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{Becks} Why did Posh marry Beckham?
Because he is the only guy who can lob Seaman at 40 yds!


What have David Beckham and trains got in common? {Becks}
They both go in and out of Victoria.





BECKS WALKS INTO A SPERM DONOR CLINIC...

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor clinic and says to the receptionist, "I would like to donate some sperm."

"Certainly, sir" replies the receptionist. "Have you donated before?"

"Yes," Beckham replies, "You should have my details on your computer."

The receptionist types into the computer and says, "Ah, yes, but I see you will need some help. Would you like me to call Posh Spice for you?"

Beckham is confused. "Why do I need help to donate some sperm?" he asks.

"Well," replies the receptionist. "According to our records, it says that you are a useless wanker."


____________________________________________________________________
David Beckham walks into a pub...
{Posh and Becks} David Beckham walks into a pub
The barman says, "Pint, Dave?"
Beckham replies "No, just a half then I'm off."





[To the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody" (QUEEN)]

Is this his real life
Or is it just fantasy
Caught in the headlines
No escape from publicity

Open your eyes,
Look to the tabloids And see

I'm just a rich boy,
Who likes the Publicity
Because I kick them high,
Kick them low
Wear my wife's under clothes.
Hit me with a big fine.
Doesn't really matter to me, to me

Victoria I've just kicked a man
Then I turned my head
Saw the referee's card was red

Victoria life is just not fair
But now I've gone and done it all again

Mama oooooo
I did mean to kick him
I know I'll lose another weeks wages tomorrow
Carry on
Carry on
Because the money don't really matter

Lately I can do no right
My life is just a mess
But I really couldn't care less
Goodbye, everybody
I'm off abroad
Because I'm under Victoria's thumb again

Mama oooooo
I don't mean to whine
I sometimes wish I'd never left home at all.

I see your little satin thong,
Victoria Victoria will you please let me wear it,
Sir Alex looks very very angry to me

Ferguson (Ferguson)
Ferguson (Ferguson)
Ferguson, I've got to go,
I've got to go ooooooooo

I'm just a petulant git nobody loves me
He's just a petulant git from a small family,
Can't blame his wife for his notoriety

Easy come easy go
Red card the ref will show,
Referee nooo you cannot send me off
(send him off)
Referee you must not send me off
(send him off)
The referee's gone and sent me off
(sent me off)
I'll have an early bath
(early bath)
Another early bath
(early bath)

No No No No No No No
Man Utd Man Utd Man Utd
Man Utd will not let me go
Barcelona has a pay rise for me eeeee

Yes I think I can kick them on the thigh
Yes they hate me and I don't care why
Oh Brooklyn, I want to join AC
I'd like to sign tomorrow

Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
None of this matters,
Nothing really matters to me

I'll do anything that Posh tells me ee-ee-eee-ee...





Why does Posh...
{Becks} Why does Posh Spice always go on top
when she and Beckham are having sex?
Because, Beckham can only fuck up!


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