DISCLAIMER: No they are not mine, but I’m trying to negotiate a deal with Santa.

CATEGORY: Christmas Fic

RATINGS/WARNINGS: PG

MAIN CHARACTER(S): Chris and Vin

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Special thanks to my beta Sherri. May the true spirit of Christmas continue to dwell in our hearts the whole year through.

He had spent most of his life alone, making his way through many hardships; the deaths of those he cared for, his own sickness or injury, and whatever else was thrown at him; without giving much thought to asking for help. Lessons learned early still held true through his young life. The only person you could truly count on was yourself. Wasn’t it?

How many times had he awakened to pain, either physical or emotional, and known that whether he lived or died mattered only to one person, himself? At least, until recently. Somehow, some of those same hard lessons had begun to take on a different hue. The only person you can truly count on is yourself, unless you’ve got six hardnosed friends watching your back. With those same six men seeming to give a damn what happens to you.

There had been a lot of new things to get used to over the past few months. After years of surviving on his own, through sheer grit and determination and answering to no one but himself, the idea of being tied down to one town for so long was still daunting. Having to account for his whereabouts and taking on more responsibilities than ever before had left him feeling a bit hemmed in at times. Still, he had to admit that it did have its benefits.

Drifting from town to town Vin had never before felt like he belonged. During his years among the native people, though he had been welcomed by most, he still had been an outsider and never fully a part of their world. Even when among his own kind, he had often been shunned as being different and unwelcome. He had taken it all with little outward animosity, never allowing the inner sting he felt at such treatment to show. Strength was survival and the least sign of weakness could prove deadly. The mask of indifference he wore like a shield was convincing enough to keep most people at a distance, unsure of the dusty stranger. Sometimes he could even fool himself, for a while.

But, among these six men he now considered friends and even a lot of the townsfolk who had come to know him, he had found something he hadn’t even realized he was missing. Something he had sought all of his life without even being aware of its strong pull. Acceptance.

This thing called friendship was almost overwhelming. It had taken some major adjustments on his part and was still likely to cause friction from time to time. Where being a friend wasn’t difficult and seemed to come naturally to the conscientious young man, accepting friendship in kind was a whole different reality. If he wanted to ride out on his own for a few days he had to be sure it wouldn’t put his friends in a bind. He also had to make sure they knew about where he might be heading and for how long. This had become a very touchy subject after the fake marshals and Eli Joe had nearly stretched his neck. While having someone fuss over you when you got so much as a splinter, let alone a measly bullet wound was annoying as hell, it also made him smile inside. And even when having someone chew your backside off for riding out alone without telling anyone or for being gone a day or two longer than expected gave way to flaring tempers, the reasoning behind such actions provided a warmth within that kindled the soul. It was strangely comforting to know someone actually gave a damn. For the first time in a long time, Vin Tanner felt like he mattered.

So why in God’s name was he riding out in the cold and snow alone on this day of all days?

"Hmph," he snorted. One day was just like the next to Vin.

Lately the feelings of being hemmed in and the fear of close ties had begun to wear on him especially hard. He couldn’t even pinpoint exactly when his misgivings about staying in the town for so long had taken root. Maybe it was the bounty hunter that had come through town a month or so back. Larabee had been all over him lately about staying close to town and not wandering off alone. In his heart Vin knew it was just Chris’s way of showing that he cared, but in his head it was only making him angry. That, on top of his growing worry that something might happen to his best friend or one of the others because of the price on his head, only heightened his unease.

"Just keep your nose out of my business and I’ll keep mine out of yourn.’"

Vin winced at the remembrance of his own last words to his best friend before they had both ridden out of town in opposite directions. The last part had held a silent message that the tracker knew by the slight twitch at his friend’s eye had hit home. A sucker punch would not have been nearly as painful as the quiet emotional jab. How had things gotten to this point?

Since meeting up with the six unlikely friends, the gunslinger had come to view his memories with a more bittersweet tinge. Still, certain days, special days, always seemed to draw his guilt and hurt to the forefront. When Larabee’s demons came calling most knew to give the man a wide berth during these periods, including his friends. Though Buck, being his oldest friend and having weathered too many days and nights of this hell right alongside the man, would stay near in case he was needed Vin was the only one brave enough to actually intervene even when the others weren’t so sure it was time. Not willing to see his best friend, the other half of his soul, wallow in self-recrimination for too long the young ex-bounty hunter was willing to challenge the man without fear. Usually his quiet ways and unabashed honesty had a calming effect on the volatile gunslinger. It never ceased to amaze the others, the ease at which Vin seemed to deal with Larabee’s moods, but none could deny the long-term results. The dark moods came less frequently and lasted for shorter periods of time.

With the Christmas holidays upon them, Chris’ mood had been stormy all week. Vin had stayed close at first as Chris had begun to drown in the depths of his painful memories, keeping a wary eye on the signs in case some type of intervention was needed. But then Buck had made a request of the tracker. After watching the recurring pattern of Larabee’s descent into his own personal hell which was a near given at this particular time of year, Buck had done something he hadn’t really meant to do, and yet felt obligated to.

Though at first a little put out by Vin’s ease at slipping into the role of Chris’ best friend, the ladies’ man had quickly realized that he hadn’t actually been replaced. He still held the role of Chris’ oldest friend and that would never change. The relationship the leader and sharpshooter shared was different. Buck was even now willing to admit it was somewhat deeper. The two fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. Separate they were vital, important, but together they seemed complete and a definite force to be reckoned with. It was with a sense of concern for this newly formed bond that he had said anything to Vin at all. Knowing how Chris felt about the holidays and nearly having his own head taken off by a very drunk and angry Larabee before, he had warned, no, asked Vin to give the man some room. Just let the holidays pass.

At first Vin had been reluctant, wanting to help Chris in some way, but Buck had known the gunslinger longer. Maybe the ladies’ man was right. Everyone had their demons and dealt with them as best they could. It wasn’t as if Chris had never been down before. It was just that there was something different this time. Something about the holiday that sent his friend into a deeper hurt.

As the gunslinger had become increasingly belligerent Vin began distancing himself without fully realizing it. The tracker also got caught up in his own agenda for the holiday, spending more time on his own. Then on the day before Christmas Eve everything had seemingly come to a head. Tempers flared and painful words were thrown about. Then the two had parted ways, leaving the others to stare at their retreating forms in shock.

Vin would be the first to admit that he had been wrong. He hadn’t been sleeping well for the last few days. Worried about Chris, and still with thoughts of moving on foremost on his mind, nightmares had surfaced. Past trials, along with prospective future outcomes, had him seeking solace in wandering the town at wee hours of the morning. Many of those mornings he had also noticed his best friend suffering the same fate. Too many times Vin had seen the man sitting outside the boarding house, lost in his own thoughts. Couple the restless nights with days full of a multitude of tasks he had determined to finish before he rode out to continue his own traditions and you had a man at the end of his tolerance.

Not being one to spend a lot of time among other people Vin had spent most holidays on his own, communing with nature where he felt the most at home. To say he celebrated at all was a big stretch. He knew about most of the customs, but was just beginning to really understand the meaning and reasons behind them. Josiah was more than happy to relate the Christmas story to him, along with a few others tales of the season. Mary spoke about family and how much it meant to be with those you cared about during the holiday. She and Billy had left for the Judge’s just a few days before. Even the other fellows had felt compelled to share some of their fondest Christmas memories while sitting around the table at the saloon one night, since Chris was riding patrol or avoiding them or both. Everyone seemed to have at least one special Christmas that stuck out in their minds.

Only Vin didn’t have any memories of his own to share and had quickly excused himself before his turn came about. He hadn’t really needed to check on Peso and the others probably knew that too. But he had never before felt so different and alone as he had at that moment. It had only served to reaffirm his doubts about why he was still in this town.

Not one to dwell on the things he couldn’t change he decided to do something about it. With the same tenacity that had driven him to survive the depravity and hardships of life he decided to change his outlook on Christmas. He might not have ever celebrated before, but from what everyone had told him it was a time to be thankful for friends and family, something Vin Tanner had not had for a very long time. Now that he did, he intended to make the most of it.

The little kid in Vin Tanner began to rear its cute little head. Helping Billy Travis make a present for his mother had been just the beginning. Josiah had found out that the wily tracker had been all over town helping out. He had helped the Potter children find a cottonwood tree to decorate. The expert hunter had killed at least two turkeys and five rabbits for some of the outer lying families to eat for their dinners. The thoughtful young man had even built a manger for the Christmas pageant Josiah had organized. All of it done quietly and as anonymously as possible.

It had taken up a lot of his time on those sleepless nights and worrisome days, but Vin had worked hard to prepare gifts for his newfound family. With very little capital funds Vin relied mostly on nature to give him the tools and supplies he needed, along with the building and carpentry skills he had picked up along the way. Getting some left over lumber from one of the families he had given one of the turkeys to, he made a flower box each for Mary, Nettie, and Inez. For Josiah he had made a bookshelf for his room in the back of the church. For Nathan he had gathered herbs and roots he had been taught could help in healing, then put them in a special pouch he had fashioned, also building a small wall cabinet for some of the healer’s medical supplies.

JD had complained about never being able to find all of his things at the livery, so Vin had made a box for him to keep in his horse’s stall. Buck’s bridle was beginning to look a bit worse for wear, so Vin decided to finish up the one he had been making for himself and give it to the ladies’ man.

Ezra’s gift had taken some thought. The gambler was a bit more particular and Vin had been hard pressed to figure on something fitting for the fastidious cardsharp. Inez herself had unwittingly helped to provide an answer when she let it slip that Ezra kept his more personable items such as his cufflinks and ring on his dresser. She had seemed surprised that he didn’t have a special box for such items, and thus the keepsake box was built from the barest hint of a memory Vin had of one he had seen as a child. It really wasn’t much and Vin had tried to adorn the outside of it with some carving work that somehow seemed appropriate. It would have to do and as so many people had told him, it was the thought that counted.

He hadn’t wanted to leave out the one man he felt closest to, but the problem was that he wasn’t sure just how Chris would react to a gift. Not wanting to cause his friend any extra grief at a time that was already painful, he had opted with just fixing up a few things he knew needed doing at the little cabin that Chris had begun working on over the last few months. It wasn’t much more than a shack with a half finished corral and a lean-to for a barn. Knowing the gunslinger would probably seek refuge in his own place, the tracker had worked off and on for the last couple of days to finish up the corral, patch a couple of places in the roof, cut up some extra firewood, and then close in a portion of the lean-to in order to provide a little more protection in the worsening winter weather.

Chris had already mentioned heading out to his place just before Christmas and Vin wanted it all done beforehand.

Vin had worked out a deal with one of the local merchants to see that the presents he had made for the others were delivered on Christmas Eve. It was one thing to get caught up in the feelings of Christmas, but the tracker still wasn’t comfortable staying around. Maybe it was because Chris wasn’t going to be there and all of the others had already mentioned their plans. Nathan was going to see Rain. Josiah was planning his Christmas Eve service at the church. Ezra had worked out a special Christmas card game for some of the local cowboys without a real place to celebrate. Buck was entertaining his own type of holiday cheer. And Casey had invited JD out to eat with her and Nettie.

Nettie had tried to talk Vin into coming out, in fact all of the guys had asked him to join them in their planned festivities. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were just asking him because they felt sorry for him. Afraid to admit that the prospect of being around other people still wasn’t that easy for him, he had thanked them all for the invitations, then kindly declined. He was used to spending the holidays on his own. In the back recesses of his mind the lost child in him, the same one that had been misplaced about the same time he lost his mother, had entertained an idea, a hope, that this year might be different. Maybe this would be a chance for him to really see what all of the Christmas fuss was about. But then the doubts had crept in and the only thing he could think of was getting away for a few days. The need to regain his balance and decide for sure if he would be staying on much longer became more important than staying in town for the holiday.

He had worked diligently to get everything finished, but was beginning to suffer the fatigue of too little rest and too much work. With a stamina that surprised many, even Vin had his limits. And, like most, being tired did very little to enhance his more personable side. That was when the confrontation had taken place.

In the livery preparing the things he would need for a few days in the wilderness, he had been planning to leave the next morning early, Christmas Eve. Knowing Chris was also planning to go off to his cabin made the decision to leave easier. Less to leave behind. Rechecking his tack and making sure his saddlebags were packed he had heard the other man’s entrance into the livery. Years of tracking and paying attention to his surroundings told him who it was before he had even entered.

Not in the mood to deal with Chris’ rotten mood, he quickly told him. "I’m headin’ out for a few days. Probably head up north toward Fisher’s Peak."

Chris was startled, not even being aware of Vin’s presence until he had spoken. His own thoughts had been turned inward as they had been for the past week. Too much time dwelling on the family he had lost immediately put him at odds with the family he wasn’t currently acknowledging he had. It was gut instinct that had the words out of his mouth before realizing the implications.

"I’d rather you stay in town for now."

"Not much for being around a lot of people for the holidays."

Angry at Vin for reasons he couldn’t even put word to at the moment, he lashed out. "Damn it, Vin. You knew I was heading out and I thought you’d at least have the sense to help me out and keep an eye on things while I was gone."

That wasn’t his real reason, but to put words to his own fears was not going to happen. But it didn’t stop him from thinking about it. ‘I don’t want to come back and find out some damn bounty hunter’s killed you because you were too pigheaded to stay where somebody could watch your back.’

Vin was tired and ornery. He didn’t see a friend concerned for his health and welfare. He saw a nosy, self-centered gunslinger trying to keep him tied down. Something he feared without reason. "You’ve got five other fellas to watch things while we’re gone. It ain’t like the place is buzzin’, with a third of the town off to visit relatives."

