As We Go A Beveraging
Dan:
Christine has a laptop. The stupid bitch. She was in the background of a really
short news bleep on channel 4. She needs a good fuck. Kirsten has a fun dress.
It is green. Bananas. She is going to Switzerland because flour and sugar and
coffee. I like lima beans. Lima, Lima, Lima, Lima, Lima. And I type, vomiting
the typing. The keyboard blows its sweet, hot breath on my fingers. This phucking
keyboard doesn"t have a phucking end key. End key. The end key went to Jackson.
The end key went crazy. Jackson is farther away than crazy. The end key didn't go
crazy on the train. It went crazy on Christine's Mac. macs suck. Mac Mac Mac
Mac Mac Mac. Enitsirhc si cisxelsid. Dan is our brother. Our brother Dan.
Dan, Dan.
BICYCLES!
Laptops are fun. WOOHOO. They are small. They can destroy big flying saucers.
Yeah. Paśl Nortom phucks sheep. Marie doesn't like bad words. She is cool.
Dan has a bad attitude!!!! That was Marie"s two cents. As in coinage. (Now
she only has one cent.) I'm having fun. Kai is glad I'm having fun. Zeek is a
closet case. So are many MANY other people. That 10% has got to be SOMEwhere!
oh nevermind.
LA LA LA
Dan has a nice ass.
Meredith's mom knows this because I bent over in front of her. If I keep typing
I will get carpal tunel syndrome. So I type, vomitting the typing. Bicycles.
And she calls me You Dan dan you dan dan. Blomit has breasts. I don"t have breasts. Anna has breasts and Christine has breasts and Shinobi...well...I like ice cream. If Kebin had breasts, he would be pretty. Fork is in love with Laura. Fork is in love with Abitz. Fork is in love with Kirsten. Fork is a dumbass. Lots of people are dumbasses.
I'm not a dumbass. Mr. Early is in the room. I got locked in the room with a rat and I couldn't breathe. Are you gonna fuck it, Anna? Fuck it? Fuck it? Anna
has fun pants. Pants. Dan, Dan Dan, Dan. Miriam has fun stuff in her hair.
Hair. Some people have fun hair. I have fun hair. Some people don't have fun hair. They are not me or Anna or Christine or Miriam or Kirsten. They are.
They not is because is is not enough for one woman to foal. One woman can foal. i know what that is. Two men can foal. I know what THAT is! I know lots of things. I almost knowed a dumbass once. I"m glad i didn"t know him. I"m gonna make him was. Anna has fun pants. Pants. Paśl Nortom wants to be a black woman. He probably is. Matt Shapiro thinks Paśl phucks sheep. Mr. Early thinks Paśl is gay. He is a machine. Sheep. Sheep. The Paśl goes and I can hear the
fuck fuck fuck
of the sheep.
Kirsten clutches her . . . pearls. She didn't clutch no pearls when we picked down the row. She did clutch something else. There ne'er was a man who ere would begrudge her it ... the pearls i mean. I know what that is. Is that why you are laughing, Dan?
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
Anna:
I wrote it on the Bevel.
1)It looks nicer.
2)If the animals get hungry, they can't get through to the writing because when i wrote it on the bevel i made it with a password.
3)It makes the pixels sharper.
4)Writing on the bevel takes longer than writing on a paper.
5)Paper can be crumpled.
6)Bananas taste better on the bevel.
7)Bevel is a funner word than pen.
8)I can vomit the writing on the bevel.
9)Then i killed Dan.
10)Dan bothered my writing on the bevel, so i killed him.
11)My mother is a herring.
12)She was.
13)She is not is because she cut down a tree in the forest. She is was.
14)She went.
15)And liked photography.
16)My plaid pants make my butt look good.
17)Backwards baseball caps look cute.
My leg dont bother me none. But my shoulder does. Dan bit it.
If they want it to tote they're gonna have to
Dan:
And so I ran and Topper swooped over the horizon. And the dust grubbled beneath my feet and when I got there I could rest and sit and laugh my fucking ass off.
