1bout Me
 My name is H. I was born a few years ago abandoned by my royal parents in a desert. 
Don't ask why they put my in a desert.

 Later I got blown away in front of a bear cave and I was brought up by a family of bears.
 They liked to cook me pouridge though I never really ate any of it.
 I was bulimick (sorry for mispelling that) and I just threw it all up because I thought that was what you were supposed to do because my cat always threw up everything he ate, and I was brought up by some bears, so how was I supposed to know?
 What I was about 6 I was adopted by these electronic monkeys.
 They were being used for scientific uses.
 Somehow some science maniac guy surned some monkeys into robotic metal electronic monkeys run on mustard.
 The monkeys were pretty smart.
 They did afterall have a computer as a brain so they were a lot more smarter than humans.
 The robots made me that metal stuff that they serve at school.
 Some people call it "School Food", but doesn't "Metal Stuff" sound a little more original?
 The metal stuff tasted terrible. 

It tasted like metal.
 But the reobotic monkeys were smart enough to know how to make the metallic food have special powers in it.
 It made you so that you could turn into metal whenever you wanted to and make you have these psychic powers-like the monkeys have and a mind of a computer.
 It turned you to metal so you could move around easily and everything.
 Have you ever played that Mario game for N64? 
If you have, have you gotten to that part where you put on the metal cap or something and you turn into metal and it protects you from that yellow smog crap?
 Well, that kind of metal suit, only it didn't really protect you from that yellow stuff, because that stuff is only in that game and it doesn't really exist. 
So I turned into a metal person, like the monkeys, only as a person.
 And I used my psychic powers and got my own Psychic Hotline and made a load of money from that.
 I charged $40 a minute but the people who called were too stupid to bother looking at the price so they didn't know they were waisting their 
money until they got their phone bill of course.
 I was the only psychic who actually knew what was going to happen and could tell your life story without a stupid credit card number or any other cheating in any way.
 People were very impressed and soon I got my own cool psychic hat and psychic tent and I was payed to read people's minds at a psychic place.
 I got my own plastic crystal ball and pretended it was real.
 I was able to fool so many people.
 When I was 8 I got kidnapped and since I wasn't fed any more metallic food and lost all my powers and that really sucked.
 I was kidnapped by some aliens. The aliens were from Mars.
 They looked kinda like those aliens on Mars Attacks.
 Those aliens were smart and they seemed to think that I belonged on Mars and I was their missing pet or something idiotic like that, just because I was smart like them.
 But obviously without my powers I was just a stupid 8 year old who needs a caculator to add up her money that she doesn't have anymore because she left it on Earth and 
the monkeys probably ate it anyway.
 Anyway, the aliens fed me space food. You know, those hard ice cream sandwiches and stuff that they sell at science museums and places that the atronauts live on?
 They fed me that. It tasted like cardboard, but it was more edible than the metal crap. 
The aliens couldn't figure out why I was so stupid. They had been spying on me.
 They're aliens and they could see distances that we couldn't even see with a telescope.
 Still, short distances if you compare it with how large space is, but really far to us.
 Finally, they came to the conclusion that I had a twin sister and they got the wrong one. 
So they threw me off Mars and I somehow landed on the Moon.
 While I was flying in space I noticed I had some metal food still in my pants.
 It was stale, but it always tasted stale anyway. 
So just before I landed, I ate some metallic food and turned myself to metal and I was safe. 
The metal protected me from crushing myself to death. But I wondered what the point of staying alive. 

