august 17, 1998
~ 10:00pm ~
you gotta pick up the
pieces everyday
listening to: liz phair
album: whip smart
fave song: supernova
feeling: strange
weather: storming on and off
hey there -- i had started an entry yesterday
afternoon, but nathanael called, and we were talking and
then he came over and then we went over to beka's (along
w/aaron and janet) and played a game called crazy kates
and then went to go see ever after, which i
thought was really really good.
things w/nathanael and i are...well, we're still
together. i don't know how to explain any of it, because
a lot of it involves other people's emotions, and ones
that i dont' necessarily think they want plastered all
over my homepage, because a lot of people we all know
come here...
no, there is no other people (like, cheating on each
other), but...well, it's really hard to explain.
in a sense, for me, anyway, it feels like the
relationship is being put on hold for a little while,
while we both get some things straightened out. i mean,
my feelings for him are more or less like those that i'd
have for a brother. right now, the romantic is not really
there, and maybe i should tell him all this, but i don't
want to hurt him, tho' he has the right to know all of
this.
i care about him more than i have any other guy in my
life (save my dad *grins*) but, this is totally
different...and i dont' want to hurt him, but i need to
be honest with him, right?
it's more or less, i want things to be the way they
were before, but i know that won't happen, so what's the
use in wishing for it? and possibly things could get better
than they were, just in a different way...if that makes
any sense.
maybe it does, in some sort of way.
tonight, while i was at the library, it was storming,
and it was just the neatest sound, the rain pounding on
the roof, and the drip drip of our leaky roof...i just
felt this inner peace and this...i can't excribe it very
well without making it sound all stupid and stuff...it
was, in a sense, like my experiance at mlw when i was
"meditating" sitting on a bench at the friday
night dance. i was so into what i was doing, and it was
like i was walking down this hallway -- call it the
hallway of my mind -- and i would have continued
travelling down this path is this guy kenel hadn't come
up to me and ask me what time it was. and there was this
HUGE clock right behind me, anyhow...
gah!
i'm gonna go see if i can write some prose -- the
ramblings or random thoughts thing...i feel like
writing...and then, i need to see if hotmail is back up,
so i can start answering my e-mails...which, yes, i know,
i've been slacking on in the past few days, and i am
quite sorry, all those who are waiting for an e-mail from
me, i am quite sorry...
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