[ t h e l i f e o f a g i r l ]
Welcome to "The Life of a Girl," an Our Weird Life Original Story™. Yes, the disturbed folk at Peanut Gallery Productions (a div. of Samarican Industries) once again bring you the real-life stories from beyond reality. Come with us into the depths of a world where the fickle thrive. Let us take you, now, into the life of confusion, the life of manipulation, the life of attraction, the life of a girl!!
(Disclaimer: The names have been changed to hide the identity of the guilty, at the request of the guilty party. Some system, ain't it?)
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the girl
Enter Nicole. Her friends call her Nikki. She is 14. She is a normal American girl. She has lots of purses; lots of clothes; lots of shoes; and lots of purses, clothes, and shoes strewn all over her room. But one thing that may separate her from the masses of girls in America is that she has lots of boys. No, they aren't strewn all over her room. They're all together in a great big boy buffet in her church youth group. Nikki's life isn't as happy-go-lucky as it may seem, though. With great gifts come great responsibilities...or complications, in this case. With so many boys to choose from, MIS kicks in. That is, Multiple Infatuation Syndrome. With so many boys to like, her affections are spread to thin, like jam on bread. Didn't Bilbo Baggins say that, too? Oh well. These are the stories of her struggles and conflicts and relationships in that great boiling caulderon called Youth.
the beginning
Our saga begins with Nikki and the skunk named Jeff. Jeff may not be a skunk, per se, but he did dash Nikki's feelings against the rocks of his own selfish desires. Well, maybe I'm destined for hyperbole, but you get my point, regardless of the blatant bias I display. Anyway, Nikki liked Jeff. Jeff knew. Jeff asked (one of) her best friends out and voila! they're a couple! That "friend," Elizabeth, knew exactly what she was doing and gleefully assisted in ripping her own friend's heart out. There I go again. You'll have to tell me when I start to fly off the handle. Moving on, Nikki's heart was broken, she was betrayed, and she wanted nothing more than to leave it all behind. And the opportunity presented itself.
Nikki's father wanted to move to a community in a town 300-something miles away. Wow, lucky break, huh? Nikki is exhilarated! A new town, a new school, a new life–what more could she want? She even got to visit the town, and she loved it. Especially because of all the boys to pick from. Yes, Nikki was in heaven. Of course, the "community'' put the "commun-" in Communist. Everything was regulated from TV programs one watched to when someone could date. And your neighbors watched you. But Nikki didn't care. She was so eagar to move. Until Jason came along.
Jason swept her off he feet. All of a sudden, Nikki changed her mind. She didn't want to leave. How quickly one's feelings and opinions vacillate in the swift and sudden gust of a crush. Nikki's move was scheduled for sometime during the summer. Well, summer came and went, but Nikki stayed. Her father couldn't get a job because no jobs were open, so they couldn't move, which meant...Nikki was happy! Of course, come to find out Jason played her, and he entered the Skunk Hall of Fame. Nikki wasn't heartbroken, though. Nikki got right up, grabbed a new plate, and went back out to the Boy Buffet.
Interesting little subplot: Nikki's younger sister, Anne, had a great big hairy crush on Joe, who was going out with Hermia. Anne was REALLY mad during those days when they were a couple.
the new age of nikki
Nikki was happy, once again. She had found AJ. AJ is seventeen and recently got his braces off. And whatever his parents paid for them was apparently worth it. Jasmine (you will here more about this dazzling character later) raved about his wonderful, extraordinary, unbelievably perfect teeth were the nicest teeth she had ever seen. Of course, AJ was already taken by Heather. So Nikki had to worship him from a distance. But Nikki wasn't content with such a relationship. Nikki had to devise a plan.
the grand scheme
Now, manipulation isn't some random, mindless thing that one does in order to make things come out she wants them to. It is a science of precision and strategy. When you belittle manipulators, you belittle all the generals and military geniuses that ever were. Manipulation, while not the most wholesome activity to participate in, is a game of behavioral calculations. Nikki employed these techniques in an attempt to lure AJ into her arms. Nikki decided to use the jealousy approach. She would play Jason (who deserved it) and tear AJ away from Heather, whom Nikki said AJ was using to get back at his old girlfriend Jaci. And the plan began to work! AJ, it seemed, was getting slightly jealous, when Nikki's own jealously for an old flame was awakened.
