Dear China

Dear China,

We're sorry that you don't train your fighter pilots better. As an apologetic token, please find an enclosed copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000.

We're sorry that you're front-line fighter planes can't outmaneuver a 35 year old prop-driven airliner. Perhaps you'd like to consider purchasing some surplus 1950's era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan. They just replaced all theirs with shiny new F-16's

We're sorry that you're confused about the boundaries of your country and believe that your territorial waters extend all the way to Australia. Please accept this gift--for future reference--of an American 6th grade geography textbook. Please take note of the Copyright information printed inside the cover.

We're sorry that you can't seem to acknowledge your role in this incident, and consider it politically expedient to take 24 young flight crewmen hostages, for the antics of a known hotdog fighter jockey. Ponder this while we build several new Aegis destroyers for our friends in the Republic of China (Taiwan).

We're especially sorry for treating you with such respect for the last 20 years. We'll definitely rethink this policy, and consider treating you like a common street gang very soon.

We're very sorry for ever granting you Most-Favored-Nation trading status. This will be rectified at the soonest possible opportunity.

Sincerely,

The United States of America