32 SIGNS

1.On a Front Door:

Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

2.On a Maternity Room Door:

Push, Push, Push"

3.Non-smoking area:

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action

4.Optometrist's Office:

If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

5.Scientist's Door:

Gone Fission

6.Taxidermist Window:

We really know our stuff.

7.Podiatrist's Window:

Time wounds all heels.

8.Sign on Fence:

Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

9.Car Dealership:

The best way to get back on your feet miss a car payment.

10.Muffler Shop:

No appointment

necessary. We'll hear you coming.

11.Hotel:

Help! We need inn experienced people.

12.Butcher's Window:

Pleased to meat you.

13.Sign in an office:

We shoot every 3rd salesman,and the 2nd one just left.

14.Veterinarians Waiting Room:

Be back in 5 minutes.Sit! Stay!

15.The Electric Company:

We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However,if you don't, you will be.

16.Beauty Shop:

Dye now!

17.Garbage Truck:

We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

18.Computer Store:

Out for a quick byte

19.Diner Window:

Don't stand there and be hungry,come in and get fed up.

20.Bowling Alley:

Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

21.Cafeteria:

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

22.Music Library:

Bach in a minuet.

23.Funeral Home:

Drive carefully, we'll wait.

24.On a Plumbers truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

25.On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

26.Pizza shop slogan:

"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

"Dr. Jones,at your cervix."

28.At a tire shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout."

29.Door of a plastic surgeon's office:

"Hello.Can we pick your nose?"

30.At a laundry shop:

"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

31.At a towing

company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

32.On an electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."