the old flame
Well, it wasn't quite an "old flame." Yes, she liked Joe, and in fourth grade, she did corner him in the locker room and kiss him. Yet an ember still burned for him. Enter the dazzling Jasmine. Charming and glamorous, she discovered Joe and immediately joined the competition over him. Anne (Nikki's sister), Nikki, and Jasmine began to compete for his affections. Nikki and Anne forfeited and chose to leave Jasmine with her prize, but they quickly jumped back in the race when it was clear Joe wasn't smitten with the dazzling Jasmine just yet. During one incident, Joe was twisting Jasmine's hand (how romantic), and Jasmine's elbow "popped" up, knocking poor Nikki's hot chocolate onto her new shirt. Well, Anne eventually forfeited once again and then there were two. During this time, Nikki was chasing two rabbits and riding another. Nikki was told over and over that it wouldn't work. But it didn't phase her. She was having fun. Her friends told her,"Dan likes you. Dan's cute. Go out with Dan!" But she liked a challenge and she was having fun, so she dismissed the wise counsel of her friends. But pretty soon, Nikki would throw her scheme out the window in favor for an easier, more fruitful plan.
the camp
The time to go to camp came around. Nikki and Jasmine each had their own gameplans, and they were ready to do battle. All in good fun, of course. On Monday, after the weekend of fun, they both looked extremely satisfied. The tables had turned. Jasmine was victorious; Joe was hers. However, she had to wait two weeks to be his official "girlfriend." He had promised his old girlfriend he wouldn't get another girlfriend for two weeks. But Jasmine's experience wasn't as easy as it seems. Ashlee, the scourge of everyone's lives, was right on Jasmine's heels, breathing down her neck, up in her face. Why? Her unhealthy obsession with Joe drives her to terrorize any girl who goes after him. She thinks Nikki is her best friend, though, even though Nikki cringes at the very mention of Ashlee's name. Anyway, despite the perturbations, Jasmine got her man.
Nikki had an equally uplifting experience. She had an epiphany. Nikki realized that she didn't like Joe enough to challenge Jasmine, that she was wasting her time with Jason, and that AJ was way out of her league, being seventeen and all. Who could make her see things from a different light like this? What amazing person could make her realize the futility of her efforts? Only one person. Well, maybe two or three, but he got there first. He is...Dan. Yes, the Dan that her friends told her to go out with. The Dan that had a crush on her for years. The Dan that was so incredibly sweet to her during camp that she was swept off her feet. Nikki was happy. Dan was happy. Jasmine was happy. Joe was happy. Everyone was happy. Oh, wait, except for Ashlee. No, Ashlee was mad, very mad. But other than that, they are all happy.
But wait! We can't forget about Anne! Anne is happy, too! She caught the eye of Matt, Jason's younger brother who had a crush on Nikki for the longest time. He got over Nikki at camp, and Anne has been working her magic on him. Ah, ::sniff:: one big happy family!
the plot thickens
Well, things couldn't stay smooth and easy for too long. Oh, no. While Nikki and Dan are getting along splendidly, it's been harder for Jasmine and Joe. Joe turns out to be rather mild for Jasmine's taste. For example, Joe does not consider a six month relationship to be serious. Jasmine is also miffed at the way he doesn't want to holds hands. You see, where Jasmine came from, all the guys were pervs. She didn't like it at all, of course. Granted, the guys at the Boy Buffet are much more mature, but Jasmine would like to be shown a little affection. Jasmine and Nikki's friends joked about Joe being gay, but they figured out that he was just traumatized by Nikki when she and many other girls ganged up on him when she was in the fourth grade. They cornered him and kissed him til he eventually was afraid of even holding hands with a girl. Jasmine is hoping to bring him out of his shell. With Jasmine's help and some good psychoanalysis, Joe will be good as new, hopefully. Also, Anne hasn't had it easy at all. Matt went back to his old ways and is liking Nikki again. But Anne still has hope. She's still writing "I love Matt" on her hand.
