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Ask Dr. Mueller!

Dr. Mueller,

One of my best friends just ODed on heroin. He wasn't a junky, he was an adult professional at the top of his field. It's terrible this drug has become so socially acceptable among people that have no real knowledge of it. A friend who was with him when he died and this friend didn't know what to do to save his life. What can be done when someone ODs in your presence?

Phillip Tambur

Phill,

My sympathies. I too have lost a few friends this way. First of all, try to get the person up and walking. If this is impossible, put them in a cold water tub. Put ice cubes under the arms, on the chest, and up the ass (graphic but necessary here). If these things don't work, inject the person wih a saline solution: 1 part salt to 4 parts water, intravenously. This works in seconds. A sure thing.

Dr. Mueller

Just lately I've noticed that the AMA is getting more tolerant. In an article in Newsweek a few weeks ago it was noted that the government has finally okayed the now-famous papaya enzyme treatment for slipped discs. Also in Newsweek I read that doctors are looking at fevers differently. They're just figuring out that when the body temperature goes over 98.6, the body's T-cells are in mass production. The higher the percentage of T-cells, the better the immune system works. They're now saying that the overuse of aspirin should be avoided except in extreme fevers. So obiously it makes sense, as I've always mentioned before, to raise your temperature about once a week. Go to the sauna. Or use the do-it-yourself method. Take a hot bath. Then get into bed with a towel under you and lots of blankets over you, including your head. The sweat will pour off. When you lift the covers and jump out you'll feel like a new person; and besides, all the blackheads will be gone.

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