WARNING: This is a slash story, which means it contains male/male erotic content involving consenting adults. If you're not of legal age or are offended by such material, please go find something else to read.

Title: Therapy
Author: Lady Feylene
E-Mail: lady_crighton@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Category: Humor
Summary: Albus thinks that Severus needs to get over a few issues that the war left with him. He orders him to see a Wizarding Therapist.
Disclaimer: Neither Severus nor Remus belong to me, I am making no money off of this whatsoever.

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"And how does that make you *feel*, Severus?"

Damn Albus Dumbledore. Damn him to a thousand fiery hells. Severus Snape folded his arms over his chest and growled out a noncommittal response.

"You're being very negative, Severus. Remember what we discussed about negativity?"

"Negativity is counterproductive," the potions master hissed. Albus had thought this would be a good idea. 'You're stressed. Severus, and it's showing. I think it would be best if you saw someone.' And what could he say, really? Albus had gone on to explain that teaching in itself was a very stressful and hectic job, and Severus would feel much better if he spoke to someone on a regular basis.

Severus felt that he'd feel much better if he could run a hot poker through his therapist's eye.

"Very good. That's *good* Severus." She scribbled something with her quill.

"Now, how can we let our feelings out *without* being negative?"

Severus sighed. He thought being negative was a very proper expression of his feelings. His *feelings* were negative, why not express them that way?

Before he could answer, there was a loud crash and then a shriek from the waiting room.

"Oh, excuse me." The therapist (whose name Severus could never remember) stood up and slipped into the waiting room. She was a disturbing-looking woman, really. Bushy white hair, very bright eyes, and pock-marked skin.

He chanced a look into the waiting room. The woman's child, of course. It was bring-your-child-to-work day, or some other such nonsense. The brat was a terror of a thing, really. He had to be home-schooled--not that the thing's mother would admit there was something wrong. Currently she was attempting to coax him off of the table, where he was chewing on the head of a doll.

Severus went back to the couch. He hated these sessions, and didn't see the point. They didn't make him feel any better about himself or anything else. She came back in looking a bit frazzled.

"He's just excited," she explained, sitting back down. "We're getting a puppy."

Severus didn't think the boy should be allowed within a fifty foot radius of anything living, but that was just his opinion.

"Now, we're almost done here," she continued, "but I have some homework for you. You seem to be harboring great resentment for your coworkers. I'd like you to give each and every one of them a compliment, before I see you again."

"Fine." He knew better then to argue. If he argued, she made him paint.

"And I want you to write them down, and read them to me," she continued.

Severus just made a growling noise in his throat, before the buzzer sounder. He leapt off of the couch, and was out of the office before she could say anymore.

He tripped the brat on the way out.

***

A compliment. A compliment to each of his coworkers. Well, he'd start easiest.

"Minerva," he started, approaching Professor McGonagall in the staff room.

"Oh, Severus, hello. May I help you?"

"You are a competent and valuable teacher."

"Excuse me?" She looked at him as though he had three heads.

"You heard me!" he spat. He was not going to repeat himself! She simply looked at him askance before going back to her tea. He sat down at the far end of the staff room, and stared out the window. One down... far too many to go.

***

"Argus, you handle the students wonderfully."

"Filius, I find you to be amusing at times." "

Rolanda, you are quite capable at what you do."

"Sibyll... you've gotten your drinking under control. Good for you."

"Poppy you've lost some weight."

"Pomona... your herbs are... well."

"Hagrid... you... don't eat people."

"Lupin..."

***

Compliments were harder then he'd imagined. He started out well enough, but somewhere along the line he found himself faltering horribly. He was smacked once (Poppy Pomfrey), stared at blankly, and Hagrid went so far as to ask him if he'd been drinking. And he certainly didn't feel any better about himself. In fact, he felt a bit worse. He realized that perhaps he was a bit critical of others. But really, was that so bad? He simply expected the best of everyone, and, as a teacher, he should. It wasn't his fault that Hagrid and Lupin were abysmal excuses for professors. Not to mention people.

His therapist was *not* pleased.

"Severus... you're not trying," she chided him, in her annoying sing-song voice. "That makes me sad."

"I did my best."

"Why, you couldn't even think of a compliment for Mr. Lupin," she said, frowning, "and telling Mr. Hagrid that he doesn't eat people... I'd like you to think of something better."