The whole time they were exchanging words, each had unconsciously been preparing their own horses to leave. Neither had really planned on leaving until morning, but just as their words and wills began to clash, their inner needs to get away grew. Both men were fighting the same demons without even realizing it. The idea of caring for someone else came with risks, big risks that each man was trying to pull away from. Lives of prior hurts and loss were eroding the sense of well-being they usually felt in each other’s presence. At a time of the year known for bringing families together, it was the very idea of such things that was pushing these two men apart. Neither realizing the repercussions not only for themselves but for the five men they had also allowed into their lives, those same men who had heard the commotion in the livery and wandered over to investigate.

They weren’t aware of their audience, just the fear and anger that had come to a head as the two willful men locked horns like two rams vying for supremacy. They were both right and neither man was about to budge.

Each finished with his horse and led it outside into the bitter cold air, the horses snorting their own disgust with leaving the warmer air of the livery one minute and then stamping their feet in anticipation of a ride through the brisk winter day the next. Tying off their horses, the two bullheaded fools faced each other once again.

"You’re supposed to look after things when I’m not here." Chris voice held the undercurrent of a challenge as he tried to emphasize his point in his low cool voice. It was an unspoken understanding among them all that in their leader’s absence, Vin was second in command. Lowering his voice another notch he couldn’t keep back the next jibe. "I never thought you’d be one to shirk your responsibilities."

It had been a low blow, said in anger and immediately regretted after Chris saw the look of hurt that arose in the deep blue eyes that could be so veiled one moment and then so expressive the next. Windows to the soul, as the dark gunslinger had heard someone remark once. And the glimpse, though brief, he received with those last harsh words, sent a sharp pain through his own heart. Vin was one of the most responsible men he had ever met and took each and every task to heart. To even hint that the tracker would try and avoid his duty was not only ludicrous; it was like a slap in the face.

Instead of abating his anger, his own misspeaking seemed to fuel Larabee’s rage. He wanted to apologize, to tell Vin he was a fool and didn’t mean it. But those thoughts were quickly being overruled by an overwhelming sense of emotional survival, which was practically screaming at him to push Vin away before something could happen. Before he lost someone who meant everything to him. He couldn’t bear the thought of watching his family stripped from him all over again. And, without his consent or full awareness, Vin had become so much more to him than just his best friend. The thought of losing this man who was more like an extension of himself, a brother in every way but blood, was just too much to bear. So he did the cowardly thing. He tried to push him away.

"Hell, just go on. You’re going to do whatever you want to anyway and be damned the consequences."

Though his head was telling him that Larabee’s words were spoken in anger and should be taken with a grain of salt, his heart was still reeling from the verbal assault that had blindsided him. It had not surprised him that Chris had not wanted him to leave; they had been round and round about this before. But never would he have imagined his best friend would accuse him of not acting responsibly. Nothing was more important to him than the safety and welfare of his six companions and this town. He would gladly give his own life if it insured their safety.

Had either man been thinking clearly and not fighting the emotional tides of fear, anger, and anguish that were sweeping through them like wildfire, they might have realized just how like family they had become. The old adage ‘you only hurt the ones you love’ was never more fitting than at this moment.

Without rational thought Vin had struck out with the words that would continue to haunt him later.

"I ain’t no greenhorn kid, Larabee. I’ve been taken’ care a m’self most of ma life and I guess I’ll just keep on doing it." Vin’s voice dropped to a low growl with his next words. "Just keep your nose out of my business and I’ll keep mine out of yourn.’"

Chris felt his entire body tense up even more with Vin’s reply. Without another word, Vin had swung up into his saddle and ridden off like the devil himself was chasing him. It didn’t escape Chris’ attention that Vin hadn’t headed north as he had said, but south. A sudden tightness in his chest that he knew to be fear gripped the blond momentarily. South was not a direction he ever wanted to see Vin headed, especially alone.

But just as quickly he dismissed his own fears, covering them in anger at the tracker’s last words. The silent communication that served them on so many occasions had today sent an angrier message. Chris had heard Vin’s last words, but he had read something else in his best friend’s eyes. ‘Leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone to your ghosts.’ Maybe he was reading more into it than was really there, but he didn’t care at the moment. Swinging onto his own faithful steed he headed out at a barely restrained gait in the opposite direction, as five men continued to stare and wonder. ‘What just happened here?’

Chris sat at the lone table in his cabin staring down at the full glass of whiskey. The same glass he had been staring at for over an hour. Upon arriving at his homestead a few hours before he had thrown back four shots before even taking the time to start a fire in the fireplace. But the cold seeping into his every pore reminded him of the time of year. It was funny since he was now sitting almost in front of the blazing fire and yet he still felt chilled. It was a cold that ran too deep to be so easily extinguished and had nothing to do with the worsening winter weather outside.

As he continued to stare at the amber liquid that seemed to dance in the firelight he couldn’t hold back the memories. But, unlike the ones that had haunted his every day for over three years, these were a bit more recent. It had been a rough few weeks. With the nearing of the holiday he knew he had become a bear, with everyone giving him a wider berth than usual.

The seven peacekeepers of Four Corners had only been together for about eight months, but had come to understand each other fairly well in that time. The building of trust had been hard won, especially for some, but Chris and Vin had seemed to have an inherent sense of each other from the very start. With an uncanny ability to almost read each other’s thoughts, they seemed to communicate without a need for words. Though it was still unnerving at times the others had come to accept it and even rely upon it from time to time.

However, as Christmas had grown closer and closer, Chris’ mood had grown more and more sullen. They were all well aware of the reasons. After losing his wife and son, Chris Larabee had closed off his heart from the rest of the world, residing for nearly three years in a personal hell of grief and self-recrimination. Survival of his body had been second nature to the hardened gunslinger. Survival of his soul had been another matter.

Though he himself, along with most others who had known him before the loss of his family, had thought that his very soul had been lost forever. Glimpses of the man he had been before the tragedy, along with the building of a new life and sense of purpose, had seemed to start one day on the dusty street of Four Corners when Chris had made the conscious decision to join in saving the life of a man he didn’t even know. That one decision had led to a lot of changes. Chris had united with Vin in saving Nathan’s life that day, and in retrospect started out on a whole new one for himself. An innocent man nearly hung and two men joined together to rectify the situation. Chris Larabee’s lonely world had taken a decidedly interesting turn with a glance, a nod and two guns.

After that Vin just always seemed to be there. From day one he seemed to have a sixth sense about what was needed and when. He knew when Chris needed silent companionship and offered it willingly and he also seemed to know when the gunslinger needed someone to knock some sense into him and was obliged to do that as well. With a reputation that had him sounding like the devil’s spawn, most people steered clear of the black clad gunslinger. A green eyed glare was enough to make many a would-be outlaw tuck tail and run without a shot being fired. But one thing that both impressed and sometimes infuriated the seven’s leader was that Vin didn’t seem affected in the least by his deadly reputation or his darker moods. Their relationship was comfortable, like a safe haven when the storms of life would rage.

With such an easygoing manner it took a lot to get the tracker riled, but once done it was best to stay out of his way. There were a few times when it had been Chris’ job to rein in his friend’s temper and he couldn’t help but wonder how the younger man did it for him, in addition to the others sometimes, and made it look so damn easy. He usually ended up threatening to shoot Tanner a couple of times before the task was completed.

But the ease of their relationship and that silent communication hadn’t been working lately. Not that Chris’s choice to withdraw from the festive atmosphere of the world around him had helped. A question still burned in his mind. Why had Vin pushed him so hard today? Of all of the others, his best friend should have understood the pain he was in. Even Buck, though the man had known him the longest, didn’t seem to have the understanding that the blue eyed tracker did. Buck knew who he had been, but was still grappling with the man Chris was now, while Vin seemed to just know him and accept him as he was.

It wasn’t something easily explained. Though each had led very different lives both had survived great losses. There was a kinship between them that was stronger than blood bonds and more important to each of them than they could give voice to. But, like some of the best things in life, it was sometimes taken for granted.

Another question drew him away from his personal battle with a startling result. Feeling his gut clench with an all too familiar worry he thought back on the last few days. He hadn’t seen Vin much. So caught up in his own demons, had he missed something? Was something bothering Vin?

Looking up to stare out the window of the cabin, or shack as Vin liked to refer to it, he remembered his initial reaction to the things that Vin had done around his little sanctuary. The expanded corral, replaced shingles, extra firewood, and closed in lean-to were things he had been meaning to get to recently and knew he had likely mentioned to his friend in passing. There had been no doubt in his mind of who had completed the tasks or why. Probably Vin’s idea of a Christmas present for him.

What had surprised him was his initial anger. The thought of someone else out here when he wasn’t left him feeling infuriated. But it was just Vin. The same man he had given an open invitation to use his place whenever he liked, even though he wasn’t sure the tracker would feel comfortable taking him up on the offer without first checking with him. Figuring his irrational thoughts and emotions were likely tied to the stress of the past weeks, along with the lack of food he’d been unable to stomach and the rest that had eluded him, he turned his mind elsewhere.

Noticing the glowing night sky with new interest, worry invaded his mind once more. It was beginning to snow. Vin would have known that. He would have been prepared. But the dang fool got chilled so easily. Had he taken a heavier coat than that ratty buckskin thing he held on to so fiercely? Had he taken extra blankets? There wasn’t enough fat on the scrawny tracker to properly insulate him from the bitter winter cold and with the addition of snow… Chris huffed out a breath at such thoughts.

It wasn’t as if Chris could have stopped Vin from leaving, no matter how much he may have wished to. Dealing with his memories was hard enough without worry about the health and safety of his best friend. He should have noticed that the younger man was getting antsy and would likely head out for a few days. Vin had said once that he wasn’t much for celebrating the holidays, though Chris figured the choice was due more to a lack of any good memories to fall back on rather than his own reasons of recollections that caused too much sorrow.

It struck him that the emotional turmoil that had been his constant companion since his family’s death had begun to change over the past few months. Sitting back in his chair and turning back toward the blazing fire his eyes fell again upon the full glass on the table. His thoughts turned wistful.

The memories still came, along with the nightmares and the guilt, but unlike the constant barrage of horrifying images of their last moments and the way he had found his world in ashes, he actually had begun to recall the good times more often. He remembered almost smiling when he had spoken to Vin about the way Sarah had run him out of his own home when he came back one night smelling like one of Buck’s ladies.

Chris and Buck had been in one of the local towns looking for some new stock and the ladies’ man had been up to his usual antics. Though the married man had refrained from joining in, somehow during a rather tense moment involving an overzealous former client of the young lady in question, the blond had been doused with some of her rather loud perfume. He had tried taking a bath, but didn’t have a change of clothes. Having become accustomed to the smell and not realizing how much he reeked of the fragrance, he had headed home and ended up spending the night in the barn for it.

Vin had listened quietly as Chris had shared this bittersweet memory that was so close to his heart, then smiled that shy lopsided grin of his. It had hurt to tell the tracker about it, but in the end had loosed a flood of similar times of joy and happiness that he had suppressed in his grief. He finally felt free to remember the good times instead of constantly punishing himself with the more horrible images, both real and imagined.

Vin had given him that gift with his quiet and honest companionship. And the unspoken assurance he gave that anything Chris said would be kept within the tracker’s own heart and mind unless otherwise instructed. The natural trust that had developed almost instantly between the two world worn men wasn’t something that either of them had spoken of, it was just an inherent fact that both men cherished without even realizing how much each relied upon it for their own survival.

Still sitting in the confines of his cabin, Chris felt another chill run through him and looked to notice that the fire had died down. How long had he been sitting at this same table staring at the same glass of whiskey and thinking… Thinking about Vin. He couldn’t help but wonder where the younger man had ridden off to. The tracker’s original plans had been to head north, but in his ire he had ridden to the south. Hopefully the experienced outdoorsman was tucked in somewhere nice and warm with a mug of the thick mud he called coffee in front of a roaring fire.

As he imagined the tracker trying vainly to defend the strong brew he was known to make against the incessant teasing of the others, Chris felt a slight smile tug at his lips. He also wondered if the younger man had taken an entire bag of sugar with him as well. Though the rugged tracker could and most often did drink his coffee black, there were the occasional times that the gunslinger had caught his friend slipping sugar into the steaming mug. A lot of sugar. It was little times like this that seemed to bring out the hidden inner child in his best friend. The awestruck wide eyed innocence on his face when someone did him a simple kindness or the mischievous twinkle in the blue eyes of the unrepentant prankster when he had gotten a good one over one of the others.

It was also these same times that reminded him just how little of a childhood Vin had even had. Though he still knew only bits and pieces of the ex-bounty hunter’s past, which he figured was still a hell of a lot more than most others knew, he had been surprised by its harshness. From bits and pieces of rare conversations, along with a lot of reading between the lines, Chris had discovered that Vin’s mother had died when he was five and the years that followed consisted of being shuffled around among strangers and at least one orphanage. With just the things Vin had casually shared, it was clear that a great deal of hardship had been placed upon him at a very young age. Chris couldn’t imagine such a fate befalling his own son. There had also been some time spent among the Indians, but he wasn’t sure at what age that had occurred.

Truth be told, he wasn’t even sure exactly how old the tracker was. If a person went by what Vin had already done in life, his general outlook on things, and the skill with which he performed his duties, one would think him closer in age with Chris and Buck. Josiah had even said once that Vin possessed an old soul and there were times that the world-weary blues eyes showed every bit of it and more. But then there were the other times when the young man didn’t look much older than JD. When Vin let down his constant guard just enough to have a little fun. Fishing with Chris or JD, the sheepish smile on his face when one of the local ladies paid him a compliment, or the way he looked when asleep or… unconscious. The last image gave the gunslinger another cold chill and he shuddered reflexively.

