Alex had lost feeling in his legs by the time someone came out to tell them what was happening. He'd lost feeling in lots of places, only a few of which could have been physically found, and had almost forgotten why he was there at all as the minutes stretched out. But when the young woman in medical-green stood in front of them it all came back in a rush. He just couldn't seem to do anything more than raise his head.

"We had a few nasty moments, but he's going to be fine."

The world started again, and Alex let out an explosive breath that he hadn't even realised that he was holding. "Thank God..."

"But not for a while. His sternum was broken and there was some internal bleeding, plus he almost broke his skull. It's going to take some time for him to recuperate, and months before he's jumping off buildings after pickpockets or whatever it is you people do." She gave them a glare, in case they didn't believe her.

"But he'll be okay."

"Yes. He's lucky, within a few weeks his eyesight will even be back to normal."

"Eyesight?" Cable and Alex both latched onto that word demandingly. In other circumstances the sudden family resemblance might have been amusing.

She nodded. "Will be fine. But it's going to take a while for the swelling in his brain to go down so he's not going to be able to see very well at first."

"Define 'not very well'."

"Light and dark, maybe. Very little." She sighed. "This is probably going to be hard for him to deal with. He won't be able to move much and he won't be able to see. So he's going to need a lot of help."

Cable winced. "Oh, he's going to hate that."

Alex glared upwards through tangled strands of blond hair. "He has a name. And the word is 'blind'."

"Nobody told me his name." She gave Alex a penetrating look, then seemed to soften. "Oh, I see. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made assumptions."

He ignored that. He wasn't in the mood for someone to go all enlightened at him. It actually would have been something of a relief if someone had called him something nasty, then he could hit them. "Can we see him?" He was still a 'we'. Scott wasn't letting go, and Alex wasn't about to ask him to.

The doctor weighed that for a moment. "For a few minutes. But quietly."

Alex shifted Scott to one hip, walking a little awkwardly. Scott was really much too large to be carried, but Alex couldn't put him down. If he did he'd fall apart in this white hallway, forget the young doctor and Scott and Madelyne and Cable and just scream... While he was being a father, while he had that human contact, he wouldn't. You really need to calm down, Alex... he's OKAY. But he couldn't. Couldn't take a deep enough breath, a long enough second to get away from it. He couldn't escape how he felt. The love, the fear of that love, the fear of losing it, the anger at being made to fear...

Sam was hardly recognisable. The pale, unconscious face was technically the same as it always was but it didn't look like him to Alex. Sam was always doing something-even if it was only sleeping-and he gave it his full attention. That single trait that made him a good listener and a better lover animated him in a way Alex hadn't appreciated until he looked for it and couldn't find it. Instead he found tubes and monitors and had to look away.

"Don't worry, daddy." Scott curled one small arm around his neck and patted his cheek. "He really will be okay. I know now."

"Thank you." Alex didn't know if he was going to be okay. The fear that had him now... he'd tasted it before, a hundred times. But this time he wasn't in the fight, wasn't right there to cover his lover's back and protect them from an angry world. And he knew too well that he couldn't go back to fighting for the Dream. He hadn't stopped believing in it, not really. He still thought it was a nice dream. But he couldn't fight for it anymore, it wasn't worth giving up his life for anymore. Why couldn't Sam see that...

#Because he Believes, dad. That's why you love him.#

Stay out of my head, Scott.

#No. I won't leave you alone.# Scott stayed firm and hugged him tighter. #I know you're scared, but he isn't as old as you, he hasn't done the same things... it's different for him.#

"Scott, baby... you shouldn't be thinking like that yet." Scott gave him something else to focus on, and he rubbed gently at the tearstains while the doctor frowned at the non sequiter. "I wish you didn't have to."

"I like understanding things. I like people, I like knowing them. Its important. Somebody has to know why."

"I love you." Alex kissed the little boy softly, holding him close. As long as he had that, he could keep going... as long as Scott was there.

"I know. Aren't we going to go see him? I want to... say hello."

So Scott wasn't as confident in his predictions as he pretended to be. Alex walked over to Sam's still body, hating every step. He wanted to run until there weren't any more people, then look up at the sun and let it all loose... let the heat explode out of him, and for one moment not feel anything. But Scott was still unsure, still scared. Alex could stay for that. He had to.

Scott knew what his father was thinking and, without completely understanding what it all meant, he knew there was something wrong with it. But he didn't care. He was scared and his powers hurt and he wanted to stay curled against Alex's chest, but he wanted his mother as well. His mother could make everything better. Mostly.