"Now?"

"Yes, now," she nodded. "Tell me something nice about Mr. Hagrid."

"Oh lord..." Severus couldn't *think* of anything about the bloody beast!

"He..." He what? He mucked about with a flea bitten mongrel and spoke horribly mangled English. He exposed the children to dangerous animals! He... "He has an amazing capacity for brute strength."

"I suppose that will do for now. And what about Mr. Lupin?"

"He's a rabid animal," Severus said, without thinking.

"That wasn't nice!" his therapist said, sounding shocked. "Severus, I'd like you to draw me a picture to represent your feelings about Mr. Lupin."

Lord, how he hated the pictures. He sat up, and was handed a quill, various pots of colored ink, and some parchment--all on a tray on his lap. He wondered idly how this woman had possibly gotten a certificate in wizarding therapy.

"Go on," she urged. Severus made a few angry lines across the paper. She was glaring at him. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to make at least a semblance of a picture.

"There." He thrust the parchment into her hands.

"Severus... you've drawn a very angry looking doggy."

"It's rabid," he explained.

"Is that why it's dripping foam from its mouth?"

"Yes."

She had *wanted* his feelings on Lupin, she'd gotten them.

"Why does it have red eyes?" she asked, frowning.

"Because it is deranged."

"Is that because of the rabies, or is that just how it is?"

"That's simply how it is," Severus mumbled.

"And does the doggy have a name?"

"No."

"I think you should give it a name," she told him, handing him back the picture.

He didn't *want* to give it a name.

"It's name is Moony," he said, tossing it aside.

"Okay. Now, I'd like you to try again." She gave him a fresh piece of parchment.

Severus draw another artistic interpretation of Lupin. He added a few flourishes, and some dialogue. He gave her the picture.

"Oh my. Severus, why are the little people running away from the giant doggy and yelling for help?"

"Because it will eat them if they don't," Severus explained.

"I see." She actually looked a bit disturbed. "Severus, I think we should work on this for a little while."

"Work on what?" he asked sullenly.

"Your anger towards Mr. Lupin. This weekend, I'd like you to spend the day with him. And show him the pictures you drew."

"Excuse me?" The woman could not force him to spend the entire day with Lupin. The pictures... well, that would be amusing.

"Spend the day with him, and then draw me another picture, about what you did," she said. "Time's up, we'll talk about this next week. Have a fun weekend Severus!"

***

A day with Lupin. She may as well have told him to gouge out his own eyes. He gritted his teeth, pounding on the werewolf's door.

"Come in!"

Why did the man always have to be so cheerful?

"I have to spend time with you," Severus grumbled, slinking into Lupin's office.

"Oh?" The werewolf looked rather surprised. "Why? Did Albus..."

"No," Severus snapped, "my therapist. I don't wish to discuss this any further."

"Oh, of course," Lupin nodded, smiling. "Well, how much time do you have to spend with me?"

"The day."

"I see. Doing what?" He looked so chipper about it! Was the man mad? And what did it matter *what* they did?

"Anything!" Severus flung himself down into a chair. "Pick something."

"Oh." The werewolf frowned thoughtfully, pursing his lips. "Well, how about the library?"

"Fine." They wouldn't have to talk, it was perfect.

"And then we'll see what else. We can't very well spend the whole day there," Lupin said cheerfully. Severus said nothing, but waited as the blasted man got ready. He followed along behind Lupin, hating every minute of it. He couldn't stand the man. He couldn't even come up with a decent compliment. At least Hagrid had warranted 'you don't eat people'.

"Here we are." Lupin had brought him to some small library, tucked away on an unknown street.

"This?" It was... quaint. Trust Lupin to pick this sort of a place.

"Yes. Come on."

Severus followed him inside, chose a book, and pretty much ignored Lupin for the next four hours. He immersed himself in the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, losing himself quite nicely until Lupin cleared his throat rather loudly.

"What?"

"We've been here four hours, Severus," Lupin said gently. "I'm famished, how about you?"

"Oh. Yes." He supposed he *was* a bit hungry.

"I know a nice little coffee shop not too far."

Of course he would, Severus thought. He replaced his book--he *had* been nearly finished, and trudged reluctantly after the werewolf.

