You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!
I have decided that it is
time for a Squire Primer to be written. Unfortunately, many people, including
myself, had no idea what the job entailed into long after we were caught
in jousting’s long Vetwrap covered claws. Many groups and faires are guilty of
throwing the young scrappers out on the field with little or not training. It
maybe time, it may be money, but the chances of a horse, the jouster, crowd,
and squire getting injured increase. This
article will not take the place of formal training but it will at least
give the newbie an idea of what to expect their first time out.
Ok, what exactly will I
be doing?
Everything, literally. It
depends on the group you work for, but expect to do everything known to man.
Your average duties will include feeding/grooming the horses, cleaning stalls,
repairing equipment, setting up the field, prepping the lances, armoring your
knight, cleaning the joust area around you. You may also be asked to
participate in as many as four shows a day. Your average fair day will start
about 6am in the morning and will not end until about 8pm. Expect to be the
first one up and the last one to bed.
What should I know
before I start working?
Some Head Squires like
their staff to come without previous
perceptions so they can “mold” the squires as they see fit. Others appreciate
squires with some previous background with horses or armor. For some reason
people with a morbid fear of horses end up getting hired for squire jobs (like
they actually thought they would never have to deal with them! Ha! Nice
dream!). These people are more trouble, because they have to be “babysitted”
all the time. It is best that all squires have at least some basic knowledge of
horse care which includes grooming, handling, feeding, etc. Keep an eye on your
horse and don’t be afraid to tell the
Head Squire that Sugarfoot “looks like she’s sick”, you might detect a colic in
it’s being stages.
Armor knowledge is
helpful, but it’s not rocket science. Just remember the names of everything and
where they go and you will be fine. So, if someone is screaming “Joe, take off
Sir Bart’s right pauldron off!” you will be able to know what they mean.
Ok, let’s get to the
gory details!
You will be yelled at, you
will be screamed at, your knight will scream at you because you didn’t get the
lance to him in 3.2 seconds flat. There
will be times when you want to say “fuck you asshole! I don’t need the shit!”. Chill and deal with it. During a show day everyone
is pumped up, things will get said on the field that will hurt your
feelings-half of the time they don’t remember what they said when they come
backstage. Unfortunately, it is the
nature of the beast. Emotions run high and you will have to deal with it. 99.9% of the comments that are made were
never intended to hurt your feelings. But you have to be aware of that. Also,
be aware that “thank you’s” may not be flooding in.
Ick! Why do I want to
do it?!
It’s showbiz kid!
Everybody wants to have your job (ironic isn’t it?!) There are a lot of cool
things about squiring: the people, the crowds, the animals. Nothing feels
better than when your group knows the put out a kick ass show. And some days
that’s all the payment you need (but still insist on getting a check! Don’t be
stupid)
What do I wear?
I don’t believe women
should wear dresses to squire in, no matter how historically inaccurate it is.
I did it for one season and it sucked. Wear men’s clothes on this occasion,
safety and function are a priority.
Recommended
clothing for squiring (both men and women)
Hat
(if you have to wear them)” Cavalier or Muffin cap
Shirt
: Any puffy “poet’s shirt” , the less ties the better (have 3)
Doublet: nothing fancy, it will get dirty ( 1)
Pants:
breeches (black pref.), “pumpkin pants”, or period pants ( get 2)
Shoes:
Black field or dress riding boots. Stay
away from sneakers, moccasins,cowboy boots, and clunky motorcycle boots. You
need something light and that you can run in on all types of terrain.
You can wear a Elizabethan
livery costume also.
DO
NOT WEAR THIS FOR SQUIRING!!
Jewelry:
it will get lost, keep it to your wedding band if you have to.
Cloaks:
I don’t care if it’s raining, you cant’ run in it you’re useless out there
Sandals
: Duh! Horses!
Swords: unless you are doing a
fight in a show, do not carry one. My ex boyfriend
decided
he could squire and wear his rapier too and look cool. Yeah, he
looked
cool as he tripped on it and fell flat on his face during a show.
Any
long , flowing clothes : Pretty self explanatory.
·
Listen to what is
said during “run through” this will explain what will be happening during the
show.
·
When on the field
keep one eye on the Head Squire at all times, if something goes “wrong” they
will be able to direct you what to do.
·
BE OBSERVANT AT ALL
TIMES!!! Look for equipment failure, loose horses, a knight needing your
attention.
·
Watch the crowd.
Little kids seem to like to walk in front of a galloping horse all the time.
·
Keep the knight
informed on what is going on. They have limited hearing and vision when in
armor, you will have to describe to them (quickly) what is going on. You are their
eyes and ears.
·
If your knight cannot
locate you immediately , raise your hand (probably the only thing he/she can
see) and say “My Lord, I am here”.
·
Be flexible enough to
take over positions at a moment’s notice.
·
Don’t be afraid to
ask questions (but not during the joust!) An informed squire is an effective
squire.
Things to have on hand
in your pouch:
·
A small dagger
(secured so it won’t fall out)
·
Extra long shoelaces
(for comparison fixes at the last minute)
·
Band aids and smelly
salts
·
Watch
·
¾” wing nuts (for
armor attachments)
·
Leatherman toolkit
Well, that’s it. I hope
that helps, if you have any questions please feel free to contact me. If you
want to copy this and hand this out to your squires that’s cool, just give me
credit, k?
Joyce aka Squiregrrl
http:\\www.angelfire.com/md/squiregrrl
