By the door to the house was a note to the milkman
that said, "On vacation for weekend, don't leave anything."
By that note was written, "Thanks lady, we didn't leave
much."
         As the woman entered her home, she noticed
something missing, although she couldn't tell what. She went
to get some milk for the cat, but there was none. In fact,
the refrigerator wasn't there either. She looked around and
made a list of all the missing things. The list included
jewelry, money(she never had those, but since she didn't
have them, she considered them missing) clothes, car, cat's
litter box, cat's feeder, cat's bed, the cat, TV, computer,
phone, rug, floor, roof, walls, ceiling, and the door.      
         It started to rain. 
         She went to the door frame where she saw the two
notes. She read hers, then the other, and smiled, thinking
how nice her milkman was to leave a note for her. 
         She sat and waited for her husband.  
         He came home. 
         "Hi honey, what's for dinner?" He called out. 
         "Harold, I hate to tell you this, but, well, we've
been robbed. 
         He burst in the door, well, he would have if there
had been one. "Oh, no! What did they get?" 
         She handed him the list of the items. 
         He sighed in relief as he sank to where a chair
once was, and ended up on the ground. "Well, thank goodness
they didn't get the foundations, Margaret." 
         "Worse," she screamed, "Blondie is gone." 
         In the park near the would be house a space ship
landed. A blond cat saw it and went to see what it was. A
door opened in the side, and an eye poked out, then another,
and another, etc. until Blondie was staring at a creature
with two-hundred fifty-six times as many eyes staring back
at her. None of the eyes were connected, but were on long
stalks. This wouldn't have been so bad, but every eye had
two arms hanging down. This wouldn't have been so bad,
except that each arm had a hand with thirty-two fingers.          
One of these eyes rushed at her, picked her up in sixty-four 
fingers, and pulled her inside. 
         If you haven't studied your galactic history, this
race was known as the zonkofs. Their bodies were very small,
but they had five-hundred twelve eyes on extendible stalks
each of which had two arms with thirty-two digits each. This
race is the only known species that invented the under-arm
deodorant before the wheel. It became a space-faring race
because, days after the introduction of the aerosol
deodorant, the ozone layer was completely destroyed. This
race decided that they would go to other planets and judge
whether to help or destroy them. 
         In the would be house, Harold decided to call the
police, so he reached for the phone that wasn't there on the
table that wasn't there, while leaning on a cabinet that
wasn't there, resulting in a mess of arms and legs. 
         Their son John, who had just graduated from the
police academy, came in and asked, "Why's dad on the floor
like that?" 
         Margaret calmed him, "Never mind him, your the
person we need. You see, we've been robbed." 
         He looked around. "Yes I see. It looks like a forced
entry from the door. What'd they get?" 
         She handed him the list. 
         As he studied it, on the far side of the moon, an
interrogation began. 
         One of the creatures asked, "What is your political
form, status of economy, ecological preserve, and percentage
of inflation." 
         Blondie answered, "Meow." 
         "Well, there's no hope for your race. Send it back. 
And destroy the planet." 
         Blondie jumped up and entered a service duct. 
         "Get it! "It screamed, "It has to be on the planet
before we can destroy it." 
         Back on earth John said, "I don't think that's a
word." 
         "Why not? "Margaret retorted, "'It' is a word, 'it'
is, 'it' is." 
         "Well, in the game of scrabble you have to have
longer words." 
         On the other side of the moon Blondie scrambled
through a small opening to find the nuclear engine. She
could hear the sound of pursuit behind her so she started
climbing up wires that were conveniently thrown around. 
         Back on earth the game of scrabble ended. Margaret
returned to her worries. "What about the house, and
Blondie." 
         "Well, according to police code, uh, something or
other, it can't be confirmed missing for seven years."          
Harold stood up. "Well, that was a relaxing nap I think I'll 
call the police now." Once more he got tangled up in words
and deeds and ended up on the floor again. 
         On the other side of the moon Blondie scrambled up,
ripping wires in her wake, forcing the nuclear reactor into
an over-load that destroyed the ship with enough force to
send the moon out of orbit, crashing into the Earth, causing 
tremors and tides that killed every living thing.  
         Almost. 
         In the would be house on a would be street on a
would be planet, Margaret said, "John look outside and see
what the neighborhood kids are up to this time, and wake up
your father." 
 
 
                          The End