TigerLily
*note*
i had just broken up with my boyfriend (this was 12/97) when i
wrote all this, kay? i'm not normally this hateful towards the
male species...
This world is not black and white. It is a funny shade of grey. There is no love. There is no hate. None of it is clearly defined in "life's little handbook". AND I HATE IT!
You have tried so hard, so many times, to hurt me..and I let you. Mygod, I let you! I have no idea why I let you; why I put up with it for so long. Maybe because I care about you, and I can't stop.
I don't need anyone's smug "I told you so's", like I have gotten. I just need to yell at you, you jerk...
You played games with my mind, and I, like the jester you want me to be, I would play along, giving you fuel to your increasing fire. You don't need want me. And never again will I be played your fool.
I should have listened to my thoughts, continued to feel what I did and just put my past behind me. I won't forget it, so don't even try that one...you have before, and you know it!!! You know it!
I've gotten so used to the niceness of solitude and "oneness". You can't live by yourself, and you will never try. You need a body in your bed, and when I wouldn't be the bandage you wanted, you turned to another. I won't be yours again.
I can't tell you, or express, how much you appall me, "dearie." You enrage me beyond belief. Once, I...I can't even express what I once felt for you. But, you have tried to hurt me, one too many times. And I'm finally putting my foot down.
My big black boot is going to be put down...
And I am moving on. I am not yours.
Have fun with your whores. I will never be among them. And if you ever again expect me to be, you are sadly mistaken.
"I am evening the score...scratching at my consciousness...I think you'll be greatly pleased to know that yours was the hardest itch to relieve..." Ani DiFranco
Guys...tick....me...OFF!
I'm going to complain...again...and, again, this is going to be a letter to someone.you know who you are, "dearie."
You say you love me? Then, how could you turn to someone else so quickly? how could you? I confided in you one night, telling you I happened to be lonely. I was making conversation. You turned on me, yelling at me. I came back at you, telling you some seem to find "pleasures of the flesh", or "a loving hand" a lot easier to find than others. You mocked me at this and told me it seemed all i enjoyed doing was taking my anger out on you. WHAT?
That is SO untrue, and you know it. You mocked me at that one, too. I can't believe you.
As I said before, I am putting my black boot down-here and now.
You will not run my life. I am not your slave.
I am saying good-bye.
"My trust was blind, you broke the pact..." Garbage