What was the problem? Chris shook his head. When had he become such a worrywart? Vin was a grown man, as he so often reminded him and had just that afternoon. He couldn’t deny the fact that as leader of the ragtag bunch of lawmen, he felt a sense of responsibility when it came to all of the men’s health and welfare, but none as much as Vin. And that was scaring the crap out of him.

Chris felt a sense of relief and alarm run through his body like a bolt of lightning. He had just admitted that he cared for Vin and was afraid. After losing so much already, how could he not be? Chris Larabee was known for his grit and strength of character. What would others think if they knew he was afraid of a scrawny ex-bounty hunter? As a feeling of unspeakable dread swept through him like he had been dunked into a bucket of ice water, he realized the real fear. His greatest fear. Losing Vin.

Staring down at the still full glass of whiskey that sat in front of him on the table, he pushed it away and stood up. ‘Had enough thinking and worrying.’ The headache that had become his constant companion over the last few days was once again making his head swim. The lack of sleep was quickly catching up to him so he headed for bed hoping maybe, just this once, he would be too tired to dream.

As he lay on his bed staring wearily up into the darkness, his thoughts turned once again to his best friend. A strange sensation made him turn his head. He had almost expected to see the younger man standing by the bed. ‘Must be more tired than I thought.’ Rolling over and clutching at the pillow beneath his head he felt the hot tears gather in his eyes. Visions of the reddish-brown head that once lay beside him and kept his body and soul warm drifted unbidden through his sleep-clouded mind. ‘Sweet Sarah, I miss you so.’ Exhaustion finally dragged the gunslinger into the depths, but it would not be a restful journey.

Vin rode along the edge of the creek, looking for a place to get some water for himself and Peso. Being the dead of winter the creek was frozen over almost entirely. Just looking at the ice sent a cold shiver right through him and he pulled his worn buckskin jacket closer around his body, with nearly frozen fingers. He sure wished he had his gloves right now, but the old worn out things had finally succumbed to years of wear and tear. Maybe he could get a new pair in a few weeks, but all of the meager cash he received as the town’s peacekeeper had been spent on other things. There was the salve he had bought for the place on Peso’s hind leg, the few supplies he needed to finish the gifts he had made for everyone, and a few limited supplies for his current trip. He would have liked to of had one of those nice new blankets that he’d seen in Mrs. Potter’s store last week, but that too would have to wait. Besides, he had one, maybe a bit on the thin side, but better than nothing. He would just have to see to it that he had a fairly warm place to sleep and a good fire. The others always teased him about getting cold so easily. Telling him that if he’d put some meat on his bones or would wear something warmer than that old hide coat of his he wouldn’t have such a problem.

Of course with the way the temperatures were dropping it wasn’t going to matter much anyway. The flurries that had started out slow and peaceful had turned into a driving snowstorm, making visibility difficult. By now a blanket of white would be decorating the streets and houses of Four Corners, bringing with it an even more festive mood.

Somehow that thought seemed to strike a cord of sadness within the reticent tracker. He never stayed around civilization for Christmas, his only real memories of the holiday ones of a lonely forgotten little boy who didn’t really belong to anyone. He hadn’t felt a need to stay around and participate in the celebrations once he was out on his own, until this year. This year was different. He had friends who had wanted him to join them and in his heart he had wanted to. Had almost said yes to more than one of the generous invitations, but the lost little boy in him was still wary. Why would they want him around? Were they just trying to be polite?

Having lost so much in his life at such a young age he had learned not to grow attached to anything, be it possessions or people. You couldn’t miss what you didn’t really have. Except now he did have it. He had friends that actually wanted him around because they liked him, not just because they wanted something from him. He had Nettie, who doted on him like he was one of her own kin. And he had Chris, so much like the brother he had wished and prayed for during his early days in the lonely orphanage, back before he stopped wishing for anything at all.

Of course, Chris was pretty pissed at him at the moment. But now that Vin had had time to cool down…

He chuckled at that thought. Boy, had he ever cooled down.

Now that he had cooled down he knew that Chris had been reacting with the specters of his past still hanging around his neck. Once they both got back to town he would buy his best friend a drink in apology for his rash behavior. Both men had obviously been a bit on edge.

Flakes of frozen ice fell on his face, but he barely felt it. The exposed skin had become numb some time back. Even with his three layers of clothes and the jacket he could feel the cold biting its way through. He would need to find shelter soon.

Finally finding a spot where the ice was thin, Vin broke through to get some fresh water. He’d need it to make some nice hot coffee. Thinking about the sugar he had also brought, a vision of Chris teasing him about his sweet tooth came to mind and he smiled, his teeth chattering slightly. Once he got back to town, he would be sure to make things right with his best friend, his brother.

There were some caves nearby that he had been thinking about. They would suffice him for a day or two, until the snow let up and his balance was returned. Or until he just couldn’t take worrying over one sorry assed gunslinger any longer and rode back to check up on him.

Shaking his head at just the thought, Vin reined Peso up toward the higher ground where the caves lay. The snow was now thick enough on the ground that travel was becoming a bit more hazardous. Knowing the area like the back of his hand would do him no good if his horse lost its footing on the slick rocky ground. Nighttime was now upon him, but the ice filled sky gave off a dazzling glow of ethereal light.

Nearing the edge of a steep incline, Vin decided it best to lead Peso through the dangerous path ahead. Grabbing the saddle horn to dismount he was ill prepared when the horse’s hooves began to slide. In fear Peso shifted, only making things worse. Already off balance Vin tried to drop to the ground to save himself from injury and give the horse free movement to right itself. But it was too little too late as Peso squealed and went down hard, throwing the tracker back over the saddle.

It happened so fast that it took a few seconds for Vin to even realize that he was going over the edge. Everything slowed as if happening in slow motion. Fear ripped through him. With all of the snow covering the ground he had no idea where the true edge lay, only that he was going to miss it. Curling his body up he tried to cushion the blow of his inevitable sudden stop. Even as he felt his body impact the hard unforgiving ground below, his thoughts turned to his friends and one in particular.

Chris jerked awake, barely catching himself before falling from the bed. With his heart racing he tried to figure out what had awakened him. Had it been another of the dreams? He couldn’t remember any. In fact the last thing he remembered thinking about at all was…

Vin?!

His stomach tightened. Was something wrong?

The darkness around him held a strange glow as the shadowy light from the windows filtered in. It was still snowing and the temperature was cold enough for trails of ice to form on the corners of the windows. With his heart still racing in his chest he listened for anything else that might have disturbed his dreamless sleep. The quiet was almost deafening. There was nothing to hear except his own harsh breathing.

Sleep tugged at him once again. Shaking his head at his own foolishness he pulled the tattered quilt back up over his trembling body. Vin was fine and he was losing sleep over nothing. Settling himself back into the warmth of the bed he closed his eyes. As slumber reached to claim him again, his thoughts were once more on a certain long-haired tracker. This time his sleep would be anything but dreamless.

He was cold. Cold and alone. Even with his eyes still shut and his cloudy mind still unfocused he sensed no presence nearby. Why did that realization feel so wrong? He was used to being alone and taking care of himself. That’s just the way it had been for most of his life. Yet something clawed at the back of his consciousness. Memories of warmth and a sense of home pervaded his senses. So where was that sense of comfort and home now? Why did he once again feel like a lost soul adrift in the sea of life?

Struggling to regain a grasp on what had happened, two pain clouded blue eyes opened into slits to encounter nothing.

The darkness that surrounded him made him shiver all over. Even that slight movement sent shards of pain screaming through his body with such a force that consciousness itself became hard to hold on to. The feel of cold earth below him, along with dank smells that permeated his nose, reminded him where he was. He was lying flat on his back in a dark and musty cave. Trying to think back on how he had gotten here he could only recall bits and pieces.

Snow. It was almost like a blizzard when he had turned Peso toward the back hills where he knew of a cave or two that would provide adequate shelter. Then something had happened. He shouldn’t have been traipsing around in the dark; he knew better. Peso began sliding and fell. There was a cliff or incline. Trying to dismount, flying through the air, hitting the ground with a painful jolt, rolling down a hill, his head slamming into something, a brilliant glowing light, and then total darkness. It was still a bit blurry.

He remembered awakening at the bottom of the ravine, snow falling onto his frozen face. His ribs were on fire, his shoulder stiff and painful, and his head felt as if a herd of buffalo had driven a path through it. He didn’t know if he was bleeding or not and wasn’t even sure he wanted to know. With his survival instincts in high gear and a lot of stubborn determination he had managed to slowly climb to his feet. It was almost as if someone was actually willing him to get up and move.

It had taken him a while to climb back up to where he had fallen from and each step had been painful and unsteady. At least twice, that he could remember, he had reawakened after passing out to find himself half buried in the newly fallen snow. Once at the top he stumbled on in what he hoped was the right direction. Clutching blindly to the inner voice that kept him moving forward even when his body screamed in protest.

How he found the cave at all he would never know. It seemed to appear out of nowhere and he drug himself inside before falling once again unconscious in the dirt.

Now as he lay on the cold earth, right where he had fallen, the warmth seeped from his body. Already past the point of trembling he thought on what had sent him out into the cold snowy night in the first place. More regret joined in with his already tumultuous emotions. If he hadn’t of snapped at Chris. If he had just accepted Nettie’s invitation. If…

Vin knew that even though his injuries were painful, they alone were not life threatening, but staying awake was becoming too difficult a task. The cold would get him faster than anything and there was little he could do. Moving would have been painful, but he would have managed, but where would he go? There was no way he could walk out. It was too far and way too cold, the trail itself treacherous enough in good weather. His supplies were with Peso who was likely halfway home by now.

Home? When had that dusty little town become home? No; it wasn’t the town that was home to him, but the people in it who had opened up their hearts to him and given him a place to rest, a place to feel safe, and a place to feel… Loved? The word itself was almost as foreign to him as the sentiment itself.

None of it would matter now. He wished he could apologize to Chris. ‘Hope he’s not drowning in that bottle. Course if anyone’s got a right, guess it’s him.’ There were a lot of things left undone and unsaid. What would the others think when he didn’t come back? Would they come looking for him? Probably. Would they think a bounty hunter had gotten him? How would this effect Chris?

The grim hand of reality descended upon him even as his hold on consciousness began to fail. He had survived a lot in his life, but not this time. It wasn’t that he didn’t have faith in his friends to look for him and likely find him; he was just all too aware that time was not on his side this time. He might be as tough and stubborn as they came, but even he couldn’t keep from freezing to death. At least it seemed like a more peaceful way to go than swinging from a rope.

The pain of his injuries had numbed with the growing cold, though his head was still pounding. Glancing around at his meager surroundings he realized that his sight hadn’t gotten any better since he had awakened, only adding to his growing worries. Not that it really mattered if he could see or not. Maybe he would be better off out in the weather where he could allow himself to fall asleep in the fluffy snow and never awaken. Of course that would involve getting up, not a prospect he figured he could manage at the moment.

The same voice echoed in his head. ‘Don’t give up. You have to keep fighting.’

The voice seemed strange to him, though he had talked to himself many times in his head, this voice sounded a little different. Scared and unsure. Death was a reality that Vin was all too familiar with. He had faced it a few times personally. Feared by all in one way or another, Vin had made his peace with it years before and knew this day would come, probably sooner rather than later. The times before he hadn’t worried about what he was leaving behind, a few measly possessions and a life of hardship. But as he faced his own mortality now, his muddled mind thought of the one man he would miss the most.

Time no longer meant anything. Whether it had been a night, another day or more, he couldn’t say. Pulling his body along in the murky grayness that was now his world Vin wondered exactly where he thought he was going. Why had he left the shelter of the cave? Something seemed to beckon to him and was driving him forward without real thought. It was almost as if a rope had been attached to the inner part of his being and was tugging him along, step after step. His eyes saw nothing now but shadows, his body numb.

Stumbling around in the outer and inner darkness he kept moving. Any minute he expected to go tumbling off of the mountainside. All it would take was one misstep and he certainly couldn’t see where he was going. Still he moved forward mechanically. He couldn’t stop, though he didn’t know why.

Something flashed in his mind. Green eyes staring at him with unbridled respect and warmth. His body seemed suddenly infused with a new sense of strength and he plodded on. The voice within was calling to him in earnest.

Something bright was up ahead. At least it looked brighter than the darkness surrounding him. A light. A cabin, perhaps? Where was he anyway? With a goal ahead he moved toward it, reaching out with trembling fingers. He would keep going until he could go no more. He was a Tanner and that’s something he just couldn’t give up on without one hell of a fight.

Green eyes flew open and legs hit the floor with determination. Wiping away the vestiges of sleep and traces of weakness from his eyes, Chris Larabee came awake with startling clarity. Something was wrong and he had to find Vin. There was no way to explain the overwhelming sense of dread and fear that was pulsating through every part of him at the moment. His dreams had been far more vivid than he could ever remember them being before.

Though there was something different about them. Sarah and Adam had both been there and they had been celebrating Christmas like they always had. He remembered stringing cranberries and popcorn to decorate the tree. The homemade ornaments on the tree that Sarah had made with their son Adam. His childish ornaments that were more precious than all the gold in California. He could still smell the hot cider that was a big family tradition for his wife’s family, the same cider he would put a dash or two of whiskey in after their son had gone to bed. The fire had been roaring and carols filled his head. It was all so real and picturesque.

