Parodies of popular music


All of the below by Chris Marsh with apologies to original artists


Table of contents

"And I Crammed"

with apologies to A Flock of Seagulls

It's Thursday, Friday we have a test

I didn't study so I could do my best

If I flunk this class I might as well die

Sixteen hours to give it one last try

And I crammed

I crammed all night and day

And I crammed

I need to get an A

Need to get an A

Up late, burning the 4 AM oil

Coffee in the pot starts to boil

4 to 6 AM goes by like a flash

Think my system is gonna crash

And I crammed

I crammed all night and day

And I crammed

I couldn't get an A

Couldn't get an A

8 AM, two tests for me to take

The other, for two hours to stay awake

Stayed up all night, kept nothing in my brain

All that pain and still no gain

And I crammed

I crammed all night and day

And I crammed

I didn't get an A

Didn't get an A

(TOC)


"I Will Mock You"

with apologies to Queen

Hey there hello heavy metal rocker

Hope your metal goes platinum one day

Turn up the bass, pick up the pace

Scarin' parents all over the place

I will I will mock you, I will I will mock you

Hey there hello progressive singer

Hope we save our world one day

Saving the human race, with a happy face

Making the planet a much better place

I will I will mock you, mock you! I will I will mock you!

Hey there hello one hit wonder

Heard you were really big one day

You had good grace, but you've been replaced

Now you've vanished without a trace

I will I will mock you! I will I will mock you! Yeah yeah I

will I will mock you! I will I will mock you! You just wait!


(TOC)

RoadKill New!

with apologies to RUSH, Permanent Waves, Mercury/Polygram

There are those who think that

fresh-killed meat is great

Get the tongs and pot holders

Honey, change your supper plans

A highway of dead things

taste as good as chicken wings

all the things drivers cannot avoid

Get the barbeque alight

steak sauce will make it right

eating round here might make you paranoid

You can cook your cattle hide

till its nice and done

others cook up what died

and put it on a bun

Some people don't eat any meat

and probably never will

I will cook up the hill-billy treat

I will chew road kill

There are those who think that

it is lucky to drive into a deer

put it in the pickup truck

it tastes almost like a steer

It cooks pretty much the same

Heat charcoal with lighter flames

Try to keep Red Rover far away

Don't worry about the price of beef

'cause it is such a relief

that something gets run over every day

You can cook your cattle hide

till it is nice and done

Others cook up what died

and put it on a bun

Some people don't eat any meat

and probably never will

I will cook up the hill-billy treat

I will chew road kill

All of us

have a sneaking suspicion

that we ate it once or twice in school

Let's feed it to the men in Moundsville

let them have their fill

They won't do any more crime, as a rule

You can cook your cattle hide

until it is nice and done

Others cook up what died

and put it on a bun

Some people don't eat any meat

and they don't own a grill

with moonshine it is a treat

won't you chew some road kill?

(TOC)


Big Bill Lawyer

with apologies to RUSH, Moving Pictures, Mercury/Polygram

Fees

Ad on TV: "Need money? So do I! Let's sue somebody! If you got a problem you got a lawyer! If you got money I got a client!"

A modern-day Sheriff Nottingham, with his fees

Big Bill Lawyer, takes what he sees

His initial consultation is exorbitant

His standard of living is elegant

If you want to benefit from his defense

You'd better talk dollars, not cents

Justice pays

What you say about his perfidy

is what gives you anxiety

Win the case, telling lies

Long live money, justice dies

America America the land of the free

Justice for all who can pay the fees

Big Bill Lawyer gets rich off you

Woe to you if you get past due

Yes his services are for rent

but he doesn't tell the government

what his clients have spent

to get the rules all bent

The rules

And what you say about his perfidy

is what makes life an insanity

I'm a lawyer, how do you do

What's your name, who can we sue

America America the home of the brave

Can our long-standing ideals be saved?

Uh oh April fifteen

It's time to pay the tax

but his sister is a CPA

so he can let it go and relax

(suggested end of video, B.B.L. chasing ambulance, pursued by police

car)

(TOC)


Fattened

with apologies to Metallica, And Justice For All, Elektra/Asylum

Fattened where I bend

Calories ain't my friends

Throwing all I be

into obesity

Death by heart attack

cuz' I have too much fat

Feet sink into the floor

won't see them any more

never

Fat

Calories ain't my friends

Fattened is the end

Heavy is the end

Picture my middle fattened

Increasing my girth

More pounds net worth

I make quite a scene

after a plateful of beans

I need a diet pill

so I won't eat my fill

so fat that I snore

climbing stairs is a chore

heavy

Fat

Calories ain't my friends

Fattened is the end

Heavy is the end

Picture my middle fattened- fattened

Digestion, circulation, respiration, forget two for one

Satiation, indigestion, constipation, it's no fun

Bulging stomach

Acid reflux

Reason can't be denied

Annihilation, heavy nation, I need motivation, forget Super Size

Embolism, thrombus, save us, prevent blood pressure rise

This is a fast track

a highway to death

too many have died

Heaviness is such a waste

Death comes in haste

After far too few years

a human life disappears

Chest tightens with pain

or a vessel bursts in the brain

Family and friends are stunned

Now nothing can be done

forever

Fat

Calories ain't my friends

Fattened leads to the end

Hope this heaviness ends

Fat

So hard to get weight low

Although I know

is it a death very slow?

Picture my middle fattened- fattened

(TOC)


Click It

with apologies to Devo

Gotta make it click

Don't start the car

Don't step on the gas

Get out the belt behind your back

When a seat belt comes along

you must click it

Before you move along

you must click it

The police won't like it

if you don't click it

Now click it

Click the belt

Around your waist

Around your shoulder

Now you can go forward

and move ahead

Spare yourself a ticket

It's not too late

to click it

Click it good

When you cart the kids around

you'd better click it

how does a car seat sound?

Gotta click it

None of us is getting outta here

until we all click it

I say click it

Everybody should

I say click it

It'll do you good

Gotta make it click

Don't start the car

Don't step on the gas

Get out the belt behind your back

When a seat belt comes around

you must click it

Before you move along

you must click it

Paramedics don't like it

if you don't click it

Now click it

Click the belt

Around your waist

Around your shoulder

Now you can go forward

and move ahead

Spare yourself a ticket

It's not too late

to click it

Click the belt

Around your waist

Around your shoulder

Now you can go forward

and move ahead

Spare yourself more than a ticket

It's not too late

to click it

It'll do you good

(TOC)


Copyright 1992, 1994, 1998 Christopher Marsh. Last updated: September 19, 1999.

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