And I would laugh and laugh and vomit the laughing. And laugh so hard I vomitted the vomit. Vomitting the vomit. Vommitting the laughing. And then I saw the
lockers across the hall. And I watched. I know what that is. And Anna said My plaid pants make my butt look good. And I watched. And I looked back across
the hall. Lafe my ass. If he only knew what he could do for me. And then I could stop laughing. And then Paśl walked down the hall and I started laughing
again. Dumbass. He fucks sheep. Stupid gay sheep. gay sheep. That sheep is a gay homosexual. Why doesn't he go to San Fransisco with all the other sheep.
There arent any sheep in San Fransisco, asswipe.
I1m gonna kick you in the nuts. But if you dont tote the nuts you cant
Christine:
As i sit here waitng for the plane the sounds of the planes keep passing over head saying Boston 500 mi, Boston 500 mi, saying Boston 500 mi. Then the planes
pass and say Boston Five hundred miles. And i would walk 500 miles and would walk 500 more just to be that man that man that walked that thousand miles to fall
down at your door dadada, dadada, dadadadadadad da.
I like crayons they are fun. crayons are at a college party. i am at a college party. Beer is at a college party. beer is not at me. there are whistles whistling and coffee coffeeing. Their is so much that coffee could do for me if it just would. Coffee could do everything for me. It's like everything in world for me.
There are big tubs of guts walking around everywhere. How can any intelligent thoughts come out of these tubs of guts. I feel naked without my entourage of Topper land. i feel like a coffee bean in the wild hot starbucks without a chocolate coating.
Dan:
Call home. Anna is on my back. She is biting my neck. When I got to school this morning no one was on my side of the hall. No one was not on the other
side of the hall. Guess who was on the other side of the hall. The hall is long.
I was on one side of the hall and he was on the other side of the hall and we were both siting alone even though we were both there and only 15 feet from each
other and we both looked the other way because if we looked at each other then we wouldn't be alone and i didn't want anyone to violate my loneliness...but then
Anna came and it was good. And then the laptop, I mean Christine came. And the laptop, I mean Christine has been to Boston. And she didn't drink beer. And
the hall is full now. And Anna is on my back. And I don't have a lot of zits.
And Anna doesn1t have a lot of zits. And Christine doesn't have a lot of zits. And most people in the hall don't have a lot of zits. SOME people in the hall
have a lot of zits. But if he doesn't use zit cream then he'll
Kai:
So anyway, I LIKE SAYING THAT. It's all over you know? You realize that i'm falling off the edge of the earth. i don't like the fact that I am here, or rather
that I am anywhere. i don't like ben. he's icky. He thinks that I am a gossip. I think that he is a dick head but you didn't hear that from me. No I don't honestly think that but I am allowed to be bitter twice a week so i am a bitter girl today.
So I am self absorbed and shallow but hey i dress better than most ignorant burkes that attend RM. I am not funny in the least. So, if I build it, it will come, ergo if I build a stadium, technically a bunch of ghosts should come out of cornfields and babble to me. And maybe then
I'll have something to do on a Saturday night other than babysitting, which i don't all together mind
but it gets boring. So I am thinking of running away to join a circus, but i think a circus is more likely to run away and join me. Oh well. I am here. That is all that matters and maybe in few years i'll Be able to say I did something in my life other than bitch.
Harvin's not gay. i am not gay. what is gay? i like men. men don't like me. but they think that i have really big breasts. maybe they're right. maybe I'll be a comic someday.
my world is funny....
Catherine:
oh where oh where has my little dog gone
Kai:
don1t worry Catherine, Adam is peering round the corner.
Catherine:
SHUT UP!!!!
stupid dildo...
Dan:
What's a dildo? ....oooohhh! Kai isn't a dildo. I know what THAT is. I have a spy glass from freshman year with a picture of a gentleman on a pig. The pig had lots of zits. I'm gonna splice that pig with an elephant. That pig needs some sweet lovin.
He gets too much sweet lovin. I used to give him sweet lovin but now he gets sweet lovin from every old dildo he finds on the street. I know what that is. Dan!
Kai is being a dildo! Catherine says. She isn't a dildo I say. Kevin Krnksfnanw is shaved, not
good. Kai is wearing a jacket that looks like it used to be an animal. Some jackets are made out of animals. Some aren't. Some jackets are made out of pig skin.