Then he had seen him. What was he doing there? It wasn’t right. And yet, it was. It felt complete and appropriate. Sitting at the small kitchen table just like he belonged there had been Vin Tanner. His buckskin coat hung on a peg by the door. His deep red shirt a nice touch to the festive feel in the air. With a warm cup of cider in his hands, a soft twinkle in his sky blue eyes, and a genuine smile on his face, the tracker had looked more at ease than Chris had ever seen him. He had looked like he was… home.

Then, as fast as it had all appeared, it was gone. Chris had found himself standing in the center of an empty house, charred from smoke and fire. Everything had still been intact except it was covered in soot and ash. But there had been an overwhelming emptiness that pervaded. With a sickening clarity, Chris had realized that it was due to the people who were no longer there. All three of them were gone. Standing in the middle of the place he had once called home, that had become cold with loss of life and vitality, he swore he had heard voices. Adam’s and Sarah’s. Then Vin’s.

Chris had awakened with the wind whispered words still ringing in his head. Others might call him crazy, but they would only dare it once. Insanity was a feeling he had become accustomed to years ago, after his world had plunged head first into its depths.

Dressing quickly and strapping on his gun he grabbed his hat and coat as he headed out the door into the dead of night. He figured he had to be nuts to be listening to dreams. So he’d call it a gut feeling and let it go at that. And deep in his gut he was certain of one thing. Vin was in trouble and needed him.

The first thing he noticed was the sounds around him. There was a fire crackling nearby. Someone moved about, the swish of skirts and a faint flowery smell of toilet water wafted through the air. There was a woman nearby. It must be a room or small cabin just from the way the sounds didn’t carry far. The clank of dishes, then the voice of a child mumbling softly.

Vin wasn’t sure if he was even fully conscious until the angelic voice carried across the small living space, singing a slightly familiar tune.

"The stars in the sky looked down where ‘e lay, the little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay." Vin knew it was a Christmas carol he had heard at some time or other. The voice held a slight lilt to it, reminding him of an Irish fellow he had met once when he was bounty hunting. The song itself reminded him of another place and time when he was much, much younger. Another woman’s voice drifted through his mind.

"Mama?" Vin hadn’t even realized the word was said out loud until the sweet singing stopped and the angelic voice sounded right next to him.

"Well, young lad. Glad ye decided to join us."

Prying his eyes open seemed like trying to lift bags of heavy sand, but a feeling of fear swept through him when his vision produced only blurry images of light and dark shadows. The woman seemed to read his very thoughts.

"Tis alright, lad." A hand on his arm caused him to jump. "You’re safe ‘ere."

Vin couldn’t explain it, but he instantly believed her. Warmth filled his insides, born of more than just the fire nearby and the blankets tucked around him. Something about the soft feminine voice seemed almost familiar and set him immediately at ease.

"We found you wandering alone out in the cold. You’re not well, so just take it easy and we’ll make sure you get back where ye belong."

We? Vin wondered who else was there. He had heard a child’s voice and surely the woman’s husband must have found him and brought him here.

"Where…am…I?" Just the effort of speaking those few words seemed to sap his remaining strength.

The hand patted his arm reassuringly. "Don’t ye worry none ‘bout that right now. Yer right where ye’s supposed ta be." The same gentle hand reached out and lightly brushed the hair back off of his face. "Just rest now, me boy. Just rest. I have things need tendin’."

Drifting back into the welcome arms of darkness, he didn’t feel quite so alone this time. With him Vin carried that sweet angelic voice and the faint reminiscence of his mother singing to him when he was a small boy.

"I don’t care whose bed he’s warming tonight, JD, just find him and both of you get to the livery. I’m leaving in an hour even if I’m by myself."

"Now hold on. We’s going with you. Just gots ta give us time to get ready." Nathan knew there was no point in arguing the point with his leader.

Even though the man had been in a foul mood for days he would never have tried challenging the man in black about this. None of the seven even claimed to understand the natural tie between the dark gunslinger and the taciturn tracker, but neither would they deny it. If Chris believed that Vin was in trouble, then they would believe it too. And if Chris said they were riding out into the snow to hunt him down, then ride they would.

Gut instinct had kept them all alive more than once and hopefully would continue to do so. Chris walked off toward his room at the boarding house to gather a few more things for the trip as JD ran off to interrupt Buck’s night of passion.

Stepping up to Nathan’s side, Josiah placed a comforting hand on the healer’s shoulder. They had known each other for a while before the seven had come together but in the last few months had become close friends. Staring out at the night Josiah seemed to read the worry on his friend’s face.

"I know it’s cold out, and Lord knows our brother doesn’t stand the cold well, but if anyone can survive out in weather like this, it’ll be him."

"Not if he’s hurt." Nathan’s angry tone let his own fears slide out unbidden. The group’s healer was weighed down with the terrible burden of knowledge. Though the others might suspect the futility of such a search, only Nathan knew just how unlikely it would be to find Vin still alive should he have been injured out in this winter storm. Everyone looked to him to heal all wounds, cure all sickness, and generally play God. "If Chris is right and that boy’s hurt…"

"We’ll find him. And we’ll bring him home where he belongs." The confidence in his voice masked the uncertainty in his heart. ‘I just pray to God we find him alive, for all our sakes.’

Nathan hung his head. He wished he could have such faith. The thought of finding Vin dead was too much to bear. The young tracker had saved his life and he felt indebted to him. But more than that, the younger man was his friend. Too many people he cared about had been ripped from him and he just wasn’t ready to go through that again. And Chris. He didn’t even dare imagine what the loss would do to him. Giving up his own prayers to God, the healer went to gather supplies he both hoped he wouldn’t need and yet prayed that he would.

Josiah watched Nathan walk away, the slump of the healer’s broad shoulders speaking volumes. This would be a difficult burden for them all to bear. Lifting his eyes to the icy sky still filled with the light flakes he gave another heartfelt plea.

"Lord, I know that this is the season of miracles. It would be the best present any of us lowly sheep could receive to have just one more. I know we’re not exactly deserving of your mercy but I think that boy has the kind of heart you want to see in a lot more of us. Vin’s taught me a lot about faith in your fellow man and standing up for what you believe in. Taught us all. You’ve told us to learn by example, well, we need a few more lessons if you don’t mind. Sure would be nice to have our young brother back for Christmas. Amen."

With his own piece spoken, Josiah headed for the livery to ready the horses.

True to his word, Chris Larabee rode out of town an hour later heading south, with five worried men right behind him.

Vin was in and out of it for what seemed like days. The soft angelic voice was the only constant in his hazy world. He had faint recollections of drinking water, some type of broth being spoon fed to him, and his wounds being tended, but everything still seemed unclear, almost as if he had been dreaming. His head, though no longer as painful, felt heavy and his mind was still muddled. He could remember the fight with Chris, leaving town, the fall, and then the guiding light, but it all seemed so long ago.

"Wonder if they had a good Christmas."

"Your family?" the sweet voice asked.

Had he actually spoken out loud? He didn’t think he had, but then again he wasn’t exactly thinking clearly.

"Just some folks I know back ho… well, back where I come from." Vin didn’t want to say ‘home’. Wasn’t sure he had the right. And saying it out loud would just make it harder on him when he had to move on.

"I am sure your friends and family back home would much rather have ye there for the holidays."

Vin felt as if he could almost hear the smile in her voice. And he liked the way her slight accent slipped in from time to time.

"Are ye thirsty, what a silly question? Of course you are. You’re sportin’ a bit of a fever. Here, let me help you." Feeling his head being lifted he tried to sit up himself and reach for the cup he knew had to be near, but only managed to knock it out of her hands, spilling the contents on himself and the floor. He bit back a curse at his own infirmity.

"I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t rightly see too good right now." Vin turned his head away in embarrassment, even as he slumped back against the pillow.

"That’s alright, lad. With that knock on the head you took it’s no wonder things are a bit fuzzy." The faceless voice seemed to see right into his soul and it scared him. "No need to be frightened. You’re just ‘ere to rest up and relax. Leave the rest to me."

With gentle care the woman lifted Vin’s head and helped him drink some water from the cup. The simple water tasted like nectar from the gods to the fevered man. His body felt too warm and his throat too dry. From just the bare fuzzy outline he could see, he figured the woman to be somewhat petite and with dark or auburn hair. Not that her looks mattered, for the way she tended his wounds and administered to his needs spoke volumes about her true beauty.

"I wanna thank ya fer takin’ such good care o’ me."

"Nonsense. I was only doing what any decent person should."

"Just the same, ma’am, there aren’t a whole lot of decent folk around that would take the time, especially…"

"With someone such as yourself?" She seemed a bit perturbed by the thought she had practically ripped from his mind. "Well that’s just ridiculous and narrow minded of them."

Vin got a glimpse of the fire that also resided within this woman with just the change in the tone of her voice. He couldn’t help but admire the conviction he felt radiate from her. Knowing she obviously had a mind of her own he tried to imagine what her husband might be like. No matter what, the tracker came to the same conclusion. Her husband was damn fortunate.

"You have a good heart, lad. I can tell these things. Call it a mother’s intuition. I’m always tellin’ me husband that I have a sense about people." Her voice became wistful. "Still, it’s good to get to know a person before ye start ta judge."

"Sure wish there’s more like you, ma’am." Vin’s curiosity was getting the better of him. "Iffen ya don’t mind, ma’am…"

"Call me… Call me Lizbeth."

"Vin." He knew he was blushing, but couldn’t help it. He had purposefully left off the last name and had almost used Larabee instead, but thought it was too presumptuous of him. She didn’t need his last name just yet. "I’s just wondering when your husband was due back." He assumed the man of the house was gone since he didn’t recall ever hearing anyone besides the woman and the child. "I need to get a wire to my friends, so’s they won’t worry none."

"’e’s out on business, but ‘e’ll be home when ‘e’s done. Me husband still has a lot of things to finish up first. Besides, the closest wire’s a bit far."

Vin felt a yawn escape despite the fact he had only been awake for a few minutes. He really needed to find out what was going on, but he just… couldn’t… quite…

The woman stared down at the sleeping young man before her and felt a pang of alarm. Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t how it was meant to be. She was only supposed to watch over Vin Tanner until her husband arrived to take over. The young ex-bounty hunter wasn’t supposed to be this aware, or look so much better. It would put a halt to all of her hopes for the future.

Guilt assailed her as she thought of the beautiful blue eyes unfocused and yet still full of a brilliance that seemed to reach deep into the man’s soul. Where was her husband? Surely he would have gotten her message by now. Time was running out. Her musings were disturbed as a small hand reached up to tug at her skirt.

"Mommy, why are you sad?" The little dark haired boy looked up at his mother with childish concern. He could sense that something was wrong.

"It’s alright, my sweet laddie." She reached down to place her hand on her son’s head. "Mommy’s just a little worried right now."

"Are you worried about the long haired man?"

"Yes, laddie."

"I thought you said Daddy was coming and he’d take care of everything. I want to see him bad." Her son’s eyes stared up at her with hope and wonder.

"Me too. ‘e’ll be here," she said aloud, even as her heart cried out. ‘I just hope ‘e comes soon.’

The snow had stopped before the sun was up the next morning. The white covered ground, aglow with the morning sunlight, was almost blinding to the group of six men who rode along somberly. The beauty of the world around them was lost with the worrisome reality that one of their number was lost. Everything seemed tinged with a deep sadness. The snow, the season, and the plans they had made. None of it held the same warmth while the seven were not complete.

JD rode just behind Chris, who was leading the group at as quick a pace as the snowy ground would allow, his youthful exuberance curbed by the levity of their current mission. Vin was one of the most self-reliant and capable men he knew. Even though the tracker was only a few years older than him, life experiences seemed to expand the age difference. It was hard for the young easterner to imagine the type of life Vin had been forced to lead to bring the tracker to the vast knowledge and experience he possessed. Each passing hour with no sign of his missing friend was weighing heavy on him. His mother’s loss had been painful enough to overcome. The thought of losing another person he felt as close to as family caused his stomach to sour. Yet his lack of experience with some of the grim realities of the west still led him to hope that Vin was just holed up in one of the caves he was so fond of. Maybe all they would find would be a very disgruntled tracker, claiming that he didn’t need six mother hens watching his every move. He wouldn’t mind at all if his friend was mad at him as long as he was alive. Christmas and its festivities had been forgotten. Nothing else really seemed to matter at the moment.

Nathan was riding next, constantly checking his supplies in a nervous gesture. The day had just begun and was starting out to be beautiful but he felt little joy in it. The only thing that kept him going was the possibility that Chris could be wrong. He did not relish the prospect of having to bury a friend while watching the destruction of the unorthodox family he had found in Four Corners. To lose the tracker would more than likely trigger a domino effect. The closeness between their leader and the younger man was tangible. Chris would not deal with the loss well at all, becoming as cold and self-destructive as he had been when he had lost his wife and son. Vin was his family now. And just like a brother to him, whether he realized it or not. Nathan saw it easily and figured the others did too. With the loss of Vin, and subsequently Chris, the others would begin to drift away and that would be that. If only they would find Vin sitting in a nice warm cave looking every bit at home as the rest of them did sitting in their own rooms. If only…

Just to the left of the healer’s back, Ezra sat astride his horse in uncharacteristic silence. Like the others, he too had been affected by the rift between the seven’s leader and their second in command. He had been unable to shake the uneasy feeling of dread that had settled within him since the display outside of the livery the previous day. The prospect of losing the glue that held the unusual group of men together was unfathomable. Strangely enough, over the last few months he hadn’t stopped to question why he had stayed this long in one place. The possible answers were more than he was ready to consider. A man who had spent most of his life on the road, traveling from town to town, forming no attachments, was still surprised by the ease at which he had allowed himself to become a part of this group of men. Maybe ease was stretching it a bit. Truthfully he had fought it tooth and nail, working diligently to keep his distance emotionally and not allow his well-honed face of indifference to fall. Maude had taught him well how to look out for number one, but with each passing month he spent as a part of the seven peacekeepers he was learning new lessons, like how to allow himself to depend on others and more importantly learning how to be depended upon. These men had all come to mean a great deal to him despite his desire to remain aloof. The wily tracker had seen through his facade, but never pushed him on it. For that he was grateful. It had also drawn him closer to the tracker, something that was proving to be quite disconcerting at the moment. Though the southerner had felt fear on many occasions it had normally been derived from self-preservation. This caring for the welfare of others was proving to be indubitably much more painful.

