The crossroads is not a very enviable palce to be in. This way or that? Left of the middle path, or the route to the right? Unexplored avenues or the safety of the familiar? Adventure or sanctuary? Decisions, decisions and more decisions are your anathema when placed in this quadary. And know what? Life has this strange penchant of picking you up and placing you at a fork, just when you feel you're reaching your goal. A firm, decisive mind like Madhuri Dixit's might not find it too difficult to make the choice and choose the path, circuitous or otherwise. Only you can't know about an alternative, life, a 'what if' answer to the puzzle if you'd make another choice. Unlike Richard Bach and his wife in his celebrated novel 'One', you can't go to one link in the maze of criss-crosses and learn about hte alternative, for better or for worse.
But this is a question that Madhuri Dixit doesn't really have time to ponder over. Maybe she doesn't even want to know. She has made her decisions. She's not of the lucky few who can envision a path, vaguely perhaps, but clearly enough not to stumble. What else would explain the fact that after more than a decade of performances, she can surprise you still, have you wondering still about what she's gonna sock you with next. She's the quintessential Queen Bee. Crown princesses might change ever season but his prima donna rules the roost, in a seemingly endless regime. But hey, catch us complaining!
She's dressed in a ghagra choli with a gajra in her plaited hair shooting for M.F Hussain's ode to womanhood, Gaj Gamini. The mood's fragrant. As she settles intto the sofa, the obvious kick-off is with the query-how does it feel to be where she is? And we ain't talking about Filmistan Studios!
"It feels great," she beams engagingly. "I guess every artiste would want to be in the position I'm in today. YOu wnat roles to be written for you. Do things that you've always wanted to do. So I guess, in that sense, I have got something everybody craves for." The tone is extremely matter-of-fact. No false humility or bravura bragging, jsut a statement of what is.
She's like the long-lasting battery they show in the ad. Never giving up. Going on and on and on and on. Ever time people wrote of her, she'd bounce back more buoyantly than ever. "Yeah," she giggles. How does she manage that? What gives? "A lot of things," she replies, stating the reasons. "one of them being persistence, ofcourse. A very strong mental make-up in another. As a perso, too, I'm very strong. I don't get affected by what people say or what their opinions are. And ofcourse, talent. You have to have that to see you through everything. And besies that I think, a very veyr good family who've always been so supportive of me, throughout. Whether I'm going thorugh a rough patch or good times, they've always been with me and supported me with the same vigour, witht the same love and affection. So I guess, that is also one of my very strong points." The last affirmation is somthing that's very true. The earlier day while waiting for Madhuri to return from her shot, I found myself chatting with her mother. And teh lady is so down-to-earth, unassuming and practical that some of it has to rub off on her famous daughter. I mention that to La Dixit and she laughs in agreement.
Well, getting back to career talk, now that she's up there, where does one go from here? "You know," she reveals, "I was asked a similar question about four years back- where does one go from here? There are alot of places that one goes from here. You just have to determine what kind of career you want and what kind of future you envision." Easier said than done, Madhuri. Not everone is as blessed. "Seriously," she argues, "there are alot of things one can do. I don't really believe that after a peak, a plateau follows. Not really. It depends onwhat you think is the peak. You never know when the peak is gonna be," she speaks of perspective views. "You neer know when the graph is going to change. There are so many possibilities. So many things to do. Personally speakin, I don't think I'll ever come to a point of stagnation. My mind is not stagnant. I don't feel like 'this is it, I've achieved what I've wanted to do'. I have a very thirsty mind. I want to learn more, do more. In that sense, I keep searching for something new to do, something different to do. I think therein lie the possibities of constant growth."
What does hse have to say to the popular belief held by the industry that an actress' life-span is limited? "I don't believe that an actress can only work upto a particular age beyond which people can't and won't accept her doing heroine's roles. I don't believe in that at all," she eludicates loud and clear.
