"We have to talk, we cannot just leave any of this unsolved. I don't think you realize how agoanizing this is. Ever since I became a Backstreet Boy I wondered if my girlfriends liked me for who I really was. When I started to date you, I didn't even stop to question it. What did I do wrong?" Ok, first he shows up at my place begging to come in, and now he wants answeres out of me? I wanted to tell him, but i did not know how. It would rip him apart. That we could still be together, but i was to cowardly to let it happen.
The truth was, i was scared. Seeing Joce and lekan get together, it made me realize. What is we didn't last forever. Nick and i had had one and a half years, the happiest in my life, and i never wanted Nick to leave my life. If he dumped me, he would leave, but if we were just friends, we'd be friends forever.
So, I lied to him. "There is nothing you did wrong. I just don't love you anymore."
I couldn't stand to watch his reaction. One of two things could happen. One, he could buy my lie and be absolutly heartbroken. Two, he wouldn't buy it. Then he'd just be mad.
"But I still love you." Looked like option number one. Looking at the floor, I could see that he was crying. Or maybe it was the ceiling leaking.
Or maybe it was me.
"I don't know what I can say." I honestly didn't. How do you tell someone that you've been in love with for one and a half years, and still are in love with them, that you don't care for them in that way.
"Tell me why you stopped loving me so suddenly." He said. I cringed. Why was he making this so hard? That's exactly what I was hoping he wouldn't say.
"Nick it's not that I don't care for you. It's not that I don't have feelings for you. But this way is better. A friendship will last forever. Dating doesn't always last forever."
That enraged him. I guess he picked a little from column A and a little from column B. "So.. you dumped me because it wouldn't last forever? How do you know it wouldn't last forever, and what kind of friendship is this?" He shouted. I squeezed my eyes shut. This is not happening.. this is not happening...
I opened my eyes, and I was staring right at him. His eyes wewn't a warm blue anymore. Instead they were ice cold.
But I stood my ground. "Maybe I was scared Nick, okay? Maybe I loved you too much! How can you be mad at me when you don't even know? You have no clue, do you?" There were so many things I wanted to say to him. I wnated to tell him that i hated fighting with him and i didnt do this for fun. I wanetd to tell him that he did not look like himself when his eyes were that depressed. But most of all i wnated to tell him how much i still loved him.
I walked over to the couch and slumped down. "Nick, you should go."
I looked up, and I saw my door hanging open. He had already left.
