Episode Five:

The camera fades into a view of David, still holding the voodoo doll of Jonathan in his hands. Jessicka smiles secretively and wickedly at her boyfriend, then turns to Mayor O'Malley.

Jessicka: "Ready over here, Mayor."
Jonathan: "Same here, sir."
Mayor: "Okay, then. Ms. Walnut, your three minutes begin…" The mayor takes out a pocket watch and looks at it. "right…now."
Jessicka: "Hello, everyone. I am Jessicka Walnut, and I want you to know just who I am and what I stand for. I was born in Baltimore, but moved to Dominica when I was eighteen. I have known most of you since I arrived here, and I have heard your complaints and praises about the town. So even though I haven't been here my whole life, I still know what Dominicans want. You want more money for your businesses, so I plan on working extra hard to announce to the rest of the country that Dominica is the perfect place to vacation year-round. Our easy access to the bay and to Lake Flora, as well as our many parks and beaches make Dominica the ideal summer spot. Our mountains with their thick layers of snow and our clean air also make Dominica a perfect winter vacation spot. More tourists mean more money for business-people.
I also know that Dominicans want to preserve their clean environment. Should I become mayor, I will make sure that the sanitation department gets a total makeover: new trucks, more workers cleaning the sides of the roads and the beaches. With a new program, juveniles who commit misdemeanors, as well as first-time offenders with minor offenses will have to perform mandatory community service, cleaning the parks, beaches, and neighbourhoods. This way, delinquents can give back to society. I want to make Dominica a prosperous place to live, for today's generation and for tomorrow's."

Loud applause from the crowd. Several people wave banners saying "Jessicka for Mayor" and chant her name over and over. Jessicka simply smiles and sips from a glass of water on a small table next to her podium.

Mayor O'Malley holds up his hands for silence.

Mayor: "Okay, that's enough, or this thing will never be done." Turns to Jessicka "Thank you, Miss Walnut." Turns back to the crowd "And now, Mr. King will speak for three minutes. Take it away, Jonathan."

Jonathan: "Hi everyone. As you all know, I'm Jonathan King, and I'd love to be your mayor."

The crowd cheers loudly, and several women shriek excitedly. Jonathan just blushes and continues when it quiets down.

Jonathan: "I'm not going to spend a lot of time telling you who I am, because you all already know me. I'm that crazy but lovable cross-dressing guy who lives near the bay. I've baby-sat for your children, dated your daughters and nieces, helped you with your groceries, and had you over my place for a back-yard barbeque. I am proud to say that I know everyone in town, so I really know what you want for Dominica. True, you would like more money, but everyone does. And while I agree that more tourism would really give Dominica a nice economic boost, do you really want more tourists? More people who don't know our traffic laws; more people asking dumb questions; more people making fun of our slight Southern accents? I don’t think so. I'll get more tourism, but I will build a tourist center so that 'foreigners' won't mess up our town." Scattered cheers "Thank you. I know that the most important issue to we Dominicans is the education of our children. Our schools are good, but not good enough. We need more teachers and better school supplies, like lab equipment and text books. I promise that if I am elected mayor, the youth of Dominica will have computers in every classroom and a bevy of opportunities that their parents never had. Thank you."

Thunderous applause and feminine cheers. Jonathan blushes and takes a sip of water from a glass on the table next to his podium. Mayor O'Malley quiets the crowd again.

Mayor: "Okay everyone, like Warren said earlier, now that both candidates have introduced themselves, it's time for them to answer your questions."

He peers into the crowd where Warren is waiting with several people in a line. The mayor nods to Warren, who holds up a hand-microphone and motions for the first person to come forward.
The first person is Scotty Wagner, Jaime's best friend and president of Dominica High's student council. He is looking very dapper in khakis and a white Nike polo shirt. He takes the mike and grins amiably.

Scotty: "My question is for Miss Walnut. We have heard what Mr. King will do for people my age, regarding our education, but what will you do?"

Jessicka: "I agree with Jonathan that our schools need supplies, but there simply is not enough money to get…computers in every classroom or new building wings. We would have to tax the people in order to get funds to pay for these expenses."

Jonathan: "I disagree. There are other ways to raise funds than to raise taxes. The school has done it before: selling candy bars, phone-a-thons, car washes. Only this time, they'd have the support of the government. I'm sure that there are many in the mayor's office and in the state Congress who would be willing to donate a few dollars so that the children of our town can have Internet access in school, or so that they can have an updated science lab."

The crowd cheers loudly. Jessicka tries to hide her scowl and looks over at David, waiting in the wings with the voodoo doll. She nods her head and David gleefully does the same.
He picks up the Jonathan doll and murmurs a few words. Looking at the lovable lumberjack, David makes the doll's arm move up to its nose and pantomimes the doll picking its nose.
The camera focuses on Jonathan, who is following the doll's actions. The look on his face is priceless: he is shocked beyond belief. His arm is frantically trying to keep the other arm from doing something involuntary and embarrassing. Unfortunately, he fails and the deed is done. He quickly wipes his fingers on a Kleenex before anyone notices. Also unfortunately, many people do notice. Laughter springs up from the crowd. Jonathan blushes profusely and whispers for the mayor to keep things moving. The mayor nods, slightly confused by Jonathan's behaviour and turns to the crowd.

Mayor: "Hey, Warren. Let's have the next question, eh? It's almost tee-time."

Warren: "Okay, okay, Mayor."

Julia Raven takes the microphone and brazenly addresses the candidates.