There are many who feel that she leaves the exerimenting and the mature kind of roles to the artistic films that she does. The commercial framework, whe still seems tob e doing the same thing, competing with Kajol, Manisha, and Tabu. "Not really. I don't think I'm competing with anyone. And I've been doing commercial films which have me in a pretty substantial role too. Beta was a very commercial role, Khalnayak was very commercial, yet there was something for me to do. Likewise with Hum Aapke Hain Koun and Dil To Pagal Hai. In all these films, I had definite characters and substantial roles to play. People have this tendency to seregate commercial cinema and artistic cinema. I don't believe in this differentiation. I just try to do different kinds of roles. I don't think that thisis going to be an art film or commercial film or whatever. When Mrityudand was offered to me, I loved the role of Ketaki that I was supposed to play. And I did the film, not because it's a serious role and an art cinema and the combination's right. The motivation was just that very interesting role," she clarifies.
Just after Hum Aapke Hain Koun was released, many critics and movie-watchers felt that Madhuri is a mind-blowing actress, no doubt about that, but there seemed a cocksure air about her now. That the roles she played lacked the element of vulnerability. "You see, in Hum Aapke Hain Koun, the girl that I played was not a vulnerable person," she explains. "Salman Khan si wooing her all the time and she's like this stand-offish thing who knows exactly what she's doing. She's teasing him, she's in a way flirting with him but she's not giving in, see. She's as educated girl, though they didn't show her working on her computer like so many people have pointed out... So we worked out the character like that, and educated girl who knows her mind and does what she pleases. She's very practical and she's very strong. So there's no vulnerabel quality to her. That's why it didn't come across on screen."
Then came Dil To Pagal Hai in which she played a character that was diametrically opposite to the role in HAHK. Very soft, very vulnerable. Was this a conscious decision to kind of prove'em wrong? "In a way, yes," she answers after a long thoughtful pause. "Maybe I did. In Dil To Pagal Hai, I was playing an orphan who's been brought up by a foster family. Here she is, ready to get married to this very, very nice guy whom she's known all her life. That family has given her all the security that she's ever needed. If not for them she'd have probably been a nobody on the streets. And then she meets this other man and falls in love with him. Though she's in love, she cannot say it because she's so indebted to this family. She's very vulnerable so I played her that way. In HAHK, the girl is rather coquettish, so I played it that way.
Which one would Madhuri, the person, more like? The coquette or the softie? She laughs long and hearty. "I don't know," she says between peals of laughter. "It's a difficult thing to answer." Getting serious she continues, "I'm a very strong-minded person. I'm not educated as educated goes. I dropped out after the twelfth standard, but I'm a very aware person. I'm practical, sensible but I do havemy vulnerable moments. So it's probably a mixture of both," she says, very conveniently side-stepping. "But it's true. Whenever you act, a little bit of yourself always comes across on screen. Though you are very detached, you know there's the camera, there are several eyes watcing you and you're acting a role... Yet there is something of you that gets transmuted into the character you're playing. Ofcourse you adapt yourself to suit the character but you can't distance yoruself from it toally. Maybe the coquette had something of mein her and the dreamer and soemthing of me in her too," she justifies her arugment.
The as if talking to herself, she says softly, "Yeah I am quie vulnerable. A lot of things move me. It's not as if I have a think hide which makes me insensitive to things. Animals, people emotions, vibrations around me... I'm sensitive to all of these. I'm terrible vulnerable when it comes to my family. I'm luck that I have such a wonderful family. I guess that's what is mostly responsible for what you are."
Which is what keeps her pretty rooted despite the obvious stardom and it's obsequious trappings. Madhuri is pretty approachable and pretty level-headed. But there's still this unmistakable barrier about her that says, 'this is far and no further'. She laughs at the observation. "You're right," she concedes. Is this cultivated to keep unwanted attention at bay? "No, it's just the way I am," she replies. "If I'm quiet and absorbed in thoughts, people think twice before approaching me. People tell me that I'm a totally different person when they talk to me, but when they look at me, htere are times when I seem rather stand-offish. There's nothing cultivated about it. It's not as if I give these signals consiously. I'm not very moody. But when I'm working, I get approached with what I'm going to do or what I'm doing. There are lots of times when people wish me but I ust look through them when I'm on the sets. Actually, I don't really see them because I'm somewher else at that point."
Well, coming back to her work arena, she seems to be working only with the senior clique of filmmakers like N.Chandra, Lawrence D'Souza, K.C Bokadia and others. She's not really doing any films with the younger brood of filmmakers. "It's not as if I wouldn't want to work with them," she protests. "I woul love to work with Ram Gopal Verma, Mani Ratnam, Shekhar Kapur... I guess if they have a script where they feel that I'm suitable for a particular role, they'll approach me. Likewise, I should also like the script and the role I'm suppose to play. I'm sure they'll come to me, when they want me. I'd love them to."
