Meant To Be



Nick sat with his head in his hand, tapping his pencil with the other hand, at the meeting with management. He was always bored at those types of meetings, mainly because they always consisted of the same thing. Management would lecture the guys on how they behaved themselves in public, how they should treat their fans, and how they should present themselves as far as appearance and behavior went. It was always the same routine, just as monotonous as the meeting before it.

Somehow though, this meeting was even more difficult to sit through than the others. And Nick knew why. Chase, their manager, kept mentioning how they had to keep their love lives as bland as possible as far as revealing things to the public. Nick got tired of the constant hints to his oh-so recent situation. Still, Chase continued to add his 2¢ worth.

“You know, I can’t stress enough how careful you all must be when it comes to the company you keep and what you do with that company. Don’t get me wrong, I love women just as much as the next guy. But in positions such as yours, you all have to be careful. And I mean meticulously careful. We haven’t the time for mistakes…” Chase droned on. Nick had had more than he could possibly take.

“Alright Chase! I get the fucking point! I screwed around, I got a girl pregnant, and now I’ve paid for it. So would you just lay the fuck off of me! You don’t know shit about what she and I are going through! You don’t know shit about anything!” Nick got up from his seat and left the conference room. He had so much energy in the form of anger built up within him that he had to walk it off. He went storming down the halls and didn’t stop until he came across a soda machine.

He stopped, took a deep breath, and reached into his pocket for change. Kevin caught up to him and slapped his shoulder in the friendliest way.

“I’m really not up for it right now, Kev.” Nick said, pushing four quarters into the machine, pressing the Mountain Dew® button, and pulling the chilled bottle of soda from the tray once it dropped.

“Has that ever stopped me from lecturing you before? Of course not. Now, I’m not going to talk to you like you’re the scrawny 14-year-old from way back in the day who used to do stupid things just for the hell of it. You’re a man now, and you did something that’s, well, you got yourself into a bit of trouble. And I’ve talked to Brian and AJ, and I know that it’s much more than just some mistake you made with some random girl. I know that you love this girl. And she means a great deal to you. But Nicky, you have a job to do. We all have a job to do. And if it means putting up with Chase’s shit, then so be it. If this girl…”

“Ava. Her name is Ava.” Nick corrected him.

“Alright, Ava. If Ava loves you half as much as you love her, then she won’t mind that you have to work. And she won’t mind that you can’t spend time with her right now. Like it or not, we all have reputations to uphold. It’s unfair, I know. But that’s just how this game works. And it ends if you piss those guys off. So please, not only for us, but for yourself and Ava… just put on a smile and bear it. Ok?” Kevin pleaded. Nick sighed deeply and lowered his head. It would take alomost all that he had in him to go on pretending that Ava was just a girl he dated and hung out with, simply to please management and save face with the fans. He did enjoy his job, and he loved his fans. But he enjoyed and loved Ava so much more.

“Ok.” Was his simple reply. Then he and Kevin made their way back to the conference room and took their seats at the rectangular table.

~*~*~*~*~*~


Ava and her mother were carrying boxes up the stairs to Ava’s room when she suddenly felt a wave of nausea sweep over her. She put the box down as gently and quickly as possible, then she ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind herself. Ava’s mother, Carol, sat on Ava’s bed and couldn’t help from hearing her daughter vomit.

Five mintutes passed before Ava emerged from the bathroom. She had taken the extra time to rinse her mouth out and wash her face with cold water, just to feel a little more refreshed.

“Come here sweetheart.” Carol said, holding her arms out for her daughter to sit next to her and allow her to hold her. Ava did just that. She sat next to her mother and relaxed in her mother’s warm embrace.

