off, mouth quivering.
Severus sighed, annoyed. "Can we get this over with? I have things I need to do. I do work two departments, you know."
Harry shook his head. "How could you?"
"Harry!" A tear slid down Voldie's cheek. "I'm sorry! It... it was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Okay, first time, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and it sort of kept happening. But that was the seventies! We were all like that back in the seventies! Then Severus wanted to pick up where we left off, and it's only been five years since then and I'm really digging myself in deep, here, aren't I? I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Really, I can change--"
"Voldie?"
"Yes, Harrykins, my one and only love?"
"I wasn't talking to you."
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Harry slumped in his chair, arms folded. Across the table, Voldemort did much the same. He scowled in Harry's direction. Harry snarled back.
At the head of the table, Albus Dumbledore, President and CEO of Balance of Power, Inc. (parent corporation of Hogwarts School of Corporate Witchcraft and Wizardry), droned on about more plans for the upcoming fiscal year. "... Encourage more cross-departmental employment. As you all know, Severus, here, has distinguished himself in all aspects of two separate departments." A low ripple of titters was squelched by Dumbledore's stern gaze. He really was quite an amusing chap outside the boardroom, funny and eccentric with a sweet tooth that wouldn't quit. Put him in front of a group of employees and give him a vision plan, though, and you might as well try to steal a mackerel from a shark. "I would like to see more work of the same caliber and enthusiasm he consistently shows."
Harry arched an eyebrow at Voldemort. "Shouldn't be difficult," he muttered.
"Tart," Voldemort muttered back.
"I'll be speaking with my lawyer."
"You don't have a soapbox to whinge on."
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Is there something you gentlemen would like to share?"
"No, sir," Harry growled. He shot his so-called "sweetie" a sidelong glance that would have sheared through granite.
"Nothing whatsoever," Voldemort spat. He returned the glance, and, only to spite, let it settle sweetly on Severus. Severus smirked and smoothed his hair.
"Then," said Dumbledore in his this-matter-is-resolved voice, "I suggest the three of you stay behind after this meeting and work out any issues you may have." God, was there anything he didn't know about? "Now, if you'll refrain from wasting my time, I'd like to get on with this meeting?"
Harry and Voldemort sighed in unison. It was turning out to be a long day.
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An hour later, it didn't seem quite so long.
The three of them were stretched out on the long mahogany table. Harry was snuggled up on one side of Severus, and Voldie was on the other. Severus had a cigarette hanging from between his lips. Every minute or so he would unwrap his arm from Harry's shoulders, use it to tap the ash into a Styrofoam cup near his head, and replace both cigarette and arm.
"I didn't know you smoked after sex," Harry said.
"Hmm. I used to all the time. Had to cut back."
Harry didn't ask what he'd cut back from, or what he was at currently. More than likely, it would make his hormones jealous and he'd be forced to demand the man's secrets. There were just some mysteries that made life all the more interesting.
Voldie's eyes were still a bit glazed. Harry stroked his shoulder. "How're you doing, hon?"
Voldie slowly opened his mouth. "Life's been so good to me," he sang softly. "Has it been good to you? Has it been everything that you expected it to be...?"
Snape growled and kissed him. "More."
"Lads, we probably ought to get out of here before Dumbledore comes looking for us." Harry arched an eyebrow as Voldie kept singing, and Severus nibbled on his white neck. "Uh, honey? Severus? We probably ought to get dressed, you know. It's probably getting late, and you know how much paperwork we're always shafted with at the last--mmph!" Harry shut up and found his mind shifting to a very different sort of shafting when Severus' thin, frighteningly skilled mouth closed over his.
Well, on the whole it was probably inevitable. At least he was getting his exercise.
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Harry shifted in his seat. Normally, the CEO's leather armchairs were pure luxury. Any chair was likely to be a mite... touchy at the moment, though.
