1.
What did one atom tell another?
- I think I lost an electron
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm positive.
2. A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium.The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through".
3. Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".
4. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: " How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".
5.
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
- Because it was polar.
6.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
- A one molar solution.
7.
What do dipoles say in passing?
- Have you got a moment?
8. Why
does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
- Because it's in the ground state.
9.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
- Barium
10. What
weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
- A KNiFe.
11.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
- They're cheaper than day rates.
12.
What happens when electrons lose their energy?
- They get Bohr'd.
13.
What did one titration tell the other?
- Let's meet at the endpoint.
14.
Why are chemists great for solving problems?
- They have all the solutions.
15.
Do you know what happened to the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
- He just couldn't put it down.
16. A florence flask was getting dressed for the opera. All of a sudden she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!". The husband replied: "Take it easy honey, do not overreact. We'll find a solution".
17.
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
- Because it's basic stuff.
18. What
is a cation afraid of?
- A dogion.
