A few Housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said, "My husband just won't go to church with me. I think he's going to go to Hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in Hell.
So then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
Another one said "No, I did this bad thing I won't make it."
So then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying anything.
They looked at her and said "You're such a nice lady, surely you're going to Heaven...?"
She says "No, first thing in the morning I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to Hell!" They were shocked and asked "Why??"
.
"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you?"
A Few shorts......
The child comes home from his first day at school.
His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."
"Dad, Can you write in the dark?"
"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"
"Your name on this report card."
Little Johnny's Kindergarten teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. "Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?"
Johnny says, "Yeah!"
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ONLINE TOO LONG IF:
1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.
3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.
4. You have called out someones screenname while making love to your significant other.
5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".
6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
7. If you are male and see a female in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.
8. If you are female and you see a male in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he'd IM you.
9. You don't understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the "Real" world is at your fingertips.
10. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.
11. When you have sex, you no longer are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases.
12. You walk into a room, and, finding it has more than 23 people, you inform management that there is an error.
13. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always "yelling" at you.
14. You go up to people you are attracted to "in real life" and ask them for their GIF.
15. Although you don't know what they look like, you become insanely jealous of people hitting on your cyber-love.