You've all heard about the fire triangle. Well researchers have recently discovered that there is one more side to the equation. The fire triangle is now obsolete. They have proven that the triangle is really a "Fire Square" - HEAT, FUEL, OXYGEN and the "FIRE CHIEF." If you remove any of them, the fire goes out.
A volunteer company received an emergency call and off they went. They got lost and arrived much, much too late at the scene. The chief sighed "THANK GOD IT'S STILL BURNING."
The volunteer fire chief was preoccupied as to how, after the monthly fish fry, he was going to ask the town folks to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the firehouse. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular band had cancelled and a substitute had been brought in. The new band asked what music they should play. "There's folks who like the oldies," replied the chief, "but you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
After dinner, everyone was sitting waiting for the monthly report, when the chief went to the microphone. "Fellow citizens, we have a problem. The station repairs will cost twice as much as we expected, and we need an extra $4,000. Any of you who can pledge an extra $100 or more, please stand up."
With that, the substitute organist launched into "The Star-Spangled Banner." That's how they became the regular band!
You might be on a redneck volunteer department if...
Three men went hunting with their dogs, a doctor, a lawyer, and a fireman.
Q. What does CHAOS stand for?
You show up for work and notice bars have just been installed on all the windows and there is now a metal detector at the hospital entrance.
The paramedics in the parking lot are all using mops to clean up their ambulances and the EMTs are using a hose.
The off-going shift has a hard time keeping a straight face when giving report, especially about Room 15.
Your first patient of the day insists there is no way that she can be pregnant. She's crowning.
Your next five patients and their families all scream at you in different languages, none of which you speak.
Your next patient screams at you in a language you do understand, but you can't remember hearing that many obscenities strung together at once.
The intoxicated 250 Kg. transvestite in Room 15 keeps trying to get your home phone number because you "are just too sweet."
Your next patient has maggots but isn't dead.
The hospital's attorney wants to talk to you but her secretary won't tell you what it's about.
The hospital has a surprise disaster drill. You were the only one who wasn't tipped off.
The Department is completely empty and one of the off-going shift says, "It's been that way all night, hope you have a quiet day!"
No one remembered to buy coffee.
You have writers' cramp and still have 7 hours of the shift left.
The psychiatric patient who thinks he is Jesus was placed in the same room as another patient who thinks he is Satan.
You get a subpoena for a lawsuit a on a patient that walked out of the department against medical advice two years ago. You can only hope that is what the attorney wants to talk about.
The Hospital Administrator left you a cryptic message about a news crew showing up "sometime today to do a little filming, so everyone act natural."
In the middle of a disaster drill two real trauma patients present themselves.
The paramedics who offered to go out and pick up lunch (and coffee) just advised over the radio they have witnessed a motor vehicle accident involving a transit bus versus a minivan. "Stand by for update."
It's the first day for the new medical interns, paramedic and nursing students all at the same time.
The paramedics tell you the patient you just received with a closed head injury, flail chest, and positive belly tap is in "much better shape than the one still being cut out of the minivan."
You hear there is an influenza epidemic traveling like wild fire through the local convalescent homes.
The psychiatric patient's delusions are beginning to make sense.
Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing
on the way to the scene.
You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
Your firehouse has wheels.
Some of your firefighters respond in horse and buggies.
You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
You've ever been toned out on an outhouse fire.
That outhouse fire was with entrapment.
You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their
ground.
Your personnel vehicle has more blue lights on it than your house has lights in it.
You've ever walked through a Christmas display and came up with more than 3 new
ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them
last time.
You've ever referred to a light bar as sweet.
Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
Your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
You've ever been arrested for indecent exposure at a house fire.
The primary color of your brush truck is "bondo".
Your new $500,000.00 ladder truck was custom ordered with a spit cup holder.
The Chief's car has a rag for a gas cap.
If your apparatus has NASCAR driver numbers on it.
Some of your 5" line was converted into a fly fishing rod holder.
Before the apparatus leaves the station on a call, the senior officer says,
"Gentlemen, start your engines!"
The Assistant Chief's huntin dogs cost more than all of the apparatus combined.
The fire station shuts down when deer season starts.
Firefighters punishment consists of taking away their chewing tobacco.
Your apparatus has carbon monoxide detectors mounted in the cab.
You return from a fire with more junk than you arrived with.
Your job shirts are "3X-Large" but should be "5X-Large."
All were bragging that their dog was trained just like themselves.
The doctor
shot the first duck, after which the doctors dog shaved the duck, removed
the bullet, and bandaged the duck in an attempt to save it's life.
The lawyer
went next, and after he shot a duck, his dog notified the next of kin and
divided all of the duck's assets.
The fireman shot the third duck, and his
dog ate all three ducks, screwed the other two dogs, and took four days
off.
A.Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.
You know it's going to be a bad day in the ER when...
Thanks to Jerry Fandel for this great collection!
