WARNING: This is a slash story, which means it contains male/male erotic content involving consenting adults. If you're not of legal age or are offended by such material, please go find something else to read.

Title: Oceans Mix Underneath
Author: Acassha
Rating: PG-13 still, I'm afraid ^_^
Disclaimers: No, really, I'm not JKR. I have no money anyway
Notes: The sequel to 'Only You?' Picks up a few days after we left off from 'Only You', and we are still jumping from POV-to-POV. Oooh, and Brownie points to anyone who recognises where the title comes from ^_^. The sequel is called 'Betrayal of Needs?' Lupin's

It's dark in here now the fire's gone out, but I can se your face in the moonlight. You're fast asleep, snoring softly. I'm sure you would deny this if you were awake, but you do.

It was the shock of a lifetime when you turned up at my door. I had received no letter back from you, had given up hope.

20 years, Severus. That's how much we've lost. Because I was too afraid to stand up for you against my friends. Because of my blind, unwavering loyalty to them, I lost you.

So many times, I have picked up a quill to write to you, but faltered, thinking of your past as a Death Eater, thinking it would be disrespectful to the memory of James, Lily, all those we lost.

You know, I blamed myself when I found out you had joined them. You say it was because you were full of anger at the world, not at me. I can't say I was totally convinced. If not anger a me, then it was at Sirius.

I asked you once if it was anger at Sirius. You were silent for so long I am sure it must have been the truth.

All those years, and I never bothered to find out what you had done for us. Never knew you were a spy. "You would not have found out even if you asked around" you say "it is a well-kept secret"

"But if I had asked you, would you have told me?" I pressed, needing to know.

You just sighed, and looked away. "Yes" you told me.

And I could have asked you Severus, during that year at Hogwarts. And again, I ran scared.

I love you.

I don't want to lose you again.

You stir in my arms, and I look down. Now the moonlight slants across your face, making it a mask of black and white.

I brush your hair away from you face. You are beautiful, you know? You always disagreed when I said so, said I didn't have to compliment you.

But to me at least, you are so very beautiful. When you laugh, smile.

Smile more Severus. Laugh.

Live

In that entire year at Hogwarts, I never saw you laugh or smile. Not properly. Not like you used to with me.

What happened Severus, when you were with the Death Eaters? What drove every bit of happiness out of your soul? What did they do to you, to your soul?

Or was it me?

You say you will have to go back soon - you must plan for the next year. I know you must go, but I don't want you to. I want you here with me. I want to know you like we did before everything came between us.

I feel you move again, shifting in my arms. You are awake, looking at me. "Go to sleep Remus, and stop staring at me like I was some kind of museum exhibit.

I return you smile, and settle down, knowing that I will not get a goodnight sleep, because I worry about what will happen to us.

You kiss me, and whisper "I love you"

Then again, maybe, just maybe, tonight I will sleep.

*~*~*

Snape's POV

You are sleeping quietly now, but I am fully awake.

There is a soft light from the window, and I glance up at the moon. It was full just two days ago.

Why did you never tell me you were a werewolf Remus?

Did you think I would leave?

It still amazes me how easily you forgave Black for what he did. It's been so long now, yet I can't bring myself to forgive him yet.

Not even for you.

Allow me my hatreds and dislikes, Remus. I can't be forgiving like you. I question everything, yet find answers in nothing.

I can neither forgive not forget easily.

I still don't understand how what we had worked - Gryffindor and Slytherin.

Yet, in the end, it didn't work, did it?

Too many things spilt us up. There is no truth in the saying that love conquers all.

Because friendship always comes first.

Were we ever friends Remus? Was there ever anything else other than a bundle of hormones finding out each other?

I want to think so, but I cannot be sure.

Remus, I can't wait any longer. I need to know why you did what you did.

Tommorrow, it seems, will be confessional time.

*~*~*

Lupin's POV

The sun rose, filtering through the curtains, hitting me directly in the eyes.

I try to move, only to find Severus is clinging to me so tightly I can't.

~Still scared I'll leave again Severus? I won't. I don't think I can. Not again~

*~*~*~*~

Some time later, I managed to extricate myself, and go to make coffee.

"Remus?"

His voice chills me. There is none of the usual self-assured sneering. He sounds...what? Lost? Afraid?

Of me? Of me leaving?

I sigh, bowing to the inevitable. He's never going to trust me again. I can't say I blame him.

"In here, Severus"

I hear him come in. "Good morning"

"Really? Forgive me for not noticing"

I turn to look at him, to say something, but his face is devoid of emotion.

And I don't know what to do. I can only watch him, like an idiot as he traces patterns on the woodwork.

I snap out of my reverie when I hear his voice.

"We should talk, Remus"

I move closer, and ever so slightly, he moves back. I repress a sigh, and take a chair opposite.

"Why...why did you..." You stop, trying to form the sentence. "You never did tell me why you chose Sirius over me"

Good question. Very good. And I can't answer.

I hear you sigh as you stand up to leave. "I think it is best if I leave, Remus"

"No! Don't. Please..sit down?"

