september 4, 1998
"i want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind..."

i opened my eyes and stared intently out into the gossamer fog, full of twists and turns like a country road that leads to nowhere in particular, except you know that's exactly where you want to go. not that i dont' have plans, for i am full of plans which are, which were, and which will always be.

turns out i'm still in the search for that perfect someone, except i know that there is no perfect someone, and i'm reminded of "asking too much" by ani difranco. that's kind of my theme song right now in the relationship dept., except i'm not really looking for a relationship, just people to hang around who are fun and have a lot of the same interests and values as me.

but aren't we all looking for that at some time or another? i don't really care about looks, only about personality. and maybe i'm naieve in thinking that there's someone out there like that. but i can dream, can't i?

picking through the dreams and the thoughts, i often see what i want, but more often than not, i find that i don't want some of the things that i always thought i did. maybe that's self-realization, or something like that.

i feel myself getting stronger spiritually. in dealing with the frustrations of school and work and home and in just living day by day, i can feel myself growing stronger. that sounds like something david (one of my ex-bf's) would say. him and i have been talking a lot, and there's a lot we can learn from each other.

but, can't we learn a lot from everyone around us?

there's a lot i've been learning and taking in and as i keep writing and thinking, more comes to mind. and i just ramble on.

* soap suds *

TigerLily