“I remember when I got pregnant with you. When we found out, I was just bouncing off of the walls with happiness. And then the morning sickness came. And my chest got so sensitive. I didn’t feel passionate anymore. I felt miserable. But that didn’t last all of the time. Honey, having a baby is a long process involving both pain and pleasures that nothing else on this world can give you. Right now, you feel sick and you’re tired. And you’re starting to wish you’d never even gotten pregnant at all, right?” Ava just nodded. “I know, I know. But you see, with all of this torture comes this undescribable joy. I wish you’d have been older and married when this happened. But I know that you love Nick, honey. And this baby, this is a part of you both. You’re going to bring a precious little life into this world. And there is know better feeling than that.” Carol stroked her daughter’s hair and rubbed her back.

“But Mommy… Nick and I weren’t sure if we should keep the baby. I mean, I still want to go to school. And he has such a busy schedule. And we’re both so young. But the more I think about it, I don’t know if I’d be able to part with this child. I love him so very much. And I know that he loves me. And I don’t know… maybe we’re meant to be parents. Maybe we’re meant to start a family. I wish it could have been later also. I wish I could have finished college. And I wish Nick and I could have been married first. We rushed and made bad decisions, I know. But even still, I’m having second thoughts about giving up our baby.” Carol kissed Ava on the forehead as Ava’s father, James entered the room.

James, often called Jay by close friends and relatives, was a very strict man with very little tolerance. He has an extreme amount of pride in his only child. And the fact that she got pregnant was killing him inside, though he didn’t show it externally.

“I’ve been thinking things over, and I’ve decided that you’re not going back to Florida. I don’t want you anywhere near that kid. He can’t be trusted. Who’s to say that he isn’t just using you? He could have a hundred girls out there just like you, pregnant and loving him blindly. I just don’t want you back in the midst of all of that. Besides, this is a beautiful place. There are wonderful schools here. And you’ll get a good education. I spoke to a few friends of mine who were also transferred, and you can get a job at the library. It’s something to keep you out of trouble and occupy a good deal of your time until we can figure out when and where you’ll start your classes.” Jay explained. Tears formed in Ava’s eyes.

“Daddy, you can’t keep me from him!” She stood up and approached her father with every ounce of bravery she had.

“Nick and I love each other. I know that you don’t like him. But I don’t care! Yes, we made bad choices. But we’re going to fix things and make it right. And you keeping me from him isn’t helping anything. You’re just making things more difficult in my life! I can’t go through this alone! This is something Nick and I have to go through together!” Ava shouted in protest.

“No! Absolutely not! You have your mother and you have me. You don’t need any man who doesn’t respect you!” Jay retorted.

“You act as though I had no part in conceiving this baby! It took two of us, Daddy. In case you forgot, that’s how life works. I wanted to have sex with him and he wanted to have sex with me. Something unexpected happened. And there’s no turning back now! So stop blaming him! He didn’t ask for this any more than I did! And I will see him! You will NEVER tear us apart!” Ava screamed back. Carol had now had enough.

“Stop it! Jay, Ava, no more! This is not a time for yelling and screaming and arguing. This is a time for us to work through the problems put before us and handle what’s ahead when we reach it. Now Ava, your father is right about one thing. You do need to work and you have to go to school, honey. I know you had your heart set on Spellman. But right now, you have to settle with what’s provided for you. And James, you have no right to keep our child away from her boyfriend. They made a mistake and they both know it. But how can you expect her to go through this pregnancy on her own without his support? Especially when he is more than willing to give it! Ava is not a little girl any more. She’s growing up. And she has her own heart and her own mind. If she wants to run back to Florida, we couldn’t stop her if we died trying! But she’s here. And she’s not leaving until she has the baby. So you be thankful for that! Be thankful that your daughter is smart enough to stay here with us and out of the public’s eye! Don’t you dare go pressuring her into something that none of us can get her out of.” Carol walked towards the doorway and turned back towards her husband and her daughter.

“No more arguing! James you come with me and Ava, lie down and rest. As of now this conversation has reached an end.” She turned and went down the stairs and James followed, stiffly. Ava dried her tears and flopped down on the bed. She missed Nick dearly and wished to God he could be there with her. Holding her close. Comforting her. She longed for his embrace.