"Mocha Mouse?" Albus held out a dish, smiling pleasantly. Harry took one if only for the excuse to take some weight off his hind end for a moment. When he sat back down, he could have sworn he felt the weight of the Mocha Mouse. He popped it in his mouth and sat quietly while it wriggled suggestively against his cheek.
Voldie declined. "I'd rather just get down to business if it's all the same to you."
Albus shrugged and stuck a Mouse in his mouth. It made a series of chittering sounds and thrashed like it was having a seizure. The boss must have been drinking some of the office coffee. It might be mud, but it was damned potent mud. "I understand you've been having trouble with your staffs?"
"Wormtail went on a curry binge over the weekend. Honestly, Albus, I don't understand why I'm still stuck managing those incompetents! All they do is whinge and sit about playing Tetris and waste my time. We've had to stop two projects today, once for Wormtail, and once for two members of Harry's department."
"Hmm. Black and Lupin at it again?"
Harry nodded. "I don't mind them so much. Once in a while, I mean. Keeps employee morale up to give them a bit of freedom. It's only when we can't get done what we need to and end up working until midnight every Friday to make up for it that I have problems."
Dumbledore smirked. The whole office knew damned well that he skipped out every Friday by two. "Well, it's up to you to keep your departments in line. Unless either of you has any specific suggestions for me?"
"Promote me."
Albus looked at Voldie. "No."
"Why not? I've proven time and again that I understand the concept and implementation of the vision plan, my talents really shouldn't be wasted on one department, and Snape is more than qualified to take my place."
Dumbledore rubbed his eyes. "I don't want to reduce Snape's... circulation, your talents are adequate, Tom, although nothing I'd call world-dominating, and I still haven't forgiven you that little piece of insider trading back in, oh, 'eighty-one?"
Harry leaned over. He whispered, "What's he talking about, insider trading?"
Voldie shook his head. "I'll tell you later."
Dumbledore went on, "Until you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're trustworthy, Tom, I'm afraid I'll have to keep you where you are."
"But what about Snape? He's been promoted twice in four years and he did his own share of insider trading."
Albus bobbed his head. "Yeees, this is true. But back to the point. I suggest the two of you have a nice, long chat with personnel..."
Harry rubbed his eyes. It was turning out to be a long day again.
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He quivered. Harry stared at the clock. Seconds ticked by so, so slowly. Far down the hallway, he heard the squeak, squeak of The Wagon. Every day, it came by, poor Percy Weasley at the helm. There was no telling how he got talked into playing mail boy every evening. The squeaking stopped. Percy must be dropping off an armload. He looked at the clock.
Twelve seconds to five.
The squeaking started again.
Harry tried to gauge how far Percy was from his door. If he could only stay out of mail's way until five on the dot, victory would be his. The squeak grew louder. It dipped and rose steadily in pitch; for some reason it always reminded Harry of a shark.
Ten seconds. The squeak hadn't stopped.
Seven seconds. The grating noise paused for a fraction of a second and started even louder than before.
Five seconds. Harry thought he heard a croak. Neville. Poor Neville.
Three seconds. The noise was deafening, pouring through the wood of his door.
One second. It stopped. Just outside, it stopped. Harry could almost hear the hand lifting to knock. Sweat broke out on his face. The clock ticked once more--
Percy and his entire cart went flying as Harry zoomed out the door. "G'night, Perce!" he called.
"Wait! Harry! I've got a whole portfolio for--oh, bugger it. They don't pay me enough for this..." Percy's grumbles faded into nothing as Harry tore down the halls towards Voldie's similarly microscopic office.
He burst through the door. "Ready to go--oh."
Voldie looked up mournfully. "He got me." He nudged the three-foot-tall stack of folders and folios cluttering his desk. "I'm afraid I'll have to stay a bit late."
Harry gulped. He'd offer to help, but, technically, his and Voldie's departments were rivals. It was unique among departments - most of them worked together in some way. However, when two sections were more or less devoted to wiping the other out... he sighed. "Anything you want for supper?"
"Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee."
Harry leaned over the desk and offered a small kiss. "I'll pick up a few more pounds on the way home." They did seem to go through it awfully quickly. Harry supposed that was how coffee went.
Voldie looked vehemently grateful.
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Harry padded through the sitting room in his flannel pajama bottoms and an old BEATERS DO IT HARDER T-shirt he'd swiped from Fred (or George) at the company Quidditch match against Durmstrang, Unlimited (Ltd.). He had a box of Chinese takeaway in one hand, and a copy of "An American Werewolf in London" in the other. Arthur Weasley had been sweet enough to set them up with a magically modified television and video a few months earlier, and Harry spent many a happy hour allowing his brain to turn to glue. He settled back and chopsticked large chunks of chicken chow mein down his throat.
Just as the opening credits ended, the front door cracked open. "Are you decent, sweetie?"
Harry swallowed quickly. "Don't tell me you're bringing work home tonight."
"Afraid so. It's just a few of the boys from my department. We might need to borrow you for a while if you don't mind."
Harry sighed. "I just put a tape on. I'm in my pajamas."
A pause.
"The flannel ones."
"Oh! That's all right, then." The door swung open to admit an exhausted-looking Voldie and a dozen or so masked, hooded Death Eaters. Harry waved halfheartedly. A tired chorus of greetings and mumbled apologies rose up.
"I suppose you'll want me to get my wand, then?"
Voldie tapped his fingers together. His hat was pushed back on his head. "Could you?"
Harry rolled his eyes. He pointed his chopsticks at his sweetie's face. "You'd better make this up to me." A low chuckle from one of the Death Eaters surprised him. Harry looked up. The Death Eater glanced quickly from side to side and lifted his mask just enough for Harry to see who it was.
Hmm.
Suddenly there was a great deal more potential to the evening than there had been a few minutes ago.
He hopped up to drop his barely-touched supper in the kitchen. Surreptitiously, Severus brushed against him. Harry grinned. Voldie raised an eyebrow. Harry dropped his eyes and hurried to find his wand.
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"Wow." Harry stared at the ceiling. A few wisps of smoke made psychedelic patterns in his blurry range of view.
Severus chuckled to himself. "Thought you might enjoy that. And I don't even mind being in the wet spot."
"Whose wet spot?" Voldie leaned up on his elbow.
Snape shrugged. "Does it matter?"
"Wow. I'm not going to be able to walk a straight line for a week."
Voldie reached across Severus to tickle Harry's chest. "Happy, love?"
"Wow."
Severus sighed, flicking ash into a coffee mug, and looked at Harry. "You two are really lucky, y'know. I've tried to talk Remus into settling down, but--"
Voldemort howled with laughter. "You? Settle down?"
A pointed look shut him up. "Is that really so hard to believe?"
"Yes."
"Hmm." He took another drag and ground out the butt. "Suppose you're right. I don't know what he'd do without that bastard Black anyway."
"You could always be a threesome."
Black eyes narrowed sharply. It was obvious there were some gears turning, though. Severus stretched and growled. "I don't suppose there are any egg rolls left?"
"I don't know. Harry? Did you eat all the egg rolls, sweetie?"
"Wow."
"I expect that's a yes."
"Bugger."
"What, again? You're an animal, Sev, you really are."
There was a low growl before Snape banished the coffee mug to the dressing table. He rolled over and bit Voldie's neck playfully. "I know."
The End ("Wow.")
By: Sushi
Email: sushi@societyhappens.com
Rated:PG-13
Category: Humor, AU
Summary: Think Harry Potter meets "Office Space"; loosely based on the "Ralph the Wolf and Sam the Sheepdog" episode of Looney Tunes
Disclaimer:
Warnings: Male/male relationships; middle management; heavy paperwork
Notes: Muchos gracias to Nancy/Darkrose for beta reading!