Riding a few paces behind the others Buck, who would normally be at Chris’ side, was holding back this time. Ever since the previous afternoon when the town had been witness to the gunslinger’s and the tracker’s parting of ways, the kindhearted ladies’ man had been wracked with guilt. He had constantly been going over his earlier decision. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to ask Vin to stay away from Chris. If anyone could have gotten through to the dark clad gunslinger it would have been his fearless new best friend. He now felt, in part, responsible for the two’s falling out. It hadn’t escaped his attention that the younger man had seemed to heed his request and kept more of a distance, but more painfully he had also watched his oldest friend’s mood spiral downward as well.

What if he hadn’t said anything? Would Vin have stayed in town or at least maybe gone where he had said he was headed? Or maybe Vin and Chris would have ridden out together to enjoy a little time away from it all. It still amazed him at how unobtrusive the tracker could be. How many times had the younger man been only a few feet away and completely forgotten until he spoke, nearly scaring the piss right out of him. Most saw Vin Tanner as just quiet, and so had Buck at first, the quality being a bit unnerving to the naturally boisterous man. But it hadn’t taken him long to realize that Vin viewed words differently and used them like a weapon, just as accurate, deadly, and decisive as his mare’s leg. If he had something to say or felt it would help the situation he said it, direct and to the point. Whether it was his thoughts on an upcoming confrontation, just a quick gibe to ease everyone’s tension, or a forceful word of caution for an unfortunate outlaw, the reticent tracker made careful use of his voice. Then again there was the fact that even his silence often spoke volumes. Buck shook his head at the thought of how often he found Chris and Vin sitting either out on the boardwalk or in the saloon, neither saying a word, but communicating all the same and relishing in the silence. Was that all lost? Now he had the added burden of Vin’s possible injury or worse to add to his guilty conscience. It was just too much to consider what might happen to his old friend should the outcome of this holiday prove tragic. They would all lose.

Bringing up the rear, Josiah, the self appointed shepherd of the unruly group of lawmen, kept his eyes alert to both the terrain and the men who rode before him. He had little doubt that if there were any sign of their missing brother to be found one of the emotionally charged men ahead of him would find it. His worry for his flock was extended beyond just the welfare of Vin. If their dear brother, God forbid, had already succumbed to the elements Josiah had little doubt that he was now without pain and in the bosom of his long lost loved ones. If this proved to be true, it was those left behind he had the greatest concern for. Chris was a given. The loss of the man he had come to be so close to would likely prove overwhelming. But he wouldn’t be the only one affected. Vin meant a great deal to each of his fellow peacekeepers. In his quiet and unassuming way, the young tracker had wormed his way into the hearts and souls of them all, not to mention some of the townsfolk. The saddest part was the fact that the preacher was pretty certain that Vin was not fully aware of just how big a part of their lives he had become. How would they survive such a loss? How would he be able to minister to the other devastated souls while feeling himself so utterly weighed down? It was with these doubts and fears still swirling in his head that he looked up to notice the slumped shoulders of the front rider and quickly guided his horse to move up ahead.

Chris rode along in the lead, not even sure exactly why he had decided to head in this particular direction. The others followed along, knowing that if anyone could anticipate where the tracker might have gone, it would be his best friend. Though at the moment, Chris was feeling anything but the confident and fearless gunslinger that most had come to know. He was scared. More scared than he had been since… No! He wasn’t going to even allow such thoughts to enter his mind. Vin was not dead, too. Yet doubt about even that crept in. How could he even begin to explain the emptiness he had felt since awakening from his overly realistic dreams? If he allowed himself to admit it, it felt like Vin was gone, really gone. The unnatural connection that he had felt from the first day the two had met; the same bond that had grown stronger as the months had passed; had vanished, leaving in its wake a gaping hole that could never be filled again. Even when they were not together, miles apart even, there was always that sense of the other man. A feeling of rightness that seemed to follow him wherever he went. Without it Chris’ own sense of balance was dangerously askew. He had to find Vin and reclaim his balance and his soul. He hadn’t wanted anything this bad since… Why did his thoughts keep going back to them? His wife and son were lost to him forever. It had been a painful lesson, but he was moving on. Wasn’t he? Hadn’t he made a life for himself again? He had friends and a broth… Pain ripped through his chest at the stark realization of what he had to lose. It wasn’t just his best friend out in the cold. Vin was so much more to him. How had that happened? Why had he let it? ‘Yeah, like I had a choice. The sneaky little pain in the neck just snuck right in as quiet and easy as you please.’ The thought almost made him smile through the pain.

With his eyes concentrating on the world around him and his mind preoccupied with the emotional turmoil within, Chris hadn’t even realized how much he had begun to slump in the saddle. Sheer stubborn will was keeping him going but his body was beginning to give in to the fatigue, without his full knowledge or consent. A hand on his shoulder and the deep rumbling voice beside him brought him back up straight. He hadn’t even realized that Josiah had ridden up and that was a sure sign that he was in trouble.

"Brother, maybe we should stop and rest for a few minutes. JD’s looking a bit done in and the horses could use a rest." Josiah knew better than to mention that his leader was beginning to resemble death warmed over. Instead the big man appealed to the gunslinger’s unacknowledged protective nature by mentioning the group’s youngest and the horses. With a barely suppressed sigh of relief, the preacher watched as Chris glanced back at his men, especially JD, and slowed his pace. Silently the gunslinger stopped and dismounted, with the others mirroring his actions.

Josiah was quick to put a hand on the man in black’s arm when he swayed as soon as his feet hit the ground. The slippery snow only made things worse, forcing the bigger man to grab Chris around the waist to impede his descent. Now supporting their combined weight he too would have lost his footing and the two men would have quickly found themselves on the ground had it not been for the four pairs of arms suddenly offering their assistance and support. It marveled the big preacher to no end how seven totally different men could so easily band together, sustaining each other both physically and emotionally, each one quick to lend a hand to the other and filling in the gaps to form one formidable force. If only this trial would prove as easily surmountable. Just as easily as Chris had slid on the snow, they were all losing ground and heart with each moment that passed with no sign of Vin.

Chris was quick to regain his footing and shrugged off the hands that seemed to be clawing at him. He suddenly had a good idea just how Vin felt when he was crowded. Not wanting anyone near him at the moment, or possibly ever again for that matter, the dark visage stalked off toward the rocks nearby to find a place of solitude. Though he would never admit it, he was exhausted and actually grateful to Josiah for suggesting that they stop. Even though he desperately wanted to find Vin he wasn’t so blinded by that need that he didn’t realize his own growing weakness. What good would he do his friend if he collapsed before he could even get to him?

He was seriously beginning to regret the last couple of weeks of indulgence. He had drank too much and slept too little. That had, in part, led to his anger at Vin and now to the fact that the younger man was missing. Would his own selfish pity party now lead to the loss of yet another person he cared for?

Sitting down heavily underneath a large overhang where there was less snow, and making sure he sat on his coat, Chris leaned back to rest his eyes for a minute. His mind began to conjure up the voices that had awakened him the previous evening, their pleas still ringing through him even as the sky blue eyes of his best friend appeared, only adding to the torment.

‘Hang on, cowboy. I’m coming.’ The mental thought was more for his own reassurance than anything else.

He was hot one minute and then cold the next. It was the same with the pain. At first he would feel fine, almost as if nothing had happened, then waves of agony would shoot through every inch of his body, forcing moans from his lips that he couldn’t contain. Her hand was there, constantly wiping his brow, gently patting his arm, or stroking his face. The voice encouraging him to hang on and fight, not to give up. If only he could see her face. His vision was like everything else, nearly nothing then clearing just enough for him to make out outlines and shapes.

From the moments when his vision cleared some, he had been able to make out a few things. The cabin was small, but cozy, reminding him of Larabee’s own little place. Just thinking of his friend caused a new wave of pain. His stomach rolled and he feared he would be sick.

"Tis alright, me boy. Just take it easy." Lizbeth turned to her young son, who played in the corner of the cabin. "Laddie, bring me that basin over there."

The little dark haired boy did as asked, quickly fetching the requested item and hurrying to his mother’s side. With eyes wide with wonder he stared at the pale man on the bed. "Is he going to be alright, Momma?"

"I don’t know, laddie. All we can do is stay by his side and help him if he needs it."

"Til Daddy comes?"

"Yes, son, till your Daddy comes."

"I miss him."

"I know you do. So do I." Reaching down to caress the boy’s face she tried to reassure him. "’e’ll be here before ye know it and then it won’t even seem like ‘e’s been gone. Now be a good lad and go play." The boy did as asked, scurrying off to his corner.

Vin could hear them talking, but they sounded so far away. It was like he had fallen into a hole and they were speaking at the top of it above him. "Sick." His stomach rebelled violently and he felt himself being rolled to the side, a basin placed to catch what little he managed to expel. Trying once again to steady his labored breathing he felt the cup at his lips and drank greedily, trying to wash the sour taste from his mouth. He felt the gentle hand on his face, stroking his cheek and brushing the sweat-dampened hair from his forehead.

Opening his leadened blue eyes he could just make out the shape of the petite woman before him. Fear gripped him as he began to wonder once again exactly where he was and how long he had been there. It wasn’t that he feared the woman, but she kept talking about waiting for her husband to arrive. Surely they weren’t planning to turn him over for the bounty, but then again five hundred dollars was a lot of money. It didn’t really make sense with all of the time and care the woman had spent on him. Why would she go to that much trouble? He had felt only compassion from this woman whose face he had yet to see. Her voice, softened by the slight Irish lilt, kept him grounded. Of one thing he was certain; he owed her his very life.

The young mother was worried about the man in her care. Just from his symptoms she knew his time was dwindling. The light in his clear blue eyes was diminishing and it nearly broke her heart to watch. All of her hard work might be for naught. This was not what she wanted, but the decision was not hers to make. Maybe if she talked to him. Made him remember what he had to lose, he would fight harder.

"Vin?" She waited for the pain clouded eyes to turn in her direction. It was obvious that his vision had yet to clear, but at the moment that was the least of their worries. "Tell me about your family."

"Ain’t really got no family. Not living anyways." Vin’s voice sounded rough and soft. "I’ve been on my own for quite a while now."

"Surely you have some family? People who miss you." She prodded. "Not all family is by blood. You know, when I was a wee lass I had a friend. Her name was Colleen and we were inseparable. We couldn’t have been closer if we had been blood kin. She was like a sister to me."

Seeing that her words were having the desired effect, Lizbeth sat and waited, ready to hear whatever her young charge had to say.

Vin’s mind thought on the past year and how much his life had changed. He had spent many years on his own, but that wasn’t true anymore. She was right, not all family was born of the same blood. Some families were born of strong friendships and some by the sharing of their souls.

"Reckon you’re right. Might be a few people I’d miss. They might even miss me a little, ‘specially Chris."

Lizbeth swallowed hard. Vin was weakening before her eyes. She had to hurry. "Tell me about this Chris."

"He’s one of the most ornery cusses you’d ever likely meet and one of the most honorable men I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowin’. Me and him, well, we just seem to understand each other, ya know? It’s kinda hard to explain. Never had anything like it before. He and the others are the closest I’ve come to family since I’s just a little feller."

Vin didn’t know where he got the strength to continue rambling on like he did. Just moments ago he had felt nearly too tired to breathe and now here he was rattling on like JD.

"Then there’s the others. Buck, he fancies himself a ladies’ man. I think it’s just that big heart of his that he wears on his sleeve that attracts ‘em. He thinks it’s that animal magnetism stuff. Reckon’ if that was true he’d be attracting a lot more ‘n the ladies." A tired smile graced his lips at the thought of the big man with ice blue eyes and a heart big enough to hold you up just with its sincerity.

Lizbeth held back a sigh as she watched the young man smile. He was very handsome, but there was just this inner beauty that seemed to shine from his very soul. Even without knowing much about Vin, she could tell he was special. He must be to have such friends.

"JD, now by looking you wouldn’t think ‘em old enough to carry a gun. Course I ain’t but a couple a years older ‘n him, but ya can’t tell. The fellers would never let me live it down. The kid’s got a lot still to learn, but he’s turning into a right fine man. Just hope he don’t have to see too much along the way." The brows above the blue eyes furrowed as a shadow of the past drifted across the tracker’s face.

"I’d say we all have things in the past that were tough, but they make us who we are." She was slightly saddened by the lost look that had entered the emotive blue eyes. It might be best to get him back on track. "Who else makes up this family of yours?"

Vin’s smile returned as he began remembering the rest of his ‘family’. "Josiah, he used to be a preacher. Sorta still is, even if he tries to deny it. Big as a bear, but gentle as a kitten, long as you don’t get ‘em riled. He’s got this voice that can tell a tale like nobody I ever met. Course sometimes once he gits started he’s a bit hard to stop."