~*~*~*~*~*~


Nick sat in his hotel room flipping through the channels wondering why Europeans didn’t have as good a cable system as the States. There was a light knock at the door. Assuming it was on of the guys, Nick got up and answered it without first asking who it was.

To his surprise, it was a young man dressed in the hotel’s uniform and a delivery man. The delivery man was carrying a FedEx package in his left hand and a clipboard and pen in his right.

“Package for you, Mr. Carter. Hope I didn’t wake you.” The delivery man said. Nick shook his head no and signed his name. He was handed the package and bid farewell by both the men at the door.

Nick shut the door and went back to his unmade bed. He stretched out on the bed and only then did he look at the name. It was from his mother. She often sent him little deserts and/or gifts when he was overseas. He loved receiving things from her. Especially when she went out of her way to get them to him in a day or two, knowing he wasn’t staying in one city for very long.

He opened the package and found some of her Snicker-Doodle cookies. They always tasted better to him than any store-bought brand. He then read his mother’s tiny note attached to the plate of cookies.

“Dear Nicky, Les and I made these and you know we couldn’t go without sending you some. Hope they get to you in time. I also enclosed your mail. You’ll thank me for it. Take care, baby. Love always, Mom”

Nick smiled and lifted the plate to find an envelope with just Ava’s sweet name on the top-left corner. Under that was a video tape. He decided to read the letter first. He ripped it open quickly and smelled the paper. It smelled like her. He missed her just that much. He read the love letter.

“Dear Nick,

Can you believe it’s been 4 months since we’ve last seen each other. Or since we’ve last spoken. Since our last kiss. Every single day that passes feels so dull without your jokes, your smile, your laughter. It’s beautiful here, but I can’t seem to enjoy it. It’s because I can’t share it with you. Every time I see a sunset on the horizon as I look out on the beach from my window, I think to myself, God, what I wouldn’t do to be able to share this with my love? What wouldn’t I do to hold you again? I don’t think that there’s anything I wouldn’t do.

God Nick, you should see me now. Well, you will. See, I know you, and I know that you failed to notice the pictures in the envelope, right?

[Nick paused his reading for a moment and looked inside the envelope. Sure enough, she had pictures of herself and she looks so different. Her hair was much longer and her stomach was huge. He had seen plenty of pregnant women before. But never one carrying his baby. And, being a man who hadn’t been able to touch or talk to his woman in so very long, he did glance up at her breasts and how large they had grown. It was then he found the sexiness in a woman with child. He continued to read.]

I’ve gained almost 25 pounds. I feel so odd. My mother said she gained a lot of weight when she carried me. So I guess it’s normal. It should come right back off around April or May of next year. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I feel kicks and all kinds of wild stuff going on inside of me. You can tell that this baby is the son/daughter of a dancer. When I lie on my side, sometimes, the baby kind of shifts to that side, going right along with gravity. And then when I look at my belly, I can see where one side of my stomach has gone down and where the baby is on the complete other side. I know it sounds like something from Alien, right? But it’s cool. I’ll have to take a picture of that also for you, sweetness.

Since I know you so very well, I know that you were scoping out my boobies. Right again?

[Nick smiled and squirmed a little where he was lying. He kept on reading.]

Yeah, I know you were. I’m up to a 38D. I hate it too. They’re so big. You’ve probably got a tent in your shorts about it. But its not all that pleasant. Cause to be honest? You wouldn’t be able to touch them without my crying. That’s how painful they are. So, calm yourself right on down, mister!

I went to the obstetrician and got a sonogram done. Of course, I got a copy made and I sent it to you. Jane called me and told me she’d send everything to you as soon as she got it. So, I trust you’ll get the tape with this letter and you’ll see our little one. We can’t really determine the sex quite yet. And frankly, I don’t want to know. I want to be surprised. I keep wondering though. Don’t you?