"Are you okay, Nathan?"

Madelyne was sitting next to him, hugging her knees. He half-knew it was because she wasn't hugging him. "I'm fine, just a bit fuzzy. It'll wear off."

"I didn't mean like that."

Cable paused and thought about it for a moment. "Guilty. I should have seen that coming. I just... it was stupid. We always think of Sam as being the best protected, so he's usually the one distracting anyone from going for Domino or Tabitha or Julio. But the thing with someone being a shield is that then they get hit. We're just used to it not being able to hurt him."

"What happened?"

"Scrambler. Sam did well, considering. His power went wild all of a sudden, so he turned it off. Didn't want to risk hurting anybody. Unfortunately, I wasn't there to catch him. Normally I would have and he'd have kept fighting on the ground. Just bad luck and a cheap shot..."

Madelyne could hear the faint pride as well as the guilt. Something struck a chord. 'I'll always be there to catch you...' "He's something special, isn't he? To you."

Nathan nodded gently. "He is. Always has been. Never gives up, never loses faith, never believes that we won't win in the end. Knows when to run away, though." He grinned suddenly. "Like when they were being chased by X-Factor... he wasn't about to admit that I could possibly have done anything wrong, even though he knew damn well I was more than capable of it. Would have been funny if we'd known how him and Alex would end up."

"Why?"

"Sam knocked him out. I gather that Alex was rather pissed off about it."

"Sure sign." Madelyne nodded. "Guys. If they hit you, they must really like you."

"Oh. Well, in that case Scalphunter's desperately in love with me." He paused, then shuddered. "Ugh, I really didn't need to think about that."

"Well, it's not ALWAYS true."

Nathan nodded again and thought for a few moments. "I was scared there for a few minutes."

"I noticed."

Cable let out an explosive breath, as if he'd been holding it in for hours. "He's immortal, not invulnerable. I knew he'd live, but... for a few minutes there, I wasn't sure whether it would be worth living. Brain damage is a bitch that way. But I couldn't mention it, Alex is barely staying together as it is."

Madelyne frowned quietly to herself. Her son wasn't one to worry once he knew someone was going to recover, he'd been fighting too long to let himself waste energy that way. But Alex... Alex should know better. He just wasn't managing at all, she could feel his fear and horror still vibrating like a violin string. And he couldn't let it go. "No. But don't worry, I'll... keep an eye on him."

"You know him better than I do. But if it hurts Sam..."

"He's not a baby."

"He is to you."

"Hey, Matt!"

Matt looked up from her silent phone in surprise, squinting a little as the sun shoneover the new arival's shoulder. "Oh, hi Tash."

Natasha plopped down on the grass next to her friend with a frown. "Have you seen Alex today? Because he missed a class this afternoon, and we had to hand an essay in. He wasn't here this morning, either."

"Yeah, I had lunch with him. His son was sick this morning, I think he was planning on coming just to hand in his essay." She looked down at her phone again and frowned. "But then after we'd finished eating he found out that his significant other had been in an accident or something."

"Shit." Natasha frowned worriedly. "You don't know what happened?"

"No, because the poor bastard hasn't called me yet."

"Maybe that means it was all okay after all?"

"If it was he would have come in. Plus, judging by the look on his face as he left, there's no way this can just be okay." Matina picked up her phone and brushed the grass off her behind. "Come on, you'll have to show me where your lecturer's office is."

Also standing up, Natasha grinned. "You're a nice girl, Mattie."

"I'm a big sucker. Let's go."

The anger was warm but it couldn't melt that frozen chill that had taken over so much of him. Alex looked down at the brandy in his glass and wondered why he thought its artificial heat might work better. It had been his first thought after being evicted from the hospital for the night, the doctor reapeating over and over that Sam couldn't wake up until late the next morning if only because of the drugs they'd had to give him. Madelyne had dropped Alex back at his apartment, but as soon as he'd put Scott to sleep he went back out again.

For what? A bottle of third-rate brandy that wouldn't do anything to stop the cold even if he drank all of it. He'd left Scott alone for that? Alex pushed the glass away and the brandy in it remained untouched as he left the room.

Scott was sleeping deeply, Alex's entry didn't disturb him. That was hardly surprising, given the stress the day had put on both his emotions and his powers. Alex reached out to stroke the cheek that wasn't pressed into the pillow and knelt by the bed, looking at his son's face. There was something about the unblemished skin with its barely-visible hints of freckling, the long lashes that lay against it, the slight curl in the lock of pale blond hair that had slid down to brush the bridge of his nose. Something that made Alex's heart skip almost painfully and something that he wanted to hold in his hands forever.