***

"It's one of my favorite spots," Lupin was saying as he settled himself on a cushion in the small, out of the way coffee shop. Severus hated the place immediately, simply on principal. It was small and cozy and smelled of bread and coffee. And Lupin was enjoying himself far too much.

"Mmm," he muttered, frowning at his tea. Lupin had something called chai.

"So how *is* your therapy going?" the werewolf asked innocently. "You've been at it a while now, haven't you?"

Severus just glared. "That is *none* of your business!"

"Er... well... your therapist did assign you to spend time with me," Lupin said carefully.

"Yes? So?"

"So I'd imagine I've come up in your sessions," Lupin shrugged.

"My sessions are private," Severus hissed. "Oh. That reminds me." He fished about in his pockets. He was supposed to show Lupin the pictures he'd done. He really didn't see how this made him a better person. "Here."

"What... er... what are there?" The werewolf frowned down at the pictures, cocking his head quizzically.

"I did them in one of my sessions. They represent my feelings towards you." Severus grinned maliciously.

"Oh." Lupin frowned, turning the picture this way and that. "You certainly have a... a vivid imagination."

"Imagination played no part in it," he responded coldly.

"Well. Yes." Lupin handed them back.

"Oh no, keep them. I insist."

"Well, if you insist," Lupin shrugged, folding the drawings and putting them in his pockets. "I would imagine that's the reason you have to spend a day with me?"

"Most likely."

They sipped their drinks in silence a moment.

"Do you *really* feel so... violently about me?"

"I'd think my 'emotional representations' speak for themselves."

"Ah." Lupin took another sip of his drink. "You really don't have any reason to see me as such a threat."

"You only attempted to kill me..."

"I never made any attempt on your life," Lupin sighed, and leaning back in his chair. "We've been over this many, many times Severus. Just let it go. Have you talked to your therapist about it?"

"Good god, no!" Severus shook his head.

"I think you should. The whole reason you're going is because Albus thinks you have quite a few issues that you need to work out..."

"He told me I was under stress," Severus said flatly.

"Oh. Did he?" Lupin gave a small smile. "Yes, of course."

"He told you differently?"

"He just... mentioned that he felt you had some issues that needed dealing with. I'd imagine he was referring to the stress." Lupin wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I see."

There was another uncomfortable silence. So Albus thought he had 'issues'. He didn't have any issues! He was fine. So what if he was anti-social, that was how he had always been.

"I'm sorry," Lupin said, glancing up. "I really didn't mean to... to cause any problems."

"No. I'm glad I know why I'm *really* seeing this ridiculous woman," Severus said, "and I highly doubt she can help me with any issues."

"You'd be surprised," Lupin said, smiling softly. "Come on. Let's go back to the school. You can lie and tell her you spent the whole day with me. I'll back you up. Tell her I took you to the park, after this. And we...I don't know, we played Frisbee."

"Frisbee?"

"I enjoy Frisbee," Lupin shrugged. Severus just nodded, and followed Lupin back to the school.

***

"Well, it looks like you and Mr. Lupin had *lots* of fun!"

"Yes," Severus grumbled.

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

"No."

"And why not?" The therapist crossed her legs. Her stockings were falling down.

"I do not find Lupin's company pleasant," Severus explained.

"Well, that's all right. But did you find it frightening?"

"No!" He wasn't *scared* of Lupin. Not anymore, at any rate.

"All right. How did you find it?"

"I simply... don't like him. He's cheerful."

"And you don't think he should be?" she asked.

"No. He should be miserable."

"Why should he be miserable?"

"He's lost everything," Severus shrugged. "He is an outcast, he is a social pariah, and he is practically friendless. All he has is his job. He's a worthless waste of flesh! "

"Well, that's not exactly true, is it?"

"And why isn't it?"

"Mr. Lupin has lots of friends, a good job, and has many hobbies. Why do you think you feel this way? Is there someone else in your life, maybe, who has no friends and nothing else? No reason for living?"

"Not that comes to mind, no."

"Look inside yourself, Severus," she urged, "look deep inside..."

"If you are suggesting I'm truly harboring feelings of self-loathing, I am going to have to disappoint you. I am rather content with myself, thank you very much. As to Lupin... when we were young, he nearly killed me."

