The scene opens in MTV Studios, New York City. TRL has just finished filming for the day, and the fans and stars are getting ready to go home. *NSYNC's new video was the number one video for the third week in a row, and Justin Timberlake serenaded his female fans with a solo rendition of his group's single. Tom Green's new hit "Can You Believe I'm Marrying Drew Barrymore?" made its world debut, and Tom acted like a crazy ass as usual. Fred Durst did indeed stop by to promote his group's new album Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water, and he almost got into a fight with Tom Green when the latter decided to throw chocolate pudding and limp hotdogs at Fred. Luckily, MTV has a first-rate security crew.

Carson had taken one of his more dedicated young fans back to his dressing room and told Shannon that he was NOT TO BE DISTURBED. Left without anything to do, Shannon decided to go scouting around MTV Studios to see if she could meet any more famous people. If things ended up being boring, she figured she could always find a room somewhere and masturbate in front of a mirror. (Yes, that was crude, but keep in mind, people, this *is* Dirk we're talking about. You know it's true.)

Shannon is wandering in and out of offices, having been given full access to the studios by Carson Daly, head honcho of MTV. She opens one door to find the cartoon cast of Daria practicing their lines. She opens another and stumbles across Ananda Lewis making out with the two older boys from Hanson. Appalled and disgusted, Shannon runs from the office part of the building to the elevators, hoping to get to the lobby. The elevator door opens, and she enters and pushes the "L" button. She admires herself in the mirrored doors for a few minutes until the elevator stops on the third floor and lets in Kurt Loder, former head honcho of MTV.

Kurt: "Hello. Going to the lobby too?"
Shannon: "Yeah...I need to get out of here. Is it always this nuts?"
Kurt: "For the most part. (pause) Hey, aren't you Carson's new secretary...Shannon?"
Shannon: (blushing) "Yeah. Nice to meet you."
Kurt: "God, I'd hate to be you, having to work for *that* prick. Does he make you do anything weird? His last assistant was going to sue him for emotional distress, but then she 'disappeared.'"
Shannon: (mildly shocked) "No, I haven't had to do anything nasty yet. Just keep people out of his room when he's off 'auditioning' new talent from his studio audience."
Kurt: "Yeah, he is a pimp-meister. I used to be that way, you know? Getting all the chicks. Then Carson comes along with his stand-offish attitude and his frat-boy good looks, and next thing you know I'm playing Daddy to a bunch of immature VJs. Carson killed MTV. That and bands like Limp Bizkit. And Papa Roach. And all those damn teeny-boppers. None of them would have made it in this business if it weren't for TRL. Sometimes I sit in my office and remember the good old days when music was music and not prefabricated fluff. When VJs were seen as normal people instead of gods. When this station used to have some credibility to its name...(sighs) But I'm sure you don't want to hear all this. I am dissing your boss after all."
Shannon: (scoffs) "I hate the bastard; that's why I was given the job as his assistant. This is eternal punishment all because I couldn't tell which animé character was the guy and which was the girl. And you think *you've* got it bad."

Kurt gives Shannon an odd look as the elevator doors open up to the lobby. The pair step out and stand idly off to the side.

Kurt: "So, do you want to go somewhere and get something to eat? I heard you're not from around here, and the Big Apple is pretty difficult to maneuver on your first day."
Shannon: "That's very sweet of you, but I'm okay. I was going to hang around here for a bit, then probably hit the cafeteria. Carson's taking me out to dinner tonight, and I have a feeling that if he found out I ate lunch with you, he'll be pissed."
Kurt: (disappointed) "Well, okay, I understand, but hey, let me give you my private office number in case you change your mind later this week. We can order something and talk."

Kurt takes out a small business card and circles his office's number in black ink. He hands it to Shannon, who cautiously accepts.

Kurt: "I suppose that I'll see you around, Shannon. It was nice to finally meet you. Good luck."
Shannon: "Thank you, Mr. Loder. I'll see you around."

Kurt Loder waves over his shoulder as he walks through the lobby to the revolving doors of 1515 Times Sqare. Shannon watches him leave until she hears a snort from behind her.

Voice: "That damn Kurt Loder--he's such a narcisist. So full of himself. You watch yourself, little miss, or he'll try to make you one of his groupies."

Shannon turns around to see the plump receptionist of the studios sitting behind her desk looking at Shannon. The nymphet walks over to the desk and leans over to look at the lady.

Shannon: "What do you mean? He was just being nice."
Receptionist: "Girl, look at you. You're what? Eighteen? You don't know anything Kurt Loder is the second biggest pimp here at MTV; I wasn't even safe! That man used to come over here all the time asking if anyone ever called for him while he was out. I told him, 'I ain't your damn secretary! Get your own damn messages!' But he just kept coming over here, undressing me with his eyes. He's an equal opportunity employer--he like the big girls as well as the skinny little thangs like yo'self. You listen to me--I'll watch your back."
Shannon: "And you are?"
Receptionist: (offering her hand to shake) "Paula Holy. Nice to meetcha. You that new piece of meat Mr. Daly hired to get the boys to watch his show more?"
Shannon: (taking Paula's hand) "Um...I'm his personal assistant, yes."
Paula: "Well, if he ever tries to *ahem* 'work' you too hard...you just say that I need your help down here. Mr. Daly's scared to death of me."
Shannon: "Sorry, I find that hard to believe..."
Paula: "What? You think just coz he's the head honcho, the big cheese, the king of the underworld that I'm gonna be scared of him? (scoffs)I'm one of the head archangels; that boy try anything with me, I'll kick his ass, and he knows it."