the matchmaker
Nikki, Jasmine, and Anne signed up to help with the harvest party, and as fate would have it, Joe said he couldn't come, much the the dismay of Jasmine. Jasmine fired up the guilt machine and made Joe feel sincerely guilty for missing the party. Now, Dan would be there, and Matt would be there, but not Joe. And after Nikki had finished her "shift," she snatched up Dan and went on the hayride fifty times. Oh, and we can't forget to mention that they switched name tags. Awww! How sweet! Moving on: While Nikki and Dan were out having fun, Jasmine and Anne were managing the Plinko game and the golf game. Jasmine saw Matt and went to talk with him. Anne's jealousy rose up; the green monster of envy reared it's ugly head. The dazzling Jasmine was stealing her man. How dare she! Once Jasmine came back over to Anne, Anne's indignation was too much for her to contain, and she proceeded to accost Jasmine. But Jasmine stopped her and began to explain what exactly she was talking about with Matt. Anne went from protest to praise and lavished Jasmine with her gratitude. Jasmine had convinced Matt to stop liking Nikki and to like Anne. He had always liked her a little, but Jasmine was the one who finally brought them together. Nikki and Dan stopped by and invited Matt and Anne to come with them on the hay ride. As they were walking off, Nikki assured Jasmine that she would be OK running two games all by herself. And they were gone. Jasmine was left to keep the kids from stealing the candy and fighting with the putters, to fetch the golfballs and maintain order among the grimey little childern. Her boyfriend never showed, and she was abandoned by her friends, but Jasmine knew that she had succeeded in making Anne's dreams come true. (Oh yeah, and now Anne owes her a great big favor in return.)
the dazzler
Strike that last statement from the record. Jasmine the Dazzler has lured one more sailor to the rocky waters. Not on purpose, though. I mean, guys just throw themselves at her. It reminds one of a Karen Carpenter song: "Why do birds suddenly appear/ Everytime you are near?/ Just like me, they long to be/Close to you." Yes, Jasmine dazzled Matt. Anne has given up Matt and boys in general. She's not going to waste time on them anymore. At least that's what she says. Nikki said that, but she soon had another crush. Jasmine, on the other hand, no matter how much she tries, can't tear herself away from boys. She even scared poor girl-phobic Joe with a butt-pinch. She's rather friendly sometimes. But we'll have to wait and see what comes of Nikki's match made in heaven, Anne's swearing-off of boys, and Jasmine's guy problems.
the obstacle
Alas, poor Nikki! She has been grounded from church! Things were going perfectly and then one ill-fated argument with her father and POOF! She's grounded. Jasmine's plans weren't affected though. She can still catch a ride with Anne, who isn't grounded. Jasmine is thoroghly bummed, though. She doesn't have Nikki to pal-around with. For intance, when the time comes for the corn maze, Jasmine and Joe might be grouped with Ashlee. Now Nikki isn't completely grounded from church, though. She gets to go to Sunday morning services, but no Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, or any church functions. She'll only get to see Dan once a week. Will Nikki's dad's heart soften? Will Jasmine be stuck with Ashlee? Will Dan find a new, freer girlfriend? Stay tuned to The Life of a Girl!
the labyrinth of love
While Nikki stayed home, isolated and alone, Jasmine, Joe, Anne, and Matt were all having fun in the corn maze. Jasmine and Joe got lost in the maze because some dufus stole all the markers. People kept jumping out and scaring Jasmine so Joe had to protect her. She said he held her close and comforted her. Needless to say, Jasmine liked it. He was coming out of his shell. Maybe he doesn't need psycotherapy. Maybe all he needed was a good butt-pinch. They were the last ones out of the maze because they were afraid to cheat.
Anne had a wonderful time, too. Matt's fickle affections had caused her to give up on boys. She quickly changed her mind when Matt linked arms with her in the corn maze. Apparently, a guy will only link arms with a girl he likes. That was good news for Anne. Until Fickle Matt changed his mind again. Fickle, fickle Matt. And the sad thing is, Anne is the only one who likes him. Even as a friend. You'd think a skunk lik him would take what he could get.