I want to make a jacket out of a certain pig's skin. He wouldn't be gettin' anymore sweet lovin if I was wearin him. There ne'er was a man who would begrudge him. But if they wont begrudge him then
Kai:
look Kitty, Meow!!!!!!!!!!!!! YUCK. I AM not a dildo. I am however horny. I love men.
Anna:
Dan looks at me. That is very strange beause when I fell off Topper it was 2 feet and 23.453491
inches, about. I know what that is. It hurts, that's what that is. Dan said it is lucky I broke my nail the same place it happened last time. Dan doesnt say the words, but I know he says it without the words because if he said it with the words they would hurt me. Dan would hurt me. I dont like it when Dan hurts me. He violates me. That means I am not alone, but I like being alone with my purple spotted cow. I like the cow. It breathes its hot sweet breath on my clothes and I can get off...
the train.
Siri violated me too. She touched me and I didnt know what that was.
The train is leaving and our brother Dan is laughing between two men. They look rather drunk and happy. Where is your left foot? Whose hand is that?? Dan says
with the two men. I think they're all gonna get some sweet lovin tonight. The three of them look very happy and drunk about it.
The train is gone and I can pee, the peeing can.
Dan:
When Anna and I got off the train they all knew what I had been doing because they could see the way I walked. And Anna told me without words, I know what you have been doing. And I said without words, Are you going to TELL them?! Are you gonna kill them, Anna? Are you gonna kill them!? And she says I violate her. That is funny. This is funny. Funny. My ass hurts. The two men on the train have asses. I know that. I knew that. When the train was going along, I said that if by the time we got to the sign that said Topper 3mi I had eaten the whole bag of peanuts, then I would do it. So the two men stuffed peanuts in my face and i said What are you doing and they said, We are stuffing your face with peanuts and so when we got to the sign that said Topper 3mi I did it. And now my ass hurts. I need to find a bathroom. But if I don't tote the bathroom then I'll
Sharon:
And so I took an early lunch. Or a late breakfast. The donuts and bagels and orange juice and seltzer water sat, lonely, waiting to be eaten. My father always said that the purpose of life is waiting to be eaten.
And I ate them, my teeth tearing viciously with each bite, chewing again and again, because through the pain I could make them mine.
And the donuts and bagels and orange juice and water disappeared down, down, out of their containers, out of that which contained them. The shape of the middle of the donuts and bagels is in the shape of a
and so is my middle, empty until the eating is
done and over. I am empty with waiting, so empty, not full.
And to those to who donuts and bagels are just words, eating is just a word too.
Dan:
Bird was trying to be a black person today. It was funny. Funny. Funny it was. His blood and Pąul blood different from each other's blood and mine. And I want it to stay that way at all costs.
Cookies. Mrs. Saladyga made cookies. I like cookies. Cookies, Cookies, Cookies, Cookies, Cookies.
John Pruitt has a crown. Can we say Queen? ha ha. So I laugh, vomitting the laughing.
Catherine is not a Banks girl. Banks girls suck. Like Bond girls except suckier. Ad nauseum is fun. So is µ. That's a constant or something. Mr. Andersen is amusing.
Meredith:
I make Dan feel like a natural woman. John Pruitt wears nice clothes. Nice clothes. Clothes are nice.
Wears John clothes that are nice and a crown. Wears a crown he. Muuuuuu... The crown is pretty and
it sparkles nice. Boy, what a nice pretty sparkily it is. A flat tire has Sahil.
He rode it into the lot flatted. He was on it and knew not it was dead. Dead it was.
The tire lives no more, for it needs air. One must blow life into it for it to survive.
Survival... Only the fittest survive; it is a race to the finish, a struggle of the masses...
No, Kitty! That's my pot pie!!!
Dan:
Anna's mother is a herring.
Siri:
I slept late this morning... But now I'm awake and must see everybody. And I saw Dan on the bus this
morning and he knew without my saying that I had missed the bus, and I knew without the words that he knew
without the words because he told me and didn't say anything. I wouldn't have believed that he knew if
he had used the words, but he didn't use the words so i had to believe him. And then he told me that my
mother would die. But my mother is not a herring like Anna's, my mother is a rat, and she runs from place
to place and is locked in a box and she can't breathe and are you going to nail it Anna? Nail it? Nail it?