Shannon is staring, jaw agape, at Paula.

Shannon: "You're an archangel?"
Paula: "Shit yes! You think us angels are all halos and happiness? After working for five years in this place, you'll get a potty mouth on you too. It's my job to track the goings-on of Mr. Carson Daly and make sure he doesn't try anything funny. Now sit down back here and keep me company. You're making me miss my soaps."

Shannon blinks several times at the mouthy receptionist, then joins her behind the desk. They watch soaps for a while until Paula's buzzer goes off and a very pissed off Carson Daly can be heard.

Carson: (over intercom) "Paula? Paula?! Is my good-for-nothing assistant down there with you? She's supposed to be up here helping me!"
Shannon: (grumbling under her breath) "Helping him do what? Get that fourteen-year-old into a more interesting position?"
Paula: (to Shannon) "Let me take care of this, sweetie. (into intercom) Mr. Daly? Yes, she's down here with me, but I need her to help me organize some files and answer phones down here. Anyway, from what I understand, you were already busy..."
Carson: (over intercom) "Fine, whatever. Just make sure she gets her tight little ass up here by six.We need to go over the guest list for tomorrow's show."

The intercom buzzes off, and the two women look at the clock.

Shannon: (groaning) "Great. That only leaves me with seventy-five more minutes of freedom, then it's back to hell with me. I can't take that place!"
Paula: (looking Shannon up and down) "You don't look gay to me."
Shannon: "Well of course not, looking like a Britney clone..."
Paula: (laughing) "Babe! I can see what you really look like--short little guy. Nice muscles, dusty hair, gorgeous eyes. Shit, for a white boy, you kinda cute."
Shannon: "Well, if you can see me for who I really am, why do you keep calling me 'girl'?"
Paula: (matter of factly) "Gotta keep up appearances, Shannon-love. (looks at doors of studio) Mmmm...We'll see if you play for the other team or not. Look at that sweet little thing with the dark hair walking in here like she's on a mission and tell me what it makes you think of."

Shannon looks to where Paula is pointing and nearly falls down (except for the fact she's sitting down already).

Shannon: "I'll tell you what it makes me think of--my girlfriend."
Paula: (laughing) "Well, then, this oughta be a hoot!"

Eliza walks confidantly up to the receptionist's desk and places her hands on the table. Shannon is trying to hide her face behind a magazine, all while sneaking a peak at his true love. Eliza clears her throat to get Paula's attention away from Passions...

We interrupt this episode of Nikki's soap opera to bring you this Passions update: ETHAN HAS JUST FOUND OUT THAT HE'S NOT REALLY A CRANE! BUT IVY WON'T TELL HIM WHO HIS REAL DAD IS! OOH! AND SHERIDAN AND LUIS WERE ALL NAKED AND IN BED AND STUFF TOGETHER! IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME, EH? EH? We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...

...The receptionist finally looks up at Eliza.

Paula: (slightly bored) "May I help you, miss?"
Eliza: "Um, yes. I'd like to speak to Miss Shannon Davids, please."
Paula: "Do you have an appointment?"
Eliza: (stammering) "Um...no...I didn't think I'd need an appointment to see the assistant to some VJ..."
Paula: "Not just *any* VJ, sweetie. The biggest VJ. Now, would you like to schedule an appointment with her?"
Eliza: "Um...well, okay..."
Shannon: (throwing down her magazine) "Oh, Paula, leave her alone! I'll meet with her! (to Eliza)How can I help you, miss?"
Eliza: "Um...hello. My name is Eliza Doyle, and I'd like to speak with you for a few minutes, please."
Shannon: "What about, may I ask?"
Eliza: (looking at Paula) "I'd rather speak to you in private, if that's okay."
Shannon: "Fine. We can go to one of the offices upstairs. Paula, can you keep Mr. Loder from going back into his office when he returns?"
Paula: "I'd be glad to keep him from doing anything constructive, sugar. Just buzz me when you're done.
Shannon: "Thanks. I'll see you later. Keep Carson off my back too, please."

Shannon walks out from behind the desk and motions for Eliza to follow her. They walk to the elevator and wait in silence for the car to arrive. When the doors open, they enter silently and don't look at each other as the doors close. The elevator goes up four floors without interruption until Eliza lunges for the emergency stop button. The car lurches to a stop, and Shannon freaks out.

Shannon: "What the hell are you doing?"
Eliza: "I have to know! I have to know the truth right now, or I swear to God I'm going to explode!"
Shannon: "What? What the hell are you talking about? What do you want to know?"
Eliza: (grabbing Shannon by the shoulders and looking right into her eyes) "I can see you in there, but I need to make sure that I'm not just going insane. Are you...(closes her eyes) Are you really...this sounds insane...are you really Dirk Cherokee?"

Shannon stares at Eliza, whose eyes are tearing up. Shannon grabs Eliza's waist, draws her close to her body, and passionately kisses her as the camera fades to black.