Of course, her poor sister, Nikki, only gets to see her beloved Dan once a week.
the betrayal
Nikki's grounding grew less and less severe as her father's anger waned like the autumn moon. Well, sort of. But that's not the point. Nikki was happy and free and had a boyfriend that liked her. Jasmine had a friend to go with her to church again and had a guy who she was sure liked her and was right on the brink of asking her out. Life was perfect. Then the unthinkable happened. Paridise was shattered by the reverberating bombination of gossip and rumor. Phil, Dan's brother and one of Anne's myriad crushes, told Anne that his brother was leading Nikki on. Well, Anne told Nikki, and needless to say, Nikki was crushed. Devastated. Her emotions were heartlessly dashed on the rocks of Dan's selfish egotistical desires, a pitiful attempt to make up for his lack of testosterone. Oh my, I don't mean to roast anybody, but sometimes I can't help it. Forgive me. Anyway, despite the fact that this ugly rumor was unconfirmed, poor Nikki sobbed for two hours, desperately hanging on to the hope that Dan wasn't playing her.
And Jasmine wasn't having a peachy time either. Joe was about to ask her out when out of the blue, he presumably stops liking her and starts liking this other chick. Jasmine doesn't know who this floozy is, but it could be the out-of-state girl he visited over Thanksgiving break. Well, Jasmine was sedate and depressed. She kept singing "I see a red door and I want it painted black..." The boys in Nikki and Jasmine's class didn't help much. They teased them, and taunted them, and otherwise tormented them with snide, stupid, and sinister comments. They jeered and jested and jovially mocked the maudlin girls. Of course, Jasmine says they do it because they like them and they know that they could never get girlfriend if they tried. But Nikki and Jasmine wouldn't go down that easy.
the avengement
As they bewept their outcast state and troubled deaf heaven with their bootless cries, the dark clouds of seething anger and dry dust of hopeless bereavement swirled and twirled, twisted and spun, wound together and unified to create a cyclone of their insatiable hunger for retaliation and their unquenchable thirst for vengeance. Fed by wrath only angry women can create, this opaque funnel of revenge gave birth to schemes and plans to wreak havoc upon the betrayers. The dastardly plan unfolded: play them like the intruments they are. Instruments of manipulation, stupid and inanimate, that are good for playing and nothing else.
the dreams
While our heroines slept, they had amazingly similar dreams. In Nikki's dream, she was in the church and Jason was helping her put on a necklace. Jason kissed her and Dan just happened to be in the room. He was angry and Nikki was happy to see him mad. In Jasmine's dream, well...her and Jason were making out in the pews. They decided that one of them should use Jason, but neither really knew what to do. Even the well-traveled Jasmine, Queen of the Midwest. Yes, they just had to deal with it as it came. And boy did it come...
the twist
It turns out that Dan was mad at Nikki (for what exactly, I don't know), but Nikki and Dan patched things up. But no, everything was not back to normal. While Nikki would've taken Dan back in a heartbeat, Dan just wanted to stay friends for now. Well, Nikki just let it roll off her back, and she pressed on, now an independant woman, because at the end of this whole ordeal, she had come out stronger and wiser.
Ah, how touching. Now Jasmine's story is laced with intrigue and woven with mystery. She heard that Joe had called her inappropriate names, but Nikki, who grew up with him, didn't think that he would say such things. On top of that, Jasmine was also miffed that Joe wasn't talking to her. I mean, he should at least say something, right? After being such a butt would he dare try move up in the ranks of Pinheads Anonymous? Well, Jasmine said that when she finally talked to him and he said that Anne had said that Jasmine said (don't you just love the grapevine?) that she didn't want to talk to him. Now where would Anne get something like that? Maybe from her little rumor mill powered by burning coals of her jealousy that the Dazzling Jasmine had dazzled one of her crushes? Ah, maybe. But as Jasmine talked to Joe, she found out that he in fact did not say those things about her. Now where did that come from? One of Jasmine and Nikki's suspects is one of Jasmine's old flames. Well, not really a flame. Not long ago, she was running a little low on self-esteem and decided to go out with this guy named Chester.