"Nathan, he’s the doc or healer, or whatever he wants to call himself. All I know is I never seen somebody so interested in taken care a sick folks. Not that I’ve met that many. He used to be a slave, but he still finds it in his heart to help people, no matter what color their skin is. Quite a man. He’s saved my life a few times and I can’t begin to tell him how grateful I am."

Swallowing the bile rising in his throat, Vin began to wonder if he would ever get the chance. Well, if nothing else, his friends would have gotten the things he made for them for Christmas. They weren’t much, but he just wanted to thank all of the people who had made a lost young man feel like he had a home.

The thought of his gifts reminded him of Ezra. Though he hadn’t wanted to be around when the gifts were delivered, he couldn’t help but wonder about Ezra’s reaction to the little keepsake box he had made. Would he have liked it?

"Ezra’s a conman, a gambler, and real smart. Tries to act like he don’t care about things, but he does. He’s not as coldhearted as he wants people to believe. Reckon he’s just so used to being shunned and rejected, he figures it’s just safer if he does it first. Kinda know how he feels. He’s a good man though. A good friend. He’d lay down his life for any of us and then be surprised he done it."

He really did miss his friends more than he ever had before. What he wouldn’t give now to be sitting in on Ezra’s card game, off with Nathan to see Rain and the Seminole village, or sitting with JD at Nettie’s table, full of all his favorite foods. The older woman certainly liked to cook for him, treating the world-weary ex-bounty hunter like one of her own. Vin couldn’t be sure, but if he didn’t know better he’d think she was trying to fatten him up.

"There’s also Mary and Inez and Nettie. They’re all real nice to me. It’s a bit worrisome sometimes. I just ain’t used to folks fussin’ over me none." The slight blush was now visible underneath the pale face and flushed cheeks, adding a touch of almost healthy color. But it didn’t last. "I sure hope they all had a nice Christmas."

Vin wasn’t sure how to say this but felt compelled to try. He had left town with so much left unsaid. "Iffen I don’t make it. I mean, well, do ya’ll think ya could get a message to my friends for me. Don’t want ‘em frettin’ about me. And, and…" The momentary surge of strength he had felt was now draining from him at an alarming rate. "Chris… tell… ‘em… tell ‘em… not..."

The sentence never was finished. Even before he could shut his eyes the darkness was calling to him. He was so, so cold. What happened to the nice warm fire and the blankets? He was lightheaded and it felt like he was floating through the air. Was this what it felt like to die?

‘Wait. I can’t go just yet.’ Vin struggled to remember what was so important. What had he just been thinking about? ‘Chris?!’

A vision of his best friend’s angry green eyes stared at him through the darkness. The glare penetrated his skull like a knife sending a radiating pain that tore straight through to his heart. From anger the eyes turned sad, desolate. ‘No. Chris? Please. Ya gotta know it’s not yer fault. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m sorry. Chris?!’

He was out in the snow. There was nothing but the fluffy white surrounding him for as far as the eye could see. No mountains or trees could be seen anywhere, just flat snow covered earth. Turning around in a complete circle he felt his heart hammering in his chest. He felt so lost and alone.

Then, as if out of nowhere, a light appeared in the distance and he suddenly realized that he must have been walking forward the entire time. As he grew closer to the light he could just make out the outline of a cozy little cabin nestled among the snow. A dark cloud of smoke billowed from the chimney, a stark contrast to the white world around it. It looked so inviting, and he felt as if he were being pulled toward it, like a beacon of light in the darkness.

Trudging forward he looked down to see that his footfalls were overlapping another pair of footprints. Slightly smaller boot prints that gave him an incredible sense of joy. He just knew without a doubt that those very prints belonged to his missing best friend.

‘Vin!’ The name seemed to echo in his head as his feet picked up the pace.

Before he knew it he was running all out toward the tiny little cabin. Reaching out his hand to grab the door handle he felt a familiar warmth flow through him. Then just as quickly it was gone. And so was the cabin. Once again he found himself surrounded by only the white snow. A cry of pure anguish tore from his throat. "Noooo!"

Buck grabbed his friend’s shoulders and shook him as the grief-stricken sound filled the air. It chilled the bighearted gunslinger’s blood. He had prayed to never hear that sound ever again as his mind flashed back to a fateful night, the remembrance of the smell of smoke almost overpowering.

Glazed green eyes shot open and stared right at him without really seeing him. The utter pain within those orbs cut into his soul. ‘My fault again,’ the big man thought. Buck still carried a lingering guilt for keeping Chris away when his family had been killed, now he’d done it again.

The others had quickly gathered around, called to arms by the air shattering cry. Each man now stood looking on as Buck tried to administer to their leader.

It took a few minutes for the fogginess in his head to clear. As his eyes began to focus Chris found himself staring into the worried face of his oldest friend. The cold dread that had become his constant companion had frozen over with the end of the dream and the emptiness that he now felt.

"Chris?" Buck’s voice was soft with concern. "Hey, pard. That musta been some dream." It was hard to keep the quiver out of his voice as he imagined just what that dream might have been about.

As if not hearing Buck, or just plain ignoring his concern as well as the worried eyes of the others, Chris pushed himself up off of the ground, thankful that he stood without too much of a noticeable sway. Without a word he strode to his horse and mounted, knowing the others would follow. He wasn’t about to explain himself. He wasn’t even sure he could. How was he supposed to tell them that his dreams were leading him to Vin? Hell, he barely believed it himself, so how could he expect them to. And right now he was more certain than ever that time was running out. If they didn’t find Vin, and soon, it would be too late because Vin was dying.

The six men continued on with their ardent search, for what seemed like hours, without stopping. Chris had become like a man driven. If his quest had seemed urgent before, it was now bordering on extreme. He spoke to no one, not even answering the continued request to where they were going to look. Up, he had to go up and that’s all he knew for sure. Vin would have sought some cave in the hills, of this the gunslinger was certain, but why here and why this path; he could only follow his heart. The one he hadn’t been sure he still possessed, until now. The sure sign of its existence being the constant pain he had felt in his chest since Vin rode out of town.

Just in the area they were in, Chris knew of at least four places that the tracker had shown him within an hour’s ride. Which way should they go? Which way would Vin have gone? There were too many choices and not enough men to check them all in time. Not to mention that Nathan couldn’t be everywhere at once and there was little doubt in Chris’ mind that the healer’s skill would be needed. ‘God, I hope.’ The others might still be entertaining the slim possibility that Vin was fine and this was all just a goose chase. He wished he could believe that too but every fiber of his being said different.

Stopping his mount, unsure for the first time since starting out on the hunt which way they should go, Chris stood up in the stirrups to look around as if hoping, almost expecting, some sort of sign to just appear. Anything that would help lead him to his friend.

‘Maybe I should take a nap?’ The errant thought was dismissed almost as quickly as it was considered. He still wasn’t comfortable with the idea that his dreams had been leading, pushing, pulling him so far. But how else could he explain the decisions he had made on which way to go before. Had it all just been a delusion born of too much whiskey and too little sleep? He hadn’t felt hung-over when he had awakened from the dreams. His mind had been clearer than it had for a long time. Frighteningly clear.

Still seeing Vin sitting at the table in the small cozy home he had shared with his wife and son, he felt a shudder run down his spine. Sitting hard back onto his saddle he felt as if the weight he now bore was too much. He ached so bad to hold his son once more, to play with him, and tell him how much he loved him. What he wouldn’t give to be able to take a walk by the river hand in hand with Sarah as he watched the sunlight play through her auburn hair sparkling like jewels. And her sweet voice…

Chris tried to swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat with the vision of the bittersweet memories. Sarah’s voice had been a lot like her mother’s, both soft and sweet yet firm when need be. He had even remembered Adam picking up some of the inflection from her voice and thought it quite endearing. He would have had his mother’s beautiful dark hair.

"Chris!" The urgency of Buck’s voice quickly drug Chris from his musings and he looked up, knowing something had caught the big man’s attention.

The others had held back some even as their leader had stopped, unsure what to say or do. Chris was like a man driven and wasn’t responding to any of their queries as to where they were headed or why. Each of them, more worried than they wanted to admit, had held their tongues and ridden quietly. Then when Chris had stopped they stopped and waited, knowing that to ask or try and tell him anything would be fruitless in his current state.

Buck had been staring down at his hands as he contemplated his own role in the terrible events that were currently unfolding. The guilt he felt only compounding with each passing minute. The ladies man had already come to terms with what he would have to do should Vin not survive. First he would have to admit to Chris his role in keeping Vin away from him for the last couple of weeks and take any punishment the gunslinger saw fit. He didn’t think his oldest friend would kill him, but he did hope he would at least hit him, beat the shit out of him, yell at him, anything but do nothing. If Chris remained silent or just walked away it would break Buck’s heart for sure. To see his friend succumb to the void that had been trying to suck his soul down since the death of his family would be too much. And secondly he would have to leave. Where would he go now? He had found so much in Four Corners: friends, family, JD. The youngster was like his little brother. But he wouldn’t be able to stay. Not if…

A sound to his right caught his attention, almost as if carried on the wind as a light breeze brushed past his cheek. Glancing over to the line of trees that led into the base of some of the hill country he blinked twice, thinking that it might be a mirage. Had he wanted to see something so bad that his now tired and overwrought mind was creating images? Then a flash of something glinted in the sunlight and the quiet whinny added fuel to his tiny flame of hopefulness.

"Chris?!" He called to the one man who would most need to see and confirm the find.

All heads turned to the ladies man, save one. The blond head scoured the countryside, knowing by the tone of Buck’s voice that he had seen something. The tone carried not only a ray of hope and wonder, but a note of fear as well.

Finally turning his head to the far right, the object of Buck’s excitement was evident. Spurring his horse toward the object, Chris felt his own mixture of hope and fear at the sight of Vin’s horse near the edge of the trees. For him it was the sign he had sought and gave him great relief, but the fact that the horse was still saddled with no one nearby caused a near sense of panic.

The other men had quickly followed their leader, seeing what had caught his and Buck’s attention. Each felt their own emotions teeter from one extreme to the next. Finding Vin’s horse was one thing, but what they wanted, what they needed was to find Vin himself.

Chris reined Pony in close to Peso, hearing the horses call to each other in recognition. Vin’s horse, though often described with quite a number of offensive titles, was nothing if not fiercely loyal. Horse and rider seemed to enjoy a love/hate relationship, both sharing similar traits. Each one was stubborn to a fault but when the chips were down they could both be counted upon without a doubt.

Just from first glance Peso looked like he had seen some better days. There were scratches along his left hind-quarter and he was favoring his front left leg, but it didn’t look broken. JD was quick to dismount and try to calm the temperamental horse. The kid was good with horses and was one of the few people who could help in handling Peso. The horse looked more than tired or ornery. A wariness to the eyes and heavier than normal breathing spoke of some distress. The horse looked spooked, as if something had scared it half to death.

Chris had also dismounted, but left the horse’s care to their youngest while he began to look around the area. This had to be another sign and there had to be some way to figure out where Peso had come from. Staring at the ground he noticed the horses tracks still visible in the snow, leading back up into the mountain and felt a twinge of recollection. He knew this area. Vin had shown him some small caves up near the summit, hidden within a beautiful flat open area that had a view that spoke to the existence of God. Vin had said something about it being the perfect place for a little cabin and Chris had remarked, "If you’re part mountain goat."

Green eyes glanced up through the trees to the steep incline and his gut clenched. Yes, he did remember this area. The trail up was winding and treacherous, with parts of it near the edge of more than a few dangerous drops. And at night...? ‘I’m coming, Vin. Just hang on, cowboy.’ The silent plea went unanswered, even within Chris’ heart.

The sunlight filtered in among the trees, bouncing off the ice and snow like a light show. Gazing through to the thicker underbrush, Chris glanced further up the mountain. Closing his eyes against the nearly blinding glare and shaking his head he looked back to see if his eyes were playing tricks on him. Up near the very area that Vin had shown him he could almost see what appeared to be a wisp of smoke dancing in the air. A fire? Maybe Vin was alright.

Wouldn’t that be something? The six of them traipsing up the hillside to find the tracker sitting by the fire, drinking his god-awful coffee and smirking at them like they were fools. Chris couldn’t even manage a tight smile at the conjured image. His heart and soul knew it wasn’t true. Deep within he was beginning to come to the harsh realization that only a miracle could help his friend now and he had stopped believing in those years ago when his miracles had been stolen from him. Stripped from their earthly home, leaving him behind to grieve and suffer.

The sadness within him was already returning to the deep bitterness it had been before he had met Vin and begun to live again, care again. His insides growing cold to match the icy winter winds. The spark of hope that had begun to blossom within him was quickly being extinguished with the ever growing dread of the loss he was almost certain was coming. He would complete his task with a hardened heart. He would bring Vin home one way or another and beyond that nothing mattered.

"Chris?"

Josiah’s voice startled the gunslinger out of his morbid thoughts and he turned back toward the men awaiting his instructions. His lean body was taut with tension and the coldness of the air surrounding him was an inferno compared to the iciness now running through his veins. Even with finding Peso and the trail he could not allow himself to hope. The disappointment would be far too great to bear. It was best to bury his feelings beneath the stoic face he had come to wear for self preservation. It was time to let go of the future that he had thought he might have, forget the bonds he had begun to form, and protect himself from further pain. The cold hardened gunslinger of legend was now back.

Josiah felt his heart leap into his throat at the coldness of the blond’s eyes when he had turned around, green eyes void of feeling, either good or bad. Feeling a chill run down his spine that had nothing to do with the frigid weather he sent more silent prayers heavenward. This was not good. Not good at all. They hadn’t even found Vin, one way or the other, and Chris was giving up.

