-Dododododododo...-
-dododododododo...-
So
no one told you life was gonna be this way... -Clap Clap Clap Clap!-
[Shows
Lance eating a cookie]
You're
jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA -Clap Clap Clap Clap!-
[Shows
Bobert whipping several dogs into building a pyramid]
It's
like you're always stuck in second gear....
[Shows
Sophi spilling coffee all over Lance's lap]
and
it hasn't been your day, your week, your month... or even your year!
[Shows
Xia taking a long swig of Whiskey]
I'll
be there for you, when the rain starts to pour
[Shows
Becca drinking coffee]
I'll
be there for you, like I've been there before
[Shows
Chrys sitting
on the balcony, staring at the sky]
I'll
be there for you, cause you're there for me too....
[Shows
Xander driving during traffic, yelling profanities at the car in front
of him]
Episode I - The Whore House
::Scene rolls up with Becca in All Souls Inn with Lance, drinking
coffee.::
Lance:
What do you mean I'm sexually frustrated?
Becca:
You just seem tense. When's the last time you've gotten some?
Lance:
...um...
::Xander walks downstairs, in his Pajama pants and no shirt. Looking
clever
as usual::
Xander:
Lance, being your brother, we need to take you to get some action.
Becca:
What do you mean by we?
Xander:
I meant as in Bobert and I.
Becca:
So you're just ditching us girls here?
Xander:
We're you interested in going into a Whore House?
Becca:
...Not exactly...
Lance:
What?! No way I'm sticking the sergeant into some whore!
::Bobert flies in, looking like he's up to Monkey Business::
Bobert:
Oh yes you are!
Lance:
Why are you two pushing this so much?
Becca:
...because they're horny bastards...
Xander:
Exactly!
Becca:
Well, you three large hormone driven men just go off and do your
business.
::Becca walks upstairs::
Xander:
Okay, we found this girl, her name's Lindsey, you'll be able to get
into her pants in no time.
Lance:
I have a bad feeling about this.
Bobert:
Bad feelings mean nothing! They're like parking tickets! Just big
nothings!
Xander:
But good brother, I'm going to need to borrow some money.
Lance:
What?! I have to pay for my own whore?
Xander:
Well, we supplied the idea.
Lance:
....I hate you Xander.
Bobert:
You'll be thanking us later.
::The
3 men walk out of All Souls, and down the street... -Meanwhile,
upstairs the ladies are in a circle, discussing certain things::
Sophi:
Wasn't Lance so cute today?!
Becca:
What?
Xia:
You need to calm down Sophi.
Sophi:
Why? I totally love him!
Chrys:
...love...
Becca:
Well, we need to find something to do.
Xia:
I know! We can go see a movie!
Sophi:
Oh! Lets go see that movie with that guy, and that girl...
Becca:
America's Sweethearts?
Chrys:
...I think I'll stay here.
Sophi:
Why?
Chrys:
...I don't really like human contact..
Xia:
... Wow. None at all?
Chrys:
...Yes...
Becca:
So can we trap you in a box?
Chrys:
Pretty much...
Becca:
Oh hush! None of that! You're going out, if we have to force you out!
::Scene
cuts back over to the three in the whorehouse::
Xander:
Lance, would you just hurry up and pick one.
Lance:
I don't know which one to pick!
Bobert:
Pick the biggest, juiciest one of them all!
Lance:
...okay... here goes.
::Lance then picked a cherry out of the bowl, and ate it::
Xander:
Now, onto the whores!
Lance:
What?! No!
::Several women entered, surrounding the trio. A busty redhead grabbed
Lance
and took him into another room.::
Lance:
Well... What now?
Redhead
Whore: ...Well... how bout you give me some money...
Lance:
But we haven't even done anything yet.
Redhead
Whore: Just give me the money.
Lance:
no!
Redhead
Whore: -Low voice- Look, are you going to give me money or not?
Lance:
....Are you a dude?!
Redhead
Whore: Do you promise to keep a secret? ...Yes...
::Lance
shrieks and ran out of the Whore House, Xander and Bobert chase after
him,
adjusting their pants::
Bobert:
What happened?!
Lance:
My whore was a dude!
Xander:
...You're just paranoid Lance.
Lance:
no man, she treatened to beat me up!
Xander:
ok, just calm down, we'll go back and check... okay?
Lance:
...fine.
::The
walk back into the Whore House, looking around for Lance's supposed
"Dude". Lance then grabs the Redheaded Whore, and brings... it
towards Xander
& Bobert::
Bobert:
Chicks with dicks are twice the fun!
Xander:
Bobert... you're a sick fuck.
Redheaded
Whore: What do you mean chicks with dicks? I don't have a dick.
Lance:
But you said you were a dude!
Redheaded
Whore: No I didn't! Why would I say a silly thing like that?
Lance:
Because I wouldn't pay you!
Xander:
You wouldn't pay a whore?
Lance:
We hadn't even had sex yet though!
Bobert:
Lance, you pay them before you have sex. So that you don't runaway
after you just nailed her.
Lance:
Oh...
Redheaded
Whore: Well! This is just harassment! You three leave right now!
Xander:
Driven out by a ho...
Lance:
Man... all time low.
::The
3 walk out of the Whore House, and the scene changes to Lance with Xia
at a Laundromat, doing their laundry.
Lance:
I'm telling you, it was a guy!
Xia:
Don't you think the ho's co-workers would've known that one of them
as... different?
Lance:
I bet some freaky people get her to bang with them, and they just
don't say anything cause he rakes in money.
Xia:
I still think it's crazy. A man working at a whore house? I mean, whores
are low form of life... but a man, and a whore at the same time? That's
even
worse than Robert Downey Jr. in a room full of crack.
::The redheaded whore walks into the laudromat, with a box full of
women's
clothes. She sets up on the other side of the laundromat as Lance &
Xia.
Lance notices she has entered::
Lance:
Dude... it's the dude!
Xia:
Where?
Lance:
in the corner... right over there.
::Xia then walks over to the redheaded whore::
Xia:
Are you a man or a woman?
Redheaded
Whore: What?! How can you ask something like that? I am offended!
Xia:
Well, my friend met you the other day, and is obsessed over the fact
that you are indeed a man.
::The redheaded whore looks offended and runs out of the laundromat.::
Xia:
That went smoothly. But she had too much proper ettiqute to be a man.
Lance:
Why does nobody trust me that she's a man?!
::The entire laundromat stopped what they were doing, and stared at
Lance::
Lance:
.....Personal problems
::Scene
fades to Xander & Lance in their apartment, on the upper floors of
All Souls Inn. They are doing their occasional staring into girls
windows as
they are undressing bit, but something disturbs Lance...::
::..It was the Redhead Whore... NAKED! He CLEARLY saw the penis of the
woman.
He gasped and screamed::
Lance:
XAAAANNNNNDDDEEEERRRR!!! COME LOOK AT THIS!!
Executive
Producer:
Colin Burkett