"Oh. I see." The therapist paused. "Er... and how did that make you feel?"

"How do you think?" he snarled. "Oh, all right. I was angry, I was upset and I was terrified. It was all Black's fault, he's the one who orchestrated the thing. He was always making my life miserable. And he was never punished properly."

"And is he still in your life?"

"He's dead, you daft cow!"

"I see," she nodded. "And how does that make you feel?"

"Quite happy!" But that wasn't exactly true. "No, I am not *happy* he's dead. I suppose I regret his death in the general sense that death isn't a pleasing situation, but I don't mourn nor miss him."

"That's good."

"He was Lupin's best friend," Severus added.

"And he died? How long ago?"

"Perhaps... four or five years, maybe?" He did the math in his head. "Closer to four."

"I see." His therapist nodded, and made a few more notes. "And how long have you been working with Mr. Lupin?"

"A year," Severus responded.

"And you've known him...?"

"Since I was eleven. Why are we focusing on Lupin? I hate other people as well..."

"One thing at a time," she said. "I'd like you to find time in your day to just be nice to Mr. Lupin."

Nice to him. He had to be nice to Lupin. Well ignoring him counted as nice, didn't it? It would have to do...

***

"Your therapist put you up to this?" Lupin asked cordially. Severus nodded, glancing about the man's room. Good lord, he had framed the horrible picture Severus had done. The one where he was rabid, and foaming at the mouth.

"Yes." He sat down. "I have to be nice to you once a day."

"Do you talk about anything other then me in your sessions?"

"Of course!" How dare he insinuate that!

"You do?" Lupin sounded as though he didn't believe him.

"Yes. In fact, we spent a good deal of time on Black in my last session." A good deal being about two minutes, but still.

"Oh?" Lupin looked interested.

"Yes. Remember what I said about privacy?" Severus raised an eyebrow. "At any rate, I'm here to be nice to you."

"Well, that's nice to know. Tea?"

"No, thank you." Severus shook his head. "And how have your classes been?"

"Well, thank you," Lupin nodded. "The seventh years are quite competent."

"Yes, they are," Severus nodded. "Well, it was nice chatting." He stood up, stiffly.

"That's all? You're quite good company, when you're being pleasant," Lupin said mildly.

"Mmm. I've papers I need to grade." Lupin wasn't bad either, really. "I shall see you tomorrow."

***

No, Lupin wasn't that bad at all. He was actually rather witty, clever, humorous and good natured. Severus supposed he didn't *dread* the man's company any longer, but he certainly didn't look forward to it.

"...Couldn't believe it."

"Mmm." Severus nodded. What had Lupin been saying? He hadn't been paying much attention.

"Severus, you look as though you're miles away." Lupin frowned thoughtfully. "Is everything all right?"

"Fine Lupin."

"You can call me Remus, you know," Lupin said softly.

"I'd imagine I could call you whatever I liked," Severus said mildly.

"You could," Remus agreed. Yes, Severus imagined Lupin was Remus now.

"I was simply thinking. I've a session tomorrow."

"It's been a week already?" Remus seemed surprised.

"Yes."

"Well, I'll be honest Severus. I think these sessions are making an improvement, I really do."

"You only say that because I'm forced to be pleasant to you."

"Well, it doesn't seem quite so forced anymore."

Severus had nothing to say to that. He had fallen into... well, a routine he supposed. And Remus was part of it, that was all.

"I have things to do," he said uncomfortably. He stood up and hurried out of the room, wondering why the fact that he *didn't* hate Remus Lupin bothered him so much.

***

"It's been rather pleasant actually," Severus admitted with a sigh.

"That's very good to hear, Severus!" his therapist exclaimed.

"But I am not pleased with that!" he exclaimed.

"You feel angry that you like Mr. Lupin?"

"I do not like Lupin!"

"You indicated that you did..."

"I said he was pleasant, that does not mean I like him! I can quite easily dislike pleasant things. In fact, most things I dislike are pleasant, Lupin included!"

"Calm down, Severus," his therapist said soothingly. "Let's talk about something else for a bit."

"Like what?"

"How about your students," she said, consulting her bit of parchment. "I hear you're a very competent teacher. Do you get along with your students?"

"Some of them," Severus admitted.

"Most of them?"

"A few."