Youthful inexperience did not heed the caution such despairing looks should have warned JD of and he looked toward the others with wonder. Anxious to share his find he was heedless of the change in atmosphere. "It looks like he was tied here." Thinking he was not getting through to the others he tried to further emphasize his point. "Peso. It was almost like someone left him here. You don’t think…"

A hand on his shoulder and the look on Buck’s face drove the words right from his mouth. What had just happened? Finally glancing toward their leader he realized that Chris had already mounted and was riding off in the direction of the tracks. "But, Buck…"

"JD, kid, not now." Buck, too, had seen the look on Chris’ face. The ache in the ladies man’s heart was becoming almost unbearable. ‘My fault.’

JD stared at them in confusion. Didn’t they understand? Someone must have put Vin’s horse there. What if it was Vin? Maybe he was close by. What other explanation was there? Then something else struck the young man’s mind, sending a chill straight through him. No tracks. Even he had seen the horse’s tracks, but no other. If someone else had been there he should have been able to see the footprints.

This search was just growing more discouraging and more unusual. Chris seemed to know where they were going, though he had not said how. Now Peso, tied off in the middle of nowhere and supposedly by no one. It just didn’t make sense.

Everyone else had mounted and followed after Chris so JD had little choice but to follow. And once again the trek continued with a greater sense of sadness despite the tracks and despite finding Peso. All of the hope that these signs had afforded had summarily been wiped away with one despondent look and one pair of emotionless green eyes.

Vin was lost in a void of darkness. The cold and pain, like echoes in the back of his mind, were the only reminders of what had happened to him. It was like he was floating with nothing solid to hold on to. Even without a clear picture of what was happening he knew with a strange certainty that he was dying. He had never been afraid of dying itself. Man’s mortality was a fact of life he had been forced to face early in life. Yet he had never wanted to die alone. For a man who spent most of his life relying on himself alone to survive, it always struck him as odd that in this he had always wanted to have someone there when his time came to face the final showdown.

He had heard many stories of spirits caught between the land of the living and the world beyond. Most of which he knew to be campfire tales to entertain and frighten. Now his mind wondered. Was that where he was now? Not dead, but not quite alive?

A voice came to him out of the darkness. Its familiarity provided a warmth and comfort in his time of indecision.

He knew the voice, the same one that he had heard before, encouraging him to get up when he only wanted to lay down, keeping his feet moving when he felt as if he could take no more steps. It was the same one that spoke to him soothingly as he lay injured in the tiny cabin. Before it had seemed familiar, but now it had a name.

‘I’m so tired. It’s too hard to breathe. I just want to rest.’ Vin sounded like a whining child to himself and knew he must to her as well. But he was exhausted. More so than he had ever felt before. So many times he had pushed himself beyond his limits, kept going even when his body screamed to stop. This time felt so much worse. The simple act of opening his eyes, lifting his hand, or even breathing felt impossible, as if his body were weighed down by a ton of rocks. Vin could no longer tell if his eyes were even open or not. Was he blind now? Somehow it didn’t matter.

‘I know you’re tired. It would be so easy to just give up and let go. So easy, me boy.’ Lizbeth could feel the young man slipping away and fought back her own worries. If it was meant to be it would be, but she would fight it with every bit of essence she possessed. She would do it for the beautiful soul she was safeguarding and she would do it to renew the soul of the man she loved.

Vin felt a soft hand on his forehead and another on his arm. The soft whisper of words seemed to sound right next to his ear and he could swear he felt her warm breath against his cool skin.

‘Your family, Vin, they still need you. Not just to guard their backs, but to challenge them and make them smile. To keep tempers in line and provide support when life throws evil and hardship at them. They need your humor, your calmness, and your strength.’

She used her last hope of getting through to Vin.

Vin’s mind was filled with visions of his friends and one green-eyed gunslinger in particular. Seven men banding together to defend the town or sitting around the poker table in the back corner of the saloon, the same table branded as theirs that stayed almost always vacant unless one or more of the town’s peacekeepers were present. And he saw himself sitting out on the boardwalk in companionable silence with the man he had come to trust like no one he ever had before. He would fight anything or anyone who tried to do any of those men harm. Could he now fight the specter of death itself to keep them from a harm he hadn’t even realized existed until now?

Lizbeth was right; he didn’t want to leave them just yet. Not with so much unfinished. There was still so much he had to teach JD about tracking and surviving. He wanted to be able to watch Ezra do his magic on some unsuspecting victim, even if that victim was himself. He wanted another chance to tease Buck about his animal magnetism and his self proclaimed prowess with the gentler sex. He wanted to hear Josiah tell more of his stories from the bible about a baby born to save all of mankind and the angels that watched over him. If only he could tell Nathan how much he appreciated all that the man had done to take care of a scruffy no account ex-bounty hunter when he didn’t have the good sense to get in out of the rain.

But more than anything he wanted to tell a certain gunslinger that he was sorry. Their last words to each other had been hurtful and spoken in anger. Chris had been in pain and lashed out at the closest target. Vin should have been more understanding and was ashamed of how he had acted and what he had said. Watching a man’s back didn’t just mean guarding it from the bullet of some two-bit outlaw. It also meant looking after it when the past came calling with all of its pain and regret.

Vin had let his best friend down. Getting too caught up in the holiday and ignoring the needs of a friend in trouble was unforgivable, but just a chance to tell the gunslinger he was sorry meant everything. And the tracker wasn’t so out of touch that he didn’t realize that Chris would also likely regret the angry exchange and end up blaming himself when he learned of Vin’s fate. There were few people who wore guilt quite like Chris Larabee. The last thing the young man wanted was to add to the already heavy burden the man in black carried.

How she had known what he was thinking he wasn’t sure. Or had he been talking out loud? Was he still in the cabin? He no longer felt cold or hot. There was no pain or stiffness. Actually there were few sensations at all. And he could no longer discern what was real and what was just in his mind.

Then he felt it. A hand in his hand. But it wasn’t Lizbeth. It was too small.

‘Don’t worry, mister. Daddy will be here soon. Mommy went to make sure.’ It was the voice of the child that had been with them in the cabin. Lizbeth’s son. "She told me to stay right here and hold on to your hand and that’s what I’m going to do. She said it’s real important that you hang on till Daddy comes." There was a moment of silence and then the child’s voice returned with a slight tremble. ‘You’re not going to leave yet, are you? You’ve got to wait.’

Vin felt himself growing weaker and weaker, but couldn’t ignore the child’s plea. There was no way he could leave this child alone. Despite his infirmity and lack of vision he would never turn his back on someone in need, especially a child. This boy had helped his mother to take care of the injured tracker. Whatever it took he would hold on and fight until the boy’s mother came back.

‘I won’t leave you, son. You’re a strong young man to help your mother like you have. And I’m almighty grateful.’ Even though he couldn’t see him, Vin figured the boy to be somewhere around six or seven years old. ‘You just hang on ta me and I’ll hang on ta you, alright?’

The sun had rose high in the sky and it was now midday. Even though the temperature had warmed, it was still cold and the icy winds only added to the riders’ misery. The snow had begun to slowly melt where directly hit by the sun’s rays, making it slushy and slippery in some places yet more navigable in others. Winding their way up the narrow mountainside, they rode single file, careful of the steep ravine that dropped to their immediate left. Even as they moved along each man kept his eyes trained both on the dangerous trail and on the area surrounding it, knowing that had the tracker been in this area the previous night, what fate might have befallen him. A dangerous trail in good weather, it could be deadly in the snow.

Turning a particularly dangerous bend Chris felt as if someone had just walked over his grave. Reining in Pony and holding up his hand to signal they would stop, he felt another pang of remorse at even that small action. Vin always did that, raised his hand when he found something and wanted to stop. Damnit. Why couldn’t he just let it go and get the job done? That’s all it was. A job. Get it done and get out. If only he could just convince himself of that he might be alright.

Ezra stopped his horse, muttering under his breath about ill-tempered gunslingers and the wilderness. Feeling his mount tense beneath him he looked to his left, seeing the dangerous incline and the unfriendly looking terrain in the ravine below. Something caught his eye and he glanced up toward the front, expecting to find Vin and his spyglass at the ready. Cursing himself for his stupidity he glanced back down the slope to further inspect for himself and to hide the burning sensation he had felt in his eyes. He wasn’t sure, but it almost looked like…

No one was more surprised than Nathan to see the gambler practically leap from his mount and begin slipping and sliding down the snowy mountainside.

"Ezra, what the hell…?" With the healer’s outburst all eyes turned to watch the spectacle with awe and trepidation. They didn’t really need another man lost or injured.

Chris didn’t wait to watch as he too dismounted and proceeded to follow the southerner.

Josiah’s voice echoed through the surrounding country. "What in heaven’s name do you two think you’re doing?" No one else had seen what could have sparked such rash actions, not until Ezra stopped and stood staring at a dark object lying in the snow. "Please God, no." The big man whispered under his breath.

Nathan was already off of his horse and ready to follow until a hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Why don’t we wait, brother, and see what they’ve found first. It’ll take the four of us to pull them back up here." Josiah’s voice was gentle but a bit shaky. He too feared what they might have discovered.

Down below Chris skidded to a halt, sliding some in the snow as he saw what had garnered Ezra’s attention. Lying pristinely in the snow, slightly rumpled, but otherwise intact was Vin’s hat.

For a moment there was complete stillness as both men stared in wonder at the familiar object. Then spurred to motion by their fear they began to frantically search the area. Ezra went to his knees and began digging through the snow under where the hat lay, not touching it, but just checking around it. The snow was deeper here in the higher altitudes and had little chance of melting any time soon. His gloved hands still felt the bitter cold as the icy wetness began to seep through, his knees growing just as numb. But uncharacteristically he gave little thought to the damage being inflicted upon his wardrobe or his own discomfort. His mind had but one purpose at the moment. To find Vin or at least some clue to where he might be.

Chris began his own search. The snow looked slightly disturbed in certain areas, but he knew that if Vin had been through earlier in the evening hours that the more recent snowfall would have hidden most of the evidence of it. If the tracker had fallen he may still be buried somewhere beneath nature’s beauty. Vin would probably prefer that to hanging. It was a strange thought, but one that offered no solace to the gunslinger as his gaze swept the area looking for a lump in the snow, a piece of cloth, or anything to indicate that his friend had been here, or still was.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Ezra had stopped digging and sat panting from the exertion, his expression slightly strained. He’d never actually seen the southerner in such a state but took no time to reason it all out. Chris wasn’t shallow enough to think that Vin’s predicament was a burden to him alone. The quiet spoken Texan was a part of each of them. A single and vital unit to the whole that was the seven. Once again forcing himself to banish such thoughts and concentrate solely on the task at hand, the gunslinger turned away from the sight of the distressed gambler.

The snow covered ground gave little warning to the somewhat precarious terrain that lay below, leaving one dark clad gunslinger unprepared when, for the second time that day, he lost his footing. This time, with no one close enough to stop the descent, he unceremoniously found himself propelled backwards. The whole incident would have only served to enrage his already ragged emotions more had his head not struck the unmovable object behind him.

As the side of his head slammed into the trunk of the tree, Chris saw another wisp of smoke dancing overhead just before everything went black.

A soft warm breeze blew across his face and he could hear the sound of water trickling nearby. The sweet combination of earth, water, and wildflowers enticed him to open his eyes. As his vision slowly cleared he could see her face as she bent low over his prone form.

Her tender hand reached down in invitation as her voice rang out like a melody long since lost, but never forgotten. ‘Walk with me, me love?’

Chris stared up at the enchanting apparition above him. He wasn’t sure exactly why, but a feeling deep within him spoke of the strangeness of it all. But at the moment it didn’t matter. His sweet Sarah was standing before him like an angel. Her beautiful auburn hair glowed with the sunlight that filtered through it. And her skin was like silk as he reached up to brush the back of his hand across her cheek. She was radiant, almost aglow with a soft light that filled him with incredible warmth.

Without knowing how, Chris next found himself strolling along the riverbank with his wife, hand in hand. The memories washed over him like a warm ray of sunshine and he knew he had been here before. It was their special place. With her feet bare, her hair flowing freely, and her face shining with pure joy, he found his own heart was nearly bursting. This felt so right, so good, and yet in the back of his mind he knew it wasn’t real, couldn’t be. Another dream? ‘Please don’t let me ever awaken.’ His mind pled fervently.

Even as his heart was drinking it all in like a man too long without life giving water, his head was reminding him that something was wrong. As if reading his thoughts, Sarah spoke.

‘I miss you.’ Chris wasn’t even sure where that thought had come from. Reality was hard to grasp in this dreamlike state. The fact that Sarah was here was comforting, but how could it feel so right and yet so wrong at the same time.

‘But I am always with you.’ Chris felt his breath catch as her hand reached up to lie on his chest. ‘Right in ‘ere. Adam and I are always with you.’

Her smile disarmed him, lighting a fire of new strength within. And he remembered how she had made him feel. Together it had felt as if they could face anything. This beautiful creature had such depth to her being. So full of kindness and a deep respect for the world around her, she was also strong and fiercely protective of those she cared for. Those traits reminded him of someone else. Someone with a tender heart and a strong sense of justice. Ever ready to put his life on the line for the safety and protection of others and with a will of iron. Sarah had always had a way of fortifying his waning strength when life battered against him, now that job had fallen on someone else.

Chris’ head snapped up to find he was once again lying prone on the ground, his beloved wife Sarah still hovering above him. The look of worry on her face concerned him and he realized his son was not there.

Once again a smile graced her face, but it held a bit less warmth as if something weighed heavy upon her heart. ‘Adam is gran’. ‘e’s with a friend.’