That something had given him a reason not to give in when it had seemed that he was going mad, had given him a reason to fight when he just wanted to give up and die, and had followed him back to this world when he'd left the other. It had been a hard choice, but he'd always know that one day he would have to go home. Scott had known too and hadn't asked Alex to stay, no matter how obviously he had wanted it. Instead Alex had been wrapped in a tight hug while a small voice whispered in his ear that he'd never really be away.

And it was true. No matter where or when, Scott was still a part of him. At the end, when he'd finally had to hear what Jamie and the older Scott were telling him and admit that he was burning out, it had seemed like Scott was the only really good part of him. Then he'd started to put himself back together and found Sam in the rain, and for a time it had seemed like that beautiful happiness could spread right through his life.

But now he was cold except for the anger and when he looked at Scott what he felt was fear. Fear of that connection he'd so loved only the night before, or at least of what it might do. He was afraid of what would happen to Scott if he lost another person that he loved. And Alex was afraid that if it happened, the control that had let him pull a victory of survival out of the Goblin Queen mess would crack and he wouldn't be able to help either of them.

He was afraid of Sam. He was angry at Sam. And he loved Sam too much to even be able to drink it off.

But he did carefully screw the lid back on the bottle and tuck it away in a cupboard in case he could later.

The telephone rang as he was looking at the cupboard, and he picked it up automatically. "Hello?"

"'Lex? Great, I've been getting your machine all afternoon."

"Matt?" Alex frowned, a thought suddenly resurfacing. "Shit, I was supposed to call you, wasn't I?"

"Yeah, you were. But that's okay. How's Sam and Scott?"

Settling down in the chair, Alex faced the cupboard. For some reason he didn't want to turn his back on it. "Sam'll be okay eventually. Or that's what they say. Of course, first he's going to spend a while being blind because of swelling in his brain and won't be able to move because of the broken sternum and internal damage. Someone explain to me how that's okay."

"Damn, Alex..." Matina paused in the way that people do when they have no idea what to say. "It means that if you can hang in there for a while it'll go away, I guess..."

"No, it won't. It'll NEVER go away." Alex pushed his hair off his face angrily, still staring at the cupboard. "Because I was so fucking scared. And Scott was utterly frantic, he just didn't stop crying for hours... Dammit, Matt, I finally realised that I was in love with the bastard and then I figure out that there's no way I can just live like this. It happened once, it's happened before, and he's going to get hurt again. And I won't put Scott throught that anymore."

"It never rains but it pours with you, does it?" Matt sighed. "I'm so sorry. And I really wish there was an answer, but I don't think there is."

"Sure there is. I just don't want it."

Matt paused, thought about it, and privately cursed. "It isn't really an answer, Alex. Not for you, anyway."

"You'd be surprised." How had his voice got that cynical? The cold had reached it as well. "Anyway, I need to get some sleep and go back to LA in the morning..."

"Hey, wait. I know this is a bad time to bring it up, but you were supposed to hand in a report today. I told your lecturer what was going on and he was really understanding, but you need to hand it in."

"FUCK." Alex sucked his knuckles and looked angrily at the wall, hoping Matina hadn't noticed the thump. "Okay, I'll do that tomorrow. Thanks for reminding me."

"Alex, you want me to come over there? Or stop by tomorrow or look after Scott or something?"

"No, I'm taking him with me. Thanks for the offer, though."

"Okay then. Get some sleep, you'll all be in my prayers."

"Bye Matt."

"Bye." Matina looked at the phone after she hung it up, sighing at the crawly feeling in her stomach. That wasn't the voice of a man who was coping.

"Who was that?" One of the most annoying of Matina's four roomates looked curious as she munched popcorn.

"Nobody you know." Matt clenched her fist tightly and decided to ingore the woman. It was amazing how people could irritate the hell out of you just by the way they ate.

"The cute blond one you're always talking to?" Jillian smirked. "Finally getting somewhere?"

Matt turned around with a snarl, after weeks of subtle digs and allusions she'd had enough. "Yeah. Because his lover's in the hospital and his son's so utterly stressed out over it that the poor man's just about to crack. So yeah, I thought it might be nice to call in and see if anybody had died." She turned around and marched out, still fuming.

"Hey, I was just ASKING! Jeez, you're so touchy..."

Matt decided once and for all to find somewhere else to live.