Does she think they might be wary of approaching her? "I think I'm pretty approachable. In fact extremely so. Even when Induji and I worked together, she was pretty new. I have worked with new directors always. It's not as if I'm saying that 'I'll wokr only with these people and not these others.' I would love to work with anyone who's good." Young guns, are you listening?
Speaking of Indra Kumar, whatever happened to Rishta, the film starring Aamir Khan, Amitabh and Madhuri? "That didn't happen," she laughs. "It's rather unfortunate." And why isn't she doing Indra Kumar's Mann? "I don't know why Indra Kumar took Manisha and not me for Mann," she shrugs her dilicate shoulders. "It's a question you've to ask him. I can't answer for what he decides."
Well, what made her take up the guest app song-and-dance number in David Dhawan's Bade Miyan Chote Miyan? "It was a guest appearance, they jsut needed five or six days of mine. Secondly, the combination of artistes was very good. It had Amitji and Govinda, two very talented actors...It had been a long time since I'd worked with Govinda. I had done about two films with him, years ago. With Amitji, somehow or the other, things would start and then fizzle out. It was a good set-up, the song was very good. Then I was playing myself. I was playing Madhuri Dixit, the actress, so I thought it was pretty good."
The look that she sported was unlike the Madhuri we'd all seen. Dressed to kill, she could give any young nymphet a run for her DKNY. "The look for Makhna was purposeful thing, a look that we worked on," Madhuri informs. "I really wanted to shrug off the staid look. I wanted something dramatically different from what I've done so far. I didn't want to go into the very traditional kind of thing. Manish (the designer) and I sat down and worked on it. I wanted to do somehitng else, don a look that I hadn't done ever. So we came up with this." Oye Makhna!
Govinda and she hadn't worked together in a film in a long, long time. What's the reason? "Yeah, we haven't worked together in a long time. But then there's nothing more to it. If there was, I wouldn't have done Bade Miyan Chote Miyan. But I did because I knew that it would be great fun working with him. I'm waiting for the right kind of script to do with Govinda because thts really important what kind of role I have, what he's playing and what I'm playing. Let's see, it may happen in the future probably, I don't know. If something interesting comes along, sure..." We're waiting.
In more thenone interview of hers, post-Dil To Pagal Hai, Karisma and mentioned about how she was thrilled to be working with a veteran like Madhuri. Didn't that 'veteran' adjective irk the Dixit damsel, considering that she wasn't really ont he way to get herself preserved in vinegar? "Karisma said that I was a serior actress," Madhuri answers in clipped tones. "And if you see, I entered the industry before she did. If I say Sridevi is my senior, I don't think she's going to feel offended about it. I haven't felt offended with Karisma's statement either. She's a very disciplined girl, ery respectfu, very hardwokring, and I've always said, "watch out, she's good'. It's just htat people like to do a big deal out of nothing. I'm not at all offended if she calls me her senior because I am her senior." And that's that.
Raju Kumar Santoshi's Pukar has been taking an inordinately long itme in it's release. "See, with Pukar, we started shooting fo rthe film a long time after it was announced. That's why it seems like it's taking longer that it actually is. But we've shot for it for just over two years and that's not considered very long in the industry. Besides, the kind of subject that it is, requires a huge canvas the way it is presented. Considering all that, I don't think it has taken a very long time. Riht now, we're in the last lap. So I guess by next year we should be totally done."
HOw does it feel when notjust actresses but even actors are wary about doing a film with her, for the fear that she might just blow them away of the screen? "It sounds flattering but that need not necessarily to be true," she aruges. "Everybody would like o do films which have them in an important role. And I guess, everybody has a choice whether to do particular kind of films or not do it. Unlimately the script should be appealing. For me too, the script and my role should sound good. I don't think it is difficult to find people to work with. WE have a lot of good actors and actresses who are quite secure about themselves, It's just that things need to fall into place. It's a lot to do with that." Okay, so maybe it does, we'll take Madhuri's word for it.