"I see," she nodded. "What about the other teachers? Do they get along with their students?"

"I have no idea." How would he know? He didn't sit in on their classes!

"Okay, let me try something else. Do you feel you have a *healthy* relationship with your students?"

"Yes..." Severus said slowly. They were frightened of him, so they did their best. He was hard on them in order to force them to achieve. That was healthy.

"Okay, then. Are your students important to you?"

"Yes." They were his job, of course they were important. If he didn't have students, he'd simply be a middle aged man with a liking for black and an office full of dead things, sweeping about an old castle.

"Good, good! I'd like you to tell your students how important they are to you. We'll talk more about this next session. And do keep spending time with Mr. Lupin, you're making wonderful progress!"

Good. Lord.

***

"...How *important* they are to me," Severus grumbled, glaring blankly at Lupin.

"And... er... have you?"

"Yes. I said thank god they had enough brain signals to be let into the school, otherwise I'd be out of a job," Severus shrugged.

"Well... I see." Remus sighed. "You know, I'm starting to think maybe this therapy *was* a bad idea. At least at this point."

"Tell that to Albus."

"I might," Remus said, frowning. "And honestly, I've seen a remarkable difference. You're civil, and you seem... well..."

"What?" Severus snapped. He hated when the werewolf beat around the bush like this.

"You just seem more like your old self."

"I see." Severus hadn't though he'd *stopped* being his 'old self'.

"Er... would you perhaps like to catch a film this weekend?"

"Excuse me?" What as Lupin on about now?

"Oh, I just have fondness for muggle films. There's a very nice little theater in London that's not too far from Diagon Alley. I was going to go this Saturday... You're welcome to join me..."

Lupin was soliciting his company. He was actually going out of his way to invite him somewhere. This was... unexpected.

"I do not generally enjoy excursions into Muggle London," Severus said flatly.

"Oh." The man looked actually dejected. "Well... perhaps we could... do something else, if you'd like."

Damn. Apparently the invitation had nothing to do with Lupin not wanting to go alone, but with doing something together. Severus considered this. His therapist would want him to. She'd be enthused beyond all belief. She would probably have some sort of aneurysm, should he tell her he had agreed to spend more time with Lupin of his own accord.

"I'm busy," he said, feeling a small rush of twisted glee at the words.

"Of course. It was silly to ask." Lupin gave one of those quavering, half-hearted smiles he was rather known for. //Oh good god...//

"I suppose I could spare a few moments for tea," Severus reluctantly agreed.

"Really? Wonderful." Lupin seemed *pleased* that he wanted to spend time with him. //You always imagined he had some sort of an obsession with you.//

"Yes. Well," Severus shrugged, feeling suddenly very uncomfortable. He cleared his throat, and excused himself quickly. Lately, Lupin (Remus, whatever he felt like referring to the man as) made him rather nervous. He wasn't entirely certain why. Were his therapist at all capable, he'd mention the feelings to her. But she was a madwoman, and didn't understand him at all. He supposed he'd simply have to work through this himself. Why would Remus Lupin make him nervous? Well, he *was* a werewolf. The creatures made Severus uncomfortable generally, so it would stand to reason that Remus would make him uncomfortable specifically. But it was actually *very* hard to equate slobbering, child eating monster with Remus Lupin. Remus... he more brought to mind the image of a rather unkempt puppy. The sort with overly-large eyes and a tattered ear. Quite possibly with darling little spots that made children squeal in delight. Puppies sometimes made Severus uncomfortable, but that was because of their unfortunate habit of widdling on everything. Lupin didn't seem to have that sort of problem, or so Severus hoped.

This train of thought was getting him nowhere, other then to growl in frustration at the memory of a long line of well-meaning puppies who had ruined priceless artifacts due to their lack of bladder control. He gave up. There was just something about the man he didn't like. He put him off... Come to think of it, it was a vaguely familiar sensation. He frowned, deciding maybe he *would* speak to his therapist about it.

***

"Well, where do you think you've had these feelings before?" his therapist asked, thoughtfully.

"I've no idea," Severus shrugged.

"Forget about Mr. Lupin," she suggested. "Just focus on the feelings."

"Fine." He closed his eyes, and focused very hard on his feelings.

"Are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling *something*," Severus growled. He was feeling like he wanted to strangle her.