Alex woke up with a gasp, sweating and cold. The room was dark, although some weak sunlight seeped in around the edge of the curtains. A glance at the clock confirmed his supicions, it was only just after dawn. He'd had maybe three hours sleep and definitely wasn't going to get any more.

Pulling his knees up to his chest, Alex wrapped his arms around himself and sighed. He could feel his nerves twanging too tightly and the panic bubbling at the edge of his mind. He knew it was there, knew thatit was dangerous and knew that there was nothing he could do about it. All he could do was try to hold on and last through the next week or so, then maybe it would all turn out okay.

The thought reminded him and he tugged his hands through his hair and took a deep breath. He should go check on Scott. Except somewhow he didn't move, he just stayed with his hands in his hair and leaned forward until his head rested on his knees, clenching his eyes tightly shut against threatening tears.

No... I can't fall apart, not yet, not now...

He didn't know how long he stayed that way, every muscle tense as he struggled to remain in rigid control. It felt like a long time, but it was probably only a few minutes before he felt the bed shift under him and a small voice intruded.

"Daddy?"

"I'm sorry, Scott. Did I wake you up?" He pulled himself together then. He couldn't cry in front of Scott, he had to make it seem like everything was alright.

"A bit." Scott was still rumpled, the Batman shirt he slept in twisted around him a little. "You okay?"

"Fine. Do you feel better today?"

"Yeah, kinda. I mean, I can't feel anything." Scott figeted and looked up, small face sad. "Dad? Can I come in there with you?"

"Sure." It had been a while since Scott had asked that. He usually considered himself far too old for that kind of thing. As Alex cuddled his son close and watched his eyes close again, Alex mused on how sad it was that that was a good thing. Even at nine, some people would find the idea of a small boy sharing a bed with his father to be rather suspicious. Once they found out about said father's apparently flexible orientation there would be no doubt in the minds of quite a few. And that made him angry. Scott was the most important person in the world to him, without question. When had it become wrong to love your child?

Besides, judging by the possessive attitude, Scott thought he was the one doing the comforting.

Scott was still sleeping and Alex was still watching it when an unfamiliar telepathic presence made itself felt an hour or so later.

#Alex?#

Yes? He blinked for a moment, adjusting. He hadn't had anyone except Scott and occasionally Madelyne talking into his brain in a long time, the other 'voice' was surprising. Head better, then?

#Mostly.# There was a pause, as if Cable was speaking to someone else for a moment, then the feeling of faint presence returned. #Just passing on that things seem to be doing better this morning, but he's not awake yet.#

Thank you.

#Don't be an idiot. Are you making your own way here or should I wake Maddie up?#

Just send her out here whenever she wakes up. She's bitchy if you drag her out of bed just to take you somewhere. Alex was amazed at how calm he sounded. I'll get Scott up and make him eat breakfast.

#Good idea. That kind of psychic stress uses up a lot of energy, but you don't necessarily feel like eating afterwards.#

Alex smiled faintly. Maddie made you eat?

#No. It's usually Sam's job but there were several people willing take over.# The dry tone covered the hurt perfectly and Alex wondered if the Summerse line tended to breed such good telepaths because they were so good at lying to themselves.

I'll see you there, then.

#Naturally.# The connection faded out quietly.

Alex looked down at Scott, who was blinking at him sleepily. "W'zat Nathan?"

"Yeah. Time to get up, kiddo."

"'kay." Scott crawled out from under the blankets with a yawn.

"Wait a second." Alex leaned out and made an effort to get Scott's fine blond hair all pointing in the same direction. "You looked like you'd been dragged through a hedge upside-down."

Scott shook his head vigorously, easily undoing the attempt. "You're turning into mom." Scratching idly at his chest Scott wandered towards the bathroom, the perfect picture of a stereotypical Anglo-Saxon man's man in production.

"You're going to eat breakfast," Alex warned, feeling that his authority had been challenged somehow.

"Then you're cooking me an omlette," Scott yelled back, unpeturbed.

"Morning, handsome."

"Hi Maddie." Alex didn't bother returning the tease, he really wasn't in the mood. "Would you mind if we made a quick stopover so I can hand this in? It was supposed to be in yesterday but I forgot."

"No problem." Madelyne walked around until she was actually vaguely in front of Alex, given that he didn't seem to be about to turn around. "How are you doing?"

"Okay, I suppose. How's Cable?"

"Nate? Summerses have thick skulls even when they aren't half metal, he's fine."

"Good. It must be hard enough on them having one teammate out of action." He absently grabbed and redirected Scott. "Brush your teeth. Properly. X-Force is dealing with it, right?"