I hear another sigh, but you comply, taking a seat.

"I suppose I was afraid. It's easier to lose one friend than three, I guess"

"And the fact you were a werewolf? It was something rather major, in case you hadn't noticed."

"You know, all my life, people have judged me on that alone. And you sit there, wanting to know why I kept it from you? I am unaccountably angry; at Severus or the world in general, I cannot tell. "Why do you think I kept it from you?"

His eyes glittered, but he said nothing and I continued.

"Then again, you could have asked me! All these years, Severus, and not a letter, nothing to say you even remotely CARED!"

Severus stands so quickly the chair is knocked over. His eyes flash in anger, but in pain as well.

"You ended it Remus, not I."

And with that, he walked out.

I hear the front door open and close, and I put my hands in my head, not bothering to follow. I know that if you do not wish to be found, you will not be.

What have I done? What have I done?

*~*~*

Snape's POV

At times like this, I get despondent at my inability to communicate. That said, the effect of a glare can be worth a thousand words.

At the moment, though, I can't decide which is better.

I carry on walking, and feel the anger rising. How dare you presume I never wanted to see you? You were the one who decided I was not good enough for you and it wouldn't work.

The stupidity of the situation strikes me. I'm out here, you're in there, a mere 300 metres or so, and yet we are separated by a gulf caused by angry, stupid words.

I walk away, towards the small lake. Water has always fascinated me. So calm and serene on the top, yet seething with life below the surface.

You often found me at the lake at Hogwarts, simply contemplating. It's so easy to be drawn in by water.

I doubt my fellow Slytherins appreciated it in the slightest. Not cruel enough on the surface, I suppose.

But that's the beauty of it all; so innocent looking on the outside, yet able to drag you under making it impossible to escape. And it is, and will always be beautiful and fascinating, but it will eventually kill you.

And you, Remus? What do you think of our current situation? Is it important to you? Or will you string me along until something more convenient comes along?

But I don't want you to leave me again, Remus.

So I'll wait for you. Because you'll have to make the first move. Because I don't know how.

*~*~*

 Lupin's POV

I found you eventually, by the lake. It would have been hard to imagine a more pitiful sight than this dejected man ignoring all sign of life around him, fascinated by the slight waves of the lake would.

I decided to jump right in to the discussion. "You're right, as usual."

All I get in reply is a sigh, and you will not turn to face me. How can I apologise to your back, Severus?

"...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped like that. It was wrong of me... It's just, 19 years, and I suddenly have you back. I never wanted it to end, Severus. You must believe that."

You silence me with a wave of your hand. Such an imperious gesture, Severus, looks strange to my eyes. Others may disagree.

This mask you hide behind, this cold and indifferent persona you put on, does it make life easier? Does it help to make you forget your troubles and woes? Does it?

"There is no need for apology, Remus. I know why you did what you did. I forgave you a long time go, I think. My quarrel is with Black. No, I have yet to forgive him"

You sigh, and rub at your temples.

"Ah, I'm as sorry as you are Remus. I never know when to stop, do I? I always go one too far..."

"I think we are as much to blame as each other, Severus" I reply, crossing the few feet to sit beside you. "We're both too hot-headed. And there was me thinking that was a Gryffindor trait."

You turn to look at me, your eyes and face world-weary. "Don't start that," you reply, resting your head on my shoulder.

The silence, uneasy before, has changed. We are still unsure of what we are to the other, but at ease for the moment as we contemplate our grievances and mistakes.

*~*~*

Snape's POV

Despite everything that has passed between us, every spiteful word, every foolish or misinterpreted gesture, it nevertheless feels right to be in your arms. And I feel as though I could never leave. Not willingly.

*~*~*~* "

You know I have to go back to Hogwarts soon?

You press a kiss to my forehead before replying.

"How soon?"

"End of the week. Dumbledore wants us back. The Triwizard Championship is being started again"

"Is that wise?"

"No, probably not"

Silence falls again, and I feel myself almost falling asleep, except there is a nagging question...

"And you? What will you do with yourself?"

"I honestly don't know. Maybe see Sirius."

I try to quell the wave of panic that wells up inside, but have to settle for simply not letting it show.

Then almost as abruptly as it started, the conversation ends. Yet I can't shake the feeling that something will go wrong.

*~*~*~*

The week passed quickly, and I find myself ready to Apparate to Hogwarts.

You are there, a sad smile on your face, and I lighten with hope - you do not wish for me to go?

As you embrace me fiercely, you whisper "Promise me you'll write."

"Of course"

"Severus?" You sound unwilling to broach the topic, and my heart, so eager and hopeful before, sinks to rock bottom. "I won't let Sirius break us apart this time. I'm not going to let you go again"

My heart soars, but I try to stay grounded.

"I'm glad. I've got to go Remus. I'll write"

"As will I" you answer as you lean in for one last kiss.

And as I Apparate, as you fade and the grounds of Hogwarts become clearer, I find myself fervently praying your words are true. Because Remus, I don't think I could cope with your betrayal again.

But for now, my friend, I'll trust you again, believe you and believe in you, my saviour.