Julia: "This is for both of the candidates: what are your feelings about the arts in Dominica? Many of our local coffeehouses are being shut down because of lack of funds, and our old theatres that show classic, foreign, and independent films are being threatened because big corporations want to build multiplexes down the street. I want to know what the candidates are going to protect these places?"

Jessicka: "Well, that is also a concern of mine. I am an enormous fan of the arts, and it saddens me that these establishments are going out of business. Should I be elected to the position of mayor, I promise that I will keep the multiplexes out of Dominica and the surrounding counties. I will provide a fund for the arts, which will assist coffeehouses, theatres in the park, et cetera to continue to entertain Dominicans."

Jonathan: "I, too, am an aficionado of the arts. I am a frequent patron of coffeehouses, such as Raven's Nest, which Julia there owns and manages."

He smiles at her, and she returns his grin.

Jonathan: "I have actually performed at said coffeehouses, so please don't doubt my desire to preserve the arts in Dominica."

Offstage, David holds up the voodoo doll and grins evilly. He pretends to be the voice of Jonathan and makes the doll start dancing.

David (as Jonathan): "I'm a little tea pot, short and stout…"

He makes the doll squat down.

Jonathan (doing what David is making the doll do): "Here is my handle…"
He curves his arm to his waist like a handle.
"And here is my spout."
He holds his arm out, slightly bent like the spout of a tea pot.
"When I get all steamy…" He licks his lips seductively.
"Here me shout! Tip me over and pour me out."
Jonathan leans sideways like a tea pot pouring out hot tea. When he's done, he takes a bow and then stands up again, this time looking very confused.

Jonathan: (blushing profusely) "Um, excuse me. I don’t know what came over me just now. As I was saying, I am a strong believer in the arts. To tell you the truth, Miss Walnut's plan doesn't sound half bad. But I will take it one step further. I have connections in the Baltimore and New York music and film industries, and I will use my connections to better the arts here in Dominica."

The crowd goes nuts, and Jonathan just grins. Mayor O'Malley takes this time to lean over and whisper in Jonathan's ear.

Mayor: "Jonathan, what the hell is wrong with you today?"
Jonathan: (leaning over to whisper in the mayor's ear) "I don't know, Martin. It's like I'm possessed or something. Just keep moving things along. We only have twenty minutes left or so."
Mayor: "Okay, Jonathan." To Warren "Warren! Next question!"

While the next citizen of Dominica is questioning the candidates, Divad has wandered backstage to talk to Lizzie. He slinks up behind her, and taps her on the shoulder playfully.

Divad: "Hey, sexy. What's cooking, good looking?"
Lizzie: "Jonathan's cooking, hon. He's really getting himself into hot water with this insanity act he's pulling. Do you know what's up with him?"
Divad: "No clue, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Jessicka is behind it."
Lizzie: "Why do you say that, Divad?"
Divad: (pointing to Jessicka) "See that gleam in her eye? She's tickled pink by Jonathan's antics, and she's not the least bit surprised that he's acting crazy."

Divad follows his outstretched finger across the stage as he speaks and notices his evil twin hiding behind the curtain in the opposite wing, holding the voodoo doll. Divad gasps and stabs the air in David's direction to show Lizzie what he is seeing.

Divad: "Damn him! I knew that he was an accomplish to her dirty work! I have to stop him!"
Lizzie: "Divad, wait…"

But Divad is already gone, storming off behind the stage. He reaches the other side and sneaks up behind David just as the evil twin is making Jonathan kiss the mayor, using the voodoo doll and David's hand (they mayor). The audience's laughter can be heard in the background. Divad grabs David and spins him around, causing Jonathan on stage to twirl around as well.

Divad: "You bastard! Is the sex that good that you have to resort to such measures, or are you just really, truly evil?"
David: "The sex is excellent, not like it's any of your business, and I happen to like being very, very evil. What are you going to do anyway? No one's going to believe them if you say that I was using a cursed voodoo doll to ruin Jonathan King's chances of becoming mayor. Every shmuck in this town thinks I'm a saint. And you, dear brother, are Satan."
Divad: "Give me the voodoo doll, David, and no one has to know. You're right that no one would believe me, but I cannot, in good conscience, let you get away with this."
David: "Damn do-gooder. Go to hell."

With that, David pushes Divad, causing Jonathan to involuntarily thrust himself into the mayor, and therefore into Jessicka. Jonathan apologizes, assisting both the mayor and Jessicka to their feet.
Backstage, David and Divad are fighting, and David drops the doll, causing Jonathan to fall helplessly to the floor. As the twins scuffle, they roll over the doll, and poor Jonathan is squashed by an unseen force.
Finally, Divad proves triumphant and grabs the doll, protecting it against his chest from his brother. David seizes the opportunity to shove his brother onto the stage in front of the mayor, Jonathan, Jessicka, and just about everyone in Dominica. He is still holding the cursed voodoo doll. Jessicka does some quick thinking and points an accusing finger at Divad.

Jessicka: "My God, Divad Alan! You evil man! What are you doing with that voodoo doll….OF JONATHAN KING?!?!"

The crowd collectively gasps in shock, and Jonathan stares in disbelief at poor Divad, who is standing center stage, practically close to tears.
The camera zooms across the stage to Lizzie, who is standing with her head in her hands, muttering to herself.

Lizzie: "I knew something like this was going to happen. When will that guy learn?"

Narrator: (laughing in a corny manner) "When indeed…."