june 7, 1998
~ 6:40pm ~
maybe i'm just thinking the rooms are
all on fire
listening to: stevie nicks
album: timespace
fave song: edge of seventeen
feeling: strange
weather: cool-ish
i've been off and on all day, but haven't really
worked on this homepage much. the past week has been
horrible. i'm not even sure where to begin.
i guess, since he's the biggest part of my life, with
nathanael. last night, when we were on the phone, we both
admitted that on friday, when we talked after school
(more about friday in a minute), we were both seriously
considering breaking things off.
well, we didn't (thank goodness) and it seems we've
been able to talk things out and now, things are looking
up.
about friday. that was just a horrible day. i was in a
foul mood all day, as well as rather depressed. i can't
really put into words as to why, but i was. and things
between nathanael and i had been strained all week long.
again, i'm not too sure why.
part of it was i wasn't sure, entirely, how i felt
about him. i was doubting everything in my life, and i
wasn't sure how to deal with it all, so i thought that
taking the easy way out (making him hate me and push him
away) would be the best solution, so, subconsciously, i
was distant, and yet, that only succeeding in making me
even more miserable. go figure.
me, being a straight-a student and all, didn't really
make the connections...so, i just remained in a downward
spiral all week long, and just became more and more
miserable until things blew up in my mind and at home and
at school, and i kept crying all day long. nothing could
help me, so it seemed.
luckily, things did get better. friday afternoon,
nathanael and i had a long conversation about how things
were going between us, where we wanted them to go, and
stuff like that.
then, i talked to my dad and mom, and beka, and just a
bunch of people, and i got a chance to actually
sleep...it was nice.
yesterday, i took SATs, and they seemed really really
easy. here's hoping i got a decent score. not that mine
last time (i took 'em in october and got a 1080). and
then, i came home and then went out again with my mom.
today, i stayed home, and just chilled. mainly, i've been
on the computer a lot~but, i don't much mind.it's amazing
how much i can find to do. mainly just bumming around,
signing guestbooks, and playing w/colors on here
(claris). i can't believe i've forgotten so much raw
HTML...i used to be able to make pages like this from
scratch, but that just seems like too much work when i
have a WYSIWYG type thing right here at my disposal.
well, i'm going to get going...adios, mis amigos.
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