Better than you are, hon. "Yeah, they're managing. Worried and upset, but you have to expect that." Unless, of course, they feel like they can't or they're not allowed to and push it away until they're nearly ready to explode. "Are you managing, 'Lex?"

"I said I was fine."

Madelyne nodded. "I didn't believe you then and I still don't now. Hell, if I was in your place I'd be sobbing my eyes out and throwing things at walls. Or other people."

"Well, you're not me. When I have time to get angry about it, I will. But right now I don't." He could see her lips thin warningly but he ignored it and she didn't say anything more on the subject. Which was a relief, because the more his control was poked at the shakier it got.

Handing the report in helped a little, proving that at least part of his life was still rational and under control. And, thankfully, the professor showed plain sympathy and refrained from asking him too many personal questions.

That way he still had most of his composure when he had to walk through the hallways of that hospital again.

The sterility of the place grated. The overwhelming whiteness, hushed voices and unidentifiable equipment seemed designed to alienate and intimidate all visitors, to push them in on themselves so that their presence touched nothing. And he had been forced to leave Scott behind. 'One visitor at a time'. Whose stupid idea was that? Didn't they know that without Scott he didn't have any excuse for not crying?

He didn't cry, though. He sat beside Sam's unmoving body for an hour, then two, without speaking or letting the nurses that bustled in and out see how much it hurt. What business was it of theirs?

So he waited, drifting quietly inside his own head and waiting for a sigh or a twitch that would make him feel real again. And when the sigh happened he came crashing back to himself so hard that his vision swam and he gasped in air, fighting to keep in control for just a little longer.

Sam groaned, the fingers of his right hand twitching as he woke up. Alex reached out and clasped that hand in his own, squeezing it gently. "Welcome back." And somehow he sounded so calm and casual he almost didn't recognise his own voice.

"Shit, where did Ah go..." Sam tried to move and groaned again. "'Lex?"

"Yeah."

Sam turned his head towards Alex and opened his eyes, then blinked and tightened his own fingers around Alex's hand, fear evident in his voice. "Ah can't see."

"Don't worry, they say it'll fix itself up with a bit of time." He sounded sure and comforting. That he could do, he could say that everything would be alright until the roof of hell fell in and be almost completely convincing. As long as he could stay in control of his own fear.

"Is everyone else okay?"

"Fine. The only ones who got hurt at all were you and Cable and aside from a nice bruise he's as good as new."

"Thank God." Sam closed his eyes again and let the faster breaths of panic wear off, lips moving slightly as he elaborated on that sentiment. "What else did Ah do to mahself? Feel like Ah got hit by a train."

Alex easily rattled off the list of injuries that had been playing on a repeat loop through his brain for nearly twenty hours. And he managed to make them sound managable, as if they hadn't haunted his sleep with their pain and terror.

Sam seemed to think about that for a moment before speaking again. "Alex?" He sounded confused and a little hurt.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you angry with me?"

"I'm not." The facade cracked, the reasonable and convincing tone of voice escaped and Alex cursed himself mentally.

"You think Ah can't tell when you're pissed by now? Pull the other one, it plays showtunes."

"Okay, maybe I am." He curled both hands around Sam's slightly cold one, holding it tightly.

"Why?"

"Because you scared the crap out of me. I sat in that damn waiting room for hours without knowing... without knowing what would happen. And Scott cried for the whole time, and I couldn't tell him that it was going to be okay because I didn't know if it was and he'd know if I lied." Alex kissed the hand he was holding gently. "You went and got yourself hurt and I was fucking terrified, alright?"

"That's what happens when you do what we do." Sam sounded reassured, but he wasn't making any excuses for himself. Or any promises.

"What you do," Alex corrected. He dried a few stray tears on his shoulder as he continued in a whisper to himself. "And I hate that about it."

"Ah can't help that."

"Oh, stop being reasonable. You're in pain and in hospital, you're supposed to be irrational. You can't say something to make me stop being angry because I love you and it hurts, okay?"

"Okay." Sam smiled at that and relaxed, trying to rid himself of the vertigo and faint nausea without falling asleep again. Except that he really wanted to fall asleep, because he felt dizzy and stupid and generally awful.

Unseen, Alex closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on not being angry. It wasn't the time or the place to bring it up in all its ugly completion. Better to let Sam get better and give himself some time to think before speaking the thought and making it real. Before saying that he was fairly sure that he couldn't live though those hours again, and that he wouldn't put Scott through them.

Because once he said that there were no options left.