The Cowgirl doll..

A Gift from my brother Jerry...

I was six years old forty three years ago. It was a tough time for Mom, a single mother raising three children. It was going to be a Salvation Army Christmas for my little brother and I this year. My mom told me that Chtistmas there was no Santa Claus; that my little brother was the youngest and we had to make believe for him. She asked me could I try to understand…I said I understood…and I did...Sorta...But I just knew there was a Santa, inspite of what mom told me... and that he would come.Besides..I have always believed in

Magic...

Even then..So somehow..I just knew..he would come...
There was a store called Delchamps. They had the most wonderful dolls at the top of their fruit bins. There was a doll there I longed for with all my heart…I will never forget her.... A cowgirls doll. She was blonde…a little fringed skirt and vest…cowgirl boots and a cowgirl hat. I looked at that doll every time we went there. I never asked for her…there just wasn’t money for such things…I just stood and looked and dreamed of her and would ask Santa and God at night to let me have her for Christmas. On Christmas morning…There she was!

My COWGIRL DOLL!!!

I was so thrilled that I had been right…Santa did come!!! I stood there at six years old, the world in my hands, with that cowgirl doll…One of the happiest Christmas's of my life....I found out years later, it wasn’t Santa who came, at least not the one in the red suit. My brother Jerry, who was 15 at the time, worked at the A&P grocery store bagging groceries for tips. He saved his tips to buy me that doll. I was always “His” little sister and he always took care of me..and loved me…all my life he was like this to me..I kept her on my bed for years…I never played with her…I just wanted her sitting there…to keep and love…Besides my Santa in blue jeans gave her to me and I loved anything he gave me, so she was very precious, I treasured her.

Well, Mom wasn’t very sentimental about such things. Growing up in the depression era, I guess she was of the “old school.” If it is not used or useful give it to someone else. I never played with my doll,I kept her sitting on my bed..therefore..I wasn't "using her.." One day, I came home from school, and Mom had given my dolls away…Something, she said much later in my life, she regretted. Of course I cried and cried about them. Jerry fussed and fussed at her for doing it, but like most children, I eventually forgot...

Sorta…

It became a joke between my mom and me.. She started buying me a porcelain doll the last 4 Christmases before her death. She’d say,

”It’s been almost 40 years now Maria, don’t you think you could forgive me yet???”
“Nope!” I’d say.

And we would laugh…and she’d say, ”Lets go find you a doll for Christmas,” and we would shop and enjoy our time together…looking for a doll.

 

Fast forward November 1999...

My mother had cancer and passed away on December first 1999…Three days before that,on November 28...…My dearest brother Jerry had a massive heart attack and died... I was totally devastated the first Christmas without them and didn’t have the heart to put up the tree or decorate or any of the Christmas things I always do. Oh, I did them, for my daughter’s sake, but inside, I was just too sad for words…and I wondered if I would ever smile again…

 

November 2000

The first anniversary of Jerry’s death, I put lights on every bush and tree in my yard. I lit them all up and told him and mom this was for them…sending my love…and telling them I missed them so much…and I will admit it…asking for a sign that they were near me. That night I told my friend this story about the doll. It was a time for remembering Jerry and all he did for me during my life and, no doll from mom at Christmas was heavy on my heart...
A few days later, on December first, it was the anniversary of Mom’s death.. I went to the cemetery an hour or so drive away and took her some red roses and poinsettias, and went to visit my Aunt Bonnie, who lives in my moms home town..near where she is buried... We visited for awhile and she said…
”Oh before you leave, I have something for you.”
She took me to her bedroom and said she had given away all her doll collection to her daughter and grand daughter, part of downsizing as she grew older…but she wanted me to have one… I opened the box and it was...

A COW GIRL DOLL!

I think I was smiling from ear to ear even as the tears streamed down my face...I looked at the blonde cowgirl doll…little boots...fringed vest…cowgirl hat…and even a horse..with such joy... What had been a sad few days for me had suddenly changed in to the miracle of Christmas..And once again I was that little 6-year-old with the world in my hands.
Aunt Bonnie delivered the doll..But I know with every ounce of my being who sent her to me...and they are sitting on a cloud and mom is saying..

"Do you think she will shut up about those dolls now??"

And Jerry, my blue-jeaned Santa, is saying…

”Well Mom..you should have never given them away…”

They will be arguing still…as they did in life...as they watch over me..
The lights in my yard are shining tonite…But not shining as bright as my eyes at the Magic of Christmas and the gift I got from Mom and Jerry. Tonight I was 6 years old again and holding the world in my hands..In a cowgirl doll..and inThe love of my Mother and brother...And in My Special Christmas.. I feel so blessed… Maria LindbergCopyright 2003