Well honey, everything is wonderful on my end. How are things with you? I’m dying to know. Which is why I want you to call me as soon as you get this. I don’t care what time of day/night that happens to be. I just can’t stand not hearing your sexy voice. I miss you so much it hurts. Put me out of my misery. Do not keep me staring at the phone.

Yours forever and always,
Ava”

Nick picked up the phone as soon as he finished the letter and dialed her number anxiously. He waited for her to answer and the second she did, his heart jumped into his throat and he couldn’t speak.

“Nick? Baby, is that you?” She asked. Nick wanted to scream.

“Oh God, yes. You have no idea how good it feels to hear you. I’ve felt so empty without you here, Ava.” Nick responded.

“It’s the same way with me. I just have so much love built up for you and it kills me that I can’t express it. I want you here so badly, Nick. So very badly. I need you here so badly that my hands are trembling.” Nick looked at his own hands, and they too were shaking.

“You know what I think it is?” Nick asked.

“Not exactly. But I’m pretty sure it has something to do with sex.” Ava guessed.

“Ah, baby. You know me too damned well. It’s been so long. And I mean, usually, not doing it doesn’t bother me. But when I love you so much and I can’t even see you or hold you hand, the urge to make love just gets stronger and stronger. I swear, my heart is pumping so fast I can hardly breathe or talk straight.” And it was true. His voice was weak and shaky. Hers was too, except it was much more obvious. They were both hot and bothered and the nervous energy was overpowering them both.

“But you realize that’s what got us into this mess in the first place. Acting upon horny impulses.” Ava countered, and Nick laughed, knowing exactly what she meant. Ava yawned suddenly. And her yawn was so deep that Nick yawned too, and he wasn’t anywhere near tired.

“You’re sleepy. I can’t keep you up if your sleepy.” He said.

“No! I want to talk to you. I can just take off of work tomorrow and sleep in. It’s no big deal.” She protested. Still, Nick wanted to take care of his girl despite the many miles between them.

“Baby, you need your rest. If not for me, for yours and the baby’s good. You need sleep.” Ava yawned again, uncontrollably.

“I guess you’re right. But I want you to call me again, ok? Now that we can talk on the phone, I want to hear your heart-melting voice as much as humanly possible.” Ava demanded.

“Not even death could keep me from calling you, every single night.” He assured her. “I love you Ava.” He added.

“I love you too, Nick. Goodnight.” She hung up and Nick did the same. He quickly got the tape and popped it into the VCR. The tape began to play on its own, and Nick saw his and Ava’s child on the screen in black and white. He saw the baby’s tiny little legs. He saw the head. And he heard the baby’s heartbeat. Sounding much to him like a rapid drumming. There was yet another knock at the door. He got up to open it and discovered AJ on the other side. AJ allowed himself in, as he always did, and they would sit and watch TV together if they didn’t play video games or go out. AJ noticed the sonogram on the television screen.

“What are you watching, man?” AJ asked, not immediately recognizing what he was staring at.

“That’s my little son or daughter. They don’t knew the gender yet. But there he is. Or she, either one. Hear that heartbeat?” They both got quiet and AJ listened. He smiled when he heard that steady rhythm.

“You know something Nick?” AJ asked, starting a new subject of conversation.

“What?” Nick asked.

“I have never in my entire life seen you look as happy or act as happy as you do when you talk about Ava and that baby. It’s amazing how much of an impact she’s made on your life, Nicky!” Nick smiled and his heart felt so full that he thought, for only a moment, that it could have burst into a million pieces.

The tape ended, and by instinct, Nick rewound it and played it again.

“It’s killing you not beling able to talk to her, isn’t it?” AJ asked, sitting down on the side of Nick’s bed. Nick simply nodded, not taking his eyes away from the images on the television screen.