the old flame
Now Chester, he was not just "not much to look at": he was nothing to look at, nothing at all; and on top of that, he was racist (Jasmine is mixed). He wasn't exactly racist, per se, because he was in love with her. In fact, to this day he is still in love with her. He just dissed her in front of his racist friends. And Jasmine put up with it for, like, 5 months. Needless to say, this didn't expedite the self-esteem issue. But Jasmine went to visit family in the Great Midwest, and her cousin introduced her to a boy buffet of her own. Suffice it to say, Jasmine the Dazzler, Queen of the Midwest, had fun and came back with enough esteem to drop creepy little Chester. She's not a mean person so it took her a while, and she let him down eazy. 'Course Chester never stopped "loving" her and even beat up some of his friends who were making fun of her, just for her. He called her and called her, and she kept saying they were through. Chester heard about Joe, has a motive, and now is a prime suspect as the source of that nasty rumor. But that subplot has fallen by the wayside, in favor of another interesting chapter of our saga "The Life of a Girl(s)."
the player returns
We all remember Jason, right? I don't blame you if you don't. This serpintine story isn't the easiest to follow. But to recap, Jason is hot. Nikki liked Jason. Jason played Nikki. Nikki didn't know any better and learned that that's just how he is. Anyway, he called her up one day and asked if she wanted to go to a movie. She was suprised and curious, but it was a late movie, and she knew her dad wouldn't like that idea at all. He didn't really want to reschedule for an earlier time so she didn't go. That little offer pricked Nikki's curiosity and got her thinking. Meanwhile, Jasmine has apparently gotten really interested in Jason...no doubt after that dream she had...So now Jasmine and Nikki are once again fighting over the same guy. Who will win? Will Nikki's charms win Jason over? Will Jasmine dazzle Jason away from Nikki? Probably so. Stay tuned.
the professional players
Nikki and Jasmine eventually decided that Jason was only good for looking at (and dreaming about). Anne is still in love with Matt and is filled with rageful jealousy when someone even looks like they are thinking about flirting with him. But unlike Anne, Nikki and Jasmine have chosen the less agressive, more leisurely path when it comes to guys. They would rather play several boys' emotions as opposed to pursuing just one boy and have their feelings toyed with. Dan, Nikki's old boyfriend, has been staring at her since, like, forever, trying to communicate his feelings of undying love and hopeless rejection to her. Nikki finds it annoying. She really wishes he would stop. She's through with him, never to walk those dark alleys of sorrow and heartbreak again. He's a skunk, a fickle, fickle skunk, and he can't fool her into thinking he's something he's not by giving her creepy stalker stares. How could something that freaky make her give up running around playing boys with Jasmine? Or could it? (Nah, it couldn't. That was just an enticing cliff-hanger sentence to make you wait weeks for me to finally update this site. Even if she did give in to some boy's wily charms, she would still have her fun playing other guys.)
the next entrées at the boy buffet
Yes, Nikki and Jasmine have gone back for more. Matt, Nikki's sister's on/off crush whom Nikki hated for the longest time has become Nikki's object of affection. So Nikki and Anne are crushing on the same guy, which is poses a slight risk of physical danger to Nikki, since her sister summons up murderous jealousy toward anyone who even looks at Matt. Heck, she chased Jasmine like a lion would chase a fleshy gazelle when Jasmine said something about Matt. Of course, then there is Justin. Justin hasn't been very subtle in letting Nikki know he likes her. At first Nikki found this annoying. But slowly, quietly, she began to realized that he was growing on her. Not like a mold or fungus or anything, though. She was starting to think she might like him. Maybe. Possibly. And then there is Jasmine, on the other hand, knew what she wanted, and what she wanted was Andy. Out of the blue, she started pursuing him, and well, who could resist her wily charms? And they cuddled and held hands and flirted unashamedly. Then things started to fall apart...