"What makes you feel this way? Everything that has ever made you feel like this..."

"Being tardy. Apprehension. Evan Rosier. A crisis. Disorganization." He ticked off a list of anything that had ever brought out a similar emotion in him. Everything that he could remember, at least.

"Evan Rosier... I don't think we've talked about him."

"He died a very long time ago," Severus said, really not wanting to discuss *that* with her.

"Oh. My. You know a lot of dead people, don't you? I think we ought to talk about this..."

"I fought in two wars, woman, of *course* I know dead people!" She was completely daft.

"Tell me about Evan."

"No." Severus didn't want to. They had been friends, they had been more, and Evan was dead. That was the end of it, in his mind. It wasn't something he thought about often; it was long ago and part of a past he had buried, with good reason.

"Why did he make you uncomfortable?"

"That is none of your business," Severus snapped, "we were good friends."

"And that made you uncomfortable?"

"No! Evan is not the issue, Lupin is. Evan... for the love of... I fancied him back in school!" Severus admitted, folding his arms over his chest like a petulant child.

"Who?" his therapist asked, innocently. "Evan, or Mr. Lupin?"

***

How dare she! How dare the blasted woman even think of suggesting such a thing! He did *not* fancy Lupin! He didn't even *like* Lupin! The man made him *uncomfortable*--and not in the fancying manner! In the... the... Well, he didn't know what manner of discomfort Lupin caused, but it wasn't *that* way. Certainly not.

"Severus?"

"What?!?" He whirled around, quite angry at being shaken out of his reverie. Especially by the very *object* of his reverie...

"Er... my potion?" Lupin licked his lips nervously.

"I don't fancy you."

There was a moment of very surprised silence. Lupin blinked, as though trying to clear his head. "I... well..."

"Ahem." Severus tried to think of a good explanation for what he had just said.

"Lupin." Well, it was a start.

"No," Lupin shook his head, "that's fine. I appreciate you telling me up front. We'll just forget about this Saturday, then."

"Yes?" That wasn't the reaction he had been expecting. It was as though Lupin thought it perfectly normal that Severus had simply announced his lack of interest. And what did Saturday...? Oh. Lupin had asked him to see a film. It had been a... well, he supposed it was a date. Lupin fancied *him*.

"I'll just take my potion, thank you."

"Yes," Severus said, suddenly not entirely sure of anything. Lupin fancied him. And the time they spent together *was* rather pleasant. Lupin just snatched his potion from the desk and retreated quickly.

***

"So you think you might have feelings for Mr. Lupin?"

"Good lord, do you listen to a word I say? How else could you interpret the sentence 'I believe I may have feelings for Lupin'? Is there *anything* between those hideously adorned ears of yours?"

"Mr. Snape, I did *not* spend a week studying how to be a magical therapist to take this sort of abuse!"

"Excuse me?" Severus sat up. "A week? And exactly how did you *become* a therapist?" Such a thing normally took years of intense training. The wizarding psyche was a rather complicated one.

"Mr. Lockhart's eight step course!" she beamed brightly. Severus stared at her blankly, pulled out his wand and incinerated her therapy certificate.

"I believe our relationship is over, good day."

***

That took care of that. Severus *would not* pander to a woman who's professional credentials came from a camp lunatic. He folded his hands over his chest, glaring morosely at his desk. The entire undertaking had been little more than a joke. And he'd had to spend time with Lupin. And Lupin fancied him. And the idiot woman thought that *he* fancied Lupin. Which he didn't. And he certainly didn't obsess over Lupin. And Lupin did *not* make him feel the way Evan used to. And all this denial was *not* because he really *did* fancy Lupin and didn't want to admit it.

But it most likely was.

Taking a deep breath, Severus stormed through the corridors, heading towards Lupin's office. He would settle this once and for all.

"Lupin!" He pounded on the werewolf's door, rigid and disgruntled.

"Severus... come in. Is everything all right?" Lupin looked concerned. Severus glared at him, grabbed him round the shoulders, and kissed him firmly.

"Everything is fine. I'll be by Saturday for your blasted tea."

He turned on his heel, and left a very flustered-looking Lupin standing in his office. A flustered and probably rather happy Lupin. Maybe therapy *hadn't* been such a bad idea...