Looking deep into her dark eyes he saw a reflection. Startled by the vision of Vin’s face within his wife’s eyes Chris felt a sudden jarring pain rake through his skull.

‘Ahhh!’ The pain was throbbing and his vision was clouding. He couldn’t see her anymore and an unerring sense of loss filled every fiber of his being.

‘Hurry, me love. Follow your heart.’ Her voice drifted away on the wind as he tried to open his eyes against the newly awakened pain, the bright light piercing through his head like a knife.

"Oh, shit."

"Chris?! I think he’s coming around." The new voice was definitely not Sarah’s. Blinking against the daylight he could make out the shape of a familiar face hovering above him.

"Buck?" Chris’ voice came out as a coarse whisper.

"Bout time you woke up, pard." The worry was evident in the ladies’ man’s voice. "I was beginning to think you were gonna make us wait all day."

While Nathan was muttering about hardheaded gunslingers and not having the good sense God gave a mule, Chris was trying to rearrange the disarrayed thoughts running rampant in his slightly scrambled mind. Slowly the pieces of why he was lying outside began to come together. They had been out, in the snow, searching… But for what?

"Vin?!"

Sitting up abruptly the world spun and his stomach rebelled. Two strong pairs of hands helped him to keep from getting what little he had eaten earlier from decorating his clothing on its return journey. Leaning back against the broad chest behind him he knew instinctively that it was Buck. It certainly wasn’t the first time his old friend had been there to offer such assistance, but most of the other times had been due to a different kind of altercation, involving painful memories and a few two many whiskey bottles.

"Thanks, Buck." The gunslinger’s voice was hoarse, but still full of strength.

"Anytime, pard." Buck’s own voice was still filled with concern.

"Why don’tcha just lay back down here for a few minutes." That was Nathan’s rich voice in full healer mode. "That’s a right nasty bump ya gots on yo head there. Just lucky it barely broke the skin."

"How long?" Feeling some of his strength returning and the kaleidoscope of colors finally shifting into something closer to focus, Chris started to get up. But Buck would not be deterred as the ladies’ man slipped his arm around the gunslinger’s chest to hold him down.

"Come on, Chris, just listen to Nathan now and lay back down."

Not ready to fight his friend just yet and still wanting some answers the injured man stayed put. "How long I been out?"

"Only for about half an hour." Nathan had known this was going to be a problem. Chris had a good size lump on the side of his head and the skin around the area was already turning an interesting shade of red. But he’d seen bullets not stop the man and knew sure as he knew his own name that this minor inconvenience wouldn’t either. Still, head wounds could be tricky and it was his duty to see to the best interest of his patient, whether or not that patient agreed.

"Gotta go. Can’t waste anymore time." Even though the memories of his latest dream were vague and consisted mostly of a mixture of emotions, the one thing he knew was that Vin needed him and was waiting on him. Sweet words of comfort echoed within his heart. ‘Adam and I are always with you.’ With a steely determination reborn of the guiding strength of two strong personalities who had given him a reason and purpose in life, Chris threw off Buck’s restraining arm and was on his feet and turned around before either of the bigger men could stop him. Though it took all of his strength to even stay upright, the green glare he turned toward them spoke volumes.

His anger at the lost time was quickly tempered by the worried looks coming from not only the two men he now faced, but the three who stood just behind them. Not ready to deal with anyone else’s emotional baggage at the moment he chose to try and lighten the mood. "I was freezin’ ma ass off down there."

"You’ve been hanging around Vin too long…" Buck’s mouth was moving a bit faster than his brain and as it caught up he felt his face heat in embarrassment and self anger at his slip. "I’m sorry, Chris." Glancing up to catch the look in Chris’ eyes he wasn’t prepared for what he saw. He’d expected anger or hurt, but not confusion.

In fact Chris wasn’t even looking at him. The gunfighter’s gaze was off in the distance, back up the mountainside. No one moved as the air filled with tension. The others had also expected a different reaction from their leader.

Chris had heard Buck’s words, but they had barely registered as something else caught his attention further up the mountainside. Another wisp of smoke seemingly danced in the air, as if beckoning to him.

Feeling an incredible warmth flow through his soul along with a renewed sense of confidence, Chris turned to face his men, his friends… his new family. The expectation on their faces did nothing to mask their worry and he realized that it wasn’t just for Vin, but now for him as well. Glancing back up at the mountain he thought of the search and his actions of late. He hadn’t exactly been following his heart for the last little while. He couldn’t have been for that was the very thing he had been trying to avoid. Feeling. Not only had he lost faith in the bond he felt with these men and most especially with Vin, he had lost faith in himself and everything that having a family had taught him.

Having a wonderful woman like Sarah and the precious gift they had created in their son as a part of his life had shown him what was really important. But when he had lost them he had buried all thoughts and feelings that having a family to care for had brought out in him. And he had done a pretty good job of keeping it that way until the day he met Vin. Now he finally realized that he hadn’t lost those things; they had just changed and were now being renewed with this new family he had to take care of. These men meant a lot to him. They had given him a new sense of purpose and belonging. They had given him a reason to care whether or not he got up in the morning. And the ringleader of this new infusion of life was now missing.

Vin had quietly moved into Chris’s heart, just as effortlessly as he crept up on the enemy. The tracker likely had no idea of the effect he had on the solemn gunslinger. Without either of them fully realizing it, one scrawny Texan had renewed one battered gunslinger’s faith in others and in himself, had given him hope for the future, and stirred feelings within of brotherly love. And without a doubt, Chris now knew that it was that faith, that hope, and that love that would lead him to his lost friend.

But first he had some fences to mend. Unwittingly he had turned his back on the support of men who also cared a great deal for Vin. Caught up in his own selfish worries and pain he had ignored theirs, expecting them to follow blindly wherever he chose to lead them, never giving a second thought to what they wanted or needed. They had entrusted him with their faith despite his unreasonable actions. That type of faith was not to be taken lightly.

‘Faith is what gets you through when everything else in life is beating you down.’ Somewhere in his memories someone had said that to him once. It was never truer than now because he sure felt pretty beat down at the moment. But with the faith of these men and the faith he had in Vin to hang on against heaven and hell, he would make it. He had to.

"Boys." Chris had to renew their faith just as surely as just looking at those five expectant faces had renewed his. "I know we all want to find Vin. And I also know that you’re worried. Can’t say as I blame ya. He’s been missing for long enough in this weather that… Well, we all know what can happen."

Taking a deep breath before continuing he prayed that once he was done these five men wouldn’t be ready to lock him up because they had decided he had finally gone off of the deep end. "I can’t say as I can exactly explain why I brought us here or why I thought Vin would be out this way. But I know he is. I’ve been having these feelings and these… dreams." There, he’d actually admitted it and somehow it didn’t feel like he was completely insane. Turning his gaze back up to the mountaintop he continued. "I think he’s up there and he’s waiting for us." Not waiting to be stopped by them he turned around to head for his horse.

"Then what are we waiting for?" JD cried with heartfelt conviction.

Having already started to mount his horse, Chris stopped, stunned by the enthusiastic reaction of the group’s youngest. Then without turning he continued to mount, adding his own voice, with a strength that belied the still raw fear that had yet to truly release its hold on his heart. He had to be strong for his men and for Vin.

"Let’s ride."

7*7*7*7*7*7

As the six solemn riders cleared the top edge of the summit each one took in the sight. The area expanded out further back than what one would have thought from below, joining with the range of mountains that continued on behind it. The overview of the land below was nothing short of spectacular. A large flat area held a small lake that was mostly frozen over with crystalline icicles hanging from large rock formations encompassing the back wall of its small expanse. A small waterfall that seemed to spout directly from the rocky mountainside was a wonder of reflected rainbows as the sun hit the icy flow. It was just as Chris remembered though even more breathtaking now that it was within winter’s grasp and had the remnants of last night’s snowstorm dotting the landscape.

Memories of his last trip to this very spot and the sight of the normally reserved tracker doing something so uncharacteristic brought a smile to the gunslinger’s face. Vin had shucked every stitch of outer clothing down to his underwear and jumped into the placid water. Splashing around like a kid, Chris had eventually joined his friend for a bit of lighthearted fun. A life on the run gave the younger man little time to relax, but up here, in his element he had felt free. He had felt safe. Not just because of where he had been but whom he had been with. Chris was humbled by the implicit trust that Vin had granted him from the very first. It had been healing for both of them.

Dragging his attention back to the problem at hand, Chris scanned the area for the cave he remembered Vin showing him. There were a few smaller ones around the area, but this one had been good sized and just where the tracker would most likely have sought shelter. Finding the opening that was obscured to the naked eye by a natural formation of boulders, the gunslinger felt his heart skip a beat. Mixed feelings warring for control were wreaking havoc on his already frayed nerves. He so wanted to find Vin and yet feared beyond belief at just what finding him could mean. The search itself was tearing him apart inside, but if his worst fears became reality his current hell would become a more permanent condition.

By looking at the stoic gunslinger the turmoil within would seem unimaginable, but for the five men who rode with him, they knew better. They were very aware of the trepidation he felt for they too were battling their own similar uncertainties. Though it may have felt like several minutes of hesitation, in reality, it was merely seconds before Chris was dismounted and moving purposefully toward the rock wall before them. Following Chris’s lead, despite the fact that they couldn’t see the opening to the cave yet, each of the others dismounted and shadowed the dark leader.

They were all surprised when Chris seemed to vanish into the mountainside, but then saw the hidden opening as they grew closer. Once inside they stumbled over each other as Chris stopped short, unable to see within the darkened interior. Six sets of eyes searched frantically for a glimpse in the darkness of anything that would indicate their friend was there, none of them quite ready when their eyes adjusted and the pale form lying prone in a far corner became visible. Despite what their heads had constantly warned them of, their hearts had been unable to fully relinquish the slight hope that once finding Vin everything would be okay.

‘Oh God! Vin?!’ The words sprang to his mind even as his own throat constricted and his breath seemed to be sucked from his body. Chris was across the room in seconds, easily skirting the rocks and boulders that littered the floor of the cave. No obstacle would keep him from his intended destination.

Dropping to his knees beside Vin’s still form he noticed the blood matted hair on the left side of his face. If not for that and the frighteningly pale complexion, one would have thought the young man merely asleep. But this wasn’t just any man, this was Vin Tanner. A man with a $500 bounty on his head. The same man who could sleep through a raging thunderstorm, but awoke with gun in hand if even a twig snapped outside of the campsite. And the same man who hadn’t moved since six clumsy men had stumbled noisily into his hiding place.

Not a single breath was taken as five men watched their healer bend down on the other side of their friend and reach up to the cold neck. Vin’s skin almost had a bluish hue to it, only adding to each man’s growing concern. Nathan sought much more than a pulse; he sought hope. His own fingers near numb from the frigid air he was shocked to find Vin’s skin even cooler. The seconds ticked by as his deft fingers felt for the signs of life he feared deep within were not to be. His own mind praying silently. ‘Please God. Don’t let him be gone. Not after all of this.’ To be so close and yet too late. ‘Don’t take him yet, Lord. Please?’ Even though he knew his pleas were selfish in nature, he couldn’t help the fear and anger that coursed through his veins. It was an extreme effort for the healer to keep the rising panic growing within his own heart from showing on his face as he abandoned Vin’s neck to lean over the tracker’s chest and listen. It had to be there. There was no way Vin could be gone from them. Not like this.

The others just continued to stare; their initial resurgence of hope quickly dwindling with Nathan’s slightly panicked movements. With each fleeting dart of the healer’s dark eyes and his continued silence they knew that no life had been found within their friend’s body.

Movement came, but not from the man on the ground. Nathan felt himself pushed away from the tracker’s body as dark clad arms reached out to gather the lifeless form up. Looking up at the seven’s leader most would have seen a face of cold stone, but as his friend, Nathan saw a man wracked with unspeakable pain.

No one made a move to stop Chris as he cradled the still body against his chest with an almost imperceptible rocking motion, as if holding a child. Buck, unable to stand the sight, choked back a sob then quickly ran from the cave, quickly followed by a fearful and confused JD. The youngest was torn between his own uncertainties and the look he had seen on the ladies’ man’s face just now. If he couldn’t help Vin he could at least see to Buck.

Josiah began praying silently for the soul taken and the broken souls left behind. Many a difficult task had the ex-preacher faced over his years and still this one seemed so daunting. It was one thing to protect and minister to the souls of others and he had on occasion offered counsel to each of the other peacekeepers. But how was he supposed to comfort the others while his own spirit felt as if it were dying?

Ezra remained frozen in place, unsure of what to do. His initial reaction had been to run for all he was worth, but he had made a promise to himself to never run out on these men again. And deep in his heart he was certain that this incredible pain he was feeling at the moment was something that he couldn’t have outran if he tried.

Nathan felt the tears pool in his eyes. It was never easy to lose a patient when he had worked so diligently to save them, but this time he hadn’t even been given a chance to try. How many times in the past had he cursed himself for not knowing more or having greater skills? This time it hadn’t mattered what he knew or didn’t know and it hurt even worse.

Chris felt as if his consciousness had drifted off to another place and time. The soul shattering sense of loss that he had vowed never to allow himself to feel again was once more searing through the very fiber of his being. It was almost surreal as he sat oblivious to the actions of the other five men around him. At that moment it was just Chris and the cold lifeless body of his best friend, his soul keeper. There was little cognizant thought involved in the recognition, it was just a fact felt deep within. With the loss of this remarkable life-force cradled in his arms he would also lose what little bit of good that remained in the very core of his being. His world had once more turned into a living nightmare.