-begin: page 2 abridged galateialanademeter story v1.1-

Subject: the rape incest murder and hatred chronicles.

and that is just what my life is. a tragic made-for-tv kind of movie. and my so called life can just move over, and trainspotting will have to wait, cuz this is where my life got interesting... and it only takes one name to set the mood. dylan. dylan...

"sheets of empty canvas, under sheets of glass.
her legs spread out before me, as her body looks dead.

all of our survival revolves around the sun, as the earth to the sun,
here i see, she takes it and breathes, its taken its turn,

i know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
i know youll be a sun,
in somebody else's sky, oh why,
why,
why cant it be,
cant it be mine?"
Pearljam, Black. from ten.

so i was sitting around the house, when my parents decided to visit one of the kids from saint barts. it was irrelevant who, one of the boys. and the nice thing was that there was lots of kids there. people from seventh grade, me, up through highschool. and there was this cousin there, heather. heather was a sweet girl, and she invited me to come hang out with her. so i asked my parents, and they said it was ok. and that was the start of my second downfall. i should have just walked away.

so i got in the car, heathers friends car, and we drove away. we went to see a movie. and there were four people in the car. they dont matter either. they are long lost now. and none of them went by their names. and heather said to them that i was the new kid in the crowd. and they agreed. she said she liked my hair. it was down to my ass then. then she told me to call her dylan. we did lots of things like this for a while. and then dylan decided to introduce me to her friends. the real ones, the ones she wasnt supposed to hang out with. this seemed like a good idea at the time. and so my life died. we went to a party. it was actually pretty chill, except for the fact that the owner of the apartment in which it took place was not home at the time. this was bad, cuz it meant that anyone could be let in. and so some drunk guys in football jerseys came in through the door, and no one wanted to try to kick them out. so there we all were, and dylan went upstairs, and shot the shit out of her veins. she was with her boy of the month. and so we all were getting a little drunk. i had a beer. it took me two hours to finish it. i think it was more in the fashion of a prop, so i didnt look like the little girl i felt like. so one guy asked me if i wanted to smoke some pot. i didnt like the party much, and beer either, but this seemed exciting enough. so since he didnt want everyone there to use his weed up, he took me to the bedroom.

once in the bedroom, he got on the bed and rolled a joint. he put it on the night stand and told me to come talk to him. at this point, he kissed me. i dont remember if i enjoyed this, but then he got up. he closed the door, so you could hear the muffled sounds of loud music and not much more. then he locked it. the next thing i knew, he was on the bed and kissing me again. then i told him that i wanted to get up, and go back to the party. he hit me. then i told him i needed to check on dylan. he laughed. he tore my shirt off, and slapped me across the face. then he stripped me, spanked me, and forced me down onto the bed. he stuck his fingers everywhere, my ass, vagina, and mouth. before he did anything else, he laid me on my stomach and unzipped his jeans. he did not take off anything. i realized that i was bruised and naked, and he still had his boots on. then he stuck his penis in my ass, yelled at me for a while, and then said, "well, it took you long enough to get wet, but i guess blood is good enough." i drifted off to some sort of black place, but before i passed out from pain i remember thinking, couldnt he at least have taken off his jersey??

i awoke the next day with dylan. she was telling me that the guy from the night before was dead. the owner of the house had come home and gone berserk.

so she wouldnt let me go home. she said i was to stay with her for the weekend. she lived by herself now, since she had been kicked out of her house. her mother was crazy, and she had been living with her cousins, but moved out when she got a modeling gig. she took care of me, and i spent the entire weekend pretty much in her arms. i think that something clicked that weekend. in her certainly, and more subtly in me. we started to care for each other more than just friends would. and the next weekend she picked me up again.

that weekend was our time together, she said. it was our time to get to know each other. so she held me in her arms that weekend as well. but this time there was more going on, she told me what had happened the previous saturday, and what it meant, since my parents had never gotten around to the birds and the bees. and then she explained that what he had done was so bad that he had gotten killed for it. she told me that all sex was not painful, and that it could be beautiful and feel good. this did not quite fly with me.

so a few weeks later, dylan picked me up again. she took me to her apartment, and showed me how to kiss properly. she took my clothes off and made sure there were no scars in any private places. i was completely scared out of my wits. so she said to me, would you rather do this in front of a man? and i thought about it. of course the next part i could describe to you in graphic detail, but you would probably get quite hard. and it is sacred to me. i will tell you that dylan taught me how to love someone again. she showed me how not to be scared. she asked me at every point if i was scared, and probably had to slow down ten or twelve times before i could be comfortable with the idea of it. the idea of a girl wasnt really what i would have wanted, but she was about the most amazing one i could have found.

and after a while, and believe me it took the whole weekend for her to get me to cum, i decided that at least i would no longer have to think of males. i had everything i needed in dylan.

and so the raging parties continued, but this time dylan kept me on a short leash. she would let me try most of the minor drugs, and i was pretty happy with them. she herself had tracks the size of the autobahn on her arms. she was quite exotic, i thought at the time. she had both nipples pierced, and her nose, septum, navel, and labia. this is probably part of where i got the obsession from. she only pierced me once, and told me that i would have to do the rest. or get them done professionally. the one that she did is one of the few i have that has never closed up. we went to many places, and she took me everywhere with her.