I had no chance of living. There's nothing on the moon.
I found some cheese to live on while I was up there and I discovered that there really is air on the moon.
Astronomers believe there's no air on there because they've never tryed to breathe up there. 
They always use there air tanks so how are they supposed to know that there really is breathable air up there? 
I met the man on the moon that so many people talk about whenever they look up and see the moon. 
So many people don't know that it isn't really a made up story. There really is an existing man on the moon.
 The man on the moon I found out is the owner of that killer rabbit in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". 
The owner was butt naked. He was a stripper. He was an old guy with a beard.
 He called me a sexy thing and we had grilled cheese for lunch, without the bread. I stayed with the naked guy for about a year and then an spaceship came.
 The spaceship was a rocket from the United States. This was my ticket home. 
I shouted at the astronomer and made him take me home because I was sick of staying with some old naked guy on the moon and living on grilled cheese. 
Plus, I think the naked guy was sick of me anyway and he decided to come along and go back to the US because he had a new movie to work on in a few years and he needed to prepare for it.
 That movie later became known as "The Full Monty." He sent his grandfather to the moon to take his place for the man on the moon.
 His grandfather was too old and stupid to know what he was doing so he agreed to go. 
So now you know who's the man on the moon today. Some old guy who I'm sure is dead by now.
 Anyways, A few months later, we both arrived in the United States, and we left, no goodbyes or anything, just left as if we had never known each other because by then we were so sick of each other. 
I walked to Los Angeles somehow and I snuck into some famous guy's house. I thought it was a hotel. He shoed me out and got me arrested.
 I think the famous guy was...I don't know. Just some guy. Maybe he wasn't really famous. Maybe he was just rich.
 I lived in jail for about a month. I was supposed to stay for another 10 years, but I broke out because I called my monkeys on a cellular and they ate the bars and let me out and I was free.
 The monkeys brought me on a plane-I stayed in the cockpit because I didn't have any money to pay for a plane ticket. 
There was a couple making out. The strange thing was the couple were two men and a teenage female. 
It was pretty scarey. So I went skydiving because the couple really freaked me out. 
I didn't have a parachute, but I sky dived anyway. I fell strait down in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. 
I landed in a kingdom with mermaids and little yellow fish that were shaped like headphones. 
The fish spoke in english which freaked me out. They said they knew just about every language in the world, like Santa Claus. 
The mermaids were annoying though. They wern't like the kind of mermaids in The Little Mermaid, they were more like the mermaid in Splash. 
The spoke with a screeching unpleasant sound and they turned to human when they were dry. 
I never saw any that were dry because it was too deep down and they were all too lazy to ever swim to the top.
 Once again, the water, like the moon air, was breathable. 
People only die in water because of the currents. They don't really drown.
 Ocean Currents sting you and parellize you like the sting of an electric eel. Where I landed, was too deep for ocean currents. 
That's pretty deep. It was probably the deepest part of the ocean. I think it might've been somewhere directly under Hawaii, but I'm probably wrong. 
The fish taught me how to swim. I had never learned to swim. 
The bears and aliens had never taught me how. I knew how to swim in that green boiling stuff at the moon, but that wasn't nearly as deep as this water.
 Now I had to swim under the water. The fish also taught me how to dig under water tunnels in the sand and how to build sand castles. 
I lived in the sandcastles that I built. The fish fed me other fish of their own kind. They were canabuls like humans are.
 The fish that I ate didn't really satisfy me. I got really sick and it caused me to get this disease that makes you grown wings and scales and bird feet.
 I must've been the first to get that disease since no one else has ever had it. The only way for me to get better would be to swim to the surface safely without "drowning" in the ocean currents. 
The fish made me an inner tube out of fish skin and they even blew it up for me. They gave me the inner tube and I safely and quickly floated up to the surface. 
Within a week I was up. I swam with the inner tube to an island. The island had no sign of life. It was just a deserted island. It did have one person on it though.
 It was someone who was deported from school for murduring the class pet, which was a goldfish. He accidentally knocked over the fishtank. 
So he wasn't a mean person or anything. His name was Krozokomslo and he had blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes that twinkled in the sun. 
He was from Rhode Island and I was surprised because I was born in Massachusetts so I was happy to find someone from around the same area. 
We had as food a recipe that he made up called "Krozokomslo Food" and it was made of wild berries, nuts, seaweed, and ocean water. 
It wasn't very good, but I had never had anything good to eat in my life, so what did I know. 
It was better than the metal stuff. A couple of years later, me and Krozokomslo hadn't gotten sick of each other. We had dated ever since we met. 
He took me to the the big rock many times, the palm tree, and to the beach. It was so romantic. But one day we grew very tired of going out to the same places every day. 
So we built a canoe out of the palm tree and tempted to move to the United States. Hawaii was only 350 miles away from the island that we were at. 
So we rode the canoe for about a few weeks and we finally arrived in Hawaii, where we snuck onto a plane to Boston. 
After that I reuinted with my evil birth parents and they actually kept me and here I am now.
Krozokomslo lives in Boston in the streets. I have no idea how he is now since I have no way of contacting him. If you've read up to this point, then WOW. I thought you'd be asleep by now.
 If you haven't read up to this point, the good for you! You have better things to do. :)
So maybe he isn't in the streets still now, but last time I spoke with him he was.