“I know that you’re both fascinated by the pregnancy. It’s probably the best feeling in the world, feeling your child in the womb of the woman you love… and then watching this. But Nicky, you gotta realize that getting attached to this baby won’t help either of you in the end. As soon as the baby is born, it’s going to be adopted by another family. You won’t get to hold him, or play with him. You can’t name him. You can’t care for him. He won’t be yours anymore. Man, you’re making this harder on yourself by pretending to have a family that you don’t have. I understand that you love Ava, and I couldn’t be more happy for you both. But you’re not ready to be a father. And she’s no where near ready to be a mother. You’re not ready to be parents. Don’t psych yourself up for this baby when you can’t even have him.” AJ reasoned. It was then that Nick remembered. He had been so consumed with the good aspects of Ava’s pregnancy, that he totally forgot that they weren’t planning to keep the baby.

It was then that he also realized he wouldn’t be able to give the baby up. He just wouldn’t. AJ was right, he’d never get to hold his little child. He’d never get to look into the bright eyes of his baby and smile. He’d never see that baby’s first step or hear that baby’s first words. He wouldn’t even be there the day the baby was born. He had a sudden thought and spat it out before thinking it over.

“Then we just won’t give the baby up. We’ll keep it.” Nick said. AJ’s face turned from normal to shocked. A silence fell over the room until AJ responded to Nick’s sudden decision.

“What the hell? Nick! You just can’t do that, man! You’re 21! Just 21! You forget to feed your dogs sometimes. How the hell are you gonna raise a baby, take care of Ava, and go on touring? You guys were smart when you opted to give the baby to a prepared family. A couple who are ready to raise a child and who have the time and the patience. But you, you’re still so young! Hell, I think I’m too young to be having kids!” AJ hollared. He was up and pacing now. Nick just brushed him off and pretended to ignore him.

“Oh, so you don’t wanna listen? You don’t wanna listen???? Fine!” AJ growled. He went to the door and went out in the hallway. Less then a minute later he returned with Brian. And of course, Brian had the same shocked look on his face that AJ had.

“Don’t be stupid, Nick! You cannot keep that baby! You’d be crazy to do that! What if things don’t work out between you and Ava? Brian asked. Nick looked at him with anger in his eyes--- as if he were warning Brian not to speak against their love.

“I’m serious, Nick. You’re the most fickle guy I know. You never stay with one girl too long. What if, just what if things fall through with Ava. Where does that leave the baby? I don’t care what anybody says, its hard on a kid growing up in two separate homes. And think of your reputation. You’ll be forever known as the Backstreet Boy who sleeps around with random girls, gets them pregnant, then bails out. Now, it may not be the absolute truth, but that’s what people will say. And it’ll hurt you to hear your name stained that way! You have to think of these things.” Brian argued. And Brian always had a way of putting things into proportion.

“Alright! I get it! It was just an off-the-wall idea that popped into my head and I blurted it out! I’m sorry! I won’t even think about it again. We won’t keep the baby. I promise.” He assured them. AJ sighed with relief and left the room. Brian, somehow, knew that it wasn’t that simple. He knew Nick like the back of his hand. And Nick hadn’t changed his mind so quickly. And it wasn’t even a matter of changing his mind. It was a matter of changing the heart. Nick’s heart was set on being a father to the child he conceived with Ava. It would take much, much more than a lecture to get him to snap out of it.

Brian turned and left behind AJ, shutting the door. As the two left, Nick stopped the tape and flopped down on his bed. His mind was racing through all types of thoughts. He felt lost. Confused. Nervous. He wished he could go back to that hot summer night when he first met Ava. He wished he had just stayed sober. Or at least used protection. He wondered how different his life would have been had he done so. Then he realized that if he had not slept with her, he would still be with Heather. And she never loved him. She only wanted to use him to get her father’s fortune. Maybe Ava was meant to come into his life. Maybe they were meant to have this child. And maybe, just maybe, they were predestined to be together!


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