my parents didnt take long to decide that they didnt like her, of course. they dont like most people i love. so it went, and dylan and i were crazy. the first time i decided i was ready to get near a guy, it was one dylan and i both liked. she picked him out and asked if i wanted to take him home with us. i loved that us part, and at that point i wouldnt deny her anything. so this guy came with us. he was mostly interested in dylan i think, but we sort of told him that he couldnt do anything until we had played for a while. dylan got me very wet, and played with herself in front of us until this new guy and i rolled around on the floor. but i realized what a complete bitch she was that night, cuz no matter how many times he got inside one of us, she wouldnt let him cum, till finally she made him jerk off in front of us while we licked each other out. only then could he cum.

it was the most amusing thing in the world. god damn she was a bitch. i fell in love with her that night. yes, that night.

she made him suffer for a reason, to show me that a woman can actually have power over a man. it worked. or at least it helped immensely. most of the damage that was done that one night at that party was healed that night. the rest of her time in dc was pretty much like this scenario. we went crazy as often as i could get out of the house. and she taught me exactly what life was then.

but then she was given another contract, in new york.

and so dylan left my life, much as you have, but if you go as crazy as she has, ill kill you.

but anyway, i only saw her three more times after that. she came down and brought me back with her for two weeks that summer, and my parents barely approved of it, cuz they still hated her. the next time i saw her, it was completely different, and i had run away from home then. i was fourteen. she was getting more and more addicted to heroin, and she was going crazy. and getting depressed too. and she had a boyfriend again. she told me that he was just a poor substitute for me, and she didnt love him. of course she should have waited till he left the room to say this, and he left her on the spot. she really didnt care though, and that made me think that he really was just a substitute. and so we had a few days together, and it was our last real time of just being together. i loved her so much, but even then i knew that something was ending with her. but it was a beautiful few days.

the last time i saw her, she warned me that she was moving to california cuz there was nothing left for her in new york. so i ran away again, and went straight to new york since there was only a couple of weeks till she was so far away that i couldnt see her. this time i had to hitchhike since i had no money. one of the guys that picked me up was very cute, and told me that if he could seduce me that he would happily take me all the way, and he was beautiful, so i accepted that this would be the best deal i could get so i bartered, only if he wore a condom. so that trip was the most sexual trip i have had to new york. he was amazing. he could fuck and drive at the same time, and he rarely let me off of his lap. we pulled over in only one area, and spent about two days there, and i think you would have liked this one.
he was skinny, tall, and covered in scars. and damn, he was good with his tongue.

and so i got to new york. he drove me up to the building dylan lived in. and i went in alone. apparently the boyfriend that had left during the previous trip was a lot more pissed off than either of us thought though. when i walked in i saw him on top of dylan on the couch. i didnt think much of this, since i was used to seeing people on top of her, but i was halfway through the room when i realized that she was crying. then she cried out and said something like help lana get him off please get him off... so he hit her across the face, and stuck his hand in her mouth. he said i told you not to scream bitch, and you get out of here you stupid bitch.

so i went to the other room. now you have to realize that dylan lived in a horrible part of town, since the rent was cheap. and so i went to the other room, and got the gun she kept for protection. i stepped into the other room and said something like if you dont get off of her ill blow your brains out. so he said oh, yeah, you dont have the guts to fire that thing, while walking towards me, and you never tell some one they dont have the guts to fire, after raping their love, and walk up to them at the same time. i was terrified of what he would do if he actually got to me, and then it happened. i realized, fairly quickly that if i didnt hurt him he would hurt too many people. dylan would never sue. so he would walk free. and that was the incentive.

i let my finger squeeze. i dont know if he died, but i do know he never raped again, cuz i shot him directly in the groin. then i ran to the other room and started crying and blacked out on dylans bed. when i woke up we went to a clinic, and we waited till she was healed, fortunately he didnt leave anything on her that would harm her modeling career. it was crazy, but the only scars she had were on her elbows, and those were always covered by makeup. the last day i was there was the only time we made love that trip, possibly the only time we ever made love really. and that was the last time i saw dylan. she moved to california the next day.

now, california, mostly the san fran area, was her downfall. she hooked up with another model named sybil. sybil was insane. but they got along well. dylan had trouble finding work for a few months. so she moved a couple of times and sybil decided to move with her. they were both crazy looking so they werent like the kind of models who could do commercials and catalogs. so they scored occasional work, and they moved again. this time to just south of l.a.. they lived there the longest, about four months. then sybil told dylan that they needed to split for a while, cuz sybil wanted to be with her musician boyfriend. and so they were, but at this point, dylan was going crazy, and the only thing that mattered to her was the heroin. this caused her to miscarry. she wasnt even sure that she was pregnant.

she couldnt handle this. and then she had to move, and she hadnt had a job in a month.

heather dylan beirk died, may 21, 1994. there were no eulogies, no masses, no services. no one who really cared, except for one sixteen year old girl living in maryland. she got into the bathtub with a newly sharpened kitchen knife, and slit her throat from ear to ear.

she bled to death and was discovered at about three am that night.

she did not leave a suicide note, but it was pretty obvious.

well, actually she did leave a suicide note. i got it three days later.

her final words were the ones at the top of this email. the quotes from pearljam. the only thing she felt she had to do before she left this world was to let me know that she knew i was there. through the fog of drugs and pain, she still remembered that i needed her, and told me that one of these days some one else would care as much as she did.

tears.

well, i hope you have enjoyed the recount of my crazy yesteryears. please dont turn me in for attempted murder, or anything like that. i usually dont tell that part of the story, since it truly incriminates me, but a few people know it. and this has been the most painful email i have ever written, but you said to tell you, so i couldnt leave things out, my little obsession with the truth and my hatred of lies wont let me leave it out. so now you know. i dont think that it will change your opinion of me, but feel free to analyze.

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