What's Gaj Gamini all about? "I'm playing four different characters in the film," she answers enthusiasticlaly. "Gaj Gamini is a very experimental kinda of film. Through the film, we're making a statement about women. There are so many strong women in our mythology, in our history, in our literature who have left a mark on people's memories. We have taken an ordianry wman and her journey through life and how she meets all these different characters on the way. It's not a commercial film, it deons't have a plot and a sub-plot or for that matter a beginning, a middle and an end. It's very visual, very experimental, its' something that I'm enjoying because it's ery differnt from what I've done so far."
Apparently Madhuri has sent feelers to Ajay Jadeja to star in a movie opposite her. "We have approached Ajay Jadeja. He still hasn't got back to us with a reply whether he will or will not do it. I guess he msut have got a lot of offers so we aren't sure if he's taking ours up." A statement that she'd made saying that he was "cute" had been misinturpreted by a lot of people. She throws her head back and laughs. "Oh, god. I don't believe this. What I said about Ajay was just an innocent remark. I dint' know people would take it so seriously. Maybe I should watch what I say a littel more carefully now," she says, laughing.
One heard that Madhuri didn't want to do Sooraj Barjatya's Hum Saath Saath Hai because she didn't want to paly Salman's bhabhi. "It's not me who thought of that," she answers bedore I cold complete the question. "It's was Sooraj who thought of that. Sooraj didn't want me in Hum Saath Saath Hai," she laughs. "Hum Aapke... had me opposite Salman and Mohnish was my brother-in-law in it. The impact of that film is still there in people's minds. Sooraj thought that in Hum Saath Saath Hai, since I would be playing Salman's bhabhi and be oppostie Mohnish Behl, the entire equation would be topsy turvy. Which was why he thought that I wouldn't be suitable for that role." Fair enough.
In her next release, Wajood, Madhuri plays a journalist. Great for our tribe but we wouldn't be doing a 'Tut gayi tadak karke' in the midst of our assignments! She sees the humor and explains laughingly, "It's not like that. The background we've given her justifies that number. You see, before she becomes a journalist, she is a student. Like suppose I was a microbiologist student and not an actress. I wold still be a dancer. I wsa giving stage performances... I could've been a research scientist and still know hot to do kahtak because I was learning it. So in that sense the background that you give that situation also matters. We have done that as prelude to that dance sequence. Otherwise we wouldn't have it in the film." Objection overruled in Dixit's favor.
How does hse react to actresses who feel that she's losing out on a personal life because she's so focussed on the professional front? "It depends on how important that personal life, as they call it, is to you. Even if I were not an actress, I would stil not probably go out that much. I would still be a person who loves home, hearth.. I'd still rather listen to music in my room, read a book, whatever. It's not as if I kill a part of myself and say 'I want to be a focussed actress' so I won't go out and have a ball. That's just the way I am. People who have been have always been people who are very focussed about their work. Take Rekhaji or Hemaji or Sridevi or me, we've always been very focused and that's why we could do whatever we have done."
But for every Karisma who seems to be following on Madhuri's step, there's a Maisha who is living her life on her own terms and is successful too. "It's all upto people's individuality and what ehy want to be and what kind of life they want to lead." Madhuri retorts. "If you ant to be an actress and still go out and enjoy, you can do it. And there are actresses who do it, I know. But doesn't make me any lesser privileged or lesser in any way, if I don't wishe to do that. It just doesn't matter to me."
Moving on to lighter topics, every other month one heard of Madhuri's engagement or marriage to some doctor/ engineer/ computer profession/ NRI. She laughs again, heartily, "I think that's become a joke now. It's become a joke in my family too. Give me a break, guys. If I want to get married, I'll get married. You dont' need to do that for me."
So is marriage on the cards then? "I'm pretty easy about it. I take life as it comes. I'm not in a hurry to get married. I'm happy with the way things are. If it has to happen, it will happen," she replies, now in a fatalist mode.
Maybe that's the essence of her path-breaking decisiveness. She knows exactly what is inher hands and what isn't. Those that she can control, she exercises full control over. Those that she doesn't, she turns on the auto-pilot for. Willing Destiny to navigate her into the right road. That way, she'll never get lost in the highway of life. And she needs not mull over the alternative either. The choices after all, might just have been all the right ones.
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