I want her to nail it but she didn't and she won't, and Anna has rabbit's ears and is on Dan's back. And
now i figure that I knowed why Anna knew what Dan said without saying. Because with her he used the words
but he didn't need the words with me. But I need the words now and the words keep coming and I can't breathe
for the words and I vomit the words and can't stop and they come and come and come... And I should shut up
so are you going to close my mouth and tie it? And so I picked on down the desks with him, and I thought if
I get all the papers I cannot help it and then he started picking up the papers and giving them to me and I asked what he was doing and he said he was picking up papers and giving them to me and so I got all the
papers and I could not help it and so we went to our secret alone place. But they knew and they know now
and I don't know what to do and how to deal with it and she shouldn't know and they shouldn't know and do
you know Anna? Do you know? Do you know? Do you know, Anna? And she knew and she asked and she
found out that it was true and my secret self was ripped open and apart and she knew...
Anna:
I knew about Siri without the words and I asked Dan and he said yes about Siri and then I knew and dan knew and shannon knew and i knew and it was not about me or dan or shannon or sharon or katie or christine or...
siri told me too. and she tickled me without the words and i didnt know what that was. she is taller than me, but mrs. seabreeze couldn't tell us apart because we were both blonde and she didnt know that we were different and she didnt know that she could help me so much if she just knew.
dan knows.
i wrote it on the Bevel. they all told me it would take too long, but i made it on the Bevel anyway. it looks nicer.
but if they want it to tote, they're gonna have to
Sharon:
I know something about someone and it is not about christine and not about katie or jessica or kat or me or
kirsten or dan or kai but dan knows. and someone else knows, but I dont know that he knows that she knows that
she knows that he knows.
The bevel must sleep
Dan:
It's Class of 99, dumbass I say. And we have to go to the room now that we're off the train. I got off the train. I didn't go off here. I got off on the train. I got off on the train with the two men. The two men was.
I made them was.
Christine:
I am not going on a train. no no christine phillps wouldn't go on a train. I could do so much for me if i just would. Dan's eyes look me over. How glad i am that they do not make me feel naked.
And then one night i was dreaming and in this dream all our family had gathered. Even my grandma Tzietle. and she said to me "A blessing on your head"
Wait wrong dream
Now i remember my sister was there and katie drew the knife from the chocolate cake and killed caitlin. Then she went to homecoming.
No i don't think that was it either hum lets see. Last night i had this dream. I was in CYBERLAND. It was hot.
That's not it either oh well.
Kevin
Pork. The other white meat. The other white meat. White men can't jump. They can't they go up and down, up and down, kind of like.... This sucks. Nothing to do. just typing away on the laptop making it look like I'm actually doing something.
.... doing something.... PDQ... pretty damn queer... no offense to Dan, after all, Dan is god.... SO is Zeus, but .. Stupid jokes. I tell a lot of stupid jokes. I'm a moron. At least, that's what my fuking brother tells me. He's a moron. .... Crayons are cool. They're long, colorful, and fun to play with. Especially when they have a good head.. My favorite is the sky blue.....
Rain sucks. Mainly when you shoes get wet. Then your socks are all sqossh and stuff....
Dan
89.4 89.4 89.4 89.4 89.4 89.4 89.4 89.4 89.4
just a point. points. i have a point. they had points too. Anna doesn't have a point. Neither does Siri. Dingles has a point. Anna knows that. Anna also knows that Siri doesn't have a point. I know that too. I asked her without words and she told me she told me but she didn't know that she told me. And she says I violate her. but she knows about the two men. one of them had zits and one of them didn't. the one that didn't has small hands. it was better with the one that didn't. i like hand held puerto rican fans. yes indeedio. Anna fucked up my logo. it's christine's fault though. cuz she's an impatient bitch. but the laptop, i mean christine has lots of money so she's my friend. I know. She knows. I know something that Anna told me not to tell anyone.
It is not about me and it is not about Jessica and it is not about Christine and it is not about Kirsten and it is not about Sharon...but Sharon knows. Sharon and I know. Siri doesn't have a point.
Part the Second
I'm confused. Let me out of this madhouse!
P>S. I told you not to worry about the "plot," okay? And didn't I imply that a working knowledge of Faulkner was imperative?