paradise lost
Well, how long did you think it was going to last? Nikki ended up ignoring poor Justin all night long, and poor Nikki feels like she is leading Justin on, which is one of the Boy Buffet's unwritten rules of things shouldn't do but everyone does. Come to think of it, Just about every boy that Nikki and Jasmine have liked or gone out with at the Buffet has lead them on. Speaking of that, Joe and Jasmine had a war of words in which Jasmine proceeded to attack Joe's self-esteem. Or was she revealing the truth? Words were exchanged and Jasmine called Joe gay, and Joe retaliated, and Jasmine kept calling him gay. You see, Jasmine's like a bulldog: once she finds a good spot to bite down, she never lets go. Her favorite spot is the butt. Ask her about anyone and she'll tell you whether their behind is big or not. But (pardon the pun) while Joe and Jasmine were at odds, Joe and Nikki were dancing and reliving the good ol' days before the evil reign of Sophia. Nikki and Joe used to dance together all the time before Sophia arrived and decided that everything had to be her way or the highway. As Nikki and Joe danced, she started to feel like she was beginning to like him again. She's fighting the feelings now, fighting back the urge to let herself feel the stinging pain of rejection again...well, maybe it's not that dramatic, be she says that she can't like him cause he's like a brother to her, since they've known each other for forever. Jasmine wasn't as lucky. Andy ignored her the whole night. She blew it off, though, and is perfectly content to dazzle someone who wants to be dazzled. Will Nikki fall for Joe? Will Joe turn out to be gay? Can Justin win over Nikki before it's too late? Will Jasmine dazzle Andy back into her arms? Stay tuned.
the scandal
Well, Andy is history. He was a jerk, so Jasmine forgot about him. She has bigger problems to worry about. Because of her bad grades, she will be banned from the Boy Buffet. The report cards haven't been sent out yet, but she already knows that her mother will ground her when she does see them. So, Jasmine is giving up the Boy Buffet. In fact, she has moved on completely. She has been entertaining herself with Armando. Apparently, the Queen of the Midwest just couldn't wait til her trip to Indiana... Of course, it was only a casual relationship and Jasmine thinks Armando is too mean to actually date.
Not to be out done, Nikki had her own fun over the weekend. She says she has exhausted the Boy Buffet and is through with all their nitpicky rules. She went to a party at Consuela's house, and Consuela's brother (none other than Andy) brought his friends over. One of his friends was Josh. Josh and Nikki hooked up. They sat on the couch and "cuddled" (which, according to Jasmine, is just flirting), and Nikki even thought she saw Andy getting jealous. After everybody was asleep, including Consuela's parents, they made out for 3 hours. The next day, Nikki and Consuela and Consuela's boyfriend Lester have plans to go to this stupid little club, and Andy calls his sister to ask if his friends and he can hang out with them. Well, the plans fall through, so they all decided to rent a movie instead. Surprise, surprise. Nikki made out with Josh again, but this go-round, she lost track of time, but she knew it was 1:00am when it was over. Josh was a complete stranger to her, and all she knows now is that he smells good, is 16, and has a Mustang. She says she'll probably never see him again; wether or not she wants to is yet to be discovered. But now a situation has developed. Someone, somewhere has found out about Nikki's little adventure. What will happen to Nikki? Will she be locked away in a closet where her hormones can't get her into trouble? Will she be sent to a convent to live with nuns forever? Will Jasmine rekindle the flame with Armando? Find out in the next installment of "The Life of a Girl(s)."
"ho, ho, ho, who would know?"
Well, everyone would know sooner or later. Nikki couldn't contain herself and told a few people about her adventure. A few other people overheard, and all those people told other people until most everybody knew what Nikki had done last weekend. One of the people she told was Anne, her sister, who told one of her teachers who just happens to be friends with their father. Also, Consuela's mother found out, and although Nikki thought she already knew and was alright with it, she hadn't, she wasn't, and she was mad. People thinking that she allows this kind of stuff to be going on in her house would ruin her reputation. So Nikki is banned from Consuela's house indefinately. Nikki's father is mad, Consuela's mother is mad, and that's not all. News got around to her youth pastor, the manager of the Boy Buffet, and he wants to talk to her and Jasmine. Yes, somehow, a link in the gossip chain thought that Jasmine was invovled. Now, Jasmine, while she may not be the more innocent of the two girls, had nothing to do with Nikki's make-out party. The thing everyone is most upset about was what 1.) seemed like happened or 2.) could have happened. Now Nikki's not that kind of girl, and most people know that, but none of us that know her really thought she would do something like this. So it rightfully shocked everybody, but then the situation was blown out of proportion. Nikki wants to flee the state again. She wants to leave all her problems behind and move to a place where she can reinvent herself, where nobody knows about her previous life. The life of a girl.
