july 30, 1998
~ 10:45pm ~

i do my best for you

listening to: dave matthews band
album: before these crowded streets
fave song: either crush or the dreaming tree
feeling: tired, but energized, or something totally different
weather: i'm cold, but it's not really that cold

today has been one of the weirdest this summer. not really event-wise, usual thursday w/lesson and it was weird, coz i went to soccer conditioning, tho' i won't be playing, but that's okay, coz i feel better (sometimes) afterwards...at least less lazy.

anyhow, the weird parts were this evening. my mom and i got into an argument when she dropped me off for conditioning, and when i got home, things were really tense. on the way home, my dad tried to talk to me, but i was just really really tired and didn't feel like dealing with anything (that's usually my way of dealing with things, by ignoring them).

well, dinner was quiet and just icky, and then after they finished dishes (i was in my room getting frustrated w/my little acoustic guitar...don't get me wrong, i like it and all, but it's annoying at times, too) and my dad appeared at my door and asked if i wouldn't mind talking for a while, so i went into the living room and the three of us talked (me, my mom and my dad) for like, an hour.

i cried...a lot...but, in a sense, i needed to...i haven't let myself cry for a while, and in another sense, i really needed to. crying is such a release of emotions and stuff...the gross part was i kept wiping my nose on the pillow i was holding, so that's kind of sick, but ah well...i didn't think of going to get a tissue or anything.

i think things are a little better, although i've got this awful headache now, but i took some tylenol, so hopefully it will go away soon.

tonight, at conditioning (which, btw, is the second and probably last one i'm going to), ben and nathanael showed up like, at 7:30pm, and i briefly got to see them, then they (and me) had to go, so...but, it was nice seeing them anyhow.

i dunno...lots of thoughts running through my head, and i may go write a ramblings too, but, i'm not sure...we'll see...