Sex Humor

• The More Things Change
• Raisen Bread
• Doctor, Doctor
• A Matter of Biology
• A Disgrace to the Family
• Bus Stop

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The More Things Change

After the waitress left the table, the old man said to his wife,
"Remember the first time we made love, it was up in that field across the
road, when I put you against the fence. Why don't we do it again for old
times sake?

The wife giggled like crazy and said, "Sure, why not."

So off they went out the door and across to the field. The cop smiled to
himself, thinking how romantic this was and decided he better keep an eye
on the couple so they didn't run into any harm. The old couple walked to
the field and as they approached the fence they began to undress. The old
man picked up his wife when they were naked and leaned her against the fence.

The cop was watching from the bushes and was surprised at what he saw.

With the vitality of youth, the wife bounced up and down excitedly, while
the husband thrashed around like a wild man, then they both fell to the
ground in exhaustion.

Eventually, they stood up, shook themselves, and got dressed. As they
walked back towards the road, the cop stepped from his hiding spot and
said, "That is the most wonderful love making I have ever seen. You must
have been a wild couple when you were young."

"Not really," said the old man, "when we were young, that fence wasn't
electric."

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Raisen Bread

A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I'd like some raisin bread, please." the man says politely.

The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view. As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction.

Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down those stairs.

After a few trips, the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng.

"Is yours raisin too?" the clerk yells at him testily.

"No," croaks the feeble old man... "But it's startin' to twitch."

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Doctor, Doctor

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...".

He's interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear."

"Yes!" Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes."

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?" the doctor asked.

"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And by the way you have a lovely home."

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A Matter of Biology

Dr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the ORGAN of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions?"

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Dr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you.

"One, you have not studied your lesson.

"Two, you have a dirty mind.

"And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment"

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A Disgrace to the Family

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

"He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

"He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

"But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said.

"But, she said, "Grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family!"

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Bus Stop

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that the skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover that she still could not do it. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step, and once again much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give her a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, the big Texan that was behind her in line, picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body??" "I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan drawled, "Well Ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends."

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